A Merry Loner

Why Being Alone Is Good for You

Merry — Mon, 30 Mar 2026 14:08:44 +0000

There are many benefits of solitude, but you have to give yourself the chance to sit there.

It’s the tale as old as time: “I’m afraid I will die alone.”

While such a worry often comes to us in more dire moments, like when a relationship dissolves or family ties begin to come undone, the fear of being alone also creeps its way into our everyday activities: going to a wedding alone; traveling alone; living alone; even celebrating Valentine’s Day alone.

When we compare our inner circle to that of those around us, it can sometimes feel embarrassingly small by comparison. Then that familiar pang of loneliness creeps in, and we’re quick to fill it with scrolling, watching, or consuming—content or otherwise.

But there’s no reason to be afraid of being alone. If you step back from the screen, fake friends, and other mind-numbing distractions and learn how to truly enjoy your own company, you’ll uncover a new, calmer, more peaceful world, one where doing things alone feels comfortable instead of punishing.

Though the silence may at first exacerbate feelings of loneliness, if you learn to sit with it instead of running to distractions, you’ll find you already have everything you need to be happy within you.

Here are six reasons why being alone is good for you and how it helps you live a more creative, fulfilling, connected life:

Not comforting sitting alone with yourself?

Learn how to find confidence and comfort in your own company with A Merry Loner’s 7-Day Do Things Alone Challenge.

The shortlist: 6 benefits of solitude that help you think clearly, create freely, and build more meaningful relationships

How spending time alone helps you:

Plus, why intentional solitude is getting harder and harder to come by.

More popular posts on the Loner Mindset:

Why Being a Loner Helps You Make New Friends

Quotes About Feeling Alone to Remind Us We’re Each Steering Our Own Ship

How to Get Better at Doing Things Alone

6 reasons why being alone is good for you

The benefits of spending time alone go beyond helping you decompress from a day of overstimulation.

Intentional solitude helps you think more clearly, live more creatively, and feel more confident. Over time, that confidence and comfort in your own company helps you build more meaningful relationships and make new friends more easily.

1. Think for yourself

It’s hard to know what you think when you’re constantly inundated with others’ opinions.

When you spend time alone, you give yourself the mental space to reflect on your life, the world, and what you truly believe without depending on or being influenced by the ideas of others.

And don’t beat yourself up for parroting your neighbor; it’s normal to do so.

In the 1950s, Polish-American social psychologist Solomon Asch conducted a series of conformity experiments where he examined people’s willingness to adopt an obviously incorrect belief due to social pressure. As summarized by EBSCO: “In the end, more than one-third of Asch’s test subjects conformed to the predominant, and incorrect, group answer.”

Over 70 years later, a 2023 replication and extension of the Asch experiment published by PLoS One confirmed the original findings.

Groupthink is a powerful force that few if any of us can evade entirely, but spending some time alone can help.

From menial decisions, like deciding what to wear or what we really think of that new film everyone is talking about, to more grave concerns, like choosing who to vote for or where you stand on the latest political polemic, taking time to separate from your pack, look away from your algorithm, and tune out the voices around you gives you room to ponder, puzzle, and come to your own conclusions based on none other than your moral compass.

Not really sure what you think about the world (or yourself)? Get to know yourself better with these 7 books on self-awareness.

2. Be creative and come up with new ideas

For the same reason I can’t write an original sentence while reading another, I can’t develop a new idea while consuming another.

What I consider one of the most important benefits of solitude is the space it affords you to daydream, experiment, and invent.

The neuroscientists are on my side.

In an interview for Stanford University’s Wu Tsai Neurosciences Institute, cognitive scientist Vinod Menon explains default mode network (DMN) and what happens when we let our minds wander:

“The default mode network is a collection of brain areas that becomes active when we turn our attention inward. And it’s a network that generates your internal mental life, your memories, your sense of who you are, your plans and daydreams, and the ongoing inner narrative that reflects our own individual experiences.”

Importantly, Menon stresses that “one of the key aspects of this system is that it’s actually suppressed during externally focused tension demanding tasks.”

Essentially, when you give your brain a break from the constant stream of external stimuli our modern world subjects it to, it starts connecting ideas, memories, and experiences to lead you to original, creative insights.

Perhaps this is why some of time’s most prolific writers, artists, and other creative minds have been described as recluse or solitary. Their proclivity to spend time alone doesn’t necessarily mean they’re anti-social or introverted but that they recognize it takes pointed time and space alone to think, dream, and create.

Does sitting in your own company feel more stifling than inspiring? You can shift it. Learn how to enjoy your own company (and why it’s so important).

3. Gain more confidence being yourself

Doing things alone has a hideous reputation. “Spend too much time alone,” people fearmonger, “and you’ll become a lonely, depressed, uncivilized hermit.”

A study published in Nature begs to disagree.

During a 21-day experiment, participants totaled how many hours they spent in solitude. The findings were thus:

Solitude doesn’t always lead to loneliness: People were lonelier and less satisfied on days when they spent more time alone, but this effect was reduced or disappeared “when daily solitude was autonomous,” i.e., chosen rather than forced.
It supports a sense of autonomy: On days when people spent more time alone, they reported feeling less stress and greater autonomy satisfaction, feeling “volitional, authentic, and free from pressure.”
There are long-term benefits to spending time alone: The benefits of solitude snowballed over time: “…those who spent more time alone across the span of the study were less stressed and more autonomy satisfied overall”—not lonelier.

More alone time only translates to more loneliness when it’s unwanted. But when you choose to actively spend time alone with yourself, stress goes away and you feel more comfortable and confident being you.

When we’re alone, the default is often to fill that empty space with social media. But imagine the places your imagination could take if you listened to it instead of your algorithm. These are the strategies that helped me learn how to quit social media.

4. Experiment and try new things

No matter how brash or confident one claims to be, trying something new is always tough, especially if you have an audience.

What if you fail? What if you embarrass yourself? What if everyone remembers you for a buffoonish utterance you wish you could take back?

Counterintuitively, it can feel even more nerve-wracking to try new things in front of people we know as opposed to a room full of strangers. If we experiment with reinventing ourselves, be it through new wardrobe choices, a change in social circles, or the simple trying on of a new habit, our inner circle is often the first the notice and interject unwelcome commentary:

“Oh, you’ve changed your hair?” “Is that how you’re dressing now?” “Since when do you read and quote Kerouac?”

Known social circles come with expectations and voices ready to question you if you deviate from the person they know you as.

Another one of the main benefits of solitude is the freedom and nonjudgmental comfort it provides to experiment and try new things. When you’re alone, there’s no audience (or judgment) to trail every experiment. You can try something new, fail, change your mind, and start over without anyone watching.

Research published in Metodo International backs up why being alone is good sometimes:

“Solitude can minimize forms of intrusive self-consciousness by reducing the immediate demands of experiencing oneself as the object of another person’s thoughts and actions. Other studies have shown that people have decreased self-awareness when they are alone.”

In other words, solitude removes the social pressure and fear of public failure that often holds us back from trying new things, giving us the comfort to experiment and reinvent ourselves, sans external noise.

If you’re simply at a loss of how to spend time alone without feeling anxious, lonely, or strange, just take baby steps. Read 5 simple ways to get better at doing things alone so you can start feeling confident and comfortable in your own company.

5. Build more intentional relationships

Ironically, another reason why being alone is good for you is that it helps you develop more intentional, genuine relationships.

When you’re lonely, uncomfortable in your own company, and desperate for companionship, you’re more likely to strike up a relationship with someone just because they’re available.

This goes for both platonic and romantic relationships.

When you don’t have anything to do on Friday night but you feel anxious about staying home alone, you jump at the first invitation that comes along. You go to restaurants you don’t like; you spend money on drinks that don’t fill your cup; and you wake up the next morning feeling tired, like you wasted the evening, and lonelier than ever as you look back on last night’s sour memories.

Chasing romance from a place of loneliness leads to similar if not more disastrous aftereffects.

When you’re not comfortable being single, you jump from partner to partner—not because you’re having fun meeting new people and learning about yourself along the way but because you feel incapable of living alone, making your own decisions, and spending time with just yourself. You prefer to default to someone else and absorb their friends, routines, and habits so you don’t have to sit with yourself, explore what really makes you happy, or put the effort in to build a life of your own choosing. You may have developed a fondness for your partner over time, but it’s based on proximity and convenience, not real connection.

Either way, when you avoid spending time alone with yourself and rush to fill every moment with a social engagement, you rob yourself of the chance to develop more meaningful relationships founded on a true desire to be with that person. Instead, you live your life with people who are simply there.

Do you still feel lonely, even though you’re in a relationship? It’s not necessarily your partner’s fault. Read guest writer Janine Canillas’s personal story on why so many of us feel alone in our relationships (and how to fix it).

6. Make new friends more easily

Everyone wants to make more friends, no matter how grouchy you may pretend to be.

But it’s getting harder.

Our individualist societies are becoming more and more pod-like. A 2025 survey from Pew Research Center shows 16% of all adults “feel lonely or isolated from those around them all or most of the time.” Worryingly, “adults under 50 are more likely than older adults to feel lonely”—not a good sign for the young’uns.

While making friends in school may seem easy, the years following graduation often spell isolation, loneliness, and eventual bitterness for many. If you didn’t find your crew and/or significant other in college, destined are you to search soullessly for your soulmates on an app, it seems.

But there are other ways to make new friends as an adult. You can go to in-real-life meetup events or join local clubs, for example.

The catch is, to turn random people you meet at events into friends, you need the confidence to approach strangers, be the one to text first, and initiate plans—again and again. These steps are much harder to take if you don’t have the ease and self-assurance to go to social events alone and strike up conversations with people you don’t know.

Practicing doing things alone can give you that confidence to make new friends.

Sign up for A Merry Loner’s 7-Day Do Things Alone Challenge to learn how to do things alone without feeling lonely so you can make life richer and more connected.

Why intentional solitude is getting harder to come by

In the midst of a global loneliness epidemic, it sounds counterintuitive to champion alone time. But spending time alone with yourself is when we can explore new ideas, fail without judgment, learn about ourselves, and build the confidence to create the life we want for ourselves.

That alone time, however, must be actively chosen and intentionally filled, i.e., no doomscrolling, binge-watching, or otherwise dulling ourselves with external stimulants.

Unfortunately, intentional solitude is getting harder and harder to come by:

The world is always on—and demands we are, too. Notifications are ever present. Work and friends alike pressure us to respond to all communications immediately. Almost no place of business operates without music playing in the background. Seeking silence and solitude is now considered a radical act (if not a selfish one) in a world that is constantly churning, shrieking, and vying for our attention.

Social media is considered a given, not an option. Strangers becoming friends at parties ask for my Instagram instead of my phone number; for many, the idea of existing offline is simply inconceivable. We must engage; we must perform; and we must be public. Otherwise, there’s something off about you.

Being alone is considered something to be feared instead of something to appreciate. You should get on an app and meet a partner; pull out your phone at the bus stop, instead of standing quietly with your thoughts; optimize your free time instead of sitting in boredom. There is so much pressure to constantly move, make, and monetize. Simply existing (and existing just for ourselves) is considered lazy or lame.

We are all alone—and that’s not necessarily a bad thing, so we should stop running from it.

For a philosophical mood lift, explore these quotes about feeling alone to remind yourself that we’re each steering our own ship and are responsible for our own happiness.

Conclusion: the benefits of solitude compound over time

Spending time alone is not an act of isolation or even overt individualism. It is a conscious effort to think for yourself, be more creative, gain more confidence, and try new things.

With the space to think without influence, daydream, experiment, and get to know yourself, you can start becoming the person you want to be. Along the way, building that confidence and comfort in your own company enables you to make friends more easily, build more meaningful relationships, and have an overall more creative, fulfilling, and connected life.

There are many benefits of solitude, but you have to give yourself the chance to sit there.

Next Steps:

Start getting over the embarrassment, anxiety, or self-consciousness of doing things alone. Learn 5 simple ways to get better at doing things alone.

Consider if you even like being with yourself—and why you should. Read 5 reasons why it’s important to learn to enjoy your own company and how to get started.

Practice spending time with just yourself. Sign up for A Merry Loner’s 7-Day Do Things Alone Challenge so you can own the power of being alone.

Use the image below to save this post to Pinterest so this list is there when you need it.

Why Being Alone Is Good for You: Common FAQs

Is spending time alone good for you?

Yes, spending time alone can be very beneficial—if you do it intentionally. That means actively choosing to spend quality time with yourself rather than filling the silence with scrolling or binge-watching. The benefits of “me time” include learning how to think for yourself, developing a stronger sense of self, and then using that newfound self-confidence to make new friends and build deeper, more meaningful relationships.

Does it seem counterintuitive? Learn why being happy alone can actually help you make new friends.

Why spending time alone is important

Spending time alone is important because it gives you the space to think for yourself, experiment without judgement, and make decisions without outside pressure. Several studies on the psychology of being alone have actually shown that solitude can reduce self-consciousness and help you be more creative.

If you’re not comfortable sitting in solitude, see 5 reasons why it’s important to learn how to enjoy your own company—and how to get started.

Why is being alone good for your mental health?

Being alone can improve your mental health by reducing stress, lowering self-consciousness, and giving you space to feel free from outside pressure.

It’s easier to be happy being alone the more you work at it. When you sign up for A Merry Loner’s 7-Day Do Things Alone Challenge, you get one week of bite-sized daily challenges to help you practice spending intentional time alone so you can build self confidence, reduce social anxiety, and stop waiting on others to enjoy your life.

Is it healthy to be alone all the time?

Being alone all the time isn’t a good idea. Humans are social creatures, and we need friends, family, and community to feel our best. That said, adding in intentional alone time can help us better understand ourselves and our own needs, values, and patterns of behavior, which actually helps us strengthen our relationships and even make new friends more easily.

Learn why being a loner helps you make new friends, whether you’re moving to a new city or just facing a social dry spell.

Is it bad to prefer to be alone?

No, it’s not bad to prefer solitude. Many people genuinely feel happy being alone and use that time to recharge, reflect, or otherwise recreate. But you want to make sure you’re not isolating yourself or avoiding connection out of fear or anxiety.

If you want to learn how to spend time being alone but not lonely, check out 5 simple strategies to get better at doing things alone.

Can being alone be good for you?

Yes, being alone can be really good for you—when that alone time is intentional and balanced with healthy social interaction. Several studies on the psychology of being alone show that intentional (i.e., chosen) solitude can reduce feelings of stress and pressure and help you be more authentically you.

But fighting distraction, saying no to overstimulation, and truly enjoying spending time alone with yourself isn’t intuitive for everyone. See 5 reasons why it’s important to enjoy your own company—and how to get started.

Why being alone is powerful?

Being alone is very powerful because it forces you to think for yourself, get creative, and make your own decisions without any outside influence. Over time, this intentional solitude helps you become more confident, self-assured, and less likely to be influenced or controlled by others. That’s why people who master being alone and happy can often build stronger relationships.

Do you think you’re running into a relationship because you’re afraid of being alone? It’s a common pattern. This personal essay provides insight on why so many people feel alone in a relationship—and how to course-correct.

Merry

Merry is the blogger behind A Merry Loner, a full-time freelance writer, and a lifelong bookworm. Since kindergarten, it was her dream to become a novelist. (She likes to think she's headed in the right direction.) Born and raised in Rhode Island, where she earned a triple-major BA in writing, communication, and French from the University of Rhode Island, she moved to Toulouse, France after the pandemic to complete a master's in creative writing at Univeristé Toulouse Jean — Jaurès. She now lives in Paris with husband.

Discover how the merry loner lifestyle makes life more enjoyable:

LONER MINDSET: fresh perspectives on learning to genuinely enjoy your own company

BOOKS: reading lists for people who love being alone with a good story

ANALOG LIVING: inspiration to step back from the screen and live a life offline

SOLO TRAVEL: guides on where to go and how to enjoy it alone

MINDFUL CONSUMPTION: vetted recommendations for a simpler, less wasteful life

LONER Q&As: interviews from global voices on how to live a meaningful, enjoyable life

The post Why Being Alone Is Good for You appeared first on A Merry Loner.

Why Being a Loner Helps You Make New Friends

Merry — Tue, 03 Mar 2026 15:50:29 +0000

When you’re confident and comfortable in your own company, it becomes easier to talk to strangers, reach out first, and make plans repeatedly. That’s what builds friendship, whether you’re moving to a new city or just facing a social dry spell.

