I’m not waiting for someone else to join me

Are you ever daunted by the number of things you want to do? Besides the banalities of daily responsibilities (e.g., schedule doctor’s appointment; clean bathtub; hang up picture frames), my notebooks, Notes app, and many, many emails to myself are replete with reminders of even more things I want to do in the future.

Emphasis on the word “want.” These are not work responsibilities or household chores or personal admin tasks that seem to grow back in triplets for every one I accomplish. No, these are the things I actually want to do—goals, dreams, challenges, quests, whatever you want to call them.

Too often, these ventures get pushed to the side, neglected because we feel we don’t have enough time to dedicate to them. Even more often, I find we neglect these ventures because we think we don’t have the right person to do them with—the right set of friends, the perfect partner, whatever.

But if there’s something you want to do (or even just try out for the first time to see what you think), you really don’t need to waste time seeking out whom you might think is the requisite companion. You can just go ahead and do it, all on your lonesome. Because that lonesome can end up becoming your lifeline of wholesome in society’s chaotic maelstrom.

This year, I’m not waiting. I’m prioritizing the new things I want to do and I’m going out there and doing them—by myself. This is what’s in the calendar:

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1. Join a book club

I know, like I need more books to add to my unachievable-y long list of books to read. But I think going to a book club regularly feels retro and charming—just the kind of old-school, off-line activity that I’ve been looking for lately to make my life more analog.

I found two groups in Paris that I want to check out: a French feminist book club and a 20s-and-30s English book club. I like mixing up my reading between English and French, so I think I’m going to try both—will report back if there are any good reads.

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2. Learn how to make pottery

There’s a pottery studio directly across the street from my apartment, and I believe it’s God’s intent to lead me there.

My kitchen cupboard’s full of mismatched, flea market finds, and I’d love to add some of my own creations to the mix, however wonky such first creations may be.

Plus, I love that this is a tactile, get-your-hands-dirty hobby. Considering my work and the majority of my hobbies involve me staring at screens (or at least at the written word), a little manual manipulation should do me a world of good.

3. Start volunteering once a month

Yeah, once a month isn’t a very lofty goal, but I’m trying to be realistic. Especially since (I’m sorry to say) it’s been years since volunteering was a part of my regular routine, it’ll be a bit of an adjustment to add it back into my schedule.

I’ve been checking out some options of what I can do in Paris, and I’m thinking of joining this community where you go and spend time with the elderly, particularly isolated members of the community who may not have anyone. Or, as the DeepL translation of the organization’s website says: “combat the isolation and loneliness of the elderly, especially the most disadvantaged, and enable them to regain a taste for life.”

My mom worked at a nursing home when I was growing up, and I would often go there to spend time with the residents in the recreation room, just chatting or playing games with them. It’s small, but it really can make a big difference for a lot of people.

Plus, joining an organization like this is definitely further outside of my comfort zone than going to a book club or a pottery class—and that’s kind of the point of this whole do things alone exercise, right?

4. Go to a concert

Last year, like millions of other Swiftian enthusiasts, I lived out my dream of going to The Eras Tour.

I spent an embarrassing amount of money on a ticket, crashed at a friend’s house in Warsaw, and grooved the night away. Separately, I was a bit dismayed by the lack of singing and dancing at the concert. At least considering the people next to me, I was one of the few not silently and dispassionately watching the show through the screen of my phone. But that’s another story.

I had a blast going to the Taylor Swift concert by myself, and I’m ready to party solo at another concert this year. This time, I’ll be heading to Barry Manilow’s The Last Concert in Providence. (Yes, I love these retro jams. And no, I have no shame.)

5. Complete a yoga teacher training course

This has been on my daydreaming list for some time, and I really want to make it happen sooner rather than later.

I’ve been practicing yoga since I was in high school (Spoiler: I just turned 28), but in the last 18-ish months, I’ve become really dedicated to practicing almost daily. It feels bloody great. But I want to learn more. I want to learn the deeper technicalities of proper form and mindset. Plus, going away for 2+ weeks to do nothing but practice and study yoga sounds like an absolute dream.

I’ve got my eye on a few retreats I’m considering, but haven’t done much research yet. Any insight or recommendations would be greatly appreciated.

Don’t put it off. Do what you want now—even if it means doing it alone.

If you don’t really love trying new things on your own, you’re not an outlier. Actually, Americans in their 20s miss out on a collective 26 experiences a year because they’re afraid of doing things alone. For 30-somethings, that number is more like 34 missed experiences per year. 

I find that terribly sad. There’s a lot I want to do in my life, and if I can’t find someone to go to a concert or a pottery studio with, then I’m going to go by myself.

You only live once. Don’t spend your time waiting for other people to show up for you when you’ve been there for yourself all along.

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