Do whatever you want and love whatever you do.

There is something jarring and unsettling about being alone… I love it. Where I find comfort and solitude, others crave connection and relation. There is a fine line between being lonely and being empowered and I cracked the code to bridge that gap.

On being alone…

When I am alone, I feel free. I am untethered. There are no outside noises to infiltrate my zen. I go where I want… I do what I want… I am present. There is no rush, I am in no hurry. This is how I embrace being alone. 

I was not always like this.

As the eldest daughter, I endured an interesting dynamic of isolation and responsibility. I have been face-to-face with addiction, the dissolution of my parent’s marriage, and relational trauma. I also paved the way for my sisters as a positive role model—entering college first, moving out of the house, graduating college, becoming an adult. Though I had family and friends that supported me, it was I who navigated the uncharted territories and found solutions to help build my confidence and lean into my unfamiliar loneliness. 

How did I do this though? I realized that I am responsible for me… and me alone… and I accept that wholly.  No one is coming to save me. This is my fate. Though I can be a beacon of love for others, I am alone. 

Why is it so scary to be alone? 

It’s scary to face the reality of who we are. Many people prefer to never be alone. From the depths of loneliness, we yearn for connection… but connection cannot be formed until you do a deep dive into your flaws and face your darkness. 

True connection starts from within. Until you understand why you struggle to find contentment alone, it’s hard to build meaningful connections with others. 

I am prepared to write about how to accept the fate of being alone (a loner). I recognized that radical acceptance of “what is” can lead to a life of bliss and harmony. 

Here are a few steps I took to find peace in being alone. 

 

1. Love Yourself

I wake up and choose to love myself for who I am. When I love myself, I walk around embodying love and sunshine for others. My purpose is to create joy. These people do not know I endured my parent’s nasty divorce at a young age and was the eldest daughter with a major god complex and an addiction problem. I did a lot of hard work (journaling, therapy, lots and lots of research) to accept the darker parts of myself. 

I start my days with a guided meditation in a beautiful place and some “I AM” affirmation statements. I practice mindfulness. I focus on my breath. In this silence I make peace with my mental, physical, and spiritual well-being. In this silence, I find acceptance of what is in this present moment.

Throughout the day, I continue to honor myself and (as always) do whatever the heck I want (because I am alone and I love it). Because I showed myself love and care and filled my own cup, I can now spread the wealth and fill others’ cups by creating joy, love, and care for them as I did myself.  

I fill their cups and then turn around and fill mine again. It is ever flowing. 

2. Surrender Control 

The world moves, we follow. What is going on around us is (none of our business?) out of our control. To surrender control means to release the grip we have on certain outcomes (relationships, situations, etc.). I cannot control what is outside of me. I simply let go. I observe. I do not absorb. This is important when accepting that I am okay alone.

When we grasp onto the fundamental idea that we have no control of the outside world, you accept what is. This is when your mind gets quiet. You then dig into your issues; become your worst enemy, become your best friend, then become your own internal reference point. I cannot rely on anything outside of me for it is ever changing and unpredictable. 

How do I respond to the unpredictability? By surrendering control. How can we act on surrendering control? Pray. Find something or someone to pray to. Ask for help. Be open (and accepting!!) to all points of views, but release control to a higher power… whatever that is for you. Let go of what you cannot control… it will drag you and drag you and drag you until you are exhausted if you do not let go. Follow the path that is unfolding in front of you and enjoy the ride. 

When you give up the need for control, you begin to accept what is. This is critical in accepting that you are alone. 

3. Do What You Love, Love What You Do All The Time

By loving yourself and surrendering control, it becomes easier to do what you love shamelessly… alone… all the time. You only live once. Explore a new place. Find a new hobby. Dive into something you are interested in. Fall down the rabbit hole. Be confident. Be authentic. Be shameless in your choices. Do what you love, love what you do. 

Trust your inner wisdom and guidance. When you get to know yourself deep down, you trust yourself. You become boundless. You can achieve anything you set your mind to. 

Drown out negativity. Do not ever feel embarrassed (about anything) being alone. I’ll let you know right now – there is no flashing sign over your head saying I AM ALONE and even if there was? Nobody cares. There are no outside noises. 

If there are judgements or outside voices, wipe that dirt off of your shoulder – these are external reference points. This is YOUR life to do as you please, not Larry, Harry, OR Moe’s. People will always have something to say but when you grasp that your choices are yours alone and you do not have to prove anything to anybody, you will be free. 

Radical Acceptance—Accept What Is

By accepting “what is” and doing what you love shamelessly, you too can live free and untethered. 

With the winning equation of SELF-LOVE + SURRENDERING CONTROL + DOING WHAT YOU LOVE, I was able to truly radically accept and make peace with being alone.  

Being alone isn’t about relinquishing your connections, it is reclaiming a relationship with yourself. This is where you can find comfort in solitude. To be truly happy being alone, love yourself, surrender control, and accept what is. This is the winning equation to a life of harmony and bliss. Take these steps and rewrite the narrative of your life.

Recommended Reading: 

• The Problem with Shopping on Amazon Prime
• How to Stop Wanting Things
• Ultimate Guide to Self-Care: 100 Self-Care Ideas
• Alone at Night in Paris—Where to Take Yourself on a Solo Date

CG Gaddi has been passionate about writing since she can remember. Her mission is as follows: to create safe spaces for people while promoting love and inclusivity. Her goal in life is to inspire joy. She flows with the wind and is currently residing in Long Island, New York.