We are suffering from a loneliness epidemic. I’m sure I don’t need to tell you.

Depending on whom you talk to, some might even tell you we’re suffering from a male loneliness epidemic, specifically.

Whether we let men claim loneliness as their own personal plight or evaluate the larger spectrum of adult relationships, the present and future states of friendship look bleak:

People are making fewer friends. In 1990, one-third of Americans said they had 10 or more close friends. In 2021, just 13% said the same. Even worse, in 1990, only 3% said they had no friends. In 2021, 12% of Americans said they have no friends, per the Survey Center on American Life.

They’re going to fewer social gatherings. “Only 4.1% of Americans attended or hosted a social event on an average weekend or holiday in 2023—that’s a 35% drop from 2004, says The Atlantic.

They’re having less sex. “…researchers have become alarmed at declines in sexual activity around the world, from Japan to Europe to Australia,” explains Scientific American.

And this isn’t just a problem with “the kids these days.” Across genders and generations, people everywhere are struggling to make new friends.

In this post, I share four truths on how to make new friends as an adult—and why learning to get confident and comfortable in your own company will actually help you make more friends.

Do you feel lonely doing things by yourself?

It shouldn’t be that way. Sign up for A Merry Loner’s 7-Day Do Things Alone Challenge to learn how to get more confident doing things alone.

More popular posts on the Loner Mindset:

Quotes About Feeling Alone to Remind Us We’re Each Steering Our Own Ship

How to Enjoy Your Own Company

How to Get Better at Doing Things Alone

What it takes to learn how to make new friends as an adult

Four in ten U.S. adults describe making new friends as “hard” or “very hard,” per a survey from YouGov. I simply don’t agree.

While I concede it takes time, pointed effort, and (let’s be honest) a little patience to make new friends in adulthood, I wouldn’t call it particularly hard. In fact, I find it even easier than making friends in college.

That’s because I’ve accepted four key truths about how to make new friends:

1. To make new friends, you have to meet strangers.

Duh. All friends start out as strangers, which means if you want to make more friends, you have to start talking to more strangers.

I always say that friendship is like dating; it’s a numbers game.

As you search for the people that feel like home, you may go to dozens of meet-ups, parties, or even app-facilitated events. Many of the people you meet there will not become your friends. Most, you will never see more than once or twice. Some you may see a few times on “friend dates” until you run out of things to say to each other and the lack of chemistry causes your outings to fizzle out.

But you don’t need 20 new friends right now. You just need a few close friends to make life better. And the more strangers you meet and mingle with, the greater your chances of finding those few close friends.

Not confident going to meet-ups and mingling with strangers?

It takes practice getting comfortable trying new things on your own. A Merry Loner’s 7-Day Do Things Alone Challenge helps you own the power of being alone so meeting new people is easier and less daunting.

2. To make new friends, you have to reach out first.

Again, this sounds pathetically obvious, but really, this is where most people trip up when trying to make new friends in adulthood.

Simply exchanging numbers with someone is not enough to turn them into the kind of friend you laugh until you cry with, share embarrassing stories with, and keep in your inner circle for years to come. You have to build up to that—one “friend date” at a time.

That requires making plans. As with most things in life, the hardest part is getting started.

—

What happens when you don’t make the first move

Imagine Jill, a young working professional who is having a hard time figuring out how to make friends in a new city.

She goes to a meet-up event and has a jolly time enjoying a few drinks while mingling with strangers. She has a particularly interesting conversation with two women who, like her, love going to yoga class; the three even decide to exchange phone numbers. Everyone smiles and says they look forward to seeing each other soon.

Then everyone returns to their respective homes… And they never speak again.

Why? Because each person is waiting for someone else to reach out. Each feels that if the other person doesn’t contact them, then they aren’t really interested in becoming friends.

In the end, nobody contacts anybody. What were once promising seeds of a beautiful friendship (or at least a very pleasant acquaintance, as we need those to be happy, too) die before they even get a chance to be planted.

—

This is where most people make a mistake when trying to make new friends.

They believe making new friends after college is impossible: “I’m going to the events. I’m mingling with strangers. I’m exchanging numbers. But it doesn’t work. I never make new friends there.”

They’re forgetting a crucial step: To turn strangers into friends, you have to have the courage to text first.

Find yourself scrolling social media more often than you spend time socializing?

That’s a fast-track to feeling lonely, depressed, and isolated. Try these 5 strategies to quit social media to start reclaiming your time (and your sanity) from Big Tech.

3. To make new friends, you have to make plans, repeatedly

How can you turn an acquaintance into a new friend? Repeated, regular contact.

Let’s say Jill does have the courage to send the first text. She and Allison meet for coffee and go to a yoga class together and generally have a grand, old time.

That’s still not enough to become friends. After all, you don’t make friends from one conversation. You make new friends from repeated, consistent interactions over time.

—

Why does it feel so easy to make new friends in college (and so hard in adulthood?

When you’re in college, you’re forced to spend time with the same people, day in and day out.

Maybe it’s your roommate or someone with whom you share a few classes. You might not even like each other at first, but after several months of prolonged exposure, overlapping experiences, and obligatory small talk via group projects or mutual acquaintances, you begin to form a bond.

That’s when friendship starts to take shape.

Not with everyone, of course. We still have personalities. You’ll hit it off with some people more easily than others; some, not at all.

But without spending any time together, how can you ever have the chance to hit it off?

After college, when we’re no longer living in artificial communities where the larger population has more or less the same lifestyle, it’s much harder to repeatedly see the same people every day (at least without our own doing).

—

We have to create these repeated, consistent interactions ourselves by taking the initiative to make plans—over and over again. Like this:

A few days after meeting someone new, invite them out for coffee.
If getting coffee was fun, tell them so afterwards. Then invite them to dinner a week later.
If things are still going well, invite them over later in the month for drinks with a few other potential friends.

By this point, if things actually are going well and you both enjoy spending time together, the seeds of friendship will naturally begin to germinate. But it takes effort to get the ball rolling.

You don’t make friends from one conversation. You make new friends from repeated, consistent interactions over time.

Moving to a new city and feeling lonely is a feeling too many people are familiar with.

Read guest writer Gavin Willima’s personal essay on moving to a new city in his thirties and what unexpected change he made to overcome loneliness.

4. To make new friends, you have to separate yourself from your pack.

One of the easiest ways to make new friends is to meet friends of friends and let things snowball from there. This way, you don’t have to go out and meet strangers, build up the courage to text first, or even initiate regular meet-ups.

But sometimes, your friends can actually hold you back.

When you’re constantly surrounded by people you already know, you live in a safe, familiar bubble—which severely limits your opportunities to try new things and meet new people.

I’m no stranger to this familiarity trap, and I’ve observed it plenty in others, as well. Imagine:

You go to a party with one or two of your best friends. Instead of mingling with anyone new and talking with them beyond a few initial pleasantries, you spend the entire evening in the corner absorbed in conversations with your best friends.

On its own, there’s nothing inherently wrong with this; spending time with friends is obviously one of the greater joys of life. But if you’re trying to figure out how to make new friends, this approach isn’t going to help you.

By over-relying on your existing friends and using them as a security blanket with which to navigate new social situations, you limit your exposure to new people and, thus, many opportunities to make new friends.

Are you afraid to step out of your comfort zone?

It’s hard to know if you don’t really know yourself. Check out these 7 books on self-awareness to help you learn more about who you are.

Why it’s easier to make new friends when you’re confident and comfortable in your own company

When we’re young, making new friends is as natural as asking your kindergarten peer, “Do you want to be my best friend?”

In high school, the friendship-building experience is easy for some, brutal for others. In college, social interactions tend to get easier for most. By adulthood, however, the ease with which we make friends seems to vanish, as evidenced by a study from the Survey Center on American Life that reveals those who don’t go to college have noticeably smaller social networks than those who do.

The solution to learning how to make new friends in adulthood isn’t downloading more apps or going to more meet-ups. These moves can be helpful, but they’re only one part of the equation.

Instead, making new friends starts with getting comfortable being alone. Here’s why:

It’s easier to meet (and talk to) strangers

Meeting strangers is nerve-wracking, anxiety-inducing, and downright scary for a lot of people. The National Institute of Mental Health estimates that 12% of U.S. adults (that’s about 41 million people) have experienced some social anxiety disorder at at least one point in their lives.

But you have to meet people you don’t know in order to make new friends. And it’s a lot easier to talk to strangers if you’re confident and comfortable with yourself.

It’s less nerve-wracking to reach out first.

To turn a stranger into a known, trusted friend, you have to see them over and over again. That doesn’t happen by itself. Someone has to step up to the plate and reach out first. And because we’re adults taking control of our own lives, that “someone” is you.

It’s much easier to send that first text (and not stress about the slowness or lack of a response) when you’re already confident, comfortable, and content with who you are.

Without healthy self-esteem to begin with, you’re much more vulnerable to ghosting or rejection (which are inevitable parts of life, no matter how great we are).

It’s more natural to make plans, again and again.

After you’ve built up the courage to put yourself out there and send the first text, you probably haven’t made a new friend yet. It takes more than one coffee to develop a relationship—which means sending those texts over and over again to invite people for dinner, wish them happy birthday, or suggest a weekend party.

It’s hard to remember to make plans if you’re not playing an active role in your own life, like waiting to be invited to events or just generally waiting for life to “happen” to you.

But if you are a confident, engaged character in your own life, then hosting a dinner party, taking day trips, or planning other activities where you can invite other people to join you is as natural as waking up in the morning.

It’s not scary to try new things alone.

You can’t try new things and meet new people if you’re too busy talking to those you already know.

But leaving behind your social security blanket is hard to do if you don’t have the confidence to step out of your comfort zone, put yourself in different situations, and try new things on your own.

Conclusion: Learning how to make new friends starts with you alone

A common gripe of the modern era (right up there with skyrocketing housing prices and job instability) is the ongoing friendship recession. People are lonely, lacking community, and unsure how to develop close ties after school.

The answer is not downloading another app or texting your ex in hopes of rejoining your old friend group.

Making new friends starts with you.

By learning to get confident and comfortable in your own company, it’ll be easier to meet and talk to strangers, initiate plans, and make new friends, whether you’re moving to a new city or just facing a social dry spell.

Friends are undeniably one of the treasures that makes life worth living, but don’t forget that creating a life you love starts with you.

Next Steps:

Sign up to attend one event this month. You can use tools like Creative Lunch, Meetup, or Facebook groups to find events near you.

Text one acquaintance already in your contacts. Don’t overthink it. A simple, “How’s it going? Want to grab a coffee this week?” can go far.

Remind yourself that you’re steering your own ship. If you’re feeling lonely, check out these quotes on feeling alone to remember that the cure for loneliness must come from you.

Use the image below to save this post to Pinterest so this list is there when you need it.

How to Make New Friends: Common FAQs

How to make new friends

It’s simple: talk to strangers; then talk to them again and again until they become friends.

But that requires putting yourself in new environments where you can meet strangers and then reaching out first to make plans—both things that are difficult if you lack self-confidence.

Read How to Get Better at Doing Things Alone to learn how to find confidence and comfort in your own company.

Why is it so hard to figure out how to make new friends as an adult?

School forces us to spend time with the same people over and over again, naturally setting the stage for long-term friendships. But when you’re on your own as an adult, you have to take the initiative.

That means pushing yourself outside your comfort zone and building up the courage to reach out first.

It gets easier with practice, though. Sign up for A Merry Loner’s 7-Day Do Things Alone Challenge to learn how to get more confident and comfortable trying new things (like talking to strangers) by yourself.

How to make new friends in your 20s, 30s, 40s, or 50s?

Whether you’re fresh out of college or beginning to think about retirement, the same four truths about making new friends apply.

To make new friends, you have to: 1) meet strangers; 2) reach out first; 3) make plans, repeatedly; 4) step outside of your known friend group.

All of these steps are easier when you’re already confident and comfortable trying new things alone. If you’re not there yet, try these four ways to learn how to enjoy your own company.

Where can I make new friends as an adult?

To make new friends, you have to do four things: 1) meet new people; 2) invite those new people to hang out; 3) keep inviting them to hang out; 4) give yourself permission to meet new people without your friends keeping you company.

You can start by meeting new people online from events organized by Creative Lunch, Meetup, or Facebook groups. If you’re really confident trying new things on your own, you can meet new people by joining clubs, going to the gym, volunteering, signing up for co-working spaces, etc.

Not confident showing up to new events by yourself? Sign up for A Merry Loner’s 7-Day Do Things Alone Challenge to get confident and comfortable in your own company so you can get out there, meet new people, and make new friends.

Merry

Discover how the merry loner lifestyle makes life more enjoyable:

LONER MINDSET: fresh perspectives on learning to genuinely enjoy your own company

BOOKS: reading lists for people who love being alone with a good story

ANALOG LIVING: inspiration to step back from the screen and live a life offline

SOLO TRAVEL: guides on where to go and how to enjoy it alone

MINDFUL CONSUMPTION: vetted recommendations for a simpler, less wasteful life

LONER Q&As: interviews from global voices on how to live a meaningful, enjoyable life

The post Why Being a Loner Helps You Make New Friends appeared first on A Merry Loner.

Quotes About Feeling Alone to Remind Us We’re Each Steering Our Own Ship

Merry — Fri, 30 Jan 2026 19:36:59 +0000

Consider these quotes a chance to rub shoulders with unmet kindred spirits.

It’s really impossible to avoid. No matter how many friends we have, how cherished we feel by our family, or the current state of our romantic entanglements, at the end of the day, we are all on our own.

Being alone is something we can’t escape, though many people try.

In moments of quiet, they rush to the screen to fill the void, staring at Reels that don’t interest them but are simply there.

Or they swipe through dating apps, not really with any intention of meeting someone. But it’s something to fill the time; to pique the curiosity; to busy the fingers; to attempt to assess our own appearance, status, and social standing by seeing how we stack up against the other fish in the sea.

Others choose to wallow, to lament their solitude and what they perceive as their unique suffering: “No one understands my grief, my troubles, my depression, my demons.”

But they do.

Perhaps not everyone. It’s unlikely that every soul you cross is a long-lost kindred spirit who can understand your intimate yearnings and despair with nary a glance. After all, those are your crosses to bear; they have theirs.

But in recognizing that each of us is lost on our individual paths, searching for meaning and something to give substance to the confusing series of events we call life, we can find a comfort.

That comfort is knowing we are all lost and alone and swimming through the dark. But every now and then, we brush fingers with a passing swimmer and are reminded that, though we may be paddling alone, floundering and thrashing, we are all together in the same ocean, fighting against the same currents, trying our best to stay afloat.

Consider these quotes a chance to rub shoulders with unmet kindred spirits. They may not share your exact troubles, but they can understand the pain.

Still feeling lonely? The cure for loneliness doesn’t come from others; it comes from within.

If you want to learn how to get comfortable being alone in your own company, join A Merry Loner’s 7-Day Do Things Alone Challenge.

The shortlist: 42 quotes about feeling alone to make you feel less lonely

8 quotes about feeling alone in life — to help you get more comfortable in solitude

4 quotes about feeling alone and unwanted — to help you find self-worth in alone time

4 quotes about feeling alone and lost — to remind you that the way forward is by charting your own path, not following others’.

5 quotes about feeling alone in a relationsip — to remind you that solitude is not something to be rescued from

5 quotes about feeling alone in a crowd — to remind you that the cure for loneliness must come from you

3 quotes about feeling alone and depressed — to remember that sadness is a part of the human condition and is always surmountable

6 short quotes about feeling alone — to teach you that alone time isn’t punishment

7 inspirational quotes about feeling alone — to remind you that solitude is not only worthwhile but necessary

More popular posts on the Loner Mindset:

How to Get Better at Doing Things Alone

How to Enjoy Your Own Company

Feeling Alone in a Relationship? It’s Not Always About the Other Person

Quotes about feeling alone in life

There’s no point in trying to run away from loneliness; it is a part of life.

When you learn to not fear solitude but embrace the time and space it gives you to think deeply and experiment freely, then you’ve found the key to a more peaceful life.

Test the waters of spending time alone with these six quotes about feeling alone in life:

1. “All great and precious things are lonely.”

Speaker: John Steinbeck, American writer (1902—1968)

2. “We live as we dream: alone....”

Speaker: Joseph Conrad, Polish-British novelist (1857—1924)

3. “If one's different, one's bound to be lonely.”

