Acceptance Archives - A Merry Loner

Poems About New Beginnings for When You Need to Start Again

Merry — Thu, 14 May 2026 15:31:06 +0000

Starting anew can happen at any moment. Joy Sullivan shares her instructions for taking off.

September is the ninth month of the year, but for many, brings the same refreshing feeling of January. Perhaps it’s the smell of fresh notebooks, new class schedules, and first-day-of-school outfits that lingers in our minds and makes the end of the summer feel like a beginning. But sometimes, we get the urge to start anew on a Wednesday. Or in July. Or at two o’clock in the afternoon when we’ve had a very disagreeable morning and want to restart the clock to try to win back those lost, grumpy hours.

A few deep breaths can help. A short walk to the corner and back can bring an entirely new perspective. Sometimes, simply brewing a fresh cup of coffee, cracking your knuckles, and opening to a clean page in a book or notepad can trick our minds into starting the day anew.

It’s not always just the morning hours we wish we could take back, though. It’s the entire week, the last few months, or, when our spirits are particularly low and tomorrow feels more like an obligation than an opportunity, it’s the last several years that have been weighing us down, tethered to the ankles.

How to set ourselves free? How to, despite everything, start again?

Poetry can help.

During my college years when melancholy trailed me like cigarette fumes, I found solace in leftover napkins, corners of newspapers (for I used to luxuriate in the free time of a college student by reading the newspaper cover to cover every day at eleven o’clock, accompanied only by a toasted bagel with cream cheese and a black coffee), and torn-out, crinkled notepads. I wrote away the malaise, releasing it from me in a disjointed anthology of mediocre poems thrown together in between classes, during classes, at coffee shops, and even in the car when I would hurry to pull into the nearest parking lot to preserve an idea. In a way, those poems preserved me, or at least the me who was ailing, and in capturing her inky ponderings, those poems set the new me free.

“Professional” poems (what I call those published and printed in a book for mass-market sale) helped set the new me free, too.

During difficult times, my melancholy introduced me to Charles Bukowski, Molière and my beloved, dreamy William Butler Yeats. Their works fed the melancholy, helped it steep and simmer until I felt ready enough to let it go. But it was Joy Sullivan who spooned me an all-together new kind of elixir that tasted like optimism, more like a soup, really, the kind of broth over which someone labors for hours, one spoonful of which is enough to soothe the sorest throat and deliver a week’s worth of bed rest in one warm gulp.

Here are a few loving spoonfuls for you:

“I wrote a pep talk recently to myself on a bar napkin: no matter which road you take, it will be both glorious and unbearable. Every road is lonely. Every road, holy. The only error is not walking forth.”
— from “Culpable” in “Instructions for Traveling West” by Joy Sullivan

“First, you must realize you’re homesick for all the lives you’re not living. Then, you must commit to the road and the rising loneliness. To the sincere thrill of coming apart.””
— from “Instructions for Traveling West” in “Instructions for Traveling West” by Joy Sullivan

And one big bowl:

“I opened the door for her. Draped the linen napkin
across her lap. Fed her sauteed mushrooms licked
with lemon. Bought her a second glass of wine:
darling, you look lovely tonight.

When it was time for home, I said I’d like
to take her out again. The rain came and I covered
her head. In the bedroom mirror, I asked forgiveness
for letting men love her when I could not. Patted
the ripe pillow of her thighs. Her ostentatious ass.
Marveled at the good dip of her belly, softness
of her breast, sweet wizardry of her feet.

I stood in awe of her beautiful bones.
I begged her not to leave me.”
— from “I Took My Body Out to Dinner” in “Instructions for Traveling West” by Joy Sullivan

These extracts are from Instructions for Traveling West by Joy Sullivan, a collection of poems I read in one sitting in the bath one winter night, marinating in the memories of who I once was and who I’d become, trying to figure out what was still holding me back from outwardly being the me only I know me to be.

And then I pulled the plug and watched the suds swirl away and decided that that evening was as good a time as any to start anew.

I’ve since gifted my copy of Instructions for Traveling West to a friend and need to replace it. In the meantime, I keep a space on my shelf for these four books that soothe me when existential dread comes back to rear its ugly head.

If you’re feeling the winds giving you a gentle nudge to start anew, see quotes about feeling alone to remind yourself that we are each steering our own ship and capable of reorienting our lives at any moment we choose. Traveling alone can help us determine where we want that ship to go; for cautious or new travelers, these books on traveling alone provide courage to set off.

The post Poems About New Beginnings for When You Need to Start Again appeared first on A Merry Loner.

Quotes About Feeling Alone to Remind Us We’re Each Steering Our Own Ship

Merry — Fri, 30 Jan 2026 19:36:59 +0000

Consider these quotes a chance to rub shoulders with unmet kindred spirits.

It’s really impossible to avoid. No matter how many friends we have, how cherished we feel by our family, or the current state of our romantic entanglements, at the end of the day, we are all on our own.

Being alone is something we can’t escape, though many people try.

In moments of quiet, they rush to the screen to fill the void, staring at Reels that don’t interest them but are simply there.

Or they swipe through dating apps, not really with any intention of meeting someone. But it’s something to fill the time; to pique the curiosity; to busy the fingers; to attempt to assess our own appearance, status, and social standing by seeing how we stack up against the other fish in the sea.

Others choose to wallow, to lament their solitude and what they perceive as their unique suffering: “No one understands my grief, my troubles, my depression, my demons.”

But they do.

Perhaps not everyone. It’s unlikely that every soul you cross is a long-lost kindred spirit who can understand your intimate yearnings and despair with nary a glance. After all, those are your crosses to bear; they have theirs.

But in recognizing that each of us is lost on our individual paths, searching for meaning and something to give substance to the confusing series of events we call life, we can find a comfort.

That comfort is knowing we are all lost and alone and swimming through the dark. But every now and then, we brush fingers with a passing swimmer and are reminded that, though we may be paddling alone, floundering and thrashing, we are all together in the same ocean, fighting against the same currents, trying our best to stay afloat.

Consider these quotes a chance to rub shoulders with unmet kindred spirits. They may not share your exact troubles, but they can understand the pain.

Still feeling lonely? The cure for loneliness doesn’t come from others; it comes from within.

If you want to learn how to get comfortable being alone in your own company, join A Merry Loner’s 7-Day Do Things Alone Challenge.

The shortlist: 42 quotes about feeling alone to make you feel less lonely

8 quotes about feeling alone in life — to help you get more comfortable in solitude

4 quotes about feeling alone and unwanted — to help you find self-worth in alone time

4 quotes about feeling alone and lost — to remind you that the way forward is by charting your own path, not following others’.

5 quotes about feeling alone in a relationsip — to remind you that solitude is not something to be rescued from

5 quotes about feeling alone in a crowd — to remind you that the cure for loneliness must come from you

3 quotes about feeling alone and depressed — to remember that sadness is a part of the human condition and is always surmountable

6 short quotes about feeling alone — to teach you that alone time isn’t punishment

7 inspirational quotes about feeling alone — to remind you that solitude is not only worthwhile but necessary

More popular posts on the Loner Mindset:

How to Get Better at Doing Things Alone

How to Enjoy Your Own Company

Feeling Alone in a Relationship? It’s Not Always About the Other Person

Quotes about feeling alone in life

There’s no point in trying to run away from loneliness; it is a part of life.

When you learn to not fear solitude but embrace the time and space it gives you to think deeply and experiment freely, then you’ve found the key to a more peaceful life.

Test the waters of spending time alone with these six quotes about feeling alone in life:

1. “All great and precious things are lonely.”

Speaker: John Steinbeck, American writer (1902—1968)

2. “We live as we dream: alone....”

Speaker: Joseph Conrad, Polish-British novelist (1857—1924)

3. “If one's different, one's bound to be lonely.”

Speaker: Aldous Huxley, English writer and philosopher (1894—1963)

4. “Loneliness is and always has been the central and inevitable experience of every man.”

Speaker: Thomas Wolfe, American writer (1900—1938)

5. “ Loneliness is the human condition. Cultivate it. The way it tunnels into you allows your soul room to grow. Never expect to outgrow loneliness. Never hope to find people who will understand you, someone to fill that space. An intelligent, sensitive person is the exception, the very great exception. If you expect to find people who will understand you, you will grow murderous with disappointment. The best you'll ever do is to understand yourself, know what it is that you want, and not let the cattle stand in your way.”

Speaker: Janet Fitch, American author (1955—)

6. “Loneliness is a sign you are in desperate need of yourself.”

Speaker: Rupi Kaur, Indian-Canadian poet, illustrator, photographer, and author (1992—)

7. “That is part of the beauty of all literature. You discover that your longings are universal longings, that you're not lonely and isolated from anyone. You belong.”

Speaker: F. Scott Fitzgerald, American novelist, essayist, and short story writer (1896—1940)

8. “She was beautiful, in the quiet way that lonely, unnoticed people are beautiful to those who notice them.”

Speaker: Jedediah Berry, American writer (1977—)

Want to do more soul-searching than short quotes on feeling alone can provide?

Explore these five Books on Existential Dread, including novels, poetry, and philosophical writings, to probe your inner thinker.

Quotes about feeling alone and unwanted

We often view solitude, not as something we’ve chosen, but as something that has happened to us. If we are alone, it means we have been rejected; we have been left out; nobody wants to love us or hold us.

But that’s not true. Solitude is not a curse foisted upon us but the very place where we can most be ourselves. Learn to find self-respect and self-worth in your alone time, and you will no longer fear the quiet days.

Get inspired with these 4 quotes about feeling alone and sad:

1. “For fear you will be alone, you do so many things that aren’t you at all.”

Speaker: Richard Brautigan, American novelist, poet, and short story writer (1935—1984)

2. “If you feel unwanted or unappreciated where you are or by those you're with, it only means you're in the wrong place or with the wrong people. Hang in there. Someone else will see you for the true gift you are.”

Speaker: L.K. Hunsaker, American writer (unknown)

3. “I feel profoundly alone, cut off, unattractive…I feel unloveable. But I respect that unloveable soldier—struggling to survive, struggling to be honest, just, honourable. I respect myself.”

Speaker: Susan Sontag, American writer and critic (1933—2004)

4. “I am a lover without a lover. I am lovely and lonely and I belong deeply to myself.”

Speaker: Warsan Shire, British writer, poet, teacher (1988—)

When we feel unwanted by people, we often cushion the blow by wanting material things.

“Once I have these things, then I will be better,” we tell ourselves. “And then I can be loved.”

Don’t be tricked into thinking material goods can take away your loneliness.

Read How to Stop Wanting Things to finally stop trying to fill the void.

Quotes about feeling alone and lost

It’s a natural default to turn to others for guidance.

Surely, others know more than we do. We may not know the details of their lives, their inner turmoil, or their own shortcomings, but from the outside, they seem to be doing much better than we.

So we try to copy them.

This is a mistake and one we are more likely to make when feeling alone, lost, or unsure of what to do next.

Read these 4 quotes about feeling alone and lost to remind yourself that the way forward is by charting your own path, not following another’s:

1. “Remember: the time you feel lonely is the time you most need to be by yourself. Life's cruelest irony.”

Speaker: Douglas Coupland, Canadian novelist, designer and visual artist (1961—)

2. “God, but life is loneliness, despite all the opiates, despite the shrill tinsel gaiety of 'parties' with no purpose, despite the false grinning faces we all wear. And when at last you find someone to whom you feel you can pour out your soul, you stop in shock at the words you utter—they are so rusty, so ugly, so meaningless and feeble from being kept in the small cramped dark inside you so long. Yes, there is joy, fulfillment and companionship—but the loneliness of the soul in its appalling self-consciousness is horrible and overpowering.”

Speaker: Sylvia Plath, American poet and author (1932—1963)

3. “If you don't like the scene you're in, if you're unhappy, if you're lonely, if you don't feel that things are happening, change your scene. Paint a new backdrop.”

Speaker: Leo Buscaglia, American writer, motivational speaker, and professor (1924—1998)

4. “But you can vanquish the demons only when you yourself are convinced of your own worth.”

Speaker: Adeline Yen Mah, Chinese-American author and physician (1937–)

Moving is a major cause of loneliness.

When we step away from familiar surroundings, we sometimes feel like we’re stepping away from our own identity: “Who am I without these people, these places, these things I recognize?”

But wherever you go, you are still there. You still have you.

Read Moving to a New City in Your 30s—Feeling Lonely in Your “Prime” for a true story of searching for fulfillment in new places, only to realize that home and contentment were always within.

Quotes about feeling alone in a relationship

It’s a common misconception that the easiest way out of loneliness is to tie yourself to someone else.

But relationships, whether romantic or familial or platonic, cannot stop us from feeling lonely if we aren’t at peace with ourselves. Actually, getting tangled up in a romantic affair with someone who is merely there to fill the space is a surefire way to feel even more lost, misunderstood, and alone.

These five quotes about feeling alone in a relationship remind us that solitude is not something to be rescued from:

1. "I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone. It’s not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people that make you feel all alone.”

Speaker: Robin Williams, American actor and comedian (1951—2014)

2. “It is far better to be alone, than to be in bad company.”

Speaker: George Washington, a Founding Father and first president of the USA (1732—1799)

3. “People think being alone makes you lonely, but I don’t think that’s true. Being surrounded by the wrong people is the loneliest thing in the world.”

Speaker: Kim Culbertson, American author (unknown)

4. “I don’t see how you can respect yourself if you must look in the hearts and minds of others for your happiness.”

Speaker: Hunter S. Thompson, American journalist and author (1937—2005)

5. “Don't attach yourself to anyone who shows you the least bit of attention because you're lonely. Loneliness is the human condition. No one is ever going to fill that space. The best thing you can do it know yourself... know what you want.”

Speaker: Janet Fitch, American author (1955—)

What is the real reason so many people feel alone in their relationship?

It’s not their partner’s fault. It’s their own. Read why loneliness in a relationship isn’t always a shared responsibility.

Quotes about feeling alone in a crowd

People do not guarantee connection or understanding or fulfillment. Surrounding ourselves with others can give us a preliminary, surface-level validation: “People like me. I must have value.”

But when we rely on others for validation, our self-worth becomes as fickle as their attention.

Here are five quotes about feeling alone in a crowd to remind you that the cure for loneliness must come from you:

1. “When you’re surrounded by all these people, it can be lonelier than when you’re by yourself. You can be in a huge crowd, but if you don't feel like you can trust anyone or talk to anybody, you feel like you’re really alone.”

