Do you like being with yourself?
Spending time alone doesn’t usually sound idyllic. Single women are often cast as unfortunate spinsters. Reserving a table for one is a famously embarrassing cliché. From single prom nights to flying solo at weddings to loner Valentine’s Day celebrations, having the guts to go it alone instead of relying on the comfortable, however mediocre, presence of a date is often frowned upon (or at least considered lame).
What gives? Why is doing things alone so widely considered scary, nerve-wracking, and judgment-inducing?
Societal expectations are a big factor. Young people without a lot of friends are “weird,” and as one approaches the big 30, the pressure is on to find your soulmate. Biology is another factor. Humans are social creatures, and no matter how independent one is, it’s perfectly natural and normal to want to be included, invited, and liked.
But I contend that a big part of the fear, anxiety, and judgment that come with being alone stem from the fact that too many of us don’t really know ourselves all that well.
We might know what kind of friend we are (or want to be). The funny one. The bold one. The empathetic one. What kind of co-worker we are. The creative one. The one who gives kick-ass presentations. The lord or lady of spreadsheets. And though it’s often an internal battle, we have ideas (usually, too many) about who we are (and are trying to be) as lovers, partners, daughters, brothers, fathers, aunts.
But who are you when you aren’t any of these things? Who are you when you are just you, alone with yourself, separate from any titles, tasks, or relationships?
Do you like being with yourself?
Sometimes, that answer is an easy yes. “Yes, I’m funny, smart, and I know I’m pretty cute.” But depending on what the mirror, the meanies, and our internal haters have reported that day, coming up with a comfortable, sunny answer to that question isn’t always a given—especially for the young’uns.
Per a 2021 report from YouGov on how Americans perceive themselves, almost one-quarter (24%) of Americans under 35 “say they don’t like themselves most or all of the time.” (On average, 14% of US adults (aged 18+) had the same sentiment.)
As sad as that statistic is, I don’t believe it’s static. Like that weird friend you didn’t click with at first but now love, sometimes it takes time to love yourself. Learning to enjoy your own company can help you get there.
The shortlist: Enjoy my own company? The why & how
5 reasons why it’s important to learn to enjoy your own company
4 tips on how to enjoy your own company
5 “enjoy your own company” quotes to remind you why it’s worth it
Why is learning to enjoy your own company important?
There’s not a lot of time or care dedicated to learning how to spend time with yourself in a healthy way. In fact, when we talk about me time, these days, it usually coincides with the term “bed rotting,” which I think we can all agree doesn’t sound great for the brain or the body.
But alone time can be so much more than lazy hours spent doom-scrolling or binge-watching. When we take just the tiniest bit of effort to explore healthier, more positive ways to spend time with ourselves, we can become happier, more confident, and more creative.
These are five ways learning how to enjoy your own company can change your life for the better:
1. Create a foundation for happiness (no matter where you are or who you’re with)
I’ve said it many times before, and I’ll say it again: Once you can be happy by yourself, you can do anything.
Apparently, my homespun wisdom has good company. As former law professor and ethics lecturer Michael Josephson echoes: “If you want to be happy, learn to be alone without being lonely. Learn that being alone does not mean being unhappy.”
Friends and family are great (even friendly strangers), but when we lean on the presence of others to feel at ease, we’re building our mental health on some pretty shaky ground.
Of course, happiness can come from love, friendship, and camaraderie, but I believe the best relationships are built on a foundation of self-respect and internal peace. When you can comfortably enjoy your own company, the relationships you seek out will be those that uplift and nourish you—not unworthy (or potentially damaging) placeholders you rush to just to avoid being alone with yourself.
2. Give your mental health a boost
Remember that YouGov says 14% of US adults “don’t like themselves most or all of the time”? Learning how to enjoy your own company may be a shortcut (or at least one path) to building self-esteem, confidence, and self-respect.