Speaker: Aldous Huxley, English writer and philosopher (1894—1963)

4. “Loneliness is and always has been the central and inevitable experience of every man.”

Speaker: Thomas Wolfe, American writer (1900—1938)

5. “ Loneliness is the human condition. Cultivate it. The way it tunnels into you allows your soul room to grow. Never expect to outgrow loneliness. Never hope to find people who will understand you, someone to fill that space. An intelligent, sensitive person is the exception, the very great exception. If you expect to find people who will understand you, you will grow murderous with disappointment. The best you'll ever do is to understand yourself, know what it is that you want, and not let the cattle stand in your way.”

Speaker: Janet Fitch, American author (1955—)

6. “Loneliness is a sign you are in desperate need of yourself.”

Speaker: Rupi Kaur, Indian-Canadian poet, illustrator, photographer, and author (1992—)

7. “That is part of the beauty of all literature. You discover that your longings are universal longings, that you're not lonely and isolated from anyone. You belong.”

Speaker: F. Scott Fitzgerald, American novelist, essayist, and short story writer (1896—1940)

8. “She was beautiful, in the quiet way that lonely, unnoticed people are beautiful to those who notice them.”

Speaker: Jedediah Berry, American writer (1977—)

Want to do more soul-searching than short quotes on feeling alone can provide?

Explore these five Books on Existential Dread, including novels, poetry, and philosophical writings, to probe your inner thinker.

Quotes about feeling alone and unwanted

We often view solitude, not as something we’ve chosen, but as something that has happened to us. If we are alone, it means we have been rejected; we have been left out; nobody wants to love us or hold us.

But that’s not true. Solitude is not a curse foisted upon us but the very place where we can most be ourselves. Learn to find self-respect and self-worth in your alone time, and you will no longer fear the quiet days.

Get inspired with these 4 quotes about feeling alone and sad:

1. “For fear you will be alone, you do so many things that aren’t you at all.”

Speaker: Richard Brautigan, American novelist, poet, and short story writer (1935—1984)

2. “If you feel unwanted or unappreciated where you are or by those you're with, it only means you're in the wrong place or with the wrong people. Hang in there. Someone else will see you for the true gift you are.”

Speaker: L.K. Hunsaker, American writer (unknown)

3. “I feel profoundly alone, cut off, unattractive…I feel unloveable. But I respect that unloveable soldier—struggling to survive, struggling to be honest, just, honourable. I respect myself.”

Speaker: Susan Sontag, American writer and critic (1933—2004)

4. “I am a lover without a lover. I am lovely and lonely and I belong deeply to myself.”

Speaker: Warsan Shire, British writer, poet, teacher (1988—)

When we feel unwanted by people, we often cushion the blow by wanting material things.

“Once I have these things, then I will be better,” we tell ourselves. “And then I can be loved.”

Don’t be tricked into thinking material goods can take away your loneliness.

Read How to Stop Wanting Things to finally stop trying to fill the void.

Quotes about feeling alone and lost

It’s a natural default to turn to others for guidance.

Surely, others know more than we do. We may not know the details of their lives, their inner turmoil, or their own shortcomings, but from the outside, they seem to be doing much better than we.

So we try to copy them.

This is a mistake and one we are more likely to make when feeling alone, lost, or unsure of what to do next.

Read these 4 quotes about feeling alone and lost to remind yourself that the way forward is by charting your own path, not following another’s:

1. “Remember: the time you feel lonely is the time you most need to be by yourself. Life's cruelest irony.”

Speaker: Douglas Coupland, Canadian novelist, designer and visual artist (1961—)

2. “God, but life is loneliness, despite all the opiates, despite the shrill tinsel gaiety of 'parties' with no purpose, despite the false grinning faces we all wear. And when at last you find someone to whom you feel you can pour out your soul, you stop in shock at the words you utter—they are so rusty, so ugly, so meaningless and feeble from being kept in the small cramped dark inside you so long. Yes, there is joy, fulfillment and companionship—but the loneliness of the soul in its appalling self-consciousness is horrible and overpowering.”

Speaker: Sylvia Plath, American poet and author (1932—1963)

3. “If you don't like the scene you're in, if you're unhappy, if you're lonely, if you don't feel that things are happening, change your scene. Paint a new backdrop.”

Speaker: Leo Buscaglia, American writer, motivational speaker, and professor (1924—1998)

4. “But you can vanquish the demons only when you yourself are convinced of your own worth.”

Speaker: Adeline Yen Mah, Chinese-American author and physician (1937–)

Moving is a major cause of loneliness.

When we step away from familiar surroundings, we sometimes feel like we’re stepping away from our own identity: “Who am I without these people, these places, these things I recognize?”

But wherever you go, you are still there. You still have you.

Read Moving to a New City in Your 30s—Feeling Lonely in Your “Prime” for a true story of searching for fulfillment in new places, only to realize that home and contentment were always within.

Quotes about feeling alone in a relationship

It’s a common misconception that the easiest way out of loneliness is to tie yourself to someone else.

But relationships, whether romantic or familial or platonic, cannot stop us from feeling lonely if we aren’t at peace with ourselves. Actually, getting tangled up in a romantic affair with someone who is merely there to fill the space is a surefire way to feel even more lost, misunderstood, and alone.

These five quotes about feeling alone in a relationship remind us that solitude is not something to be rescued from:

1. "I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone. It’s not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people that make you feel all alone.”

Speaker: Robin Williams, American actor and comedian (1951—2014)

2. “It is far better to be alone, than to be in bad company.”

Speaker: George Washington, a Founding Father and first president of the USA (1732—1799)

3. “People think being alone makes you lonely, but I don’t think that’s true. Being surrounded by the wrong people is the loneliest thing in the world.”

Speaker: Kim Culbertson, American author (unknown)

4. “I don’t see how you can respect yourself if you must look in the hearts and minds of others for your happiness.”

Speaker: Hunter S. Thompson, American journalist and author (1937—2005)

5. “Don't attach yourself to anyone who shows you the least bit of attention because you're lonely. Loneliness is the human condition. No one is ever going to fill that space. The best thing you can do it know yourself... know what you want.”

Speaker: Janet Fitch, American author (1955—)

What is the real reason so many people feel alone in their relationship?

It’s not their partner’s fault. It’s their own. Read why loneliness in a relationship isn’t always a shared responsibility.

Quotes about feeling alone in a crowd

People do not guarantee connection or understanding or fulfillment. Surrounding ourselves with others can give us a preliminary, surface-level validation: “People like me. I must have value.”

But when we rely on others for validation, our self-worth becomes as fickle as their attention.

Here are five quotes about feeling alone in a crowd to remind you that the cure for loneliness must come from you:

1. “When you’re surrounded by all these people, it can be lonelier than when you’re by yourself. You can be in a huge crowd, but if you don't feel like you can trust anyone or talk to anybody, you feel like you’re really alone.”

Speaker: Fiona Apple, American singer-songwriter (1977—)

2. “We are all alone in this world; even in a crowd.”

Speaker: Kenneth G. Eade, American attorney, political activist, and author (1957—)

3. “People empty me. I have to get away to refill.”

Speaker: Charles Bukowski, German-American poet, novelist, and short story writer (1920—1994)

4. “A crowd is not company.”

Speaker: Seneca the Younger, Stoic philosopher (4 BC—AD 65)

5. “Loneliness does not come from having no people around you, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to you.”

Speaker: Carl Jung, Swiss psychiatrist, psychotherapist, psychologist (1875—1961)

Likes, comments, follows, and subscribers cannot cure loneliness.

They may provide a tingle. They may spark a little joy. They may stroke the ego. But when those sensations evaporate, we’re often left feeling more hollow and hungry for validation than ever before.

Stop the chase. Learn How to Quit Social Media and find 30+ ideas to replace the urge to scroll—morning, noon, and night.

Quotes about feeling alone and depressed

Depression is not something to take lightly, to meme-ify, or to self-diagnose. It is serious suffering that impedes and impairs.

If you or someone you know needs help in the USA, you can call or text 988 or chat at www.988lifeline.org.

If you merely need a few moments to remember that sadness is a part of the human condition and is always surmountable, find comfort in these three quotes about feeling alone and depressed to know others share your plight:

1. “There are wounds that never show on the body that are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds.”

Speaker: Laurell K. Hamilton, American fantasy and romance writer (1963—)

2. “The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven.”

Speaker: John Milton, English poet, polemicist, and civil servant (1608—1674)

3. “What people never understand is that depression isn’t about the outside; it’s about the inside.”

Speaker: Jasmine Warga, American children’s and YA book author (1988—)

I’m sorry to be the one to tell you, but: There is no end to sadness in life.

That doesn’t mean life can’t also be joyous and buoyant and celebratory.

Learning to accept the bad with the good can help us enjoy the good moments even more and remember that the bad, no matter how all-encompassing it may now feel, will at some point, also be behind us.

Read “Life Is Sad and Then You Die.” Why this is the motto that will bring you peace.

Short quotes about feeling alone

Alone time isn’t a punishment. It’s where thinking, reflecting, and resting happen.

But we’ve been conditioned to see alone time as embarrassing, selfish, or even shameful. Let these six short quotes about feeling alone change your mind:

1. "If you smile when you are alone, then you really mean it.”

Speaker: Andy Rooney, American radio and television presenter (1919—2011)

2. “If you are never alone, you cannot know yourself.”

Speaker: Paulo Coelho de Souza, Brazilian lyricist and novelist (1947–)

3. “You cannot be lonely if you like the person you are alone with.”

Speaker: Wayne Dyer, American self-help author (1940—2015)

4. “Solitude makes it possible for us to literally enjoy ourselves.”

Speaker: Mokokoma Mokhonoana, South African author and philosopher (1985—2023)

5. “If you're lonely when you're alone, you're in bad company.”

Speaker: Jean-Paul Sartre, French philosopher, playwright, novelist, screenwriter, political activist, biographer, and literary critic (1905—1980)

6. “The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself.”

Speaker: Mark Twain, American writer, humorist, and essayist (1835—1910)

Do you feel embarrassed doing things alone? Selfish for taking time for yourself? Or ashamed to be without a partner?

Solitude isn’t shameful. It’s where peace is found and creativity is born.

Learn how to reclaim your solitude and find peace doing things alone with A Merry Loner’s 7-Day Do Things Alone Challenge.

Inspirational quotes about feeling alone

Spending time alone can certainly feel lonely. It’s no secret that we are social beings who crave connection, compassion, and community. But that doesn’t mean solitude has to be a punishment.

We should never let ourselves reach the point where we are so desperate for external validation that self-appreciation becomes worthless.

Let these seven inspirational quotes about feeling alone remind you that solitude is not only worthwhile but necessary:

1. “In the middle of winter, I at last discovered that there was in me an invincible summer.”

Speaker: Albert Camus, French philosopher, novelist, author, journalist, and political activist (1913—1960)

2. “When I get lonely these days, I think: So BE lonely, Liz. Learn your way around loneliness. Make a map of it. Sit with it, for once in your life. Welcome to the human experience. But never again use another person's body or emotions as a scratching post for your own unfulfilled yearnings.”

Speaker: Elizabeth Gilbert, American journalist and author (1969—)

3. “A season of loneliness and isolation is when the caterpillar gets its wings. Remember that next time you feel alone.”

Speaker: Mandy Hale, American blogger (unknown)

4. “Someday you’re gonna be all alone, so you need to figure out how to take care of yourself.”

Speaker: “The Queen’s Gambit,” American miniseries (2020)

5. “Even in the loneliest moments I have been there for myself.”

Speaker: Sanober Khan, Mumbai-based poet and writer (unknown)

7. “It’s easy to stand in the crowd but it takes courage to stand alone.”

Speaker: Mahatma Gandhi, Indian lawyer, anti-colonial nationalist, and political ethicist (1869—1948)

Are you afraid of being alone?

Afraid of turning into a spinster? Being a forever bachelor? Being friendless. Childless. All descriptors we’ve accidentally made synonymous with “worthless.”

Learn why being alone isn’t only not something to be afraid of—it’s the key to happiness.

Conclusion: Quotes of feeling alone remind us we are the only constant in our own lives

Loneliness is unavoidable. Just consider how individual and unique every human being is.

How can we expect others to understand (or even be aware of) the intricacies of each year of our lives that laced together have made us who we are today? They cannot.

This does not mean we cannot experience profound connection or camaraderie or closeness with others. These moments are necessary to the human experience and should also be prioritized.

But as we bond and grow with others, we must never lose the bond we maintain with ourselves. The bond we can only cultivate when we are alone.

This is not a call to shun community or to isolate. But when lonely moments do arrive, don’t rush to fill them with external stimuli. Let yourself steep in them.

For as the years go by, life is made up of many moments of solitude. How will you fill yours?

Next Steps:

Practice spending time alone—without using external stimuli to numb yourself. Join A Merry Loner’s 7-Day Do Things Alone Challenge for daily exercises to teach you how to find comfort in your own company.

Scale back the strange voices you let in. It’s hard to get to know yourself and listen to your intuition when you’re constantly consuming ads, videos, and other people’s ambitions. But you don’t have to let them in. Learn How to Quit Social Media to reclaim your time and sanity.

Give yourself permission to spend time with yourself. It isn’t selfish, embarrassing, or shameful. See 5 reasons why it’s important to learn to enjoy your own company.

Use the image below to save this post to Pinterest so this list is there when you need it.

Quotes About Feeling Alone: Common FAQs

What are some quotes to read when you’re feeling alone?

One quote from Joseph Conrad, Polish-British novelist comes to mind: “We live as we dream: alone.”

For deeper musings on feeling alone in a turbulent world, crack open Books for Existential Dread.

What are the best quotes about loneliness?

My favorite author, F. Scott Fitzgerald, said: “That is part of the beauty of all literature. You discover that your longers are universal longings, that you’re not lonely and isolated from anyone. You belong.”

Read seven more quotes about feeling alone in life for a new perspective on loneliness.

Is there a quote about love and feeling lonely?

British writer, poet, and teacher Warsan Shire shares a poignant one: “I am a lover without a lover. I am lovely and lonely and I belong deeply to myself.”

See four more quotes about feeling alone and unwanted to help you feel less lonely in love.

What are some quotes on finding happiness in loneliness?

“In the middle of winter, I at last discovered that there was in me an invincible summer,” said French philosopher, Albert Camus.

Get more perspectives on finding peace in solitude with six more inspirational quotes about feeling alone.

Merry

Discover how the merry loner lifestyle makes life more enjoyable:

LONER MINDSET: fresh perspectives on learning to genuinely enjoy your own company

BOOKS: reading lists for people who love being alone with a good story

ANALOG LIVING: inspiration to step back from the screen and live a life offline

SOLO TRAVEL: guides on where to go and how to enjoy it alone

MINDFUL CONSUMPTION: vetted recommendations for a simpler, less wasteful life

LONER Q&As: interviews from global voices on how to live a meaningful, enjoyable life

The post Quotes About Feeling Alone to Remind Us We’re Each Steering Our Own Ship appeared first on A Merry Loner.

Books on Traveling Alone to Feed Your Wanderlust

Merry — Fri, 23 Jan 2026 12:28:07 +0000

Stories to push you forward.

For those born with an innate sense of wanderlust, it can be difficult to imagine there are others who don’t share the same yearning to move.

But for some, traveling isn’t a series of glittering memories.

When prompted to pack a suitcase and brave the rails, road, or sky, be it across the world or a stone’s throw away, they see not picturesque walks along riverbanks, new aromas wafting their way, or foreign tongues catching their ears. They see long queues, packing restrictions, and suffocating crowds.

Above all, they see the unknown.

The idea of traveling alone can be even more jarring.

Still, even if you’re afraid of traveling alone, you might feel a quiet stirring within you to test yourself and see how far you can go, both on the map and in your mind.

Doing so requires quieting the anxieties bubbling beneath the surface and turning your attention to the voice of optimism pushing you forward.

These books will feed that voice.

The shortlist: 4 books on traveling alone to feed your wanderlust

Instructions for Traveling West — for encouragement when travels are difficult
Wild — for courage to push yourself out of your comfort zone
The Barbizon — for inspiration to chase a dream
Roundabout to Moscow — for a reminder to always stay curious

More popular posts on solo travel:

Scared of Traveling Alone: How to Deal with Solo Travel Anxiety

I Don’t Like Traveling Alone—But I Keep Doing It Anyway

21 Quotes for Traveling Alone

4 books about traveling alone to inspire your next trip

The clichés of traveling are true, I fear.