Speaker: Fiona Apple, American singer-songwriter (1977—)

2. “We are all alone in this world; even in a crowd.”

Speaker: Kenneth G. Eade, American attorney, political activist, and author (1957—)

3. “People empty me. I have to get away to refill.”

Speaker: Charles Bukowski, German-American poet, novelist, and short story writer (1920—1994)

4. “A crowd is not company.”

Speaker: Seneca the Younger, Stoic philosopher (4 BC—AD 65)

5. “Loneliness does not come from having no people around you, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to you.”

Speaker: Carl Jung, Swiss psychiatrist, psychotherapist, psychologist (1875—1961)

Likes, comments, follows, and subscribers cannot cure loneliness.

They may provide a tingle. They may spark a little joy. They may stroke the ego. But when those sensations evaporate, we’re often left feeling more hollow and hungry for validation than ever before.

Stop the chase. Learn How to Quit Social Media and find 30+ ideas to replace the urge to scroll—morning, noon, and night.

Quotes about feeling alone and depressed

Depression is not something to take lightly, to meme-ify, or to self-diagnose. It is serious suffering that impedes and impairs.

If you or someone you know needs help in the USA, you can call or text 988 or chat at www.988lifeline.org.

If you merely need a few moments to remember that sadness is a part of the human condition and is always surmountable, find comfort in these three quotes about feeling alone and depressed to know others share your plight:

1. “There are wounds that never show on the body that are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds.”

Speaker: Laurell K. Hamilton, American fantasy and romance writer (1963—)

2. “The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven.”

Speaker: John Milton, English poet, polemicist, and civil servant (1608—1674)

3. “What people never understand is that depression isn’t about the outside; it’s about the inside.”

Speaker: Jasmine Warga, American children’s and YA book author (1988—)

I’m sorry to be the one to tell you, but: There is no end to sadness in life.

That doesn’t mean life can’t also be joyous and buoyant and celebratory.

Learning to accept the bad with the good can help us enjoy the good moments even more and remember that the bad, no matter how all-encompassing it may now feel, will at some point, also be behind us.

Read “Life Is Sad and Then You Die.” Why this is the motto that will bring you peace.

Short quotes about feeling alone

Alone time isn’t a punishment. It’s where thinking, reflecting, and resting happen.

But we’ve been conditioned to see alone time as embarrassing, selfish, or even shameful. Let these six short quotes about feeling alone change your mind:

1. "If you smile when you are alone, then you really mean it.”

Speaker: Andy Rooney, American radio and television presenter (1919—2011)

2. “If you are never alone, you cannot know yourself.”

Speaker: Paulo Coelho de Souza, Brazilian lyricist and novelist (1947–)

3. “You cannot be lonely if you like the person you are alone with.”

Speaker: Wayne Dyer, American self-help author (1940—2015)

4. “Solitude makes it possible for us to literally enjoy ourselves.”

Speaker: Mokokoma Mokhonoana, South African author and philosopher (1985—2023)

5. “If you're lonely when you're alone, you're in bad company.”

Speaker: Jean-Paul Sartre, French philosopher, playwright, novelist, screenwriter, political activist, biographer, and literary critic (1905—1980)

6. “The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself.”

Speaker: Mark Twain, American writer, humorist, and essayist (1835—1910)

Do you feel embarrassed doing things alone? Selfish for taking time for yourself? Or ashamed to be without a partner?

Solitude isn’t shameful. It’s where peace is found and creativity is born.

Learn how to reclaim your solitude and find peace doing things alone with A Merry Loner’s 7-Day Do Things Alone Challenge.

Inspirational quotes about feeling alone

Spending time alone can certainly feel lonely. It’s no secret that we are social beings who crave connection, compassion, and community. But that doesn’t mean solitude has to be a punishment.

We should never let ourselves reach the point where we are so desperate for external validation that self-appreciation becomes worthless.

Let these seven inspirational quotes about feeling alone remind you that solitude is not only worthwhile but necessary:

1. “In the middle of winter, I at last discovered that there was in me an invincible summer.”

Speaker: Albert Camus, French philosopher, novelist, author, journalist, and political activist (1913—1960)

2. “When I get lonely these days, I think: So BE lonely, Liz. Learn your way around loneliness. Make a map of it. Sit with it, for once in your life. Welcome to the human experience. But never again use another person's body or emotions as a scratching post for your own unfulfilled yearnings.”

Speaker: Elizabeth Gilbert, American journalist and author (1969—)

3. “A season of loneliness and isolation is when the caterpillar gets its wings. Remember that next time you feel alone.”

Speaker: Mandy Hale, American blogger (unknown)

4. “Someday you’re gonna be all alone, so you need to figure out how to take care of yourself.”

Speaker: “The Queen’s Gambit,” American miniseries (2020)

5. “Even in the loneliest moments I have been there for myself.”

Speaker: Sanober Khan, Mumbai-based poet and writer (unknown)

7. “It’s easy to stand in the crowd but it takes courage to stand alone.”

Speaker: Mahatma Gandhi, Indian lawyer, anti-colonial nationalist, and political ethicist (1869—1948)

Are you afraid of being alone?

Afraid of turning into a spinster? Being a forever bachelor? Being friendless. Childless. All descriptors we’ve accidentally made synonymous with “worthless.”

Learn why being alone isn’t only not something to be afraid of—it’s the key to happiness.

Conclusion: Quotes of feeling alone remind us we are the only constant in our own lives

Loneliness is unavoidable. Just consider how individual and unique every human being is.

How can we expect others to understand (or even be aware of) the intricacies of each year of our lives that laced together have made us who we are today? They cannot.

This does not mean we cannot experience profound connection or camaraderie or closeness with others. These moments are necessary to the human experience and should also be prioritized.

But as we bond and grow with others, we must never lose the bond we maintain with ourselves. The bond we can only cultivate when we are alone.

This is not a call to shun community or to isolate. But when lonely moments do arrive, don’t rush to fill them with external stimuli. Let yourself steep in them.

For as the years go by, life is made up of many moments of solitude. How will you fill yours?

Next Steps:

Practice spending time alone—without using external stimuli to numb yourself. Join A Merry Loner’s 7-Day Do Things Alone Challenge for daily exercises to teach you how to find comfort in your own company.

Scale back the strange voices you let in. It’s hard to get to know yourself and listen to your intuition when you’re constantly consuming ads, videos, and other people’s ambitions. But you don’t have to let them in. Learn How to Quit Social Media to reclaim your time and sanity.

Give yourself permission to spend time with yourself. It isn’t selfish, embarrassing, or shameful. See 5 reasons why it’s important to learn to enjoy your own company.

Use the image below to save this post to Pinterest so this list is there when you need it.

Quotes About Feeling Alone: Common FAQs

What are some quotes to read when you’re feeling alone?

One quote from Joseph Conrad, Polish-British novelist comes to mind: “We live as we dream: alone.”

For deeper musings on feeling alone in a turbulent world, crack open Books for Existential Dread.

What are the best quotes about loneliness?

My favorite author, F. Scott Fitzgerald, said: “That is part of the beauty of all literature. You discover that your longers are universal longings, that you’re not lonely and isolated from anyone. You belong.”

Read seven more quotes about feeling alone in life for a new perspective on loneliness.

Is there a quote about love and feeling lonely?

British writer, poet, and teacher Warsan Shire shares a poignant one: “I am a lover without a lover. I am lovely and lonely and I belong deeply to myself.”

See four more quotes about feeling alone and unwanted to help you feel less lonely in love.

What are some quotes on finding happiness in loneliness?

“In the middle of winter, I at last discovered that there was in me an invincible summer,” said French philosopher, Albert Camus.

Get more perspectives on finding peace in solitude with six more inspirational quotes about feeling alone.

Merry

Merry is the blogger behind A Merry Loner, a full-time freelance writer, and a lifelong bookworm. Since kindergarten, it was her dream to become a novelist. (She likes to think she's headed in the right direction.) Born and raised in Rhode Island, where she earned a triple-major BA in writing, communication, and French from the University of Rhode Island, she moved to Toulouse, France after the pandemic to complete a master's in creative writing at Univeristé Toulouse Jean — Jaurès. She now lives in Paris with husband.

Discover how the merry loner lifestyle makes life more enjoyable:

LONER MINDSET: fresh perspectives on learning to genuinely enjoy your own company

BOOKS: reading lists for people who love being alone with a good story

ANALOG LIVING: inspiration to step back from the screen and live a life offline

SOLO TRAVEL: guides on where to go and how to enjoy it alone

MINDFUL CONSUMPTION: vetted recommendations for a simpler, less wasteful life

LONER Q&As: interviews from global voices on how to live a meaningful, enjoyable life

The post Quotes About Feeling Alone to Remind Us We’re Each Steering Our Own Ship appeared first on A Merry Loner.

How to Spend Xmas Alone Without Feeling Lonely or Left Out

Merry — Fri, 19 Dec 2025 18:23:03 +0000

One Christmas alone doesn’t mean all Christmases will be alone. This year may be a quiet moment—that’s okay.

Spending Christmas alone is a lot more common than people realize.

A Mission for Michael (AMFM) conducted a survey in December 2025, combining the results with US census data to estimate how many people will spend Christmas alone this year: 16.3 million.

But spending the holidays alone isn’t just an American phenomenon.

A study by the Policy Institute at King’s College London found that one in nine people in the UK will spend Christmas alone this year—that’s double the number of solitary Christmas celebrations from 1969.

No, this isn’t just more fodder about the loneliness epidemic that everyone’s going on about. According to AMFM’s survey, 16% actually say they prefer to spend Christmas alone.

Unsurprisingly, however, they’re in the minority. Twenty-five percent say they feel lonely about spending Christmas alone; 22% say it makes them feel sad.

This is not a post to encourage you to spend the holidays alone (unless you want to). But against our own wishes, there are sometimes factors at play that prevent us from being with loved ones on the holidays.

Your friends and family may live far away, and the cost of travel just isn’t feasible this year. Maybe you have to work during Christmas and can’t make it to your family’s festivities. Or perhaps you moved to a new city alone or you’re otherwise going through a phase in your life where your social circle is small. It happens.

If you’re spending the holidays alone this year, know that this is not your fate. Life will continue, and you will celebrate with loved ones again.

In the meantime, though, you can still bring some holiday cheer to your own loner Christmas.

As I like to call it, here’s a guide to A Merry Loner’s Christmas:

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The shortlist: 11 things to do on Christmas alone

Don’t treat it like a regular day (because it’s not)

Get dressed up (even if you’re staying at home)

Stay off social media (it’ll make you feel better, I promise)

Leave the house at least once (even if it’s just for a walk)

Treat yourself to a special meal—homecooked or in a restaurant

Bake something festive: gingerbread cookies, bread, cake

Watch a Christmas movie—but don’t spend the whole day in front of the screen

Volunteer—it’s a great way to remember you’re not the only one spending the holidays alone

Write Christmas or New Year’s letters to put in the mail tomorrow

Go to a local event (markets, festivals, light displays)

Consider going to church (even if you’re not religious, you might enjoy the sense of community)

More popular articles on the Loner Mindset:

How to Get Better at Doing Things Alone

How to Enjoy Your Own Company

Moving to a New City in Your 30s—Feeling Lonely in Your “Prime”

How to spend Christmas alone: a plan for spending the holidays alone and enjoying it

How to cope with spending holidays alone? Know that this is not your forever fate. The tides will change, and you will be merry under the mistletoe again.

For this year, see the day as an opportunity to spend time with yourself and celebrate the forgotten joys of solitude.

1. Don’t treat it like a regular day

Because it isn’t. And just because you’re spending Christmas alone this year, it doesn’t mean you can’t make it feel special.

Actually, the more you sit around feeling glum and sorry for yourself, the worse you’ll feel.

Instead, think about your solo Christmas as a blissfully free day to spend entirely by yourself and for yourself doing what you please, when you please, how you please.

For all my people-pleasers out there, all this “me time” can often be quite challenging, especially if you’re used to deferring to others for weekend plans, restaurant reservations, and travel itineraries.

Try this: Forget it’s Christmas and all ideas of activities you’re “supposed” to do. If you had a free day off to do whatever you wanted, what would you do? Can you plan your solo Christmas Day around that?

If spending the holidays alone has got you feeling down…

Consider this your opportunity to learn how to enjoy your company. (I promise you, it’s worth the effort.)

See why learning to enjoy your own company is important—and how to start.

2. Get dressed up

As tempting as it may be, don’t spend the whole day in your pajamas. This is generally a good rule, even when you’re not at home alone for Christmas.

While it might seem cozy to spend the whole day snuggled up in your softest pants and sweaters, it’s not the best move for your mental health:

A study published in The Medical Journal of Australia showed that wearing pajamas during the day “was significantly associated with more frequent reporting of poorer mental health than non-p[a]jama wearers.”

This wasn’t part of the study, but I would also posit that dressing up in slightly fancier clothes will make you feel even better than just throwing on a casual tee shirt and jeans.

I refuse to believe it’s a coincidence that I feel better leaving the house when I’m wearing a fabulous pair of shoes and that I generally feel like crap if I spend the whole day in a sweatshirt with unbrushed hair (but that’s just me).

TLDR: This is your invitation to don your favorite Christmas sweater, your holiday party dress, your high heels, your suit, or your red lipstick—even if no one will see you and you never leave the house.

3. Stay off social media

Again, another good rule of thumb in life.

I don’t think I need to tell you that obsessively scrolling social media is probably the worst habit we’ve collectively picked up as a society. I won’t get into it all here, but Stanford Law School has compiled a systematic review summarizing the cataclysmic effects of social media on both our mental and physical health, including but not limited to:

Depression
Anxiety
Psychological distress
Suicide
Attention deficits
Increased aggression
Low self-esteem

Why bring any of this energy into your holiday (or any day, for that matter)?

Still, I know it’s easy to reach for the phone, especially when you’re spending the whole day alone and are looking for connection or at least entertainment.

But you have other options. Check out 30+ ideas for what to do instead of social media—on Christmas day or any day.

Does it feel impossible to put the phone down?

We’ve all been there. Social media companies literally spend millions of dollars and employ hundreds of people to keep us hooked on the scroll.

But you only need a few simple tricks to retrain your brain and kick your doomscrolling habit.

Learn how to quit social media (without deleting your accounts or going cold turkey).

