Getting a new perspective is the most difficult thing a guy or gal can do. We’re all trapped in our own heads all day with unique inner dialogues and baselines for “normal” that come from an evolving amalgamation of our childhood circumstances and current surroundings.
That’s why I love getting a peek into someone else’s life to remind myself that the world is largely made up of people who differ from me in the kinds of families that surround them, the challenges (and advantages) they encounter, and the dreams they chase. I especially appreciate the nudge to remember that life isn’t linear and there are a lot of different ways to build yours.
Here are five memoirs I’ve read over the years that made me think differently:
This Rescue Thing by Penny Allen
It’s not often one gets to buy a book directly from the author’s hands at a private dinner, but that’s where I ended up last winter.
Allen and I both belong to the Phi Beta Kappa Paris chapter, which is how I scored an invitation to a reading of her memoir at Café de la Mairie in the 6th arrondissement. It was an hour-long reading performed by the highly impressive Mona la liseuse who read aloud a series of extracts, creating an essentially abridged version of the memoir.
It’s set in late 20th-century Paris, where Allen is working a stressful desk job. Interspersed among the present day are flashbacks to her life on the West Coast when she mingled with a troop of bohemians, including the scene-stealing, provocative Sansan, her version of that friend we all have who is so mesmerizing they become the object of the entire friend group’s infatuation, despite (or perhaps because of) their unusual mannerisms. After years of barely any contact, Allen receives a fax (yes, a fax) from Thailand with a cryptic message and a plea for help from Sansan, kicking off her journey to Asia to help her friend escape from what she describes as a mental asylum slash prison.
Allen’s true story takes us back to life before ubiquitous Internet and smartphones and prods you to ponder a timeless question: What are you capable of when life demands it?
Dinner for Vampires by Bethany Joy Lenz
I’ve never watched One Tree Hill, the cult 2000s TV show that made Bethany Joy Lenz famous, but that didn’t make her memoir any less binge-worthy.
The big pop culture intrigue that made Lenz’s 2024 book a staple on Internet must-read lists is the juicy reveal that she was in a cult — a real, honest-to-goodness, let’s-all-live-in-the-same-house religious cult called “The Big House Family.” A shudder-inducing name.
But this memoir goes further than satisfying fans’ taste for Hollywood gossip. Actually, celebrity fodder is in rather short supply here. Instead, what you get is a walk in the shoes of a smart, kind, creative person who, step by imperceptible step, unknowingly falls into the clutches of a manipulative tribe, losing millions of dollars and years of her life along the way.
And then she walked back out. Though accidentally joining a cult may seem far removed from most of our realities (hopefully), Lenz’s story proves that disentangling yourself from someone else’s influence, reclaiming your independence, and rebuilding your life, no matter how lost to others it may feel, is always still possible.
My Story by Ingrid Bergman
In college, I went through a big Old Hollywood phase, mainly reading a lot of biographies about Marilyn Monroe and watching Audrey Hepburn and Grace Kelly movies. After seeing Casablanca, I jumped to read Ingrid Bergman’s memoir. Little did I know of the drama that awaited me.
This is the short version: After years reigning as America’s sweetheart star of cinema, Bergman began an affair with her Italian director while filming Stromboli — despite her marriage to a Swedish neurosurgeon. Instantly, she became America’s public enemy number one, with Senator Edwin C. Johnson even lambasting her on the Senate floor as “a powerful influence for evil” and an “apostle of degradation.” Her male contemporaries, of course, who were open womanizers and cheaters received no such titles.
Decades after the scandal faded (and Bergman came back to win her second Academy Award for Best Actress in Anastasia), she published her autobiography with the final word on her story. Even those of us living outside the spotlight can appreciate Bergman’s resilience. We may face criticism and mean-spirited judgment from colleagues, frenemies, or unappreciative family members, but those comments needn’t be the final say on who we are.
Dolly by Dolly Parton
Is there a more lovable public figure than Dolly Parton? At a time when everyone seems to hate each other, Dolly is one icon the country can truly rally around. (Case in point: A recent poll dubbed her the most beloved public figure in America.)
And she’s been beloved by audiences for decades. As her 1994 memoir recounts, Parton grew up near the Great Smoky Mountains in Tennessee before blossoming into the multi-hyphenate (singer, songwriter, actress, philanthropist, and businesswoman) who’s still moving at full force today. I don’t think it’s her long-running success that’s made her a crowd favorite, though, but her incredible philanthropy and kindness, e.g., helping fund COVID-19 vaccine research and delivering free books to children via her Imagination Library.
Her commitment to living unabashedly as herself is also noteworthy. Her signature flamboyant style has been the subject of media discussion for years, but that’s what she likes. Her husband has famously avoided the spotlight despite her supernova celebrity, but that’s never stopped her from performing. Six decades after the release of her debut album, Parton is still chugging along in the same spangled ensembles, proving that being yourself and flexing your creative muscles has no age limit.
Paris Nights by Cliff Simon
I read this book in 2016, just a few months before I took off to Rennes, France for a semester abroad. At 20 years old, it was my first international flight and first time living on my own, so actor Cliff Simon’s memoir about his own one-year sejour in Paris was the perfect reading material for my journey across the pond.
Inside, we see how one serendipitous phone call took the South African actor from Johannesburg to Paris, where he played out a year-long gig dancing at the Moulin Rouge. And Simon delivers on the antics you’d want to hear about life in pre-Internet Paris: jumping between night clubs, dodging street fights, and even accidentally cavorting with diamond smugglers.
What I like most about Simon’s memoir is learning that his year at the Moulin Rouge was just one drop in the bucket. Originally training as a swimmer and gymnast, then becoming a soldier, then shifting through various odd jobs before settling into a career of dancing and acting, Simon’s life was unpredictable and ever-changing. When things don’t seem to be going right or they just feel too stagnant, this book reminds that there lie lots of unexpected twists around the corner. You just have to be prepared to say yes to them.
What moral would your memoir teach?
Every now and then, I like to zoom out and view my life from a birds’-eye view. Decades from now, what tales will I be able to tell?
It’s an interesting practice to stoke one’s ambition but also one’s patience, offering some perspective that whatever you’re living right now — for better or for worse — will, at some point, no longer be.
What story do you want to leave behind you?
Read how to put yourself out there for three ways to help you build that extraordinary life. Then, learn how to get better at doing things alone so you can build the inner peace and confidence to get there without waiting on someone else to join you.
And for your reading list: four books on traveling alone to feed your wanderlust.
