5 steps to harness your fear of going to weddings alone (and look hot while doing it)

“Okay, so the plan is to just summon a boyfriend out of thin air before I get another wedding invitation…”

Famous last words, uttered by none other than yours truly. As a member of a large family, I have been attending weddings practically every year since I was in utero. (Seriously.) But it wasn’t until after college that a slight feeling of dread began to settle in my gut every time those beautiful, embossed wedding invitations arrived in the mail. Of course, it wasn’t the prospect of marital bliss that sickened me—nor the alarmingly generous use of postage stamps required for such heavy envelopes… 

The source of anxiety? I’m pretty frickin’ single. And the invitations were for me and me alone.

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Don’t let yourself miss out on a fun experience because of the fear of flying solo 

Weddings, after all, are testaments to irreplaceable relationships: a lifelong commitment between the couple; the arms-wide-open welcoming of new family members; the reunion of long separated friends, etc. So it can feel quite awkward come cocktail hour when I don’t know a soul beyond the bride and groom. It doesn’t help if the groom’s relatives are lightly shoving me out of the way for their massive cousin group photo. (Why, yes, I’d love to be your unofficial photographer, Brittany.)

I’ve had friends tell me point-blank that they’d be too nervous to attend a wedding alone. But I decided a long time ago that I never want to hold myself back from experiencing something wonderful just because of fear. 

Instead, I’ve thrown myself headfirst into figuring out how to have the loveliest time when going to all these damn weddings gloriously solo. Here’s how you can, too.

1. Start the experience with gratitude

This is important to note: Weddings can get extremely expensive (believe me, I know—at one point, two of my roommates were planning their weddings at the same time and it almost cost me my sanity). 

If you’ve made the cut as a guest, feel the love! I have many friendships I cherish deeply—new and old—and being invited to witness those friends tie the knot is no small thing. There’s always a bit of warmth in my chest knowing that someone important to me has found their person.

Luxuriate in the love you have for your friends, and know that that love is clearly reciprocated.

2. Take those extra steps to boost your confidence

I adore any excuse to dress up, so perhaps I find too much joy in pulling together a dress, jewelry, shoes, and makeup that fit the occasion. 

If you’re a little vain like me, I say, lean into it! If not, think of it as self-care. Maybe this is a great excuse to get your nails done, book a visit to your barber or hairstylist, or simply slip into your favorite, dress-code-appropriate piece of clothing. As an extra step, I like to make a custom, little pump-up playlist (thank you, Chappell), so I can go into the wedding with my head held high. 

Confidence can look different for everyone, so identify what works for you. Just please, for the love of God, don’t commit any wedding-attire faux pas, otherwise you may have to suffer not only the general indignity but also dagger-eyes from the mother of the bride.

3. Remind yourself you’re not actually alone

While it may feel like everyone is watching you drop crumbs all over the table while devouring your allotted slice of wedding cake all alone at the reception, in actuality, the world does not revolve around you. (Listen, I’m still trying to grasp this fact, too.) 

Odds are, you aren’t the only person at the wedding by yourself… But you can guarantee that you have 100% more fun than anyone else, date or no date. One trick is to look up a trusty Reddit thread or an article about how other people approach attending weddings solo. This can serve as a grounding reminder that the fears—and the joy—evoked by going to weddings alone are universally experienced. And just like those other folks across the Internet, you’re going to be alright. 

4. Be present

In my humble opinion, there are few occasions more aesthetically pleasing than a wedding. Think about it: The bride and groom have spent countless hours considering the venue, the attire, the flowers, the table settings, and every other detail. When I’m at a wedding alone, I like to soak up the atmosphere of romance with no distractions. 

For me, it might be watching the sunset go down over the ocean during cocktail hour, glass of rosé in hand. Or closing my eyes in bliss while savoring a bite of exquisitely roasted chicken. Just looking around and seeing the tears stream down the faces of a bunch of surprisingly emotionally-vulnerable fraternity brothers during the toasts can be a truly heartwarming experience. 

Being present also means that rather than taking my phone out each time I feel a bit awkward, I make a point to chat with the other people at my table during dinner. I’ve made some pretty fun connections doing this (or just heard things so unhinged that it’s prime fodder for a gossip session with the bride at a later date…).

5. Know your limits

At some point, no matter how fun it is, going solo can begin to weigh on one’s well-dressed shoulders. I’ll be the first to say that there’s no need to stay for the entire reception. 

Figure out the key moments you’d like to stay for, make sure to hug the bride and groom, and if there’s an opportunity to get on the dance floor, totally do it! But don’t feel like you need to stay until the very end (unless that’s your vibe). 

I usually want to stay long enough for the cake-cutting or bouquet toss, whatever comes last. Then I take a sip of water, gather my things, and disappear mysteriously into the night, intent on cozily winding down at home. 

Choosing love over fear

Whatever your thoughts on the suspiciously archaic societal expectations (or the tempting tax benefits) of getting married, it’s kind of a big deal. This precious milestone for your friends is one worth witnessing. 

If you’re single and getting cold feet (to borrow the colloquialism) about attending a wedding solo, I encourage you to not let fear win. Instead, put on your Sunday best, crank that pump-up playlist in the car, and walk into the next wedding like the single ray of glorious sunshine you are.

Recommended Reading:

• Ultimate Guide to Self-Care: 100 Self-Care Ideas
• Did This French Writer Just Reveal the Secret to Happiness?
• How Heather’s Lonely Year at Uni Became the Springboard to Her Greatest Adventures
• Alone at Night in Paris—Where to Take Yourself on a Solo Date
• How to Stop Wanting Things

Abigail Clarkin is a writer from Providence, Rhode Island. She currently works as a
social media manager in support of small businesses in Providence. When she isn’t
chronically online, find her running, reading, or giving her unbridled opinion on whatever
cocktail is in front of her. Check out her work at abigailjclarkin.com.