4. Leave the house at least once

There’s nothing wrong with dressing in your Christmas finery just to dance around your kitchen to Mariah Carey and eat gingerbread cookies. But for your physical health and your sanity, I strongly encourage you to leave the house at least once when you’re spending Christmas alone.

Depending on where you live, there might be some places open on Christmas, like coffee shops, movie theaters, or restaurants. These are all great options to get out of the house and see the world instead of holing up alone and wondering what to do on holidays alone.

But if you don’t have the courage to eat alone at a restaurant on Christmas day, simply heading out for a walk will work. In fact, it’s probably the best thing you can do for yourself:

A mindful walk decreases anxiety and stress, per a study from the International Journal of exercise science.
Taking 1,000 steps per day could reduce depression by 10%, per a peer-reviewed medical journal published by the American Medical Association.
The rhythm of a walk produces a specific brainwave linked to improved mood, explains NewScientist.

Not supported by science, but I bet listening to Christmas music—or at least walking past a few decorated houses—during your walk ups the ante.

5. Treat yourself to a special meal

Either at a restaurant or at home.

I personally love taking myself out to dinner because I don’t really like cooking; instead of experimenting in the kitchen, I’d much rather spend a few hours luxuriating over something tasty, a wonderful book, and a glass(es) of wine.

But if this isn’t in your budget or comfort zone, a home-cooked meal can be equally luxurious. And I say, why not pull out all the stops? Like a three-course meal for one:

Appetizer: Soup or salad (or both)

Entrée: A sheet pan dinner is an easy, hands-free way to cook a full (delicious) meal without spending hours in the kitchen
Dessert: Ice cream, cake, or Christmas cookies

Does the idea of eating alone in a restaurant freak you out?

That’s okay, most people get nervous about this, too. And then they realize how freeing it feels.

6. Bake something festive

The obvious choice is Christmas cookies (I’m partial to gingerbread), but you go with whatever your heart desires, whether that’s simple chocolate chip cookies, sourdough bread, or a three-layer cake with fresh cream.

In addition to gingerbread cookies, my family always keeps a Christmas tea bread on hand to have in the morning with coffee and tea while we wait for the whole house to wake up.

Even if you’re not a big baker (I’m not), I still encourage you to put yourself in the kitchen and challenge yourself. If you’re spending Christmas alone at home, it’s a quick, slippery slope to the poor-me blues, but one of the best ways to keep your mood up is to stay active and busy.

Remember the Spending Christmas Alone Protocol: Get dressed. Put on some Christmas music. And get moving.

The perfect match for your Christmas cookies? Say it with me: Christmas tea.

In my book, every day is an occasion for a tea party, but I’m particularly fond of the Christmas brews: cloves, cinnamon, orange peel, and nutmeg.

If coffee is more your thing but you don’t want to give yourself the jitters all day long, check out my Guide to Finding the Best Tea for Non Tea Drinkers.

Before you start brewing, peruse this list of ethical tea companies to double-check the tea you buy doesn’t contribute to environmental desolation or capitalist exploitation.

7. Watch a Christmas movie (but don't spend the whole day in front of the screen)

I’m a sucker for a classic Christmas movie. Before streaming days, I used to make my own viewing schedule to make sure I caught all my favorites on cable before Christmas Day.

But like limiting your social media use, the key here is to not overdue it.

Instead of a full-on binge-fest in your pajamas, stick to one or two films max. (I’m partial to “It’s a Wonderful Life,” “Elf,” or any of the old-school claymation movies like “The Year Without a Santa Claus” or “Santa Claus Is Comin’ to Town.”)

Is analog living more your vibe? Good on you.

If so, then this is the season to curl up with The Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens.

What if you just can’t get into the holiday spirit alone?

Don’t despair. Things will turn out alright in the end, even if it doesn’t feel that way today.

When I’m spiraling and the world seems big and scary, these books help calm my existential dread.

8. Volunteer your time

You’re not the only one spending holidays alone this year. Unfortunately, no matter the month or where we are in the world, there are always lonely people, sick people, hungry people.

So maybe this year, as you try to figure out how to celebrate holidays alone, you could dedicate a bit of your holiday time to those in need.

It’s not only an act of kindness for someone else; it’s an act of love for yourself, too. I find when I’m feeling lonely, depressed, or just down in the blues, doing something nice for someone else is the quickest way to turn my mood around.

HOW TO FIND OPPORTUNITIES TO VOLUNTEER ON CHRISTMAS:

Help out at your local foodbank. The USDA reported “47.4 million people lived in food insecure households in 2023” (though this longstanding annual food insecurity is now terminated).

Go to Feeding America to find a foodbank near you.

Visit a nursing home in your area. My mom worked in the Alzheimer’s unit at a nursing home when I was growing up, so I was a regular visitor to those residents who didn’t have nearby friends or family.

An hour playing cards, drinking tea together, or just chatting is a low lift for you but could be the highlight of someone else’s day.

Volunteer with Salvation Army. They always need help at shelters and food drives—or you can ring the bell to help raise donations.

Find a Salvation Army near you where you can donate some of your time.

9. Write Christmas or New Year’s letters to mail to loved ones

Another do-good-feel-good activity to help you figure out how to spend holidays alone at home.

Is there anything more delightful than receiving an unexpected letter in the mail? With just a few minutes of your time and less than a dollar, you can create that special moment for someone else.

Plus, if you’re unable to travel for the holidays and are missing your loved ones, letter-writing can be a very intimate, thoughtful way to stay connected despite the distance. So get creative:

Buy store-bought Christmas postcards in advance.
Get crafty and decorate your own Christmas cards.
Plain, unadorned paper works too. (It’s the message that counts most).

Writing letters sends love to someone else—but it can also be an act of self care.

Lately, I’ve been spending more time getting crafty at home, like making my own candles and bath salts. And it feels damn good.

If letter writing isn’t your thing, look to 13+ other creative self-care ideas to help you celebrate the holidays alone at home.

10. Attend a local holiday event

Concerts, movie theaters, restaurants, light displays—there are usually more places open on Christmas Day than you think.

If you’re solo this holiday season and looking for things to do on Christmas alone, it usually just takes a little research to find a holiday event near you:

Search on Facebook. Not the most glamorous option, but still one of the easiest ways to find events in your area.
Try looking on Meetup. This is really handy if you don’t have Facebook. I’ve even used this website while traveling to find events in new communities.
Browse attractions on Booking.com or Viator. Depending where you live, you might be able to find Christmas attractions here, too—like Ghosts of Christmas Charles Dickens Experience in Savannah or a Christmas lights walking tour in NYC.

11. Consider going to church

This isn’t everyone’s jam—it’s not even mine.

When I was growing up, my family went to church every Sunday; then just on holidays; now not at all.

Not everyone is religious. Some people are religious and don’t go to church. Some people aren’t religious but still go to church. In fact, one of the main reasons US adults go to church isn’t even to practice religion; it’s to find “comfort in times of trouble or sorrow,” per a survey by the Pew Research Center.

All options are fine.

But if you’re feeling lonely during the holidays, attending a Christmas mass could be an interesting option: There’s music; there’s community; there sure is that Christmas vibe.

(And remember: Simply attending an event, reading a book, or listening to something new doesn’t mean you endorse it or agree with it; you’re just exposing yourself to different ideas and seeing what’s out there. That’s healthy for the mind.)

How to spend the holidays alone (beyond just Christmas day)

Christmas may be one of the loudest and most celebrated holidays, but it’s not the only time people find themselves sitting alone while others celebrate.

Valentine’s Day is a particularly woeful occasion for those unattached. And New Year’s Eve brings a lot of pressure to kiss a certain someone at midnight.

Beyond the Christmas season, these strategies can help you learn how to enjoy holidays alone, all year round:

1. Start traditions for yourself

Shared traditions are beautiful—but secret, sacred traditions you honor just with yourself can carry special meaning, too. That might be:

Responding to the same journal prompt on the same day every year to see how you and your ideas grow.
Taking a picture of yourself in the same spot year after year to create a flipbook that captures your life.
Writing a letter to your future self and reading last year’s letter to think about where you’ve been and where you’re going.

2. Stay off social media

It’s always a good idea. Especially when we’re feeling lonely, left out, or otherwise a little vulnerable, flashing through other people’s highlight reels (which may or may not even be real) is almost guaranteed to make you feel worse.

Plus, why stare at other people’s lives when you can be living your own?

Whether you’re alone for Christmas, Valentine’s Day, or New Year’s Eve, keep your social media notifications on mute. Better yet, delete the apps altogether for a day of mental peace and quiet.

I know—quitting social media is really hard. But you don’t have to go cold turkey.

Check out my in-depth guide on how to limit your social media use (without deleting your accounts). You’ll learn:

3. Prepare things to do alone in advance

If you know a holiday is coming up and you’re going to be spending the day alone, don’t wallow. Plan for it like it’s an exciting vacation.

Do you want to travel? You don’t have to go far. Even just a solo day trip to a neighboring town gives you a change of scenery—and often, a mood shift.

If you’re not convinced about the benefits of solo travel, take inspiration from some of the greats. Read 21 quotes on traveling alone from writers, poets, teachers, and professional wanderers.

What about a cozy day of reading? Prepare your reading list now. If you want to feel accomplished, pick up one of these short books you can read in a day.

If spending holidays alone has you feeling now, may I direct you towards my favorite, soul-lifting books for existential dread?

Out of ideas? Roll the dice. Browse my mega list of 100+ self-care ideas for some stay-at-home indulgence.

4. Practice spending time alone beforehand

Eating at restaurants alone or traveling solo can feel really daunting at first.

Maybe you just moved to a new city or you’re living alone for the first time or you just ended a long relationship. After a major milestone, those first few steps on your own can feel like walking on shaky ground.

Practice helps you get stronger.

I created a 7-Day Do Things Alone Challenge to help you learn how to enjoy doing things alone—easy steps (and a nonjudgmental space) to help you build confidence, reduce social anxiety, and stop waiting on others to enjoy life.

How to get through the holidays alone if you're feeling lonely

Even the most independent, confident, and self-possessed of us probably don’t want to spend Christmas alone. I’m not advocating for a solitary holiday season—but sometimes, it happens and you need to make the most of it.

Use these six strategies to help make a lonely Christmas a little merrier:

1. Schedule at least one connection for yourself

Just because you’re alone for Christmas, it doesn’t mean you have to stay silent the whole day.

To avoid getting caught up in the lonely holiday blues, plan ahead to bake some social interaction into your day. That could be a:

Phone call with a friend: If you feel awkward about calling someone out of the blue and “interrupting” their Christmas, ask yourself—have you ever been annoyed that a friend wants to express their love and appreciation for you?

Of course not. Stop stressing, and spread the love.

Visit to a coffee shop: Maybe no one is free this year or different time zones aren’t syncing up. Friendly faces don’t have to be known faces.

A trip to a beloved or new coffee shop with a few kind smiles and holiday greetings exchanged with strangers can often remind us that the world can be a warm, friendly place—if we have the courage to go and face it.

Volunteering work: You’re not the only one spending Christmas alone. An estimated 16.3 million Americans (at least) are in the same boat—so why not congregate? Volunteering your time on Christmas gets you out into the world and rubbing shoulders with new faces.

2. Acknowledge your feelings—but don't let them take over

It’s okay to feel sad. It’s part of life, and there’s no point pretending everything is perfect every second of every day. So let it out—and then let it go.

Journaling, meditating, or just plain talking out loud to yourself can help you name the troubles within and keep them from swallowing you whole.

A conversation between the American Psychological Association and James Pennebaker, PhD, professor emeritus of psychology at the University of Texas at Austin, gets into the act of expressive writing and how it can help us tackle challenging periods in our life.

But don’t stay here too long; you don’t want your casual journaling session to turn into a daylong emotional spiral.

Try this: Acknowledge your feelings—and then recognize that the way you feel today isn’t the way you’ll feel forever.

If you think you’re starting to spiral, cut the rumination.

Turn on a Christmas movie. Go for a walk. Or find inspiration in someone else’s stories; these 6 books for existential dread can guide you.

3. Step into a crowd, even if you don't interact with anyone

Sometimes, just the physical presence of others makes us feel better—even if they’re strangers.

It reminds us that the world isn’t all about us; that other people are in similar or even worse situations; and that we do, in fact, have a lot to be thankful for, no matter how bleak the day seems.

To get out of your house (and your head) for a bit, try this:

Go for a walk downtown. Head for the most crowded place you can find.

Take yourself to a restaurant. Talk to the bartender. Smile at strangers. You’re not trying to make them your friends; you’re just engaging with the world and making it a warmer place.
See a movie. Even in a streaming world, movie theaters still see a lot of foot traffic on Christmas. You’re probably not going to talk to anyone, but you’ll be out in a crowd, rubbing shoulders with strangers, and maybe even laughing together at a few shared moments.

Does going to the movies alone (especially on Christmas) seem weird to you?

Let’s normalize not being scared of doing things alone.

A Merry Loner’s 7-Day Do Things Alone Challenge helps you own the power of being alone so you can build confidence, reduce social anxiety, and stop waiting on others to enjoy your life.

4. Do something with your hands

Staring at the screen gives us FOMO, pulls us into the comparison games, and generally makes us sad. I’m not the only one saying it—the US Department of Health and Human Services agrees.

If you’re trying to figure out how to handle the holidays alone, burning your eyes (and your soul) staring at romanticized versions of other people’s lives isn’t going to make you feel any better.

Stop that. Instead of numbingly consuming content, put down your phone and use your hands to create something. (I promise you’ll feel better.) You could:

Bake something
Play an instrument
Exercise
Play cards (Is it too on brand to say I actually love Solitaire?)
Make a collage
Knit
Paint (even if you’re bad at it)
Rearrange a shelf to make your space feel new

Feeling uninspired by these ideas? That’s no excuse to return to the phone.

Check out more ideas of what to do instead of social media.

5. Come up with a plan for next year

If you don’t want to spend Christmas alone next year, see what’s in your power to change.

I’m not talking about overhauling your entire life or setting stressful goals for yourself. But a few deliberate steps now can shape an entirely different world for future you.

Can you save a little each month to travel and visit a loved one next Christmas? Even setting aside a small chunk of every paycheck can create a sizeable nest egg for next year’s celebrations.

Can you swap days off at work or request holiday time earlier so you’re not stuck working on Christmas? Put a reminder in your calendar now to talk to your manager and/or co-workers next fall.