Consider this academic review from Family Perspectives on the impact of spending time alone on young adults’ mental health, where a Brigham Young University Scholar concludes that “purposefully spending time alone with the intention of self-care can lead to mental health benefits for emerging adults.”
What’s important to note is that you can’t get those purported mental health benefits if you spend time alone with the intention of avoiding others—actually, that usually backfires and ends up leading to increased anxiety and/or depression.
Instead, the idea is to “purposefully spend time alone” with a focus on self-care and self-reflection. And spoiler: “purposefully” spending time alone means no social media.
At a loss for what to do instead of social media?
Whether you want to replace scrolling during your commute, before bed, or anywhere else it’s sucking the life out of your day, I’ve got 34 easy ideas for replacements for you here: What To Do Instead of Social Media.
3. Build self-confidence and independence
Think about some of the scarier or more challenging things you’ve done in your life. Maybe it was starting over and moving to a new city or traveling alone for the first time.
At first, taking on these feats by yourself is daunting. You’d most certainly rather have a friend by your side. But once you get over your initial apprehensions and just start doing the damn thing, you realize it wasn’t so scary after all—and you’re capable of a lot more than you’d realized.
That is the power you can find in your own company.
As Paul Newman, American actor, philanthropist, and, among many other things, the guy likely on your salad dressing bottle, has said: “You only grow when you are alone.”
The more comfortable you get in your own company, the more comfortable and confident you’ll feel trying new things—no social security blanket needed.
4. Learn who are you (without anybody else's influence getting in the way)
Every day, every hour, it feels like we are fighting a battle to guard our attention. And often, we are losing.
Ads. Notifications. Blaring background music. Small talk. These are all distractions that not only disrupt our natural thinking and reflections but influence it—and other people are no exception.
Yes, of course, conversing with others (especially those from whom we differ) is important to expand our horizons, appreciate new perspectives, and generally discover what is, for us, the unknown. But for a more critical reflection on novel ideas, it helps to first have a firm grasp on the known, i.e., to understand who you are and what you think without anyone else’s opinion influencing you.
For example, that new song making the rounds on Spotify? Do you really find it annoying? Or did a friend say that and now you can’t stop yourself from thoughtlessly agreeing?
As Paulo Coelho, Brazilian novelist and lyricist said, “If you are never alone, you cannot know yourself.”
In this way, learning how to enjoy your own company is also a daring act in learning to think for yourself.
5. Give yourself space to think deeply and create
For me, this is the most important reason to learn to enjoy your own company: creativity. Because if you’re constantly talking to someone else, where is the room to think and create?
Again, I’ll acknowledge: It’s abundantly clear that collaboration plays an important role in creativity, creating opportunities for revelations and inspiration to emerge. But to think, to muse, to write, to read, to paint—to draw from our inner world and create something heretofore unseen, that requires a bit of silence, a bit of space, and a bit of solitude.
None other than Pablo Picasso, the Spanish painter who needs no introduction, supported this point: “Without great solitude, no serious work is possible.”
Not at ease doing things alone?
Sign up for the comfortable, nonjudgmental email challenge that helps you own the power of being alone.
4 ways to learn how to enjoy your own company
Sometimes, alone time comes naturally. Like children, we need nothing but our imaginations to entertain ourselves and we haven’t yet learned to feel embarrassed for being who we are.
Other times, spending time alone feels more like a punishment than a delicious reprieve. It’s an unsought time-out, where, deprived of our toys, we are at a loss for how to feel at ease.
But with practice, your own company can be a comfort—never a punishment or a second choice. For help rediscovering the joy of your own company, try these five ways to enjoy your own company:
1. Practice spending time with yourself
Practice makes perfect—and that goes for “me time,” too.
If spending the afternoon alone feels like a punishment, a bore, or an insurmountable challenge, then you just need to work on it, one step at a time.
I’ve designed a free 7-Day Do Things Alone Challenge that helps you learn how to do things alone—and actually enjoy it. It’s kind of like a weekly, get-to-know-yourself course.