It, quite literally, expands your horizons and pushes you past the geography, language, and culture that have contained and shaped you.

You meet new people, smell new smells, savor (or spit out) new tastes, and learn that the world and its inhabitants, customs, and philosophies are far more numerous than that which you’ve encountered—or will ever. For no matter how many flights we board or rails we cross, we simply can’t see everything, leaving many lessons unlearned and stories unread.

All this to say, traveling is always worth the effort because we always return home with a new perspective about ourselves, the world, and everything we thought we knew.

If you’ve never traveled alone before and you’re hesitant to try, let these stories inspire you.

1. Instructions for Traveling West: Poems by Joy Sullivan

I love this book so much that I no longer own it.

I gave it to a friend last year who had recently moved into a new apartment in a new city by herself. I hoped it would give her the same balm it did me.

Written by Joy Sullivan during the pandemic, this collection of poems recounts the emotional aftermath of leaving: getting a divorce; quitting one’s job; moving across the country.

As in solo travel, there’s loneliness in leaving. But loneliness is the necessary precursor to self-discovery, growth, and paths towards greater things:

“First, you must realize you’re homesick for all the lives you’re not living. Then, you must commit to the road and the rising loneliness. To the sincere thrill of coming apart.”

Joy Sullivan

During your solo travels, there will likely be moments where you feel you’re “coming apart.” That means you’re on the road to somewhere worthwhile. Keep trekking.

About the author: Joy Sullivan (unknown) is a poet and educator. She was the poet-in-residence for the Wexner Center for the Arts and has guest-lectured at Stanford, Florida State University, and other institutions. She now leads writing workshops and writes the newsletter, Necessary Salt.

Available at Bookshop.org

I can’t stop talking about this book.

I’ve also included it among my recommendations for Books for Existential Dread and Books You Can Read in a Day.

When you’re short on strength and need respite fast, poetry is an always reliable cure.

2. Wild by Cheryl Strayed

A sensation of the 2010s, Cheryl Strayed’s memoir also lives on in a 2014 film adaptation, in which Reese Witherspoon portrays the author’s daring quest to hike 1,000+ miles of the Pacific Crest Trail—without training, guidance, or companionship.

It’s another poignant memoir that gives credence to the cliché: Particularly in periods of transition when what we thought were constants in our lives begin to give way, voluntarily displacing ourselves (however temporarily) is sometimes the only way to regain balance and rediscover ourselves.

Or as is blithely summarized in small talk at parties, “Solo travel helped me find myself.”

The loss of a parent and the end of a marriage are likely more relatable to a middle-aged audience, but younger readers can also find comfort in Strayed’s story as a reminder that the power to redesign your life and start anew is always within you.

About the author: Cheryl Strayed (1968—) is an American writer and podcast host. In addition to “Wild,” she’s written two nonfiction books, “Tiny Beautiful Things” and “Brave Enough,” and one novel, “Torch.”

Available at Bookshop.org

When the presence (or absence) of others becomes the deciding factor for how you live your life, your life isn’t your own anymore.

Learn how to get better at doing things alone to regain your independence and stop waiting on other people’s permission to live your life: How to Get Better at Doing Things Alone.

Learn how to do things alone—without feeling lonely

a comfortable, nonjudgmental email challenge that helps you own the power of being alone

(See what’s inside.)

3. The Barbizon: The Hotel That Set Women Free by Paulina Bren

This book tells the story of a different kind of solo travel. Not one of visiting foreign lands for cultural or self-discovery but to begin a new life—and leave an old one behind.

In “The Barbizon,” Paulina Bren tells the history of the Barbizon Hotel and its evolution from a respectable women’s boarding house to “the go-to destination for any young American woman with a dream to be something more.”

Up until its closure in 1981, the women’s-only hotel hosted was a temporary home to “young women with artistic aspirations,” including names such as Sylvia Plath, Joan Didion, Grace Kelly, and Betsey Johnson.

The most courageous solo trip one can take is with a one-way ticket, leaving behind all that is familiar for the promise of a better life.

Though your next (or first) solo trip may include a return ticket, the stories of the young women who journeyed to The Barbizon are an inspiring reminder to take risks, move outside your comfort zone, and actively pursue becoming the person you want to be.

About the author: Paulina Bren (1966—) is an American writer, historian, and Adjunct Professor of Multidisciplinary Studies on the Pittsburgh Endowment Chair in the Humanities at Vassar College. Born in Brno, Czechoslovakia, her early work focused on postwar Europe. In recent years, she’s turned her attention to women’s history. In 2024, she wrote She-Wolves: The Untold History of Women on Wall Street.

Available at Bookshop.org

Are you the person you want to be?

Learning about who we are (and who we want to become) is a never-ending journey—but it helps to know where you’re starting from.

Browse 7 Books on Self-Awareness to help you become who you want to be.

4. Roundabout to Moscow an Epicurean Journey by John Bell Bouton

Published in 1887, this travelogue captures John Bell Bouton’s journey to Russia and his experiences of new-to-him cuisine, landscapes, and people.

Without the ease of modern technologies that make it easy to feel at home even when we’re on the other side of the world, it goes without saying that traveling (and traveling alone) in the 19th century was an altogether different kind of experience than we know today.

Still, Bouton’s reflections remain relatable as they underscore one of the timeless benefits of traveling alone: freedom to let our curiosity lead us.

Like “Instructions for Traveling West,” “Wild,” and “The Barbizon,” this solo travel book focuses not on destinations but on the desires to begin traveling and the many complications and delights encountered along the way.

About the author: John Bell Bouton (1830—1902) was an American newspaper editor, journalist, and author. He also published a novel exploring male friendship, Round the Block: An American Novel.

Available at Bookshop.org and Project Gutenberg

It’s much easier to let your own curiosity guide you when you’re not constantly tuned into the voices of others.

Getting off social media (or at least reducing your time spent staring into the void) makes a big difference.

Learn How to Quit Social Media, without deleting your accounts, to turn your focus from algorithms to the real world.

Books on solo travel—my top pick

Poetry is always a good idea.

Maybe you’re contemplating a cross-country road trip or a spontaneous trek to the other side of the world. Perhaps you just need a change of scenery, and a cozy weekend alone in the next over will do.

Joy Sullivan’s poems can help you tune into heart’s yearnings so your feet can lead you where your soul needs to go.

Conclusion: Books on traveling alone remind us of what is possible

There’s something inherently stirring about the open road.

When we move beyond our known territories (even just for a weekend), we allow ourselves to move into new ways of thinking and consider different realities.

For embarking on the open road alone is as much a journey within as it is outward, giving you the chance to explore not only different tastes, sights, and sounds but different vesions of yourself.

When travel feels out of reach, overwhelming, or otherwise unmanageable, books on traveling alone remind us that it’s never too late to begin the journey. We need only the courage to take the first step forward.

Next Steps:

Choose the first book that piques your interest. Don’t overthink it (and don’t put it off and keep scrolling). Not sure where to start. Just read a few pages to start. Joy Sullivan’s Instructions for Traveling West is short but powerful reading.

Pick a day your next (or first) solo trip. It doesn’t have to be far to be worthwhile. Why not take a day trip to a neighboring town where you don’t know anyone and the streets are unusual?

If you’ve never traveled alone before, practice doing things alone first in a place you feel comfortable in. A Merry Loner’s 7-Day Do Things Alone Challenge guides you through a week of bite-sized challenges to get more comfortabel (and confident) doing things alone without feeling lonely.

Use the image below to save this post to Pinterest so this list is there when you need it.

Books on Traveling Alone: FAQs

What are some good travel books to invoke wanderlust?

Roundabout to Moscow by John Bell Bouton is a 19th-century travelogue that inspires dreamy fantasies of crossing Europe by train. If you’re tired of RyanAir and crowded airports and want a slower, more romantic way to travel, start here.

What are the most inspirational books on traveling that you have read?

Cheryl Strayed’s Wild tells the tale of a recent divorcée who sets off to hike 1,000+ miles of the Pacific Crest Trail alone. It’s an inspiring story of challenging yourself, quite literally moving outside of your comfort zone, and finding it in you to anew when life comes undone.

What is the best book you have read which has inspired you to travel and live abroad?

The Barbizon by Paulina Bren isn’t a modern memoir on becoming a digital nomad or bacpacking around the world. But in my eyes, it does much more to incite solo travel and inspire you to leave what you know a build the life you’ve been dreaming of.

What are some good books to read while travelling?

While traveling alone, I suggest bringing along Joy Sullivan’s collection of poems, Instructions for Traveling West. Compared to a dense novel, it’s easy to start or end each day of your journey by reading one poem—and her verses on “commit[ting] to the road” and “the sincere thrill of coming apart” will help you stay the course even when things get tough.

Merry

Discover how the merry loner lifestyle makes life more enjoyable:

LONER MINDSET: fresh perspectives on learning to genuinely enjoy your own company

BOOKS: reading lists for people who love being alone with a good story

ANALOG LIVING: inspiration to step back from the screen and live a life offline

SOLO TRAVEL: guides on where to go and how to enjoy it alone

MINDFUL CONSUMPTION: vetted recommendations for a simpler, less wasteful life

LONER Q&As: interviews from global voices on how to live a meaningful, enjoyable life

The post Books on Traveling Alone to Feed Your Wanderlust appeared first on A Merry Loner.

8 Easy, Affordable Ways to Support Local Businesses—and Why It’s Important

Merry — Thu, 15 Jan 2026 13:55:56 +0000

Shifting just a few purchases to locally owned stores makes a difference as we fight the good fight against mass production and megacorporations.

In the last quarter of 2025, in a turn of events that stunned no one, OpenAI announced its move towards agentic commerce, allowing U.S. ChatGPT users to buy items directly in the chatbox.

As an aside, let’s not forget that ChatGPT’s self-proclaimed mission is “to ensure that artificial general intelligence benefits all of humanity.” How encouraging people to buy more things they likely don’t need benefits humanity is beyond me. But what do I know?

Embarrassingly for Mr. Altman, ChatGPT apparently isn’t even useful for shilling products. Per researchers at the University of Hamburg and the Frankfurt School of Finance & Management, organic Large Language Model traffic (oLLM) traffic performs “below all other traditional channels,” save paid social.

But I digress.

While I love to roast Big Tech and drone on about the environmental and humanitarian implications of shopping via Amazon Prime, today, as for all days, the focus is on what small steps we can take to make life more enjoyable.

One easy but impactful way to support your community and your own wellbeing is to shop local—and you don’t have to break the bank or otherwise inconvenience yourself to do it.

Read on to learn 8 easy, affordable ways to support local businesses and why this matters.

The shortlist: 8 ways to support local businesses (without spending a lot of money)

Buy coffee beans or grounds from a local shop instead of a grocery store

Get groceries at your local farmer’s market

Buy books from a local, in-person bookstore (not Amazon)

Shop clothes from local boutiques instead of name-brand stores or online

Eat at local restaurants instead of chains

For gifts, check out local shops instead of ordering online

Follow local businesses on social media—and tell friends

When in doubt, ask yourself this question

The shortlist: 5 reasons why you should support local businesses

You keep money in your local community

You build your community’s cultural identity

You (usually) get better customer service

You support skilled artisans instead of mass production

You give money to working people instead of celebrities and billionaires

Plus:

5 ways to discover local businesses near you to break free from algorithm-led recommendations

6 quotes to remind you to support local businesses

2 quotes to inspire you to keep going with your own project (even if it feels like you’re not getting anywhere right now)

More popular articles on mindful consumption:

5 Alternatives to Amazon for Books (and why I no longer buy books from Amazon)

How to Stop Wanting Things

6 Ethical Tea Companies for Fair Trade Tea Bags & Organic Tea

How to support local businesses

Shopping local seems pretty easy. Buy from shops near your home, right? Not really.

Most of the brands we touch on a regular basis can all be traced back to a few megacorporations:

“A handful of corporations control the majority market share of almost 80% of dozens of grocery items bought regularly by ordinary Americans,” reveals a joint investigation by the Guardian and Food and Water Watch.
More of a visual learner? Good created a fantastic infographic that shows how just ten companies own pretty much all the food and beverage brands we know and buy.
If you’re into videos, check out political economist Jennifer Clapp’s presentation at Duke’s World Food Policy Center on concentrated corporate power in food systems and why it matters.

I’m not saying we should all become homesteaders and start making our own toothpaste and milk. But shopping local when and where you can is a low-lift way to support your local community and put money in the pockets of families trying to make a living—not in the clutches of megacorporations and their shareholders.

And it doesn’t have to inconvenience you or cost you more money.

Try these 8 simple swaps to support local businesses in your community:

1. Buy coffee beans or grounds from a local shop instead of a grocery store

Instead of giving your money to Stop & Shop (AKA Ahold Delhaize, a Dutch-Belgian multinational retail and wholesale holding company), why not give it to the small business owner running the local coffee shop down your street?

It’s an easy swap in your weekly routine. Beyond supporting your local community, you get something out of it too: social connection.

Rather than mindlessly adding beans to your virtual cart or scanning your way zombie-like through self-checkout, you can meet your local barista.

And because coffee is a consumable, you’ll soon become a regular at your local coffee shop, filling up on freshly ground beans and low-effort, but comfortably familiar conversation with your local baristas.

Key takeaway: By buying beans from a local coffee shop instead of a corporate grocery store, you support a small business and build ties with your community.

There’s big power in small talk.

During the pandemic, I quit my desk job and worked as a barista for a year in my neighborhood coffee shop. Within a few weeks, I knew almost every regular (and their drink order) by name—and I became friends with many of them.

We went to dinner together, hosted parties, and exchanged masked-up, over-the-counter hugs when one of us was having a bad day. (In 2020—2021, it was often that one of us was having a bad day.)

The interactions were small and surface level at first, but all those tiny, consistent conversations built up over time. After that, Main Street wasn’t just somewhere I ran errands; it was a lively community full of familiar faces.

Not a coffee drinker? What about fresh tea leaves instead?

If your local coffee shop doesn’t sell tea, you have other options.

They may not be local to you, but these ethical tea companies prioritize workers’ rights and environmental protection (which can’t be said for just any tea brand you see on the grocery store shelf).

2. Get groceries at your local farmer’s market

If you’re already buying coffee from a local shop, take things up a notch by doing some of your weekly grocery shopping at the local farmer’s market.

Obviously, you’re still going to need to head to a big-box store for staples like toilet paper and sponges. But when it comes to actual food (e.g., milk, fruits, vegetables, bread, etc.) you can get most of it from a local seller.

And once you go farmer’s market, you won’t want to go back to grocery store tomatoes:

“Produce from local farmers has spent more time on the vine, on the tree or in the ground, so you get better taste and more nutrients,” Melinda Cater, MS, RD, CSG, LDN and Clinical Dietician II at Sibley Memorial Hospital told John Hopkins Medicine.

Browsing the stalls at your farmer’s market also gives you a chance to meet and mingle with your community, something we all need more of nowadays.

Key takeaway: When you shop at your local farmer’s market instead of your big-box store, you not only support and participate in your local community, you get to eat tastier, healthier food, too.

Getting involved in your local community makes life more enjoyable.

But it can be nerve-wracking to introduce yourself to strangers and initiate conversations.

Don’t have the courage to try new things by yourself? You can build it. Sign up for A Merry Loner’s 7-Day Do Things Alone Challenge to build your self-confidence and reduce social anxiety.

3. Buy books from a local, in-person bookstore

This is one of my favorite ways to support local businesses, and IMHO, it’s the easiest way for beginners to get started shopping local.

Why? Because whether you order a book from Amazon or pick it up from your local bookstore, the end product is exactly the same.

But instead of giving the gazillion-dollar company even more money—and funding a business that puts workers’ health at risk, barely pays them a living wage, and lets them get injured on the job—you’re supporting a person making a living in your local community.

Plus, isn’t it just delicious to spend some time wandering the shelves of a bookstore?

I’d say it’s much more pleasant than clicking ADD TO CART and getting bombarded by notifications, ads, and emails pressuring you to buy more things you don’t need.

Key takeaway: Shopping at your local bookstore keeps money in your community instead of sending it to Jeff Bezos. And you still get exactly the same product.

Can’t find the book you want in your local bookstore?

Your local bookstore owner is usually more than happy to order it for you.

If you really can’t find what you need and want to order it online but stay away from the big, bad Amazon, try these affordable alternatives to Amazon.