Can you sign up in advance for volunteering, a retreat, or another solo-friendly experience? This way, you’re not scrambling at the last minute to come up with ideas. Mark a date in your calendar now to start booking plans next September.

Making and tracking goals is one of the best habits you can pick up.

Without conscious goals and check-in points, it’s easy to let time slip away—and then one day you wake up, take stock of your life, and realize you didn’t choose any of it.

Goal-setting helps you steer your own ship.

Learn more life-changing habits to start now for long-term mental and physical well-being.

6. Change the way you talk to yourself

Words have meaning. That includes the words we use to talk to ourselves.

Our thoughts and inner dialogue create our mood, our perspective, and the way we interact with the day. So pay attention to what you say to yourself—and how.

Instead of thinking, “I’m alone on Christmas. How pathetic. This is how it’s probably going to be forever,” try being a little gentler on yourself:

“I’m spending the day catering to no one’s needs but my own.”
“I really needed this time to slow down and relax a little bit.”
“This is a great chance to watch a favorite movie and read that book I haven’t had time to finish.”
“I’m going to plan ahead so I don’t have to spend Christmas alone next year. But for now, I’m going to enjoy a quiet day all to myself.”

We grow up being told we’re super lame if we don’t have a partner or lots of friends constantly at our side—but there’s no shame in doing things alone.

Actually, learning to enjoy your own company helps us build the confidence and inner peace to be better partners and friends.

Remind yourself why it’s important to enjoy your own company.

Where to spend Xmas alone

You may be spending Christmas alone this year, but that doesn’t mean you need to coop up at home.

Especially if you’re feeling a bit down and are worried about how to get through holidays alone, a change of scenery can be a cure-all.

If you want to travel far...

Maybe you have the time and means to travel for Christmas. In that case, there’s no need to wait for an invitation to see the world.

So how about checking out those European Christmas markets you’ve heard so much about?

My personal favorites are in Paris and Wrocław, but there are dozens of options to choose from. The BBC has a new round-up on what they deem the best Christmas markets of 2025—or you can be a totally wild card and just pick one at random.

Psst! Not interested in Christmas markets, specifically? Paris is still always a good idea.

My 7-Day Solo Paris Itinerary is your cheatsheet on where to eat, walk, shop, and be in Paris, any time of the year.

If you want to stay close to home...

I think we as a society tend to forget that traveling doesn’t necessarily mean journeying to the other side of the world. There’s still plenty to explore close to home.

If you’re spending this Christmas alone and you want to make it memorable (in a fun way), why not plan yourself a little Christmas staycation?

Go to the spa. When in doubt, self-care your worries away.

Retreat to a cozy cabin. For quiet, un-bustling mornings, lots of hot chocolate, and nature to soothe the soul.

Spend the night in a fancy hotel. A giant bubble bath, room service, and a bed you don’t have to make. It’s not Christmas-y, but it is luxurious. (And that might be just what the doctor ordered.)

If you want to travel alone but not feel alone...

Traveling alone can cause anxiety, but you can break out of that mindset.

If you want to get out of town for Christmas but feel uneasy doing it alone, you’re not out of options. There are actually a lot of ways to solo travel without being alone.

Eatwith connects you with locals for hosted meals, supper clubs, or cooking classes—like tasting wine and cheese with a Parisian or learning how to make pierogi from Poles. It’s an easy way to share a table and meet new people without putting the pressure on you to make plans.

GetYourGuide helps you find guided tours, day trips, classes, and other activities—pretty much anywhere in the world. You may sign up alone, but you’ll spend the experience in a group setting so you can travel alone without feeling lonely.

Hostelworld makes it easy to find hostels that give loners the best of both worlds: private rooms AND common spaces and group activities. It’s a great option if you need your own space but still want help meeting new people.

Think traveling alone for Christmas seems… Sad? Lonely? A little depressing?

It can be if you’re not used to solo travel. But think about it—should you feel sad just being with yourself? Or is that a sign you need to learn how to enjoy your own company?

Read guest writer Alyssa Wiens’ piece on why she doesn’t like traveling alone—and why she keeps doing it anyway.

Conclusion: Spending the holidays alone doesn't have to feel lonely

Spending Christmas alone can feel disappointing or just strange. Almost all the carols sing to us about joining with loved ones, celebrating family time, or meeting a certain someone under the mistletoe.

Some years, that’s just not the reality. It’s okay. Being alone for Christmas this year has no bearing on the next year, the next holiday, or the rest of your life.

You will be among friends and family again—and no, despite what the little voice sometimes whispers in the back of your head, you won’t be alone forever.

In the meantime, take advantage of this Merry Loner Christmas to look after yourself—because self compassion is the best gift you can give yourself, any time of year.

Next Steps:

Practice doing things alone before the next holiday rolls around. This way, you’ll be ready to go out and face the day alone, come New Year’s Eve or Valentine’s Day. Sign up for A Merry Loner’s 7-Day Do Things Alone Challenge to learn how to own the power of being alone.

Understand what makes you nervous about doing things alone in public. (It’s a totally normal feeling.) Learn 5 simple ways to get better at doing things alone.

Arm yourself to stay away from social media. I know the scroll is tempting, especially when we’re alone. But ask yourself: Does scrolling ever really make you feel better? Instead, try one of these 30+ ideas of what to do instead of social media.

Use the image below to save this post to Pinterest so this list is there when you need it.

How to Spend Xmas Alone: FAQs

Is it OK to spend Xmas alone?

Of course. Spending Christmas alone doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you.

Sometimes, meeting with family and friends just isn’t logistically possible. Other times, we may be going through a season in life where our friendship circle is feeling a little thin, like if you just moved somewhere alone or ended a relationship. That’s okay.

One Christmas alone doesn’t mean all Christmases will be alone. So this year, instead of lamenting how to get through the holidays alone, just take the time to focus on yourself and learn how to enjoy your own company.

What to do if you’re spending Christmas alone?

Don’t treat it like a regular day—because it isn’t! Get dressed (up); leave the house at least once; treat yourself to a special meal; and plan at least one festive activity to celebrate the day, like going for a walk to see the Christmas lights, attending a local event, or volunteering.

If venturing out alone on Christmas makes you feel a little depressed or awkward, don’t let yourself stay in that energy. Start A Merry Loner’s 7-Day Do Things Alone Challenge now to help you build confidence doing things alone.

Where to spend Christmas alone?

Anywhere, really. If you want to cozy up at home, how about a change of scenery? Book a day at a nearby spa, cabin retreat, or hotel to enjoy some pampering and a little escape.

But nobody says you have to spend Christmas alone at home. You could travel across the world for your dream vacation (a Paris solo trip, perhaps?). If you have solo travel anxiety, know you’ve got options, like hostels or guided trips, that help you travel alone without feeling alone.

What to do for someone spending Christmas alone?

By all means, invite them over! If that’s not logistically possible, you can still lend a little bit of emotional support to help them get through the holidays alone.

Call them—not just for a quick, two-minute hello, but for an actual conversation. Just 20 minutes could turn their whole day around.

If you know in advance that someone is spending the holidays alone, consider sending them a gift they can open on Christmas Day. Something small is still something significant, like a box of cookies or a handwritten card.

Is it wrong to want to spend Christmas alone?

If spending Christmas alone is the peace and quiet you need this year, don’t let anyone else judge you—it’s actually more common than you think. According to a December 2025 survey by A Mission for Michael, 16% of respondents say they prefer to spend Christmas alone.

And when you’re alone on Christmas, why not make it a full-on self-care day? Check out my Ultimate Guide to Self-Care for ideas to make a day home alone whimsical and relaxing.

How many people spend Xmas alone?

A lot more people than you think. This year, an estimated 16.3 million Americans will spend Christmas alone, per survey from A Mission for Michael. In the UK, a study by the Policy Institute at King’s College London says one in nine people will be alone for Christmas—a figure that’s doubled since 1969.

If you’re going to be on your own for Christmas this year, I know it’s not always ideal, but try to see this as an opportunity to rest and relax. If you want a hot (hot!) take on learning to enjoy life, read my motto.

Merry

Discover how the merry loner lifestyle makes life more enjoyable:

LONER MINDSET: fresh perspectives on learning to genuinely enjoy your own company

BOOKS: reading lists for people who love being alone with a good story

ANALOG LIVING: inspiration to step back from the screen and live a life offline

SOLO TRAVEL: guides on where to go and how to enjoy it alone

MINDFUL CONSUMPTION: vetted recommendations for a simpler, less wasteful life

LONER Q&As: interviews from global voices on how to live a meaningful, enjoyable life

The post How to Spend Xmas Alone Without Feeling Lonely or Left Out appeared first on A Merry Loner.

Scared of Traveling Alone: How to Deal with Solo Travel Anxiety

Daniel John — Thu, 07 Aug 2025 12:00:30 +0000

Don’t let your fear of traveling alone hold you back. These tips will help.

I’m pretty happy being by myself. In fact, I would say I’m comfortably a 4.5 on the Five Stages of Being a Merry Loner. I’ve gotten to the point where going to the cinema with anyone else seems utterly ridiculous (it’s the least social activity imaginable), and there is not a shred of self consciousness when eating alone at a restaurant. Zilch.

So, you’d assume solo travel would be a breeze, right? Well, let me introduce you to my pal: anxiety.

The shortlist: 4 strategies to stop being scared of traveling alone

If you’re spiraling over all the what-ifs
If you’ve heard hostels are great—but you’re nervous about staying with so many strangers
If you’ve got major decision fatigue when traveling alone
If you’re overwhelmed by all the new sights, sounds, and smells

Coping with solo travel anxiety

My love-hate relationship with anxiety (he is, in his own way, trying to protect me) began at an early age. I was the kid who got nervous at sleepovers, the one who fretted whether his toys were getting along, and above all, the one who really hated change. And guess what? As it turns out, travel is just one long exercise in change: new beds, new people, new daily uncertainties.

Despite all that, I’ve somehow managed to survive (and occasionally thrive) through two months of interrailing around Europe and half a year of navigating Turkey and Southeast Asia. In fact, as I type, I’m in the process of packing my bags to head back to Vietnam. All on my merry lonesome.

Whether you’re a proud loner or just Loner Curious, it’s still normal to be a little scared of traveling alone—but that doesn’t mean you have to let solo travel anxiety hold you back from your dream destinations.

Let’s go hand-in-hand through some of the top reasons people have a fear of traveling alone—and come up with strategies to kick your solo travel anxiety:

More articles on solo travel:

Solo Travel to Paris: Itinerary for Traveling to Paris Solo + 26 Things to Do Alone in Paris

I Don’t Like Traveling Alone—But I Keep Doing It Anyway

Alone at Night in Paris—Where to Take Yourself on a Solo Date

1. You're spiraling over all the what-ifs

There is absolutely no getting around it: Traveling alone comes with uncertainty. In the bucketloads.

You’re ditching the comfort of your own little bubble and swapping it for the big wide world. That can sound horrifically daunting, but taking it step by step is the way to go. And spoiler: The uncertainty and unknown is where the magic happens.

For me, the largest uncertainty was: “What if I can’t handle it?” For you, it might be: “What if I get ill?” “What if I hurt myself?” “What if I get stranded in an airport with the wrong visa?”

Whatever it is, these are just the what-ifs, and they are a very, very natural response to the prospect of solo travel. Your brain is simply trying to prepare for the worst-case scenarios.

It’s a pain in the arse, don’t get me wrong—but the less attention you give these thoughts, the less intense they become.

Tip: Prepare for your biggest solo travel fear—then let the rest go.

There’s a fine line between preparing and over-preparing.

Obsessive planning tells your nervous system there’s something to fear, which keeps you stuck in anxious loops. Instead, pick one major thing to plan well, and let the rest go.

For me, that involves doing a decent amount of research on accommodation options. I’m not a party-person anymore, so ending up in a rowdy hostel or in a hotel next to a club is nightmare-fuel. Once I know that where I’m staying will be quiet, comfortable, and welcoming, a lot of my what-ifs calm down.

For you, that might look like researching good restaurants, being near a medical centre, or staying in the safest neighbourhood in the area.

Then you have to stay firm and not fall into the trap of prepping for everything else. Remind yourself you have sorted out your main concern and that you can handle whatever else is thrown your way.

2. You’ve heard hostels are great—but you’re nervous about staying with so many strangers

Storytime: After five dreamy days in the Algarve, beach-hopping, making new friends, and feeling freer than ever, I booked the first decent-reviewed hostel I could find en route to Seville.

Big mistake.

The place revolved around drinking games (conveniently held right outside my bedroom), and I shared a dorm with a 60-year-old whose snores registered on the Richter scale. As I lay there, bed shaking from the aftershocks and sleep deprived, I promised myself: no more rushed hostel bookings.

For us Merry Loners, hostels can present all sorts of hurdles and challenges. Of course, you can choose to avoid them entirely—but they’re affordable, and meeting people from all over the world is one of the best parts of travel (yes, even as a loner).

Tip: Look for quiet, non-party hostels

My top tip for you if you have solo travel anxiety about overcrowded hostels is to pick hostels that aren’t considered very social.

There are a few ways to find these. First, look at the reviews. If you see things like “Really nice place, just a little quiet,” cha-ching! You’ve hit the jackpot.

Second, avoid any hostel with an on-site or nearby bar (double-check the pictures for this). Next, don’t go with the cheapest option. You pay for what you get in hostels, and cheapo ones typically attract the loud crowds.

I’m aware that it might sound like I’m setting you up for a boring stay, but keep in mind that for us introverted solo travelers, a place that is considered “not very social” to others could offer the perfect level of interaction for us. It also means you’re more likely to meet like-minded travelers.

A few more quick tips if you’re anxious about traveling alone and staying in a hostel:

If you’re staying in dorms, every week or two, book a couple days in a private room or move to a hotel.

If you’re a people-pleaser, practice saying no. Saying yes to everyone and every offer you receive is exhausting—people won’t mind if you decline.

3. You get major decision fatigue when traveling alone

Waking up each morning with a clean slate ahead and not having to cater to anyone else’s needs is unbelievably liberating. “Hmmm, today I think I’ll spend the morning at the beach, the afternoon at a cosy café with my book, and the evening eating good food with a view— bliss.”

There is, however, a negative to all this choice: decision fatigue.

I’m not the most decisive person (at the best of times), but if you throw in tiredness, language barriers, and a steady stream of revolving new situations, I’m like a deer in headlights.