Every day for seven days, I’ll email you a bite-sized challenge to try doing something new by yourself. Each activity was carefully chosen because it’s free or low budget and accessible no matter where you live. You’ll also get a daily (optional) journal prompt to help you reflect on your alone time and what you learned.
It’s a comfortable, nonjudgmental kick in the butt to get out there and get to know yourself.
2. Spend time alone without distractions
I hate to break it to you, but sitting alone and doomscrolling and/or zoning out in front of the TV is not “enjoying your own company.”
Remember what the academic review from Family Perspectives said? “Effective solitude excludes any other individuals and the use of social media.”
The screen (even worse, the screen projecting romanticized versions of strangers’ lives) is a crutch for boredom that just takes your attention away from your own thoughts and imagination.
So put it away. Instead, challenge yourself to find ways to actively spend time with yourself, no distractions allowed. For example, you can:
- Go to a museum. (When’s the last time you went to a museum, not on vacation?)
- Take a walk and just think. No music, no podcasts, no phone calls.
- Sit in the park, a coffee shop, or any random spot that pleases you. Bring a journal and challenge yourself to write or sketch whatever comes to mind.
3. Push yourself to try something new alone
Without the security blanket of a friend at your side, you can get a new appreciation for what you’re capable of and what makes you tick. You’ll also realize you can have a fun, action-packed weekend, even if none of your friends are free.
There are literally limitless new things to see, try, and experience. When I’m stuck on what to do, I use the corny (but useful) advice: be a tourist in your own city.
Some of my mainstays that don’t cost a thing are:
- Doing a little bookshop-hopping (and adding to my ever-growing reading list)
- Visiting flea markets to hunt for goodies like candlesticks and teacups
- Going for a walk and intentionally getting lost (a pretty natural occurrence for me)
But if you’ve got a little extra cash to spend and want to treat yourself, you could:
- Sign up for a class in art, cooking, music—whatever interests you
- Go on a tour in your city: walking, food, wine, history, etc.
- Book a solo ticket for a show: a concert, a play, comedic show, etc.
4. Book a weekly date with yourself
We all naturally grow over time, so it makes sense that your relationship with yourself should evolve, too.
Signing up for special activities on the weekend or doing a crash course in spending time with yourself via the 7-Day Do Things Alone Challenge are both great ways to challenge and learn more about yourself. But to really get comfortable in your own company, you need to keep exercising that muscle over time.
One easy way to make “me time” a regular habit is scheduling a weekly date with yourself.
It doesn’t have to be a big deal. It doesn’t have to be a big deal. It could be as simple as giving yourself one hour before work one day per week to enjoy coffee and a book in a cutesy cafe.
And it doesn’t have to be expensive. If treating yourself to a solo dinner date once a week is too much, just make it one glass of wine at a new bar. Or put a leisurely stroll in the park in your weekly calendar. No headphones. No phone calls. Just you, the greenery, and whatever weather blows your way.
Need more ideas on how to go on a date with yourself?
You got it. Read A Guide to Dating Yourself in 2025.
“Enjoy your own company” quotes
Feeling lonely? Turn to these quotes for a reminder that there is no safer, comfier, or more serene place than your own company.
“In order to understand the world, one has to turn away from it on occasion.”
Speaker: Albert Camus, French philosopher and writer (1913–1960)
“What a lovely surprise to finally discover how unlonely being alone can be.”
Speaker: Ellen Burstyn, American actress (1932–)
“You are who you are when nobody’s watching.”
Speaker: Stephen Fry, English actor, comedian, and broadcaster (1957–)
“Associate yourself with people of good quality, for it is better to be alone than in bad company.”
Speaker: Booker T. Washington, American educator and author (1890–1915)
“Learn to enjoy your own company. You are the one person you can count on living with for the rest of your life.”