4. Shop clothes from local boutiques instead of name-brand stores or online

I don’t think I need to tell you that fast fashion is one of the worst things to come out of the 21st century.

But let me jog your memory anyway:

60% of textiles contain microplastic, which can accumulate in soil and groundwater when textiles decompose in landfills. In fact, 11% of all plastic waste comes from clothing and textile, making it the third biggest contributor. SOURCES: U.S. Government Accountability Office and United Nations News

The U.S. wasted 17 million tonnes of textiles (10 times more than in 1960) in 2018. But it’s not just a U.S. problem. Global textile waste exceeded 92 million tonnes in 2018. SOURCES: United States Environmental Protection Agency and Global Fashion Agenda

The fashion industry consumes 86 million Olympic-sized swimming pools of water per year. SOURCE: United Nations News

Of course, the best way to fight fast fashion is to simply buy less.

The next best thing we can do is buy better by shopping second-hand and/or local.

Shop from second-hand stores. It’s a win-win. You help eliminate fashion waste instead of contributing to it, and you’re supporting a small business at the same time.

Visit a local tailor. Ask them to transform an article of clothing you own or thrifted into something new. Or buy fabric and commission something from scratch. Instead of funding Zara, you’re supporting local artisan with an amazing skill.

Go to a local boutique. The clothes may be new, but you’re putting money in the hands of a local shop owner in your community instead of H&M, and that’s what matters most.

Key takeaway: Buy your clothes from small businesses by shopping at thrift stores and locally-owned boutiques. You can even bring fabric to your local tailor and ask them to create a bespoke piece for you.

Fashion is fun. It’s not your fault we got to this point.

Everywhere we look, we’re being pressured to buy more. It can be hard to fight it.

That’s why I wrote this post on How to Stop Wanting Things to help you kill the desire to consume, once and for all.

5. Eat at local restaurants instead of chains

Locally owned restaurants bring so much to their communities.

I’m sure we’ve all driven by a once-favorite local restaurant that went belly up when their lease expired or they just couldn’t fight the corporate competition anymore. Only when we see the gray husks of their storefronts do we realize how beloved a presence they were in the local lore.

Don’t let these folks go out of business.

Instead of getting your daily coffee fix from Starbucks or Dunkin’ Donuts, visit your local café.
Instead of ordering Uber Eats from Domino’s Pizza, go to your local pizza guy down the block for a box.

Key takeaway: Locally owned restaurants add energy and spirit to your community. Skip corporate chains that make you order on a screen and settle into a mom-and-pop booth instead.

Why not take yourself on a date to your local pub this week?

Back when I lived in Providence, Rhode Island, I was a regular at Harry’s Burger Bar (one of the many delightful bars in Providence). Every Tuesday night, I’d settle in with a book, a burger, and a beer for some quality time with myself.

It was a date I never skipped—but I know eating alone can feel weird for a lot of people.

Sign up for A Merry Loner’s 7-Day Do Things Alone Challenge to learn how to own the power of being alone so you can stop waiting on others to enjoy your life.

6. For gifts, check out local shops instead of ordering online

Another easy way to support local businesses instead of buying more useless plastic trinkets made by unfortunate, overworked souls in an overseas factory: go to local shops and boutiques for gift-giving.

There are so many great, handmade wares to buy to support a local artisan and business instead of a factory and a robber baron, like:

Handmade pottery from a local studio
Flowers from a local florist
Sweaters from a local knitting shop
Paintings from a local artist
Beer from a local brewery
Honey from a local farmer
Pretty soap and bath things from a local craftsman

Key takeaway: Don’t default to Amazon when it’s time to buy gifts for loved ones. Instead, head to local shops for handmade goods made from local artists and tradespeople.

Know a fellow self-care fiend?

Create a locally sourced self-care gift basket with local honey, flowers, soap, and the like.

Then slip in my Ultimate Guide to Self-Care with 100+ ideas to take care of yourself.

7. Follow local businesses on social media—and tell friends

If you’re not ready to spend any money, don’t. (Although I know this is often a lot easier said than done.)

You can still support local businesses without whipping out your wallet. Often, the best way you can help a small business is by simply spreading the word.

Did your local barista make your latte just the way you like it? Leave the coffee shop a review on Google so more people can find them.

Did you buy delicious fresh vegetables or flowers at your local farmer’s market? Tell a friend about it. Better yet, invite them to join you next week.

Did you discover the perfect burrito at a joint around the corner? Follow them on social media and tell your coworkers about it.

Key takeaway: Support doesn’t always have to mean money. Help your local business owners keep their shops going by spreading the word at work, with your friends, and online.

Did something in this post spark a new idea? Give you a different perspective? Make your day a little brighter?

Tell a friend. You can simply share this article with them.

Better yet, send them to A Merry Loner’s newsletter so they can also get ideas to enjoy their own company (and their life) more.

8. When in doubt, ask yourself: “Is there a local business I can buy this from instead?”

Buying beans from a local coffee shop. Shopping from local bookstores instead of Amazon. Eating at mom-and-pop restaurants instead of chains.

These are just some ways you can shop local. Once you get in the habit of it, it becomes a lot easier and more obvious to find other ways to support local businesses in your community.

Key takeaway: The next time you go to buy something online, stop and see if there’s a local business you can buy it from instead. Every purchase counts.

Why support local businesses

The jaws of Big Business are clamping down on us.

Doesn’t it feel like you need to create an account (and, in doing so, hand over your personal data) to buy pretty much anything online now? Corporations are squeezing us for fees wherever and whenever they can. All the while, quality seems to be tumbling fast.

When you support local businesses, you not only enrich your community and keep money in the hands of working people, but you fight the good fight against the megacorporations intent on owning it all.

More reasons to support local businesses in your town:

1. You keep money in your local community

When you buy from a local shop, you keep your money in your community instead of sending it to distant shareholders.

This does two good things for your community.

First, it keeps your town thriving, economically. I don’t think we need to get in the weeds about this. You know that when you shop from local businesses, you help keep them in business. That keeps families in your neighborhood making it money; it keeps tax dollars going back to your town and state; and it keeps money flowing to your local schools, libraries, and other public services.

Actually, even without getting taxes involved, most small business owners are committing to giving back to their communities, all on their own.

According to the Small Business Index from the U.S. Chamber of Commerce, nine in 10 small business owners “believe that businesses should give back to their local communities.” Eight in 10 believe that giving back to their local community is part of their business’s mission.

Keep an eye out for that philanthropy. It’s in more places than you think.

When I went to see a production of The Nutcracker at the Providence Performance Arts Center, I remember flipping through the program to the sponsors page. It was full of small businesses I recognized: a local pizza shop, my favorite local brewery, a crowd-pleasing Italian restaurant. All supporting art in the community.

Does Amazon support art in your community?

2. You build your community’s cultural identity

What’s the second good thing about keeping money in your local community?

It keeps it thriving, culturally.

I grew up in East Greenwich, Rhode Island, which has a lively Main Street full of restaurants, coffee shops, art galleries, and boutiques. But during tough times, some of those shopfronts become barren.

It’s always a sad sight to see. Less friendly chatter on the sidewalks. Fewer smiling faces walking down the street with takeout coffee in one hand a dog leash in the other.

That’s what happens when people order their books from Amazon instead of buying from local bookstores or when they auto-subscribe to coffee beans from Amazon instead of meeting their local barista once a week for a freshly ground bag.

And no surprise, a culturally vibrant place—not one dominated by big business—is where most people want to live.

Americans are willing to spend an extra $150 per month (and travel up to 30 minutes) to keep their local shops in business.
Nearly 75% say they appreciate their local shops more since the pandemic. SOURCE: Faire

Eight in 10 (82%) say small businesses positively impact peoples’ lives—only four in 10 people say the same about large businesses. SOURCE: Bentley University

3. You (usually) get better customer service

When you interact with a megacorporation, you are but one among thousands if not tens of thousands or even millions of customers. You are not special to them.

After all, just think back to the last interaction you had with customer service for a big-name store.

Were you even talking to a human? Or did they siphon off your concerns to an (unhelpful) AI chatbot? These days, it seems big business don’t even deign to speak to us.

When they do, they don’t make it easy. How many times have you wasted hours of your day waiting on hold, exchanging useless emails, and all but begging to get help from a compassionless corporate portal?

Compare that to communicating face to face with an actual person in a real-life shop.

I’ve been the customer of many small businesses where the owner or employee clearly went out of their way to help me. Not because they had a middle manager breathing down their neck or tracking software watching their every move.

But because they were one person talking to another. And once you strip away the chatbots and automated workflows and the never-ending customer service queues, we can remember that other people are generally nice.

That time the local barista did me a solid.

When I was a teenager, I always used to study in the local coffee shop.

One day, after settling in with my books and laptop, I approached the counter to order a coffee.

My peppermint mocha or whatever the hell teenage, pre-coffee-drinking Merry was into was already in my hand when it was time to ring up.

But my debit card didn’t work, and I didn’t have any cash.

I handed the cup back and awkwardly said, “Sorry, I can’t pay for this.”

But the barista just waved his hand and told me don’t worry about it, to keep the drink anway—and let me sit there for hours on the couch and study.*

Think that would happen in a chain store?

*When my mom arrived a few hours later to pick me up (this was pre-driving days), she handed me a $20 to put in the tip jar, along with my profuse gratitude.

Don’t forget to pay the good deeds forward.

4. You support skilled artisans instead of mass production

When you shop locally, you can more directly give your money to talented artisans—instead of trusting corporate structures to let it “trickle down” to the people doing the actual crafting.

That’s why I chose to commission a handmade trench coat from a local seamstress instead of buying one from a luxury brand:

Last year, I wanted to buy a trench coat. I was prepared to invest because I saw this as a forever item.

So intent was I on buying classic and quality, I even briefly considered splashing out on a Burberry trench coat that costs somewhere in the insane realm of $1,000.

But when I went to the store to try it on, I was underwhelmed with the fit and the fabric.

“I’m willing to spend on an investment, but only if it’s perfect and I love it,” I told a friend.

The Burberry trench coat, a major (and majorly expensive) name brand wasn’t cutting it.

“I know what I’ll do. I’ll ask the seamstress who made my wedding dress.”

The woman who made my wedding dress has a God-given talent. Not only did she make an absolutely divine dress off little more than a grainy picture I gave her, she didn’t even charge me for the fabric.

I had wanted an all-lace dress, which would normally double the price of the garment. But she had leftovers from a fancy gown she’d made for someone else, so she gave it to me for free.

Remember what I said about small businesses providing better customer service?

What she did with the trench coat was even more impressive.

All I did was show her a picture of a style I liked. Within a week, I had the coat in my hands.

It fit my body like a glove. It had the printed silk lining I chose. And it even included an inside breast pocket that I requested (because why don’t women’s clothes ever have this?).

Yes, it was expensive. (I paid her 600€, and I believe I spent about 150€ on fabric and notions.) But with her incredible talent, artistry, and craftsmanship, she deserved every penny.

And I would gladly give my money to a hardworking, skilled artisan over a global corporation any day.

5. You give money to working people instead of celebrities and billionaires

Jeff Bezos doesn’t need your help.

Nor do the Waltons (of Walmart). Nor does the Bettencourt Meyers family of (L’Oréal). Nor does Hailey Bieber or George Clooney or any of the Kardashians.

Perhaps the most important reason to support local businesses are the people at the receiving end of those purchases: the people in your community.

The artist mustering the courage to publicly display their work.
The restaurateur putting all their savings into their dream venture.
The coffee shop owner who commits to waking up at 5AM every day because they’re still a one-person show.

Wouldn’t you prefer to give them some of your hard-earned money? Instead of adding to the accounts of celebrities, millionaires, and billionaires?

How to discover local businesses near you

It might seem obvious, but since we’ve become so used to tuning into the algorithms and distant influencers for recommendations, it can actually be hard to find local shops near us, especially if they don’t have a huge online presence.

Here are a few fast ways to discover local businesses in your community:

1. Google Maps

Easy enough, right? Open your phone app and search for what you need: coffee shops, restaurants, bookstores, boutiques.

Of course, you can just do a basic Google search, but that’s usually going to pull in a lot of online stores with big Internet presences optimized for SEO—not what we’re going for here.

To discover local mom-and-pop restaurants and small-town boutiques without fancy websites, Google Maps can help you tune out the SEO noise and see what’s really going on close to home.

2. Instagram

This one’s a little bit tricky, a little bit more cluttered, and honestly, not my favorite. But if visuals are what stimulate and entice you, then head here to discover local businesses near you.

Simply open up search and type in the name of your town.

You’ll likely find some mildly entertaining but largely unhelpful Reels. But through that chaos you can sometimes find small town guides created by locals or travelers, highlighting the local businesses that don’t optimize for Google Search.

3. Local business directories

I like this because it’s less flashy and more to the point.

Most towns and cities maintain a public list of registered businesses—which you can use as your very own local shopping guide.

Just go to Google and type: “[insert town name here] business directory.”

Because my home state, Rhode Island, is so small, I made the search a little broader. Here’s some of what I found:

Voilà, easy-to-read, well-organized, no-fuss lists of the local businesses in your community.

4. Bulletin boards in local spaces

Trying to live a more analog life? One where you don’t turn to the Instagram and Google overlords for every decision you make in life?

Me too. I tire of the scrolling and algorithm gatekeeping, which is why I’m making a pointed effort lately to live life in the real world. And that includes shopping.

If you want to find local businesses in your community, then start by getting out in your community.

Head to a local coffee shop, town hall, library, or another public meeting place. More often than not these spaces have bulletin boards overflowing with business cards, flyers, and pamphlets for local events, classes, and businesses in your community.

While you’re in the building, don’t forget to smile at people, hold the door for strangers, and practice a few other basic pleasantries that make life nicer for all of us.

Looking for more ways to go analog?

With so much pressure to digitize and automate, it’s no longer always intuitive to live an analog life.

Try these five simple swaps to bring analog living into your daily routine, without spending a lot of money or otherwise inconveniencing yourself.

5. Asking people

Of course, the best way to get in the know about your local community is to ask your local community.

The next time you head out for a coffee, you get your oil changed, or you mail something at the post office, ask the person behind the counter:

“I’m looking for a new restaurant to try this weekend? Anything good near here you can recommend?”
“I’m trying to wean off of Amazon Prime. Do you know any local bookstores in the area?”
“I want to pick up some flowers on the way home, but I don’t want to go to Stop & Shop. Is there a local florist near here?”

Unsurprisingly, people who live in your community will know more about it than Google does, which gets easily duped by strategically optimized websites and sponsored placements.

Plus, you’re actually interacting with a person, not an algorithm. And isn’t that the whole point?

Does it feel weird asking a perfect stranger such a question?

For some people, it really does. But it doesn’t have to be that way forever.

If you want to build your self-confidence, reduce social anxiety, and get more comfortable speaking up alone in public, we can work on it together.

Sign up for A Merry Loner’s 7-Day Do Things Alone Challenge, a comfortable, nonjudgmental email challenge that helps you own the power of being alone.

Support local business quotes

When it feels easier to default to Amazon Prime or order online from Starbucks, remind yourself why it’s worth walking that extra block to the local bookstore or coffee shop.

Plus, two quotes to inspire you to keep working on your small business venture, even if it feels like an uphill battle against the big guys:

“Every purchase you make is a vote for the world you want to live in.”

Speaker: Anna Lappé, author and educator (1973—)

"A small business is an amazing way to serve and leave an impact on the world you live in."

Speaker: Nicole Snow, contemporary romance author (unknown)

"Support your friend’s business and progression like you support the celebrities that you actually don’t know."

Speaker: Anonymous

“Shopping locally is an act of love for your community and the people who make it special.”

Speaker: Dolly Parton, singer, songwriter, actress, philanthropist, businesswoman (1946—)

"People do not buy goods and services. They buy relations, stories, and magic."

Speaker: Seth Godin, author and marketer (1960—)

"Giving a gift from a small business is giving a gift twice."

Speaker: Anonymous

"Don't be intimidated by what you don't know. That can be your greatest strength and ensure that you do things differently from everyone else."

Speaker: Sara Blakely, businesswoman and philanthropist (1971—)

"Dream big, start small, but most of all, start."

Speaker: Simon Sinek, author and inspirational speaker (1973—)

Conclusion: Supporting local businesses is an act of love, to yourself and your community.

Overconsumption is tiresome. Everywhere we look, we are being encouraged to buy, subscribe, upgrade.