I’m aware this sounds a little ridiculous.“Oh, poor you, having to decide what to do each day while traveling around the world must be so hard.” I get it. Plenty of my friends and family would kill for that challenge. But it’s a very real thing, and not having anyone to share decision-making responsibility with is tiring when you’re traveling alone.

Tip: Stick to routines, and keep your itinerary light

Routine is a key part of your life, whether you’re conscious of it or not. So when you’re on the road, finding structure is important.

Try to stick to the same sleep/wake cycle when possible; develop an exercise schedule (however light); and attempt to eat meals at similar times each day.

Speaking of meals, don’t feel bad about eating at the same place for several days (or weeks) in a row. There’s great pressure when traveling to try all the amazing foods on offer, but sometimes having a regular spot you know and love can really reduce decision fatigue.

I would also really recommend booking in “do nothing” days.

It’s very tempting to pack your calendar full of activities so you don’t miss out on anything. Great on paper, absolutely rubbish in reality—you’ll soon crash and burn. If I’m in a place for a week, I block out at least two to three days for relaxing, laundry, life admin (the new Gym, Tan, Laundry for those Jersey Shore fans).

4. You’re overwhelmed by all the new sights, sounds, and smells

This point might not apply to you, but I wanted to include it because it’s something I’ve had to manage—and I have a sneaking suspicion that if you also enjoy time alone, you might be a little sensitive to sensory input, too.

Sensory processing sensitivity is a heightened sensitivity to sensory stimuli (try saying that quickly), like light, sound, smell, and touch. Basically, if you find yourself squirming when loud emergency vehicles soar past or you’re someone who hates overhead lights and opts for lamps and candles, you might fall into this category.

It’s actually very common, with 15-20% of the population believed to experience the world in this way—so it’s nothing to be ashamed of. It can, however, impact how you take in the world when you’re on the road.

One of the most amazing things about travel is that everything is new. It’s like seeing the world through a toddler’s eyes, and it makes you realize how switched off you can be in normal life. But after a while, all these new sights, smells, noises, and tastes can feel a little too much, making the magic of a busy Bangkok market turn into a sensory slaughterhouse.

Tip: Pack gear to help you find your zen

This will depend on which sense is the most sensitive for you. For me, that’s sound, so I won’t travel anywhere without my noise-cancelling headphones or earplugs. These two tools help bring the noise down to a far more manageable level and make me feel more in control of my environment.

If harsh lights bother you, I’ve found baseball caps and/or sunglasses are great, while steering clear of markets or harbors is best when smells are too much.

When in doubt, one of the best things you can do for sensory overload is to book a hotel room and allow yourself to withdraw from the world. Take a day or two with the curtains drawn, order food, and situate yourself horizontally. You’ll soon feel yourself again.

If imagining noisy, crowded environments is enough to get your solo travel anxiety going, then let’s take a look at some of the quieter spots you could enjoy on your travels: from the rivers of Yellowstone to the beaches of Ericeira to the cats of Istanbul.

I got over my fear of traveling alone—and you can too

If you had asked my friends a few years ago who among us would be the most likely to travel alone, I would have been rock bottom on the list—not due to my fear of being alone (quite the opposite) but due to solo travel anxiety.

But if I can do it, you absolutely can.

If you’re headed off on your first solo trip, then it’s normal to be feeling scared of traveling alone. To be honest, yes—you might have the odd wobble. But you’ll learn a lot about yourself (cliché, but true), meet some seriously interesting people, and have an adventure you’d never get sitting at home wondering, “What if?”

So start your research (but not too much), pack your bags, and go forth into the big wide world, even if you’re still a little anxious. You got this.

Daniel John

Daniel John is a freelance copywriter from the UK who spends his days writing words for brands across industries—from travel to automotive to mental health. When not working, you’ll most likely find him behind the lens coaxing cats into posing for the camera. You can see some of his professional work at danieljohncopy.com

danieljohncopy.com

Next Steps:

Start planning your solo trip. If could be close to home, like a weekend away in the next town. Or it could be a dreamy, long-haul vacation like a solo trip to Paris. If that’s the case, I’ve got your 7-day solo travel Paris itinerary.

Get a little more solo travel courage. If you’re not convinced about the value of solo travel, read this essay: I Don’t Like Traveling Alone—But I Keep Doing It Anyway.

Build some solo travel inspiration. Get yourself in the mood for solo travel planning with these 21 quotes for traveling alone.

Use the image below to save this post to Pinterest so these tips are there when you need them.

Discover how the merry loner lifestyle makes life more enjoyable:

LONER MINDSET: fresh perspectives on learning to genuinely enjoy your own company

BOOKS: reading lists for people who love being alone with a good story

ANALOG LIVING: inspiration to step back from the screen and live a life offline

SOLO TRAVEL: guides on where to go and how to enjoy it alone

MINDFUL CONSUMPTION: vetted recommendations for a simpler, less wasteful life

LONER Q&As: interviews from global voices on how to live a meaningful, enjoyable life

The post Scared of Traveling Alone: How to Deal with Solo Travel Anxiety appeared first on A Merry Loner.

Feeling Alone in a Relationship: It’s Not Always About the Other Person

Janine Canillas — Tue, 15 Jul 2025 11:32:04 +0000

The real reason so many people feel alone in a relationship.

When I met my husband, he was still in a relationship—a red flag, yes, but one I understood too well. We were both running from the same thing. Not heartbreak, but the kind of loneliness no one talks about: the silent weight we carry into relationships.

Before You Love Someone Else, Know Who You Are Alone

For years, I’d filled my time with stunts, adrenaline, and distractions. I jumped off of rooftops, took punches in fight scenes, and drove in high-speed car chases. Always chasing the next rush.

He filled his with casual acquaintances and old habits. Neither of us knew how to sit still.

And then, after a few casual hangouts and an almost-kiss, he told me he was seeing someone long-distance. He spoke with honesty, gentleness, and a hint of remorse.

He hoped to stay friends, but the difference was that I had done the work before I met him; I could say no to a relationship and still feel whole in my own company. I wasn’t sure he was able to do the same.

So I encouraged him to focus on what he already had and that reaching out to me, though flattering, was not a good sign. He insisted, and I gave him the gift an ex-partner once gave me: space.

“If you’re serious, you need to take time for yourself. Figure out who you are outside of a relationship. I’ll be here, if and when you’re ready.”

I could say no to a relationship and still feel whole in my own company. I wasn’t sure he was able to do the same.

Janine Canillas

That pause changed everything.

Something shifted. He stopped filling the quiet with other people’s needs and started listening to his own. He asked the hard questions: “What do I value in a teammate?” “Who am I when I’m not trying to be anyone else’s companion?”

When he could answer that, he came back to me—not as a soul looking to be rescued, but as one ready to choose. And I chose him back.

But healing isn’t neat. Often, the ghosts of the past come knocking.

The Relationships We Use to Avoid Ourselves

His exes saw the shift. They barely recognized the man who now moved with clarity and limits. The man who no longer sought companionship just to avoid being alone.

They fixated on that version of him (particularly his last ex, who seemed to believe his transformation was something she was entitled to). She sent messages that escalated with each holiday—Christmas, New Year’s, Valentine’s—as if our marriage was just a temporary obstacle. She acted like I was a placeholder for the reunion she’d written in her head.

The truth was, she wasn’t trying to win him back. She was confronting her own hollow that she’d been avoiding. And she didn’t know how to sit with it.

Why So Many of Us Are Feeling Alone in a Relationship

A dear friend once told me, “Loneliness only comes from not knowing yourself and what your needs and wants are.”

That stayed with me. Because often, what we think is heartbreak is really just the past bouncing off our present. Our triggers dressing up as instincts.

When we don’t take time to understand who we are, we confuse comfort with connection. We chase people who mirror our wounds instead of our growth.

But when you do the work, when you sit with yourself long enough to know what you truly need, those old echoes stop bouncing. You don’t flinch when silence arrives. You welcome it. You know you’re good with who you are.

What a Good Relationship Isn’t: Avoiding Your Own Company

I know what it’s like to think love is the antidote to emptiness. To mistake passion for neediness or to agree to attachments that feel safe, not right.

It takes years—sometimes decades—to realize we’ve built our lives around avoiding being our own company. There’s nothing more isolating than being with a person who’s using you as a buffer from their own reflection—or someone who, like I once was, simply isn’t ready to settle down.

When I was chasing the flame (literally, doing high-octane stunts and doubling A-list actresses and models like Cara Delevingne), I sought approval and validation. But when I took space for myself, I got to understand the full shape of solitude.

There’s nothing more isolating than being with a person who’s using you as a buffer from their own reflection...

Janine Canillas

By leaning into and fully appreciating my own solitude, I learned to recognize other people’s intentions—and to walk away from those who didn’t inspire me to be myself.

That’s why I encouraged my now-husband to take a pause and get to know himself before getting to know me.

When we met, I refused to be a rebound or a rescue. I wanted to be chosen—with eyes wide open—by someone who had faced their own silence and survived it.

Because when you’ve been truly alone and made peace with it, love becomes something else entirely. It’s not a fix. It’s a partnership.

Two Can Be Better Than One—But One Isn’t a Problem

When we finally got together, it wasn’t because he craved company or because I longed to be rescued. It was because we each knew who we were standing on our own and were curious about who we could become together.

Yes, we got married quickly, in mere months. Some people thought we rushed. But we talked about goals, values, kids, finances, fears. We didn’t avoid the hard stuff. We dug into it. (And not every couple does that, even after a decade.)

Still, the ripples came. Even though he had released what once defined him, his past struggled to let go. These women weren’t villains. They were just stuck in the same pattern he had finally stepped out of. They saw his glow-up and mistook it for a doorway back in.

And for a while, that hurt.

It made me question things—our pace, our bond, even myself. But what I realized is this:

When a person grows, they don’t owe that growth to the people who knew them before. And they don’t have to apologize for evolving with a new partner.

Don’t Trade Your Solitude for Just Anyone

I don’t pretend we’re perfect. But we’re honest. And more than anything, we’re rooted in something rare: two people who sat in their own silence long enough to know they didn’t want to fill it with just anyone.

It takes courage to risk losing a relationship to find yourself. To wait for the right person—not out of desperation, but out of respect.

In the end, love isn’t about who stays. It’s about why they stay. And we stay because we choose each other—clearly, consciously. Not to escape ourselves, but because we know who we are.

Janine Canillas

Janine Canillas is a former stunt performer turned writer whose work spans TV, video games, poetry, journalism, and children’s literature. Her writing has appeared in The Guardian and The Los Angeles Times, and she is the author of the children’s book Lenny Peed on That! When she’s not writing, she’s playing paddle tennis and checking things off her adventure list at chickenandcat.com

chickenandcat.com

Next Steps:

Get up close and personal with yourself. Do you know who you really are? Explore these books on self-awareness to help you know you—before you get to know someone else.

Ponder your fate. Even if that means being alone for now. Learn how to find acceptance alone.

Learn to live with yourself first. Read why every woman should live alone—at least once.

Emails that help you learn to love your own company.

Because life is worth enjoying, whether you're in a relationship or not.

The post Feeling Alone in a Relationship: It’s Not Always About the Other Person appeared first on A Merry Loner.

Moving to a New City in Your 30s—Feeling Lonely in Your “Prime”

Gavin Williams — Thu, 03 Apr 2025 09:43:20 +0000

This is a tale of change. Of wanting, failing, getting, regretting, and growing. It’s a true story of searching for fulfillment in new places, only to realize that home and contentment were always within.

The view of the sea. There it is. It’s right there outside the window. If I lean a little to the left.

I can see it from my bedroom window. If I drove, I could be there in 10 minutes. Toes in the sand. The wind all around me. Freezing cold but beautiful. Home.

From the room next to mine, I hear the sleepy infant lullaby as my newborn son sleeps soundly in his bed. Downstairs, my partner sits, legs crossed on the sofa watching an early evening comedy. Inoffensive and comforting, like a lot of UK sitcoms. The canned laughter provides a comforting background noise.

The year is 2012. I am 30 years old. And I have everything I need.

Except I didn’t. Because we humans don’t work that way.

Even with this warm home, stability, and an albeit strained view of the sea, I still felt the overwhelming urge to seek change.

Why?

I didn’t want to overhaul life entirely—there were just a few pieces of the puzzle that weren’t aligned.

Career, and my professional identity in general, have always been important to me. I needed a sense of progression and appreciation that, at the time, I just wasn’t getting. And it mattered to me. It really did.

Related Posts:

More honest essays on learning to love your alone time?

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Chasing Change: Making the Decision to Leave

Four years of working with the same employer had finally brought me to a job interview. I’d worked hard to position myself as the frontrunner and had been led to believe the job was as good as mine.

In my mind, getting that promotion would be the final piece in the puzzle. At 30 years of age, I would have completed life and all its goals.

Then came the phone call saying they were going with another candidate.

I wasn’t prepared, and I took it hard. So hard, in fact, that I felt ready to give up on not just that employer but on the safe, warm house and life my partner and I had known for the last four years.

Watching me go through the emotional rollercoaster, my partner felt my frustration, and she was unsettled in her own way.

So we agreed: We were ready to leave the area altogether and start afresh.

A New Start, or Just a New Struggle?

A new place, a new job, a new start.

I got myself a promotion with a new employer hoping it would be a step in the right direction. But in my frustration, I hadn’t factored in the trade-off it required.

My commute time doubled, and the time with my family halved. The colleagues and friends I’d worked with had vanished, replaced with strangers. The sea view was gone. No matter which way I leaned or squinted when I looked out the window.

On only the second day of my new job, I found myself stuck in a traffic jam—and that’s when it hit me.

“What have I done?” I asked the empty car aloud. My throat tightened and I tried to hide my face from the other passengers in their static cars around me. I began to cry.

I drove home to my family and told my partner what I was thinking. We sat down, talked, and cried some more. “Isn’t this all supposed to be sorted by now? I’m 30!” I thought.

It doesn’t work like that.

My partner asked me if I knew the song The Gambler by Kenny Rogers. She knew that the lyrics suited our situation perfectly. Honestly, I didn’t know the song until she sang the chorus:

“You gotta know when to hold ‘em, know when to fold ‘em, know when to walk away, and know when to run.”

Right then and there, we knew this new situation wasn’t right for us.

It was time to fold. Time to walk away.

The fresh start had been a false start—it was time to move again.