Speaker: Ann Richards, American politician (1933–2006)
Conclusion: The power of learning to enjoy your own company
Despite what stereotypes may have led us to believe, spending time alone isn’t lame, awkward, or embarrassing. Actually, once you feel comfortable in your own company, it’s really a happy place where you’re free to explore, create, and adventure—untethered from other people’s judgment, influence, or opinions.
If you’re not there yet, that’s okay. You can take it slow. Try just one solo activity first, and pay attention to how it feels to fully focus on yourself, with no distractions.
The best part about learning to enjoy your own company? Surgeon and author Maxwell Maltz may have said it best: “If you make friends with yourself, you’ll never be alone.”
Next steps:
Sign up for A Merry Loner’s 7-Day Do Things Alone Challenge. You’ll get a comfortable, week-long email series with daily, bite-sized challenges and journal prompts to help you learn how to do things alone—and actually enjoy it.
Pick one activity from this blog post and put it in your calendar now. Maybe that means making a reservation for a solo dinner date tomorrow night or signing up for a cooking class this weekend. Don’t procrastinate! Start taking steps to prioritize (and enjoy) your own company now. Need more ideas? Check out A Guide to Dating Yourself in 2025 for more solo date ideas.
Give yourself a boost of courage. If spending time alone in your own company still seems weird to you, read How to Get Better at Doing Things Alone.
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How to Enjoy Your Own Company: Common FAQs
What does “enjoy your own company” mean?
Enjoying your own company means feeling at ease when you’re by yourself—without needing a distraction, whether that’s other people or your phone. More than that, you can not only tolerate being alone; you actively enjoy it and don’t feel awkward or uncomfortable doing things by yourself.
Should you enjoy your own company?
I won’t tell you what you “should” do, but yes—it’s generally advisable to be able to enjoy your own company. Doing so means you’re not dependent on others’ invitation, recognition, or approval to feel good, nor do you need external stimulation to occupy your mind.
Plus, learning how to enjoy your own company is helpful in building self-awareness, independence, and self-confidence, all qualities that ultimately benefit both you and your relationships.
How to enjoy your own company at home?
It helps to make your home a place you want to be. And that doesn’t have to be expensive. Buy cheap-o fresh flowers from the sales rack. Ditch the wilted ones, and you’ve got a little ray of sunshine in your apartment. Light a candle. Google a new recipe and make pasta sauce from scratch.
I share literally 100 self-care ideas to make your home more beautiful in my Ultimate Guide to Self-Care.
How to enjoy your own company more?
Start small. Maybe today you enjoy a coffee in a new café—and drink it without scrolling on your phone for a distraction. You can also sign up for my FREE 7-Day Do Things Alone Challenge for a week of daily, bite-sized challenges that teach you how to do things alone and actually enjoy it.
How to enjoy your own company without friends?
It’s okay to go through quiet phases in your life. Nothing lasts forever, and the future always holds brighter days ahead. But if you’re feeling lonely now, you’re in the right place. A Merry Loner is dedicated to helping you learn to enjoy your own company, even when it’s hard. If you’re new, start here: How to Get Better at Doing Things Alone.
Discover how the merry loner lifestyle makes life more enjoyable:
LONER MINDSET: fresh perspectives on learning to genuinely enjoy your own company
BOOKS: reading lists for people who love being alone with a good story
ANALOG LIVING: inspiration to step back from the screen and live a life offline
SOLO TRAVEL: guides on where to go and how to enjoy it alone
MINDFUL CONSUMPTION: vetted recommendations for a simpler, less wasteful life
LONER Q&As: interviews from global voices on how to live a meaningful, enjoyable life
Merry
Merry is the blogger behind A Merry Loner, a full-time freelance writer, and a lifelong bookworm. Since kindergarten, it was her dream to become a novelist. (She likes to think she's halfway there.) Born and raised in Rhode Island, where she earned a triple-major BA in writing, communication, and French from the University of Rhode Island, she moved to Toulouse, France after the pandemic to complete a master's in creative writing at Univeristé Toulouse Jean — Jaurès. She now lives in Paris with husband.