In the fight against materialism, it often feels like we just can’t win.

Foregoing buying new goods altogether is too difficult if not impossible—and also, a little pointless. (Who says we can’t treat ourselves to something new once in a while?) But ordering everything from Amazon feels soul-sucking and sad.

Buying from local businesses, instead, feels nourishing.

We nourish working families in our town, instead of celebrity brands or billionaires. We nourish our communities, keeping the streets full with locally owned restaurants, flower shops, and bookstores. And we nourish ourselves, filling our homes with wares dreamed up and crafted by artisans.

We don’t have to buy everything from local businesses; that’s often not realistic. But shifting just a few purchases to locally owned stores makes a difference as we fight the good fight against mass production and megacorporations.

It’s one small, artful battle after another.

Next Steps:

Start small. Pick one category (like coffee or books) and start buying from a local business instead of a Starbucks or Amazon.

Spread the word. Try a new local restaurant that you love? Tell a friend or invite them to join you next time. Then, send them this blog post so they can get more ideas to support local businesses.

Track your purchases. Whipping out the credit card is so easy, it’s hard to keep track of where our money goes. Sit down, go through your bank statements, and review the last month’s purchases. Then, make a list: What did you order from Amazon? And what can you purchase from a small business moving forward instead?

Use the image below to save this post to Pinterest so this list is there when you need it.

How to Support Local Businesses (and Why): Common FAQs

Why is supporting local businesses important?

Supporting local businesses is important for two main reasons: it keeps money in your local community and it builds your community’s cultural identity. Shopping at local businesses also helps support local artisans and craftspeople, honoring people doing the real work instead of corporations churning out mass production.

Does Amazon support local businesses?

Not really. Some people argue that small business owners can expand their reach beyond their local community by promoting their products on Amazon—but they pay a pretty penny for doing so. A study from Marketplace Pulse revealed that Amazon takes more than 50% of sellers’ revenue due to an intricate web of fees, e.g., transaction, fulfillment, and advertising.

So even if you’re buying a small business on Amazon, you mostly end up supporting Amazon and its shareholders—not the small business.

What happens when you support local businesses?

When you shop local, you help working families in your community make a living; add money to your local economy; and you invest in the character and cultural identity of your community—because every purchase that stays local is a vote for the kind of world you want to live in.

How does supporting local businesses help the community?

It keeps money in your local community instead of sending it to celebrities’ or billionaires’ global brands. This way, your money can stay local, keeping your neighbors employed, your public services funded, and your culture thriving.

Merry

Discover how the merry loner lifestyle makes life more enjoyable:

LONER MINDSET: fresh perspectives on learning to genuinely enjoy your own company

BOOKS: reading lists for people who love being alone with a good story

ANALOG LIVING: inspiration to step back from the screen and live a life offline

SOLO TRAVEL: guides on where to go and how to enjoy it alone

MINDFUL CONSUMPTION: vetted recommendations for a simpler, less wasteful life

LONER Q&As: interviews from global voices on how to live a meaningful, enjoyable life

The post 8 Easy, Affordable Ways to Support Local Businesses—and Why It’s Important appeared first on A Merry Loner.

How to Spend Xmas Alone Without Feeling Lonely or Left Out

Merry — Fri, 19 Dec 2025 18:23:03 +0000

One Christmas alone doesn’t mean all Christmases will be alone. This year may be a quiet moment—that’s okay.

Spending Christmas alone is a lot more common than people realize.

A Mission for Michael (AMFM) conducted a survey in December 2025, combining the results with US census data to estimate how many people will spend Christmas alone this year: 16.3 million.

But spending the holidays alone isn’t just an American phenomenon.

A study by the Policy Institute at King’s College London found that one in nine people in the UK will spend Christmas alone this year—that’s double the number of solitary Christmas celebrations from 1969.

No, this isn’t just more fodder about the loneliness epidemic that everyone’s going on about. According to AMFM’s survey, 16% actually say they prefer to spend Christmas alone.

Unsurprisingly, however, they’re in the minority. Twenty-five percent say they feel lonely about spending Christmas alone; 22% say it makes them feel sad.

This is not a post to encourage you to spend the holidays alone (unless you want to). But against our own wishes, there are sometimes factors at play that prevent us from being with loved ones on the holidays.

Your friends and family may live far away, and the cost of travel just isn’t feasible this year. Maybe you have to work during Christmas and can’t make it to your family’s festivities. Or perhaps you moved to a new city alone or you’re otherwise going through a phase in your life where your social circle is small. It happens.

If you’re spending the holidays alone this year, know that this is not your fate. Life will continue, and you will celebrate with loved ones again.

In the meantime, though, you can still bring some holiday cheer to your own loner Christmas.

As I like to call it, here’s a guide to A Merry Loner’s Christmas:

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The shortlist: 11 things to do on Christmas alone

Don’t treat it like a regular day (because it’s not)

Get dressed up (even if you’re staying at home)

Stay off social media (it’ll make you feel better, I promise)

Leave the house at least once (even if it’s just for a walk)

Treat yourself to a special meal—homecooked or in a restaurant

Bake something festive: gingerbread cookies, bread, cake

Watch a Christmas movie—but don’t spend the whole day in front of the screen

Volunteer—it’s a great way to remember you’re not the only one spending the holidays alone

Write Christmas or New Year’s letters to put in the mail tomorrow

Go to a local event (markets, festivals, light displays)

Consider going to church (even if you’re not religious, you might enjoy the sense of community)

More popular articles on the Loner Mindset:

How to Get Better at Doing Things Alone

How to Enjoy Your Own Company

Moving to a New City in Your 30s—Feeling Lonely in Your “Prime”

How to spend Christmas alone: a plan for spending the holidays alone and enjoying it

How to cope with spending holidays alone? Know that this is not your forever fate. The tides will change, and you will be merry under the mistletoe again.

For this year, see the day as an opportunity to spend time with yourself and celebrate the forgotten joys of solitude.

1. Don’t treat it like a regular day

Because it isn’t. And just because you’re spending Christmas alone this year, it doesn’t mean you can’t make it feel special.

Actually, the more you sit around feeling glum and sorry for yourself, the worse you’ll feel.

Instead, think about your solo Christmas as a blissfully free day to spend entirely by yourself and for yourself doing what you please, when you please, how you please.

For all my people-pleasers out there, all this “me time” can often be quite challenging, especially if you’re used to deferring to others for weekend plans, restaurant reservations, and travel itineraries.

Try this: Forget it’s Christmas and all ideas of activities you’re “supposed” to do. If you had a free day off to do whatever you wanted, what would you do? Can you plan your solo Christmas Day around that?

If spending the holidays alone has got you feeling down…

Consider this your opportunity to learn how to enjoy your company. (I promise you, it’s worth the effort.)

See why learning to enjoy your own company is important—and how to start.

2. Get dressed up

As tempting as it may be, don’t spend the whole day in your pajamas. This is generally a good rule, even when you’re not at home alone for Christmas.

While it might seem cozy to spend the whole day snuggled up in your softest pants and sweaters, it’s not the best move for your mental health:

A study published in The Medical Journal of Australia showed that wearing pajamas during the day “was significantly associated with more frequent reporting of poorer mental health than non-p[a]jama wearers.”

This wasn’t part of the study, but I would also posit that dressing up in slightly fancier clothes will make you feel even better than just throwing on a casual tee shirt and jeans.

I refuse to believe it’s a coincidence that I feel better leaving the house when I’m wearing a fabulous pair of shoes and that I generally feel like crap if I spend the whole day in a sweatshirt with unbrushed hair (but that’s just me).

TLDR: This is your invitation to don your favorite Christmas sweater, your holiday party dress, your high heels, your suit, or your red lipstick—even if no one will see you and you never leave the house.

3. Stay off social media

Again, another good rule of thumb in life.

I don’t think I need to tell you that obsessively scrolling social media is probably the worst habit we’ve collectively picked up as a society. I won’t get into it all here, but Stanford Law School has compiled a systematic review summarizing the cataclysmic effects of social media on both our mental and physical health, including but not limited to:

Depression
Anxiety
Psychological distress
Suicide
Attention deficits
Increased aggression
Low self-esteem

Why bring any of this energy into your holiday (or any day, for that matter)?

Still, I know it’s easy to reach for the phone, especially when you’re spending the whole day alone and are looking for connection or at least entertainment.

But you have other options. Check out 30+ ideas for what to do instead of social media—on Christmas day or any day.

Does it feel impossible to put the phone down?

We’ve all been there. Social media companies literally spend millions of dollars and employ hundreds of people to keep us hooked on the scroll.

But you only need a few simple tricks to retrain your brain and kick your doomscrolling habit.

Learn how to quit social media (without deleting your accounts or going cold turkey).

4. Leave the house at least once

There’s nothing wrong with dressing in your Christmas finery just to dance around your kitchen to Mariah Carey and eat gingerbread cookies. But for your physical health and your sanity, I strongly encourage you to leave the house at least once when you’re spending Christmas alone.

Depending on where you live, there might be some places open on Christmas, like coffee shops, movie theaters, or restaurants. These are all great options to get out of the house and see the world instead of holing up alone and wondering what to do on holidays alone.

But if you don’t have the courage to eat alone at a restaurant on Christmas day, simply heading out for a walk will work. In fact, it’s probably the best thing you can do for yourself:

A mindful walk decreases anxiety and stress, per a study from the International Journal of exercise science.
Taking 1,000 steps per day could reduce depression by 10%, per a peer-reviewed medical journal published by the American Medical Association.
The rhythm of a walk produces a specific brainwave linked to improved mood, explains NewScientist.

Not supported by science, but I bet listening to Christmas music—or at least walking past a few decorated houses—during your walk ups the ante.

5. Treat yourself to a special meal

Either at a restaurant or at home.

I personally love taking myself out to dinner because I don’t really like cooking; instead of experimenting in the kitchen, I’d much rather spend a few hours luxuriating over something tasty, a wonderful book, and a glass(es) of wine.

But if this isn’t in your budget or comfort zone, a home-cooked meal can be equally luxurious. And I say, why not pull out all the stops? Like a three-course meal for one:

Appetizer: Soup or salad (or both)

Entrée: A sheet pan dinner is an easy, hands-free way to cook a full (delicious) meal without spending hours in the kitchen
Dessert: Ice cream, cake, or Christmas cookies

Does the idea of eating alone in a restaurant freak you out?

That’s okay, most people get nervous about this, too. And then they realize how freeing it feels.

6. Bake something festive

The obvious choice is Christmas cookies (I’m partial to gingerbread), but you go with whatever your heart desires, whether that’s simple chocolate chip cookies, sourdough bread, or a three-layer cake with fresh cream.

In addition to gingerbread cookies, my family always keeps a Christmas tea bread on hand to have in the morning with coffee and tea while we wait for the whole house to wake up.

Even if you’re not a big baker (I’m not), I still encourage you to put yourself in the kitchen and challenge yourself. If you’re spending Christmas alone at home, it’s a quick, slippery slope to the poor-me blues, but one of the best ways to keep your mood up is to stay active and busy.

Remember the Spending Christmas Alone Protocol: Get dressed. Put on some Christmas music. And get moving.

The perfect match for your Christmas cookies? Say it with me: Christmas tea.

In my book, every day is an occasion for a tea party, but I’m particularly fond of the Christmas brews: cloves, cinnamon, orange peel, and nutmeg.

If coffee is more your thing but you don’t want to give yourself the jitters all day long, check out my Guide to Finding the Best Tea for Non Tea Drinkers.

Before you start brewing, peruse this list of ethical tea companies to double-check the tea you buy doesn’t contribute to environmental desolation or capitalist exploitation.

7. Watch a Christmas movie (but don't spend the whole day in front of the screen)

I’m a sucker for a classic Christmas movie. Before streaming days, I used to make my own viewing schedule to make sure I caught all my favorites on cable before Christmas Day.

But like limiting your social media use, the key here is to not overdue it.

Instead of a full-on binge-fest in your pajamas, stick to one or two films max. (I’m partial to “It’s a Wonderful Life,” “Elf,” or any of the old-school claymation movies like “The Year Without a Santa Claus” or “Santa Claus Is Comin’ to Town.”)

Is analog living more your vibe? Good on you.

If so, then this is the season to curl up with The Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens.

What if you just can’t get into the holiday spirit alone?

Don’t despair. Things will turn out alright in the end, even if it doesn’t feel that way today.

When I’m spiraling and the world seems big and scary, these books help calm my existential dread.

8. Volunteer your time

You’re not the only one spending holidays alone this year. Unfortunately, no matter the month or where we are in the world, there are always lonely people, sick people, hungry people.

So maybe this year, as you try to figure out how to celebrate holidays alone, you could dedicate a bit of your holiday time to those in need.

It’s not only an act of kindness for someone else; it’s an act of love for yourself, too. I find when I’m feeling lonely, depressed, or just down in the blues, doing something nice for someone else is the quickest way to turn my mood around.

HOW TO FIND OPPORTUNITIES TO VOLUNTEER ON CHRISTMAS:

Help out at your local foodbank. The USDA reported “47.4 million people lived in food insecure households in 2023” (though this longstanding annual food insecurity is now terminated).

Go to Feeding America to find a foodbank near you.

Visit a nursing home in your area. My mom worked in the Alzheimer’s unit at a nursing home when I was growing up, so I was a regular visitor to those residents who didn’t have nearby friends or family.

An hour playing cards, drinking tea together, or just chatting is a low lift for you but could be the highlight of someone else’s day.

Volunteer with Salvation Army. They always need help at shelters and food drives—or you can ring the bell to help raise donations.

Find a Salvation Army near you where you can donate some of your time.

9. Write Christmas or New Year’s letters to mail to loved ones

Another do-good-feel-good activity to help you figure out how to spend holidays alone at home.

Is there anything more delightful than receiving an unexpected letter in the mail? With just a few minutes of your time and less than a dollar, you can create that special moment for someone else.

Plus, if you’re unable to travel for the holidays and are missing your loved ones, letter-writing can be a very intimate, thoughtful way to stay connected despite the distance. So get creative:

Buy store-bought Christmas postcards in advance.
Get crafty and decorate your own Christmas cards.
Plain, unadorned paper works too. (It’s the message that counts most).

Writing letters sends love to someone else—but it can also be an act of self care.

Lately, I’ve been spending more time getting crafty at home, like making my own candles and bath salts. And it feels damn good.

If letter writing isn’t your thing, look to 13+ other creative self-care ideas to help you celebrate the holidays alone at home.

10. Attend a local holiday event

Concerts, movie theaters, restaurants, light displays—there are usually more places open on Christmas Day than you think.

If you’re solo this holiday season and looking for things to do on Christmas alone, it usually just takes a little research to find a holiday event near you:

Search on Facebook. Not the most glamorous option, but still one of the easiest ways to find events in your area.
Try looking on Meetup. This is really handy if you don’t have Facebook. I’ve even used this website while traveling to find events in new communities.
Browse attractions on Booking.com or Viator. Depending where you live, you might be able to find Christmas attractions here, too—like Ghosts of Christmas Charles Dickens Experience in Savannah or a Christmas lights walking tour in NYC.

11. Consider going to church

This isn’t everyone’s jam—it’s not even mine.

When I was growing up, my family went to church every Sunday; then just on holidays; now not at all.

Not everyone is religious. Some people are religious and don’t go to church. Some people aren’t religious but still go to church. In fact, one of the main reasons US adults go to church isn’t even to practice religion; it’s to find “comfort in times of trouble or sorrow,” per a survey by the Pew Research Center.

All options are fine.

But if you’re feeling lonely during the holidays, attending a Christmas mass could be an interesting option: There’s music; there’s community; there sure is that Christmas vibe.

(And remember: Simply attending an event, reading a book, or listening to something new doesn’t mean you endorse it or agree with it; you’re just exposing yourself to different ideas and seeing what’s out there. That’s healthy for the mind.)

How to spend the holidays alone (beyond just Christmas day)

Christmas may be one of the loudest and most celebrated holidays, but it’s not the only time people find themselves sitting alone while others celebrate.

Valentine’s Day is a particularly woeful occasion for those unattached. And New Year’s Eve brings a lot of pressure to kiss a certain someone at midnight.