Loneliness in the Crowd: Feeling Isolated in a City Full of People

We decided to move from South Wales, my place of birth and spiritual home, to Nottingham, in the UK’s East Midlands. It’s not as if we’d moved continents or even countries (if you don’t count the difference between Wales and England), but it was enough to create that feeling of physical and emotional distance from the life we were leaving behind.

It was a new place and a new start.

Here I go again: another new job; another new team; another new place to try and settle down.

But this was harder than any other move before. The sense of individual isolation and loneliness hit almost instantly.

I’d moved to the biggest place with the biggest population I’d personally ever lived in—and yet I felt totally alone.

When “Home” Feels Like Nowhere: Dealing with Loneliness in My 30s

At 31 years old, I’d pictured myself being further along in my career, having a full social life, and excelling at new hobbies. I’d built up this narrative in my mind that this was my “prime” and that I was wasting it by moving to a new place “at the worst possible time.” In those moments, I saw it as a waste of my best years, squandered in isolation.

I tried to listen to sayings like: “Home is where the heart is”; “Home is a feeling, not a place”; “Home is the people around you.”

But when you feel utterly alone, those sayings really don’t carry much weight. They’re perfect for embroidering on a cushion—but do nothing to help the feeling of a rock in your stomach.

I made new friends, sure. But some moved away to pursue their own directions in life. Some drifted, as people occasionally and inevitably do. Some offered friendship and then disappeared. It was embarrassing and stung at the time, but I was even stood up by some new “friends.”

All lessons in resilience. Gifts for personal growth.

The Moment Everything Changed—and I Stopped Resisting Solitude

Things were getting harder.

The novelty of moving to a new city had worn off, and I felt like I’d tried everything to adjust, adapt, and settle. Nothing had worked and a feeling of hopelessness began to set in.

But then one day came the biggest lesson from the smallest moment.

Out of habit, I finished work as quickly as I could to return home to make plans. I walked through the door, took off my shoes and jacket—and then found myself just standing still in the hallway. Staring at the empty house around me. The plain white walls staring back.

I realized I actually had nothing to do, no one to see, and nothing to look forward to.

I have no idea how long I stood there, but it was long enough to realize I’d become lost in that space. Physically and mentally.

Long enough for that moment to become imprinted in my memory forever. An awareness growing in and around me.

I realized that nothing would change unless I decided to become active with my choices. So, the first choice I made was to accept my loneliness.

The Art of Being Alone: Rediscovering Myself Through Solitude

By accepting where I was and the situation I was in, I began to make positive changes.

I hadn’t realized before how much I’d sought the company and approval of others to give value to my days. Even though I’d always been happy in my own company as a child, I’d forgotten this through my teenage years when I started going out and expanding my circle of friends (a very normal thing for most teenagers to do). But this new period of loneliness in Nottingham brought me back to that quiet, self-assured place.

I hadn’t realized before how much I’d sought the company and approval of others to give value to my days.

I rediscovered playfulness and curiosity. I began to read again. I began what would become a lifelong relationship with meditation. I became more patient, calm, and self-aware.

Aspects of myself that normally became closed off when I sought the company of others began to bloom.

I didn’t become a recluse, but I gravitated towards social activities that had an element of solo-ness. Martial arts has a great community, but when all’s said and done, it’s just me with me. Rock climbing, too. The climbing community is a wonderful place to be, and it’s where I’ve made my new and very dear circle of friends—but it’s also an activity that suits going alone when the time feels right.

I felt the effects of my new perspective on solitude at home, too. I’ve always been family-oriented, but this new phase nurtured an even greater warmth and closeness with my wife and son. Not quite “us against the world,” but not far off.

Want to learn how to accept (and appreciate) your own loneliness?

A Merry Loner’s 7-Day Do Things Alone Challenge can help you get there.

Daily bite-sized challenges to help you experiment with doing things alone
A judgment-free zone to share all your feels about how the day’s activity went
7 journal prompts to help you process and learn from what you did that day

Finding Home Within

I’ve been in Nottingham for 10 years now. The journey has been life-changing—or should I say, me-changing.

Living in a busy city felt lonely, so I looked for people. That search actually led me inward, and that’s what changed things for the better, outside too. I learned who I really was.

As I write today, Nottingham feels more like a home. A place where I’ve found a life of balance. I’m more outgoing and brave than I’ve ever been—and equally more content in my own company than ever before.

All my thoughts about wasting my life in its prime—absolute nonsense.

Your prime is when you say it is. Your prime is today, and it’s tomorrow. Your prime is when you feel most alive.

The philosopher Soren Kierkegaard once said, “Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.”

So be it.

My new home is hours from the coastline in any direction. There’s no sea view from the bedroom window anymore. But the view inwards is the best it’s ever been.

Recommended Reading:

Gavin Williams is a freelance health & wellness writer with a 20-year background as a specialist physiotherapist. He’s passionate about functional health & personal growth. Gavin’s happiest when he’s rock climbing, reading a book, or spending time with his family. You can find out more about Gavin on his website, In the Moment Copywriting.

The post Moving to a New City in Your 30s—Feeling Lonely in Your “Prime” appeared first on A Merry Loner.

I Don’t Like Traveling Alone—But I Keep Doing It Anyway

Alyssa Wiens — Mon, 03 Mar 2025 14:00:00 +0000

Solo travel is liberating and frustrating. It’s helped me know myself better—and enjoy myself more.

The travel bug bit me hard and early. I grew up in a traveling family, with parents who pushed me out the door after high school to experience the Big Wide World. Since then, I’ve spent much of my spare time and income traveling. And I love it.

New cultures, new foods, new people, new adventures—what isn’t there to love about traveling? Well, one thing: being by myself.

Solo travel is both liberating and frustrating. Thrilling and terrifying. It’s one of my most complex relationships but one I keep coming back to. And for good reason. It’s helped me know myself better—and enjoy myself more.

Related Posts:

More tips, stories, and ideas on embracing the solo life?

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Solo travel tears: the moments when I wanted to quit

My solo travel experiences have ranged from a few days in London to a few weeks in Portugal to a few months in Central America. When I go back to read my journals from those trips, I’m struck by all the angst:

the phone call to my sister regretting my decision to stay in a hostel dorm with 12 other people—and me asking her if I can come home
the stress of trying to navigate in another language, another city, another culture
the frustration of not finding a restaurant for dinner—and settling for eating peanuts in the hotel instead
the emotional roller coaster of being alone with my thoughts all day.

It’s enough to make me ask: “Do I even like this?”

Solo travel triumphs: the moments that inspire more trips

You better believe there were a lot of tears shed on these solo trips. But there was even more growth. Even more empowerment. And even more adventure.

Because what I really remember about those solo travel experiences is singing karaoke with the homestay family in Costa Rica. Making ceviche in Mexico. Navigating the London tube without getting (too) lost. Joining a food tour in Portugal and eating octopus. Talking to the Uber driver 100% in Spanish in Guatemala. Climbing a volcano in Nicaragua.

“There were so many experiences I wouldn’t have had if I had stayed scared of doing things alone.”

There was self-growth. There was self-empowerment. And there were so many experiences I wouldn’t have had if I had stayed scared of doing things alone.

Solo travel has been a big catalyst for self-discovery; it’s expanded my mind and worldview. Doing things on your own is liberating. It shows you what you’re capable of and how you handle challenges and problems.

It also exposes your needs, wants, and desires. Without the input of other people, it’s all you, baby.

Where do you want to eat for breakfast? What activities do you actually like doing? Want to read by the pool all day instead of hiking a mountain? Do you.

When you remove outside input, opinions, and persuasion, how can you not deeply and profoundly learn about yourself while traveling alone?

Mindset matters: solo travel tips & tricks

How do I embrace solo travel despite the struggles? I think there’s a secret to it: Choosing to value your own company and find peace and contentment doing your own thing.

Here are a few ways to embrace this Merry Loner Mindset :

1. Eliminate barriers

If you’re a new or first-time solo traveler, start small and start easy. This will remove some of those logistical hurdles that become major barriers to you enjoying your time.

Consider choosing a destination where you:

Speak the language. This makes it so much easier to navigate around.
Can explore in just a couple of days. Weekend trips can be an awesome first solo trip experience.
Already know the terrain. You can dive deeper into an area you love where you know you feel comfortable.
Don’t have to go far. Start by exploring locally.

2. Plan, plan, plan!

Yes, one of the big benefits of independent travel is you can do whatever you want, however you want. But one of the challenges is that you can do whatever you want, however you want!

That’s a lot of decisions to make, and it can become overwhelming.

My advice is to plan ahead. Look into your destination and figure out what kind of things you would enjoy doing there. This ensures you have joy-inducing activities lined up and takes some of the decision fatigue away.

3. Go ahead, dine alone

If you’re like me, food is a big part of traveling. That’s why you’ve got to get comfy with dining alone. It may feel unnatural at first, but let me remind you that eating is the most natural thing in the world—and I’m not going to let you miss out on the delicacies of life because you don’t want to say, “Table for one, please”! You’ve got this.

If you’re feeling awkward, take something to read with you. This helps you connect with and enjoy the present moment. IMO, scrolling on your phone does the opposite and you may miss out on what’s in front of you.

Not comfortable dining alone yet?

Work your way up to it with A Merry Loner’s 7-Day Do Things Alone Challenge.

Daily bite-sized challenges to help you experiment with doing things alone
A judgment-free zone to share all your feels about how the day’s activity went
7 journal prompts to help you process and learn from what you did that day

4. Mind your mind

The way you speak to yourself matters, so mind the influences you’re letting in there.

If you’re full of negative self-talk—like, “This is too hard” or “I’m not cut out for this”—check it, squash it, and replace it with something better.

Repeat mantras. Journal positive thoughts. Get a pep talk from your friend—whatever you need to do. The key is to fill your mind (and social media feed) with positive empowerment.

5. Take the first step

Solo travel can start small. You can build up to your dream trip. But you have to take a step, no matter how small it might be.

Your first step might be exploring why you’re afraid to do things alone or taking yourself on solo dates around town.

Or, if you’re already comfortable hanging out by yourself, it might be researching a trip you want to take. It might be telling a friend you’re planning a trip. It might be booking the flight or Airbnb.

I’ve always loved the famous quote by French writer André Gide

“Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore.”

Raise the anchor, loosen the ropes, and cast off from shore—you’ve got to take that first step to start sailing anywhere. Your solo travels and independent adventuring are waiting for you to do so.

Remember: Solo travel doesn’t have to mean international travel

I acknowledge the time, financial, and passport-power privilege I have to travel abroad. I’m grateful for this and recognize there are very real barriers that prevent people from doing the same.

But even if traveling internationally isn’t an option for you right now, the power of solo travel and doing things alone is still available to you. Traveling is simply exploring a new place, which you can start doing in your own backyard.

You might book a night at a hotel in a different neighborhood so you can catch a play or movie and eat at a trendy restaurant. Or, enjoy a solo trip to a neighboring town for a change of scenery—grab your book or other solo hobbies, bookmark some cute cafes to check out, and make a weekend of it.As your confidence grows (and time and finances allow), consider short flights within your country or nearby international destinations.

It truly doesn’t matter where you end up, as long as you intentionally embrace the freedom and growth that come from taking that first solo step outside your everyday environment and exploring somewhere new.

Travel or not, all solo adventures lead to self-growth

I may love traveling, but I know it’s just one path to empowerment and confidence.

I firmly believe this self-growth happens when you do anything alone. Exploring new places and doing things on your own—no matter how big or small—helps you learn more about your interests and capabilities while fostering inner peace and contentment.

Feeling Loner Curious? Some intro solo adventures may be

reading a book at a new cafe
going shopping alone
visiting a museum in your city

Once comfortable with that, you could sign up for a hobby class (like cooking or pottery), take a day trip to another neighborhood or town, or eat at a restaurant by yourself, sans reading safety blanket.

Where are you on your Loner Journey?

Discover the 5 Stages of Becoming a Merry Loner.

It doesn’t matter where you start—doing anything solo is one step towards independent happiness.

What’s your next step? Take it. We’re right here with you!

Recommended Reading:

Alyssa Wiens is a freelance content writer and editor from Vancouver, Canada. Between trips, you can find her working in cozy cafes, kickboxing, and growing her houseplant collection. You can follow along with her work on her website and Substack.

The post I Don’t Like Traveling Alone—But I Keep Doing It Anyway appeared first on A Merry Loner.

Books for Existential Dread

Merry — Thu, 13 Feb 2025 21:17:26 +0000

In times of trouble, I need books.

Hello, old friend. So we meet again. You’re never very far, are you? Whether it’s work struggles, family strife that is slowly making you develop an ulcer, or Big Bad Politics rearing its ugly head and taking your sanity and sense of joy with it, existential dread is a constant companion I just can’t seem to ghost.

I try to do the right things. I avoid listening to melancholy music (though to the gravely voice of Tom Waits I always return). I meditate. I do yoga. I buy fresh flowers, take luxurious bubble baths, grind my own coffee beans, and practice other analog rituals designed to help me slow down and live a less scattered, manic life.

Often, these things work. Despite my frequent complaining (which I usually milk for comedic effect), I sometimes feel like the happiest person I know. Still, the icy fingers of existential dread (or is it a clammy clutch?) find their way back to me like a stray dog whining for scraps. The scraps are my mental health. And sometimes it’s in short supply.

When old existential dread comes a-knockin’, I try to find solace in books — but not the fictional reads in which the monsters are manufactured, the endings endearing, and the characters’ flaws cathartic. In times of trouble, I need poetry. Self-help books dressed up as philosophy. And yes, maybe even a novel or two—but they should be poignant enough to make me ponder.

Are you in times of trouble? I’m here for you, and so are my five go-to books for existential dread.

The shortlist: 5 books for existential dread to help you see the light again

1. Instructions for Traveling West — for feeding the beautiful beast in you that wants to sprint, hair streaming, through the wildflowers

2. The School of Life: An Emotional Education — for when you need to hear, “It’s all going to be okay.”

3. Magnificent Obsession — for when you need to remember that it’s never too late to change your life

4. Beautiful World, Where Are You — for when you need to remember that you’re not the only one wallowing

5. Yeats’s Poetry, Drama, and Prose — for when you need something beautiful to lighten the weight of the world

1. “Instructions for Traveling West” by Joy Sullivan

I’m superficial. When I enter a bookstore, I’m a bachelorette on the prowl, scanning the room to see just who may come home with me, potentially into my bed or maybe even the bath, i.e., I judge books by their covers. So when I strolled past the colorful spine of Joy Sullivan’s “Instructions for Traveling West,” the nostalgia in me swooned.