Beyond the Christmas season, these strategies can help you learn how to enjoy holidays alone, all year round:

1. Start traditions for yourself

Shared traditions are beautiful—but secret, sacred traditions you honor just with yourself can carry special meaning, too. That might be:

Responding to the same journal prompt on the same day every year to see how you and your ideas grow.
Taking a picture of yourself in the same spot year after year to create a flipbook that captures your life.
Writing a letter to your future self and reading last year’s letter to think about where you’ve been and where you’re going.

2. Stay off social media

It’s always a good idea. Especially when we’re feeling lonely, left out, or otherwise a little vulnerable, flashing through other people’s highlight reels (which may or may not even be real) is almost guaranteed to make you feel worse.

Plus, why stare at other people’s lives when you can be living your own?

Whether you’re alone for Christmas, Valentine’s Day, or New Year’s Eve, keep your social media notifications on mute. Better yet, delete the apps altogether for a day of mental peace and quiet.

I know—quitting social media is really hard. But you don’t have to go cold turkey.

Check out my in-depth guide on how to limit your social media use (without deleting your accounts). You’ll learn:

3. Prepare things to do alone in advance

If you know a holiday is coming up and you’re going to be spending the day alone, don’t wallow. Plan for it like it’s an exciting vacation.

Do you want to travel? You don’t have to go far. Even just a solo day trip to a neighboring town gives you a change of scenery—and often, a mood shift.

If you’re not convinced about the benefits of solo travel, take inspiration from some of the greats. Read 21 quotes on traveling alone from writers, poets, teachers, and professional wanderers.

What about a cozy day of reading? Prepare your reading list now. If you want to feel accomplished, pick up one of these short books you can read in a day.

If spending holidays alone has you feeling now, may I direct you towards my favorite, soul-lifting books for existential dread?

Out of ideas? Roll the dice. Browse my mega list of 100+ self-care ideas for some stay-at-home indulgence.

4. Practice spending time alone beforehand

Eating at restaurants alone or traveling solo can feel really daunting at first.

Maybe you just moved to a new city or you’re living alone for the first time or you just ended a long relationship. After a major milestone, those first few steps on your own can feel like walking on shaky ground.

Practice helps you get stronger.

I created a 7-Day Do Things Alone Challenge to help you learn how to enjoy doing things alone—easy steps (and a nonjudgmental space) to help you build confidence, reduce social anxiety, and stop waiting on others to enjoy life.

How to get through the holidays alone if you're feeling lonely

Even the most independent, confident, and self-possessed of us probably don’t want to spend Christmas alone. I’m not advocating for a solitary holiday season—but sometimes, it happens and you need to make the most of it.

Use these six strategies to help make a lonely Christmas a little merrier:

1. Schedule at least one connection for yourself

Just because you’re alone for Christmas, it doesn’t mean you have to stay silent the whole day.

To avoid getting caught up in the lonely holiday blues, plan ahead to bake some social interaction into your day. That could be a:

Phone call with a friend: If you feel awkward about calling someone out of the blue and “interrupting” their Christmas, ask yourself—have you ever been annoyed that a friend wants to express their love and appreciation for you?

Of course not. Stop stressing, and spread the love.

Visit to a coffee shop: Maybe no one is free this year or different time zones aren’t syncing up. Friendly faces don’t have to be known faces.

A trip to a beloved or new coffee shop with a few kind smiles and holiday greetings exchanged with strangers can often remind us that the world can be a warm, friendly place—if we have the courage to go and face it.

Volunteering work: You’re not the only one spending Christmas alone. An estimated 16.3 million Americans (at least) are in the same boat—so why not congregate? Volunteering your time on Christmas gets you out into the world and rubbing shoulders with new faces.

2. Acknowledge your feelings—but don't let them take over

It’s okay to feel sad. It’s part of life, and there’s no point pretending everything is perfect every second of every day. So let it out—and then let it go.

Journaling, meditating, or just plain talking out loud to yourself can help you name the troubles within and keep them from swallowing you whole.

A conversation between the American Psychological Association and James Pennebaker, PhD, professor emeritus of psychology at the University of Texas at Austin, gets into the act of expressive writing and how it can help us tackle challenging periods in our life.

But don’t stay here too long; you don’t want your casual journaling session to turn into a daylong emotional spiral.

Try this: Acknowledge your feelings—and then recognize that the way you feel today isn’t the way you’ll feel forever.

If you think you’re starting to spiral, cut the rumination.

Turn on a Christmas movie. Go for a walk. Or find inspiration in someone else’s stories; these 6 books for existential dread can guide you.

3. Step into a crowd, even if you don't interact with anyone

Sometimes, just the physical presence of others makes us feel better—even if they’re strangers.

It reminds us that the world isn’t all about us; that other people are in similar or even worse situations; and that we do, in fact, have a lot to be thankful for, no matter how bleak the day seems.

To get out of your house (and your head) for a bit, try this:

Go for a walk downtown. Head for the most crowded place you can find.

Take yourself to a restaurant. Talk to the bartender. Smile at strangers. You’re not trying to make them your friends; you’re just engaging with the world and making it a warmer place.
See a movie. Even in a streaming world, movie theaters still see a lot of foot traffic on Christmas. You’re probably not going to talk to anyone, but you’ll be out in a crowd, rubbing shoulders with strangers, and maybe even laughing together at a few shared moments.

Does going to the movies alone (especially on Christmas) seem weird to you?

Let’s normalize not being scared of doing things alone.

A Merry Loner’s 7-Day Do Things Alone Challenge helps you own the power of being alone so you can build confidence, reduce social anxiety, and stop waiting on others to enjoy your life.

4. Do something with your hands

Staring at the screen gives us FOMO, pulls us into the comparison games, and generally makes us sad. I’m not the only one saying it—the US Department of Health and Human Services agrees.

If you’re trying to figure out how to handle the holidays alone, burning your eyes (and your soul) staring at romanticized versions of other people’s lives isn’t going to make you feel any better.

Stop that. Instead of numbingly consuming content, put down your phone and use your hands to create something. (I promise you’ll feel better.) You could:

Bake something
Play an instrument
Exercise
Play cards (Is it too on brand to say I actually love Solitaire?)
Make a collage
Knit
Paint (even if you’re bad at it)
Rearrange a shelf to make your space feel new

Feeling uninspired by these ideas? That’s no excuse to return to the phone.

Check out more ideas of what to do instead of social media.

5. Come up with a plan for next year

If you don’t want to spend Christmas alone next year, see what’s in your power to change.

I’m not talking about overhauling your entire life or setting stressful goals for yourself. But a few deliberate steps now can shape an entirely different world for future you.

Can you save a little each month to travel and visit a loved one next Christmas? Even setting aside a small chunk of every paycheck can create a sizeable nest egg for next year’s celebrations.

Can you swap days off at work or request holiday time earlier so you’re not stuck working on Christmas? Put a reminder in your calendar now to talk to your manager and/or co-workers next fall.

Can you sign up in advance for volunteering, a retreat, or another solo-friendly experience? This way, you’re not scrambling at the last minute to come up with ideas. Mark a date in your calendar now to start booking plans next September.

Making and tracking goals is one of the best habits you can pick up.

Without conscious goals and check-in points, it’s easy to let time slip away—and then one day you wake up, take stock of your life, and realize you didn’t choose any of it.

Goal-setting helps you steer your own ship.

Learn more life-changing habits to start now for long-term mental and physical well-being.

6. Change the way you talk to yourself

Words have meaning. That includes the words we use to talk to ourselves.

Our thoughts and inner dialogue create our mood, our perspective, and the way we interact with the day. So pay attention to what you say to yourself—and how.

Instead of thinking, “I’m alone on Christmas. How pathetic. This is how it’s probably going to be forever,” try being a little gentler on yourself:

“I’m spending the day catering to no one’s needs but my own.”
“I really needed this time to slow down and relax a little bit.”
“This is a great chance to watch a favorite movie and read that book I haven’t had time to finish.”
“I’m going to plan ahead so I don’t have to spend Christmas alone next year. But for now, I’m going to enjoy a quiet day all to myself.”

We grow up being told we’re super lame if we don’t have a partner or lots of friends constantly at our side—but there’s no shame in doing things alone.

Actually, learning to enjoy your own company helps us build the confidence and inner peace to be better partners and friends.

Remind yourself why it’s important to enjoy your own company.

Where to spend Xmas alone

You may be spending Christmas alone this year, but that doesn’t mean you need to coop up at home.

Especially if you’re feeling a bit down and are worried about how to get through holidays alone, a change of scenery can be a cure-all.

If you want to travel far...

Maybe you have the time and means to travel for Christmas. In that case, there’s no need to wait for an invitation to see the world.

So how about checking out those European Christmas markets you’ve heard so much about?

My personal favorites are in Paris and Wrocław, but there are dozens of options to choose from. The BBC has a new round-up on what they deem the best Christmas markets of 2025—or you can be a totally wild card and just pick one at random.

Psst! Not interested in Christmas markets, specifically? Paris is still always a good idea.

My 7-Day Solo Paris Itinerary is your cheatsheet on where to eat, walk, shop, and be in Paris, any time of the year.

If you want to stay close to home...

I think we as a society tend to forget that traveling doesn’t necessarily mean journeying to the other side of the world. There’s still plenty to explore close to home.

If you’re spending this Christmas alone and you want to make it memorable (in a fun way), why not plan yourself a little Christmas staycation?

Go to the spa. When in doubt, self-care your worries away.

Retreat to a cozy cabin. For quiet, un-bustling mornings, lots of hot chocolate, and nature to soothe the soul.

Spend the night in a fancy hotel. A giant bubble bath, room service, and a bed you don’t have to make. It’s not Christmas-y, but it is luxurious. (And that might be just what the doctor ordered.)

If you want to travel alone but not feel alone...

Traveling alone can cause anxiety, but you can break out of that mindset.

If you want to get out of town for Christmas but feel uneasy doing it alone, you’re not out of options. There are actually a lot of ways to solo travel without being alone.

Eatwith connects you with locals for hosted meals, supper clubs, or cooking classes—like tasting wine and cheese with a Parisian or learning how to make pierogi from Poles. It’s an easy way to share a table and meet new people without putting the pressure on you to make plans.

GetYourGuide helps you find guided tours, day trips, classes, and other activities—pretty much anywhere in the world. You may sign up alone, but you’ll spend the experience in a group setting so you can travel alone without feeling lonely.

Hostelworld makes it easy to find hostels that give loners the best of both worlds: private rooms AND common spaces and group activities. It’s a great option if you need your own space but still want help meeting new people.

Think traveling alone for Christmas seems… Sad? Lonely? A little depressing?

It can be if you’re not used to solo travel. But think about it—should you feel sad just being with yourself? Or is that a sign you need to learn how to enjoy your own company?

Read guest writer Alyssa Wiens’ piece on why she doesn’t like traveling alone—and why she keeps doing it anyway.

Conclusion: Spending the holidays alone doesn't have to feel lonely

Spending Christmas alone can feel disappointing or just strange. Almost all the carols sing to us about joining with loved ones, celebrating family time, or meeting a certain someone under the mistletoe.

Some years, that’s just not the reality. It’s okay. Being alone for Christmas this year has no bearing on the next year, the next holiday, or the rest of your life.

You will be among friends and family again—and no, despite what the little voice sometimes whispers in the back of your head, you won’t be alone forever.

In the meantime, take advantage of this Merry Loner Christmas to look after yourself—because self compassion is the best gift you can give yourself, any time of year.

Next Steps:

Practice doing things alone before the next holiday rolls around. This way, you’ll be ready to go out and face the day alone, come New Year’s Eve or Valentine’s Day. Sign up for A Merry Loner’s 7-Day Do Things Alone Challenge to learn how to own the power of being alone.

Understand what makes you nervous about doing things alone in public. (It’s a totally normal feeling.) Learn 5 simple ways to get better at doing things alone.

Arm yourself to stay away from social media. I know the scroll is tempting, especially when we’re alone. But ask yourself: Does scrolling ever really make you feel better? Instead, try one of these 30+ ideas of what to do instead of social media.

Use the image below to save this post to Pinterest so this list is there when you need it.

How to Spend Xmas Alone: FAQs

Is it OK to spend Xmas alone?

Of course. Spending Christmas alone doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you.

Sometimes, meeting with family and friends just isn’t logistically possible. Other times, we may be going through a season in life where our friendship circle is feeling a little thin, like if you just moved somewhere alone or ended a relationship. That’s okay.

One Christmas alone doesn’t mean all Christmases will be alone. So this year, instead of lamenting how to get through the holidays alone, just take the time to focus on yourself and learn how to enjoy your own company.

What to do if you’re spending Christmas alone?

Don’t treat it like a regular day—because it isn’t! Get dressed (up); leave the house at least once; treat yourself to a special meal; and plan at least one festive activity to celebrate the day, like going for a walk to see the Christmas lights, attending a local event, or volunteering.

If venturing out alone on Christmas makes you feel a little depressed or awkward, don’t let yourself stay in that energy. Start A Merry Loner’s 7-Day Do Things Alone Challenge now to help you build confidence doing things alone.

Where to spend Christmas alone?

Anywhere, really. If you want to cozy up at home, how about a change of scenery? Book a day at a nearby spa, cabin retreat, or hotel to enjoy some pampering and a little escape.

But nobody says you have to spend Christmas alone at home. You could travel across the world for your dream vacation (a Paris solo trip, perhaps?). If you have solo travel anxiety, know you’ve got options, like hostels or guided trips, that help you travel alone without feeling alone.

What to do for someone spending Christmas alone?

By all means, invite them over! If that’s not logistically possible, you can still lend a little bit of emotional support to help them get through the holidays alone.

Call them—not just for a quick, two-minute hello, but for an actual conversation. Just 20 minutes could turn their whole day around.

If you know in advance that someone is spending the holidays alone, consider sending them a gift they can open on Christmas Day. Something small is still something significant, like a box of cookies or a handwritten card.

Is it wrong to want to spend Christmas alone?

If spending Christmas alone is the peace and quiet you need this year, don’t let anyone else judge you—it’s actually more common than you think. According to a December 2025 survey by A Mission for Michael, 16% of respondents say they prefer to spend Christmas alone.

And when you’re alone on Christmas, why not make it a full-on self-care day? Check out my Ultimate Guide to Self-Care for ideas to make a day home alone whimsical and relaxing.

How many people spend Xmas alone?

A lot more people than you think. This year, an estimated 16.3 million Americans will spend Christmas alone, per survey from A Mission for Michael. In the UK, a study by the Policy Institute at King’s College London says one in nine people will be alone for Christmas—a figure that’s doubled since 1969.

If you’re going to be on your own for Christmas this year, I know it’s not always ideal, but try to see this as an opportunity to rest and relax. If you want a hot (hot!) take on learning to enjoy life, read my motto.

Merry

Discover how the merry loner lifestyle makes life more enjoyable:

LONER MINDSET: fresh perspectives on learning to genuinely enjoy your own company

BOOKS: reading lists for people who love being alone with a good story

ANALOG LIVING: inspiration to step back from the screen and live a life offline

SOLO TRAVEL: guides on where to go and how to enjoy it alone

MINDFUL CONSUMPTION: vetted recommendations for a simpler, less wasteful life

LONER Q&As: interviews from global voices on how to live a meaningful, enjoyable life

The post How to Spend Xmas Alone Without Feeling Lonely or Left Out appeared first on A Merry Loner.

9 Books You Can Read in a Day

Merry — Wed, 12 Nov 2025 20:22:43 +0000

For wisdom, distilled.

The Internet loves to write think pieces about how we’ve lost our attention spans. Where did they go?

Social media is one obvious culprit. I personally like to pick on TikTok for reasons such as: 5 TikTok Challenges That Left Thousands Injured and Over 100 Dead.

In general, I’m pretty anti short-form video and the fact that information is becoming more and more condensed into visually-stimulating, “aesthetically-pleasing” 30-second sound bytes.

Give me words. Give me chapters. Give me delicious sentences to underline and real paper pages to dog-ear.

And give it to me even when I’m short on time. Because, yes, me too, I sometimes feel like life is a vat of quicksand mercilessly pulling me in. It’s part of why I’m trying to live a more analog life—one where I spend time away from social media and make my downtime less consumption-based and more pleasure-based.

Naturally, books are a big part of that. Even when I feel like I have no time.

If you’re short on time this week but still want to enrich your precious downtime instead of losing it to a doomscrolling spiral, try this: 9 good books you can read in a day.

Start with one, and then let the good vibes roll.