Years ago, I developed an alternate reality for myself in which I turned 40, got divorced, and moved to Montana to romantically live out my days on a horse ranch. (I recall having just bought a pair of Levi’s at the time.) Turns, out Sullivan’s book of poetry explores feelings not too dissimilar from those that inspired my imaginary mid-life crisis: dreams of a fantastical fleeing to seek a new life founded on freedom and beauty.

But let’s look at Sullivan’s words, which are much more eloquent than mine. The book flap reads:

“First, you must realize you’re homesick for all the lives you’re not living. Then, you must commit to the road and the rising loneliness. To the sincere thrill of coming apart.”
— from “Instructions for Traveling West” by Joy Sullivan

“…the sincere thrill of coming apart” — that’s a doozy. I don’t know about you, but when it feels like your life is coming apart at the seams, thrilling is hardly the word I would use. More like gut-wrenching. Or panic-inducing. Or hand-wringing, the kind you do when you start praying to a God you didn’t know you believe in. But then there’s poetry, and your wound finds the balm it needs.

2. “The School of Life: An Emotional Education” by The School of Life

When this book came home with me, it was an instant all-nighter. I remember staying up late and reading it on the front stoop in my bathrobe like the crazy, unkempt woman my lace-up oxfords would never let you believe I really am.

I’m not sure exactly what led me to this book, but I know one thing: It was bought during The Sad Time, i.e., the period of depression that ate my early twenties and caused me to do such things as read at odd hours in my bathrobe on my front stoop. It was worth the spectacle. And as I recall reporting to a few curious passersby (I lived on a fairly busy street at the time), “Yes, it is worth the read.” I’ve since recommended “The School of Life: An Emotional Education” to a friend who was battling his own Sad Time. And now I recommend it to you.

Apparently, The School of Life is a media company with lots of articles and podcasts and videos to help you deal with daily traumas like work, relationships, and socializing. I didn’t know that at the time. What I did know was this book felt like a wise, distant, older cousin whom you’ve really only met about six times in your life, but when you reconnect in your adulthood, they manage give you a philosophical pat on the back, releasing the tension you didn’t know was taking custody of your shoulders and whispering to your whole being: “It’s all going to be okay.”

3. “Magnificent Obsession” by Lloyd C. Douglas

Oh, this marvelous book. I’ve gone on record saying this is my favorite book of all time (just eeking past the formidable “The Picture of Dorian Gray” by Oscar Wilde), I bought a beat-up old copy at a used bookstore on a whim and have read it several times since. I even sent my husband a copy in the mail when he was my long-distance boyfriend and we did cute things like that from time to time. This 1929 tale recounts the existential crisis of a rich playboy (a real tragedy, I know) and his yearslong quest to make his life worth something.

The first time I read this book, I stayed up until all hours of the morning, so pressed was I to find out what became of our protagonist’s moral journey. It’s incredible to think this book is almost one hundred years old, yet it still intrigues. It still inspires. And it still reminds us during dark times that no matter how rotten you think you might be — no matter what mistakes color your character — it is never too late to turn yourself into the person you wish you were.

4. “Beautiful World, Where Are You” by Sally Rooney

I’ve read every book Sally Rooney’s written. And I have news: She’s worth the hype. “Normal People” was my first step into the Rooney universe, devoured during a stay-at-home Loner date with myself, a large bowl of pasta with fresh tomato sauce, and a bottle of rosé, and it made me a forever fan of the Irish writer’s works. But after reading each of her novels, my all-time favorite must be “Beautiful World, Where Are You.”

According to Rooney’s acknowledgements, the title of this book is a translation from Friedrich Schiller’s 1788 poem, The Gods of Greece (in the original German: Die Götter Griechenlandes), a fact that really tells me nothing about the book itself but nonetheless heightens my intrigue. In this novel, four youthful protagonists are dealing with The Sad Times. At frequent intervals, they will annoy you; they are not always characters you want to root for. But they translate a realness that many, rosier novels choose to overlook. And amidst all of this wallowing, their fictional tribulations make real-life existential dread seem just a little more surmountable —and the beautiful world, a little more identifiable.

5. “Yeats’s Poetry, Drama, and Prose” by William Butler Yeats

This is the book I take off my shelf when — when anything is happening, really. When I’ve been working too much and need to remind myself of art and beauty. When the world seems vapid and my spirit void, and I need a poet to lean on. When I’m somewhere in that dreamy state of nostalgic melancholy and I want to hear such lines as:

“…Considering that, all hatred driven hence,
Tthe soul recovers radical innocence
and learns at last that it is self-delighting,
self-appeasing, self-affrighting,
and that its own sweet will is heaven’s will;
she can, though every face should scowl
and every windy quarter howl
or every bellows burst, be happy still…”
— from “A Prayer for my Daughter” in “Yeats’s Poetry, Drama, and Prose” by William Butler Yeats

This is just one excerpt from one poem from one book, and yet it’s enough to lighten the load of the world that weighs upon us.

When the sky is falling, books are there

When doom-scrolling is killing your soul, frenemies are praying on your insecurities, family is suffocating you with expectations, or you’re having one of those days where the future looks bleak and empty of promise—turn to a book. It won’t ask you to double-tap or subscribe. It won’t inquire about your romantic life or any developments in producing grandchildren. It won’t even talk back. It will just be there when you need it. And even when you leave it, it will be waiting right where you left off when you’re ready to return.

Next Steps:

Pick one book that speaks to what you’re going through right now. Got the feels but don’t know what kind of feels? I recommend starting with “The School of Life: An Emotional Education.” It’s kind of an intellectual cure-all for all manner of yearning, woes, and wallowing.

Broaden your horizons with books on self-awareness. Often, existential dread and identity crises go hand in hand. Whether we’re zooming out and stressing about the whole world’s problems or we’re hyper-fixating on the details of our own lives, spiraling about one thing can quickly lead to spiraling about everything. Let books be your guiding light. Check out these “7 Best Books on Self-Awareness” to help you quell the stress.

Let it all out on paper. Existential dread is often a whirlwind of emotions, and anger can often make a grand appearance. Let out that rage in a healthy way with some introspective journaling; these 20 Journal Prompts for Anger are a helpful starting place.

Use the image below to save this post to Pinterest so this list is there when you need it.

Books for Existential Dread: Common FAQs

What are some good books to read when dealing with an existential crisis or identity issues?

Existential dread means a little something different for everybody. But if you’re really going through it and questioning whether or not you’re going down the right path in life, I love “Magnificent Obsession” by Lloyd C. Douglas. (In fact, it’s my all-time favorite book.) It’s an inspiring tale about making mistakes, starting over, and realizing it’s never too late to change your life.

What are the best books for dealing with an existential crisis?

In times of emotional crisis, poetry can soothe like no other. I particularly like Joy Sullivan’s “Instructions for Traveling West,” a collection of poems written during the pandemic that “grapples with loss, loneliness and belonging.” If you feel like you’re searching but don’t know what you’re searching for, start here.

Which novels explore existential anxiety and how?

I have two favorite novels for helping me work through existential dread. “Magnificent Obsession’ by Lloyd C. Douglas (my favorite book, by the way) starts with tragedy, shame, and regret and ends with a heartwarming reminder that it’s never too late to become the person you want to be. “Beautiful World, Where Are You” by Sally Rooney deals with the existential dread and anxiety that sometimes seep into the everyday mundanity of life. It uplifts by reminding you that you’re not the only one going through a hard time.

Is existential dread normal?

Yes, it’s a normal part of the human experience, and you’re not weird or overly analytical for feeling this way sometimes. As beautiful as life can be, it’s also full of stressors, dangers, and fears. Talking it out helps a lot. So does writing, journaling, dancing, painting, and lots of other creative activities that don’t include scrolling social media. Of course, I believe books for existential dread are a great way to help you decipher the chaos of life.

If you need more help, please ask for it. If you’re in the USA, 9-8-8 is the national number for suicide prevention and mental health crises.

Does existential dread go away?

It depends. If you’re caught up by a whirl of emotions, you might just need a few nights to ride it out. Call a friend. Write in your journal. Listen to some moody music. Explore books that help you digest your feelings (I love classic novels for a reminder that no matter what’s happening right now, life goes on. Remember, curiosity and intellectual exploration are all good things.). But if you find yourself consumed by feelings of dread and they’re not going away, don’t ruminate alone; ask for help. That might mean confiding in a trusted one or scheduling a visit with your doctor. If you need immediate help, remember in the USA, 9-8-8 is the national number for suicide prevention and mental health crises.

How to fix existential dread?

It’s hard to “fix” existential dread in one fell swoop, especially when it feels like every day brings new headlines about the sky falling, the world burning, and society as we know it falling apart. But there are ways to manage the stress, worry, and philosophical malaise that weigh on us.

I’ve always believed books are a balm for the soul. If you have a yearning for poetry, you can’t go wrong with “Yeats’s Poetry, Drama, and Prose.” For something more contemporary, I recommend “Instructions for Traveling West.” Novels for existential dread that I like to recommend include “Beautiful World, Where Are You” and “Magnificent Obsession.” And my recommendation for an all-around, help-my-soul kind of book is “The School of Life: An Emotional Education.”

Why do I have so much existential dread?

Feelings of existential dread can crop up when you’re going through big changes in your life, like starting a new job, moving, or ending a relationship. But it can also rear its head even in the more mundane moments, like if you’re unfulfilled at work or just realizing how quickly time passes. But existential dread doesn’t always have to mean a crisis. It can be an awakening for deep thinking, self reflection, and a reckoning with the world around you, all good things. And whether you need to let it all out or take it all in, journaling and reading can help you process The Big Thoughts.

The post Books for Existential Dread appeared first on A Merry Loner.

How to Celebrate a Loner’s Valentine Day

Merry — Mon, 10 Feb 2025 20:48:14 +0000

February isn’t just for lovers—it’s for loners, too.

Ah, Valentine’s Day. Yet another day manipulated by modern man to make us feel bad about ourselves or spend too much money on crap we don’t need. (Or both.)

And believe it or not, I’m a romantic!

I won’t be celebrating Valentine’s Day this year. Not because I’m single. Not because I’m lonely. But really, I just don’t care. My husband and I don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day, nor do we celebrate our anniversary. We just celebrate life together.

Don’t worry—this is not a self-righteous speech on my rejection of commercialism, over-consumption, or materialism. (That’s here. And here.) I get it. People like to have fun! And sometimes in our spiraling world of moral decay, greed, and unspeakable political debauchery, clinging to these rosy, Hallmark holidays is all we have.

If that’s what you’re into, then I warmly raise my glass to you, and I want to make sure you have a seat at the table.

Valentine’s Day shouldn’t be reserved for the kinds of people who post picture-perfect, candlelit dinners on Instagram—and then fight on the way home from the restaurant. Nor should it be reserved for couples who are actually, truly, honest-to-goodness in love. (Don’t they have enough as it is?)

If you’re starry-eyed, gooey-hearted, Taylor-Swift-encoded, and all-around gaga for the Big Grand Day of Love, then you should also partake—no matter what box you’re checking on your taxes just 60 days later.

By the way, let’s not be confused: Being a Loner doesn’t necessarily mean you’re single. After all, Loners aren’t anti-social. Loners don’t lack companionship. And (above all), Loners aren’t lonely. They just know how to find value in their own company.

So maybe you’re single this year.
Maybe you’re in a relationship, but your partner isn’t so hot on Valentine’s Day.
Maybe you want to have fun, but you’re not really into the whole Galentine’s Day thing—or you don’t have a good group of girlfriends at the moment to celebrate with.

No matter your situation, sometimes the best Valentine’s Day gift you can receive is from yourself: a night dedicated to nothing but your own interests.

If the latest rom-com doesn’t enthuse you, let’s look beyond the stereotypical ideas for spending Valentine’s Day alone. Instead, here are six rejuvenating (non-cringey) ways to celebrate a Loner’s Valentine’s Day:

More tips, ideas, and stories about how to make the most of your alone time?

Yes, please. Sign up for A Merry Loner’s newsletter to get the latest in your inbox.

Related Posts:

1. Write love letters to your friends

Is there anything more romantic these days than receiving a letter in the mail?

I can’t be the only one dreaming about living a more analog life, and taking your best friends’ text conversations from the digital to the tactile is a perfect solo Valentine’s Day activity to give yourself (and your relationships) a break from screen time.

Sure, you could also plan a Valentine’s Day video chat with a long-distance friend—but wouldn’t a surprise, handwritten, made-with-love-in-every-syllable letter brighten their day just a little bit more?

To elevate your evening of correspondence even more, first take your time to meander through your local stationary shop to hand-pick calligraphy pens, glitter markers, stickers (paint? ribbon? stencils?), and as much crafty goodness as your heart desires to create a letter that truly surprises and delights.

2. Indulge in a bubble bath and wine

Insert that ubiquitous Julia Roberts meme here. Need I say more?

Surely, you need no convincing that a bubble bath is the salve to all the world’s ailments? A broken heart. Cold toes. Bored Sunday afternoons. And a Loner’s Valentine’s Day is no exception.

Growing up, my mom would always reference this 1978 commercial where an overwhelmed, overstimulated (and probably under-appreciated) woman stresses aloud about traffic, work, and parenting (has nothing changed?) before calling upon the magical bath powder: “Caglon, take me away!”

Then, over a B-roll of said woman indulging in a fluff, pillowy cloud of bubbles wafting from a not-so-quiet-luxury marble bath, the retro announcer tells us:

“Lose your cares in the luxury of a Calgon bath.” And then: “Lose yourself in luxury.”

Honestly, that tagline still holds up today. And I gotta say, Valentine’s Day or not, spending hours soaking in bath oils and salts with a candle or two lighting the way and a glass(es) of wine at your fingertips is pretty much always a good idea.

3. Plan a zero-social-interaction day

With remote work that follows you home and notifications that never stop, unplugging is really the only way to remove the digital shackles and regain some sense of stillness.

Even for diehard social butterflies, putting your relationships on pause for a day and spending a little time with just yourself can do wonders for your mental health (and as a byproduct, your physical health, too).

For uninterrupted lounging with the security of knowing you can still check your messages, switch your phone to silent.
For something a little closer to the cone of silence, activate airline mode—and resist the temptation to check in.
For hard-core relaxing, completely power-down your phone. Instead, pick up a book. Veg out with a marathon of your comfort show. Make yourself an elaborate cocktail—or literally anything in this list of 100 self-care ideas that doesn’t involve obsessively checking your phone. (You can do it!)

4. Take yourself on a date

The quintessential single person’s Valentine’s Day activity.

The bold will put on their very best little black dress or suit, reserve a table for one at the most date-y restaurant in your neighborhood, and order the special for two—to be eaten by one.

But if dining on display in all your solitude amidst the date nights is a little out of your comfort zone, that’s okay. There are other places to take yourself on a solo Valentine’s Day date, like consuming a large popcorn and too much candy at the cinema or wearing an elegant dress and staring cryptically at sculptures in an art gallery.

Not convinced? Contributing writer Eleanor Jones lays out the reasons to start taking yourself on more solo dates (plus a few solo date ideas you can lean on year-round) in A Merry Loner’s Guide to Dating Yourself.

5. Go on a spontaneous solo weekend trip

If Valentine’s Day falls on pretty much any day but Tuesday or Wednesday, why not go all the way and make a weekend out of it?

I’m having visions of a cozy seaside or mountainous bed and breakfast—not in a hot-and-happening destination but in a little, middle-of-nowhere town with nothing to do but stroll, get coffee, and peruse the local library.

There will be omelettes for breakfast and thick cashmere sweaters and maybe even the light smattering of rain and an upholstered armchair, if you’re lucky. Most importantly, there will be no one to answer to but the waiter asking if you would like to order dessert.

Not ready for a solo weekend trip?

Baby steps. Instead, try signing up for A Merry Loner’s 7-Day Do Things Alone Challenge.

7 daily, bite-sized challenges to help you experiment trying new things alone
7 unique journal prompts to help you process and learn from what you did that day

6. Do something nice for someone else

Be honest. Is being single on Valentine’s Day making you feel a bit crappy?

There’s nothing wrong with that. You don’t need to get so hopped up on blind positivity that you deny yourself real emotions.

Maybe last year you had the Valentine’s Day of your dreams, and this year you’re still thinking about all the threads that came undone. Or maybe you’ve never had the Valentine’s Day you’ve always hoped for and you’re starting to wonder if it’ll ever happen.

Feeling blue sometimes is valid—and no amount of positive affirmations or manifestations can wipe your soul of its full-bodied spectrum of yearning. Nor should it.

Instead, I find sometimes the best way to feel better about yourself is to spend less time thinking about yourself.

Visit a nursing home.
Volunteer at an animal shelter.
Give some of your time to a soup kitchen.

It may be Valentine’s Day, but the world carries on. And there are a lot of people who aren’t getting red roses today, tomorrow, or the next day. But your time, your compassion, and your smile can give them—and you—much more.

Embrace Loner Living every month of the year

Valentine’s Day is an occasion when we spotlight our relationships. But in the words of contributing writer Nikita Andester:

“Your relationship with yourself is the longest you’ll ever have.”

Are you paying it enough attention?

Taking the time to learn more about yourself and your evolving relationship with you is more valuable than any box of imported chocolates.

Wanna work on it? Sign up for A Merry Loner’s 7-Day Do Things Alone Challenge to reflect on your relationship with you.

Recommended Reading:

The post How to Celebrate a Loner’s Valentine Day appeared first on A Merry Loner.

Embrace Being a Loner—Why February Is the Perfect Time

Merry — Thu, 06 Feb 2025 17:40:20 +0000

I used to find January and February the dullest months of the year. Now, they’re my most-savored weeks of respite. Especially February.

January is full of that new-year’s-resolution gusto when we’re inspired to be better, do more, or do less—but in a systematically thoughtful, mindful way where we meditate, exercise, and journal with new-year-new-me diligence.

Several weeks later, when March brings budding spring days and sunnier attitudes on the horizon, we’re back at it again. Spring cleaning. Purging the new bad habits that somehow already seemed to accumulate in the last eight to 10 weeks. And entering yet another period of rebirth—one where (this time) we promise to be more dedicated and steadfast in our pursuits.

Fast-forward to May, and “summer” is the word on everyone’s lips.

What kind of Insert-Pop-Culture-Reference-Here Summer will this one be? Where are you traveling? Whom are you partying with? Most importantly, what are you wearing? (Do you have any packing hacks?) And quick—how can you get a whatever-body-part-is-now-being-sensationalized summer body in just 10 days?

Then, before your last tan line has even faded, the onslaught of cozy-core consumption is upon us.

Snuggly sweaters to buy (no matter if they’re filled with plastic). Candles with names like cinnamon, spice, and everything Made in China. Halloween parties and Thanksgiving recipes and the all-encompassing, fever-inducing holiday rush.

It doesn’t matter what your religion is—consumerism is the faith that binds us all.

Gift guides and EOY round-ups and enough “best of” lists to make you forget you ever had your own opinion about what books and movies you like.

And then the cycle begins again in January. Resolutions and meditations. Goals and plans and predictions.

By February, we’re all one big, exhausted heap of worn-out social obligations and self-improvement. And what irks me the most is how quick people are to want to rush past it!

“Ugh, this month is so short, but it passes so slowly.” “I can’t wait for spring.” “When will the winter end?”

I don’t want it to end.

I’ve come to welcome the chilly embrace of February and all its gray days and overcast overtures. It’s now my favorite time of year because it’s the month without expectations. It’s the month to slow down, look inward, and focus on embracing Loner Living.

In other words, it’s the perfect month to be a loner.

If you haven’t already embraced being a loner, February is the ideal time to test the waters of solitude. Let me convince you:

Related Posts:

More inspiration, tips, and stories on Loner Living?

Yes, please. Sign up for A Merry Loner’s newsletter to get the latest in your inbox.

There’s no pressure to be outside lest you “waste” a beautiful day.

Sometimes, I want to waste a beautiful day.

The sun may be shining and the birds may be chirping, but I want to spend the morning taking a bath. I want to emerge a few hours later, moisturized and wrinkly, and retire to my velvet armchair for a few hours of lazy reading.

In the spring, there’s too much pressure to “take advantage” of the first sunny days.

In the summer, there are beaches and lakes and patios and barbecues calling your name, and you feel guilty if you turn down these opportunities to stay home in your cocoon.

And in the fall and winter, there are far too many seasonal activities to dominate your leisure time. Fun as these holiday festivities may be, when they’re too abundant, it’s hard to tell them apart from the obligations on your eternal to-do list.

But February is a loner’s haven. It’s your cold-weather, dark-day invitation to go ahead: Waste the day. Stay inside and relax. Do as much (or as little) as you want, and laze to your heart’s content.

Everyone’s partied out after the holidays—so the weekends are all yours.

I love a party as much as the next person. I like putting on nice shoes and lipstick and letting it all get smudged away by rambling conversations and too many glasses of wine.

I’m not the best host; I don’t really cook, nor do I have a kitchen table or more than one chair in my apartment. But my husband and I love hosting dinner parties. (He cooks; I wash.) I always enjoy a night with friends and acquaintances and assorted tag-alongs, where mayhem makes way for mellow conversations that melt into the early morning.

But by January, I’ve had enough.

I’m tired of eating. Tired of drinking. Tired of bustling from one event to the next with hardly enough time to digest the food, the merriment, and the chaos.

After this three-month sprint of fêting, I welcome the social wasteland of February. My weekends are my own again, and I may spend them as I please:

Sleeping late
Going for early-morning walks to the farmer’s market
Reading for hours in bed
Having a good, old-fashioned movie marathon and popcorn for dinner
Practicing yoga for more than the 30 minutes I try to squeeze in on weekdays

In February, no one is competing for my time. I get it all.

We’re past the new year’s resolutions and all the pressure to optimize your down time.

Even when your down time is your own, inevitably, other voices creep in. Often, they’re at their loudest in the first weeks of the new year.

In the initial quiet after the holiday season, your free time becomes an entity—one that must be optimized.

I’m going to cook more. Read more. Exercise more. Drink less. Scroll less. Clean out that closet.

Suddenly, everything becomes a “project,” and the activities that were intended for relaxation and rejuvenation start to feel like nagging responsibilities.

February shoos all that away.

It’s okay if you spend Friday night alone rewatching an old guilty pleasure. Nobody will care (or even know) if you broke your “no-takeout” rule because sushi was desired, sushi was ordered, and sushi was enjoyed.

Between January’s annual burst of resolve and March’s desire to be born again, February gives you space to just be.

A Merry Loner’s 7-Day Do Things Alone Challenge

Ready to embrace Loner Living? Baby steps.

The many ways to embrace being a loner

I’m partial to ambling through bookstores or reading in a café by myself. This February, you won’t catch me out of bed before 11:00 AM on Sundays, where I’ll be cocooned—my coffee and candles within reach—working my way through the nine books on my 2025 reading list.

I’ll also spend a fair amount of time pretzeling myself on my yoga mat or heading across the street to sign up for a pottery class, which is one of the five new things I want to try by myself this year.

Even though I fall victim to the doom-scroll from time to time (and then get unreasonably annoyed at myself for it), I’m going to try to keep my February loner time screen-free. It’s all a part of my dream to live a more analog life.

If holing up with a book isn’t your way of Loner Living (or if you want to try something new), I encourage you to check out contributing writer Eleanor Jones’s Guide to Dating Yourself, where she shares solo date ideas and tips for going on your first solo date.

After all, February isn’t just for lovers. It’s for loners, too.

Recommended Reading:

The post Embrace Being a Loner—Why February Is the Perfect Time appeared first on A Merry Loner.

Acceptance Archives - A Merry Loner

Poems About New Beginnings for When You Need to Start Again

Quotes About Feeling Alone to Remind Us We’re Each Steering Our Own Ship

The shortlist: 42 quotes about feeling alone to make you feel less lonely

Quotes about feeling alone in life

1. “All great and precious things are lonely.”

2. “We live as we dream: alone....”

3. “If one's different, one's bound to be lonely.”

4. “Loneliness is and always has been the central and inevitable experience of every man.”

6. “Loneliness is a sign you are in desperate need of yourself.”

7. “That is part of the beauty of all literature. You discover that your longings are universal longings, that you're not lonely and isolated from anyone. You belong.”

8. “She was beautiful, in the quiet way that lonely, unnoticed people are beautiful to those who notice them.”

Quotes about feeling alone and unwanted

1. “For fear you will be alone, you do so many things that aren’t you at all.”

2. “If you feel unwanted or unappreciated where you are or by those you're with, it only means you're in the wrong place or with the wrong people. Hang in there. Someone else will see you for the true gift you are.”

3. “I feel profoundly alone, cut off, unattractive…I feel unloveable. But I respect that unloveable soldier—struggling to survive, struggling to be honest, just, honourable. I respect myself.”

4. “I am a lover without a lover. I am lovely and lonely and I belong deeply to myself.”

Quotes about feeling alone and lost

1. “Remember: the time you feel lonely is the time you most need to be by yourself. Life's cruelest irony.”

3. “If you don't like the scene you're in, if you're unhappy, if you're lonely, if you don't feel that things are happening, change your scene. Paint a new backdrop.”

4. “But you can vanquish the demons only when you yourself are convinced of your own worth.”

Quotes about feeling alone in a relationship

1. "I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone. It’s not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people that make you feel all alone.”

2. “It is far better to be alone, than to be in bad company.”

3. “People think being alone makes you lonely, but I don’t think that’s true. Being surrounded by the wrong people is the loneliest thing in the world.”

4. “I don’t see how you can respect yourself if you must look in the hearts and minds of others for your happiness.”

5. “Don't attach yourself to anyone who shows you the least bit of attention because you're lonely. Loneliness is the human condition. No one is ever going to fill that space. The best thing you can do it know yourself... know what you want.”

Quotes about feeling alone in a crowd

1. “When you’re surrounded by all these people, it can be lonelier than when you’re by yourself. You can be in a huge crowd, but if you don't feel like you can trust anyone or talk to anybody, you feel like you’re really alone.”

2. “We are all alone in this world; even in a crowd.”

3. “People empty me. I have to get away to refill.”

4. “A crowd is not company.”

5. “Loneliness does not come from having no people around you, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to you.”

Quotes about feeling alone and depressed

1. “There are wounds that never show on the body that are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds.”

2. “The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven.”

3. “What people never understand is that depression isn’t about the outside; it’s about the inside.”

Short quotes about feeling alone

1. "If you smile when you are alone, then you really mean it.”

2. “If you are never alone, you cannot know yourself.”

3. “You cannot be lonely if you like the person you are alone with.”

4. “Solitude makes it possible for us to literally enjoy ourselves.”

5. “If you're lonely when you're alone, you're in bad company.”

6. “The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself.”

Inspirational quotes about feeling alone

1. “In the middle of winter, I at last discovered that there was in me an invincible summer.”

2. “When I get lonely these days, I think: So BE lonely, Liz. Learn your way around loneliness. Make a map of it. Sit with it, for once in your life. Welcome to the human experience. But never again use another person's body or emotions as a scratching post for your own unfulfilled yearnings.”

3. “A season of loneliness and isolation is when the caterpillar gets its wings. Remember that next time you feel alone.”

4. “Someday you’re gonna be all alone, so you need to figure out how to take care of yourself.”

5. “Even in the loneliest moments I have been there for myself.”

7. “It’s easy to stand in the crowd but it takes courage to stand alone.”

Conclusion: Quotes of feeling alone remind us we are the only constant in our own lives

Next Steps:

Quotes About Feeling Alone: Common FAQs

What are some quotes to read when you’re feeling alone?

What are the best quotes about loneliness?

Is there a quote about love and feeling lonely?

What are some quotes on finding happiness in loneliness?

Merry

Discover how the merry loner lifestyle makes life more enjoyable:

How to Spend Xmas Alone Without Feeling Lonely or Left Out

Table of Contents

The shortlist: 11 things to do on Christmas alone

What is the Loner Mindset all about?

How to spend Christmas alone: a plan for spending the holidays alone and enjoying it

1. Don’t treat it like a regular day

2. Get dressed up

3. Stay off social media

4. Leave the house at least once

5. Treat yourself to a special meal

Does the idea of eating alone in a restaurant freak you out?

6. Bake something festive

7. Watch a Christmas movie (but don't spend the whole day in front of the screen)

8. Volunteer your time

9. Write Christmas or New Year’s letters to mail to loved ones

10. Attend a local holiday event

11. Consider going to church

How to spend the holidays alone (beyond just Christmas day)

1. Start traditions for yourself

2. Stay off social media