The shortlist: 9 short books to read in a day

2 Classic books to read in a day… One from a French author and one from a Polish author

2 Fiction books to read in one day… One inspired by family and one romance novel

2 Non-fiction books you can read in one sitting… One book about health and one about philosophy

3 Memoirs under 200 pages… One from an Old Hollywood starlet; one from a NYT bestseller; and one from a poet

Or if reading by mood is more your thing...

The Stranger — If you want to work on the classics
Solaris — If you’re interested in books from non-English-speakers
Life on the Refrigerator Door — If you want an emotional, mother-daughter story
Love Story — If you’re looking for a tear-jerking romance
Healing Adaptogens — If you’re curious to learn something new about health
Become What You Are — If you want to explore a bit of philosophy
My Story — If you’re in the mood for an honest celebrity autobiography
Tuesdays with Morrie — If you want to read a book about life
Instructions for Traveling West — If you’ve got a craving for poetry

More popular articles on books:

5 Alternatives to Amazon for Books (and why I no longer buy books from Amazon)

Easiest Classic Novels to Read | 18 Easy-to-Read Classics for Beginners

7 Books on Self-Awareness to Become a Better Person

Classic books you can read in a day

Reading the classics can feel like a daunting, arduous task. Crime and Punishment, for example, (the much-celebrated, 19th-century Russian novel that I’ve yet to read) is over 600 pages, which for most of us, puts it well out of bounds of a casual beach read.

But there are other, lighter ways to get into reading classic literature. I like these two:

1. The Stranger by Albert Camus, translated by Matthew Ward

I devoured this one over the course of a few metro rides last summer in Paris—a fitting landscape for the French writer’s existential classic. At only 144 pages, The Stranger is a short and snappy read that will make even non-bibliophiles fly through it.

The scene is an Algerian beach, where an unsuspecting man finds himself witness to a murder and is quickly drawn into the subsequent moral and legal fallout. Ranking number one on Le Monde’s 100 Books of the Century list, The Stranger will make you well read on both continents.

About the author: Albert Camus (1913—1960) was a French philosopher, journalist, novelist, and recipient of the 1957 Nobel Prize in Literature (the second-youngest recipient in history, in fact). In addition to his renowned The Stranger, he also wrote the novels The Fall and The Plague, as well as many short stories, plays, and essays.

Available at Bookshop.org

By the way, do you speak a little French?

Not only is The Stranger a tight, snappy read, the original French version is also highly accessible to language learners.

If you’re learning French and want to work on your reading comprehension, I highly recommend giving Camus’s original words a go.

2. Solaris by Stanisław Lem, translated by Joanna Kilmartin & Steve Cox

This was a gift from a friend and a wonderful introduction for me into Polish literature.

Written by Stanisław Lem, whom writer and critic Theodore Sturgeon supposedly heralded as the “most widely read science fiction author in the world,” Solaris is probably Lem’s most famous novel. It has been adapted for the screen many times, most prominently by the Soviet Union in 1968 and 1972 and again by the USA in 2002, starring a certain George Clooney and Natascha McElhone. (How did this go under my radar?)

I see the appeal. Solaris has one of the more intriguing concepts I’ve seen explored in science fiction: Aboard the Solaris Station for scientific research, psychologist Kris Kelvin faces a physical simulacra of his dead wife, chillingly reconstructed from his repressed memories.

Of note: The English translation that’s been in print since 1971 was not directly translated from Polish but, rather, translated from Jean-Michel Jasiensko’s 1964 French translation. Lem has, on the record, stated his disappointment with the subsequent English translation, considering it unfaithful to his writing.

In 2011, Bill Johnston completed a direct Polish-to-English translation, which Lem’s family praised as having “captured the spirit of the original.” Unfortunately, this edition was only released in print in a limited run of 400 copies in 2024. Today, it is only available as an ebook.

Why am I pointing this out?

There’s a gross imbalance between literature that is translated from English to other languages and literature that is translated from other langauges to English.

Feast your eyes on these astounding statistics:

According to the UNESCO Index Translationum, from 1979 to 2019, 1.27 million works were translated from English to another language. But the other direction (i.e., any other language translated to English), only counts 164,000 works.

To say this is a bummer is an understatement.

I’m currently working on a longer piece detailing the dominance of English literature, along with tips on how to find translated works to expand your reading list beyond the Anglo-Saxon publishing industry.

If you’d like to read it, sign up for A Merry Loner’s mailing list, and I’ll send it to you when it’s finished.

About the author: Stanisław Lem (1921—2006) was a Polish writer of novels, short stories, and essays that explore science fiction, philosophy, satire, and futurology. He’s particularly recognized for his ideas on intelligence, both human and artificial, and the limits of their abilities to interact with each other.

Available at Bookshop.org (paperback, Polish-French-English translation)

Available at Amazon (ebook, Polish-English translation) Note: This is the first and last time I will link to Amazon, as I do not condone Amazon’s deplorable treatment of their workers and thus do not buy from them or otherwise support them financially. If you, too, want to stop buying books from Amazon, I encourage you to check out these 5 Alternatives to Amazon for Books.

If you have more than one day to read…

There are obviously many more classic novels worth poking your nose into, but they’re not all short enough to be read in a day. Still, they are accessible, relatable, and fun.

Find 18 easy-read classic novels to diversify your reading list.

Fiction books you can read in a day

I’m frequently extolling the benefits of reading classic literature, but that doesn’t mean I’m always hankering for an old-fashioned novel. For something a little more of the times, I like these two short novels:

3. Life on the Refrigerator Door by Alex Kuipers

Written entirely in Post-It messages stuck to the refrigerator, the aptly named Life on the Refrigerator door is a heartfelt story exploring the mother-daughter relationship.

Between single motherhood and the all-consuming torment that is adolescence, this mother and daughter rarely find time to physically be together; nonetheless, their daily written exchanges, however brief, keep them deeply connected—all the more so as they navigate a family tragedy together.

Powerful, uplifting, and highly relatable, this may even be a nice book to read with a family member.

About the author: Alice Kuipers (1979—) is a British novelist who has won the Grand Prix de Viarmes, the Livrentête Prize, the Redbridge Teenage Book Award, and the Saskatchewan First Book Award and has seen her Life on the Refrigerator Door adapted for the stage in England, France, and Japan. She writes young adult and children’s books.

Available at Bookshop.org

4. Love Story by Erich Segal

Few books make me cry, but this one made the list—and I don’t think I’m the only one. The 160-page romance chronicles the love story of a Harvard jock and a working-class music student.

That’s all I’ll say about the plot, but even better: This book has a trivia-rich backstory:

Love Story was originally written as a screenplay and unceremoniously rejected by many Hollywood studios. Ali MacGraw, an actress, friend of the author, and at-the-time wife of Paramount executive vice president Robert Evans, apparently convinced her husband to greenlight the film. MacGraw would play the leading lady.

To promote what was expected to be a lackluster film, Paramount supposedly requested Segal transform the screenplay into a novel for promotional purposes, to be serialized in Ladies Home Journal and released in a few-thousand-copies run on Valentine’s Day. (Valentine’s Day to promote a romance novel? Groundbreaking.)

Unexpectedly, the novel became a best-seller, topping The New York Times Best Seller list and has since been translated into 30+ languages.

Though many literary critics were not fans. Upon its nomination for a National Book Award, one judge famously deemed it “banal,” saying “it…simply doesn’t qualify as literature.”

Final fun fact: This book is also the origin of the now famous catchphrase, “Love means never having to say you’re sorry.”

About the author: Erich Segal, Ph.D. (1937—2010) was an American screenwriter, author, and professor. Beyond writing over a dozen novels and screenplays, he was also a classics scholar, teaching at Yale, Harvard, Princeton, and Dartmouth.

Available at Bookshop.org

Sources for Love Story’s trivia-rich backstory:

The Pop History Dig: The Love Story Saga

MAYDAY Magazine: Sellouts 1970: Love Story: The Year a Screenplay-Turned-Novel Almost Broke the National Book Award

The Washington Post: ‘Love Story’ author Erich Segal dies at 72

Non-fiction books you can read in a day

I’m a big fan of non-fiction. Biographies and history books are my favorites, though those are often quite long and involved.

These two short non-fiction books are decidedly informative and enlightening but short enough to enjoy over a cup of coffee:

5. Healing Mushrooms by Tero Isokauppila

I’m a bit of a wellness freak (though I’m not that into the world, “wellness”). I exercise almost daily. I rarely eat processed food. And I’m a frequent meditator. I also consume mushrooms, lots of mushrooms.

I’ll be brief here, but functional or medicinal mushrooms, per the International Journey of Molecular Sciences, “have important health benefits and exhibit a broad spectrum of pharmacological activities, including:

Antiallergic
Antibacterial
Antifungal
Anti-inflammatory
Antioxidative
Antiviral
Cytotoxic
Immunomodulating
Antidepressive
Antihyperlipidemic
Antidiabetic
Digestive
Hepatoprotective
Neuroprotective
Nephroprotective
Osteoprotective
And hypotensive activities.”

Some functional mushrooms are also adaptogens or as Dr. Dana Ellis Hunnes, UCLA Fielding School of Public Health assistant professor of community health sciences and senior dietitian at Ronald Reagan UCLA Medical Center, defines them:

“herbs, roots and other plant substances (like mushrooms) that help our bodies manage stress and restore balance after a stressful situation.”

TLDR: Mushrooms have very powerful health benefits that are finally starting to garner attention from Western medicine—and this book gives you a crash course in a light, easy-to-read book.

About the author: Tero Isokauppila is the founder of the Finnish-American functional foods company, Four Sigmatic, which (full disclosure) does sell adaptogenic mushrooms. (I’m a fan.) His book, however, is highly informative and educational. He has a degree in chemistry and a certificate in plant-based nutrition from Cornell University. He has also authored a companion book, Healing Mushrooms.

Available at Bookshop.org

6. Become What You Are by Alan Watts

This book did take me more than a single day to read, as it was one I carried around in my bag and puzzled over for a while—but I could have.

At 144 pages, Become What You Are is a delightfully thought-provoking, inspiring little book that can be consumed in a single afternoon, though you’ll likely want to keep the evening free for the musings, self-introspection, and general philosophizing that are sure to follow. It gives a glimpse into various religious philosophies on how to discover your true self: a question we’ve all asked ourselves at one time or another but whose answer is often elusive if not ephemeral.

About the author: Alan Watts (1915—1973) was a British and American writer and speaker who popularized and interpreted Eastern philosophies for a Western audience. In addition to his 25+ books and essays on Buddhist, Taoist, and Hindu philosophy, Watts gained a significant following through his radio broadcasts, which are still circulated today.

Available at Bookshop.org

Who are you, really?

Continue the never-ending project of getting to know yourself better with My Favorite Books on Self-Awareness.

Learn how to do things alone—without feeling lonely

a comfortable, nonjudgmental email challenge that helps you own the power of being alone

(See what’s inside.)

Memoirs you can read in a day

Memoirs and biographies are some of my favorite types of books. As a long-time journal-er, I appreciate the dedication and insight it takes to attempt to articulate the chaos within—and the courage to bear it publicly.

From household names to emerging voices, these short memoirs are worth taking the afternoon off:

7. My Story by Marilyn Monroe with Ben Hecht

There have been countless books, essays, documentaries, memes, and other think pieces written about the life of Marilyn Monroe.

Tragic. Beautiful. Famous. Blonde. Married thrice. Institutionalized once. Medicated often. The superficial details of Monroe’s life provide easy material to romanticize and sensationalize. But what would she say?

My Story is, for once, the woman’s own words. Written throughout her life but published posthumously, this unfinished memoir touches on her childhood, her career, and her highly publicized marriage to Joe DiMaggio. If you’re curious what lies beneath all the pop culture hullabaloo and want to get straight to the source, this is it.

About the author: Marilyn Monroe (1953—1962) needs little introduction. Born Norma Jeane Mortenson, the American star was a top-billed actress, famous sex symbol, and an enduring cultural icon. She was also an intelligent, compassionate person who, despite the ongoing speculations, the public will never truly know.

Available at Bookshop.org

More Marilyn?

A few years ago, I surprised myself by falling into an enormous Marily Monroe reading rabbit hole. I was never that intrigued by the famed starlet (I was more of an Audrey Hepburn fan) but quickly became mesmerized by her so widely dispersed yet so little understood story.

These books, in particular, were well researched and illuminating:

Marilyn Monroe: The Final Years by Keith Badman

The Last Days of Marilyn Monroe by Donald H. Wolfe

The Secret Life of Marilyn Monroe by J. Randy Taraborrelli

8. Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom

I found this book on a friend’s bookshelf while visiting her in Washington, D.C. for the weekend and spent a rainy afternoon sitting on her couch reading it from cover to cover.

In this memoir, Albom recounts his weekly visits with his former sociology professor who is dying from ALS. I believe it’s been made into a film and adapted for the screen several times, but (as always) I recommend reading the book first.

It’s one of those heartwarming, feel-good books that IMHO is best enjoyed with a delightful beverage, i.e., tea. If you’re not yet a tea drinker but want to be, you can find a cup to suit your palette in my enormous guide on How to Start Drinking Tea: The Best Tea for Non Tea Drinkers.

About the author: Mitch Albom (1958—) is an American writer, journalist, and radio host, best known for his books about life, loss, and meaning. Altogether, his works have sold 42+ million copies and have been translated into 48 languages. He currently writes a lifestyle column for the Detroit Free Press and a sports column, syndicated by Tribune Content Agency. He also hosts two radio programs.

Available at Bookshop.org

9. Instructions for Traveling West by Joy Sullivan

Sometimes, only poetry will do. If you want to spend the afternoon with some light reading that will inspire, uplift, and take you on a journey to get in touch with those deep-down feelings you have that you’ve always struggled to articulate, then Joy Sullivan is your ideal partner in crime.

I devoured this book of poems over two days, on both occasions luxuriating in the bath with candles and, you guessed it: tea. Both times, I emerged feeling understood, reassured, and certain that any wild ideas I have are well worth pursuing.

I’ve since gifted my copy to a friend, and I wish to do the same to you.

Available at Bookshop.org

In times of trouble, I need books.

That’s why I also included Instructions for Traveling West in my collection of Books for Existential Dread.

If the state of the world has you feeling troubled lately, I hope these will help you or at least offer a few hours of respite.

Ready to read?

Don't procrastinate—grab a book you can read today:

The best book to read in a day, depending on your mood

“Best” is, of course, subjective. But I’ve spent a long time creating a curated guide to help you find a short book to read in an afternoon that accurately matches your mood:

Best books to read in a day — based on your mood

What’s the best book to read in a day… Based on your mood	The book
If you want to work on the classics…	The Stranger by Albert Camus
If you’re interested in books from non-English-speakers	Solaris by Stanisław Lem
If you want an emotional, mother-daughter story	Life on the Refrigerator Door by Alice Kuipers
If you’re looking for a tear-jerking romance	Love Story by Erich Segal
If you’re curious to learn something new about health	Healing Adaptogens by Tero Isokauppila
If you want to explore a bit of philosophy	Become What You Are by Alan Watts
If you’re in the mood for an honest celebrity autobiography	My Story by Marilyn Monroe
If you want to read a book about life	Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom
If you’ve got a craving for poetry	Instructions for Traveling West by Joy Sullivan

Conclusion: Books you can read in one sitting are always worth "wasting" the day

There’s something delicious about spending the entire afternoon reading, especially when there’s something else you really “should” be doing. But in the grand scheme of things, is there any better way to spend your time than bettering your mind?

If so, I’ve yet to discover it.

Next Steps:

Pick one book from this list and buy it now so you’re ready for your reading day. Or head over to your local library and grab a copy for free.

Set aside a full afternoon (or morning or evening). Book a spot at your favorite restaurant. Plan to head to your coziest cafe. Or just nestle at home with a freshly brewed cup.

Put the kettle on. Because what goes better with a brand-new book than a steaming pot of tea? Before you brew, I encourage you to consider one of these 6 Ethical Tea Companies from which to source your leaves. (Big Tea is a thing, and it’s gnarly.)

Use the image below to save this post to Pinterest so this list is there when you need it.

Books You Can Read in a Day: Common FAQs

What is the best book to read in a day?

It depends on your mood. If you want to work on the classics, I highly recommend reading The Stranger by Albert Camus. If you’re in the mood for poetry, I’m smitten with Instructions for Traveling West by Joy Sullivan. And if you’re just looking for a good, old novel, I’m in love with Love Story by Erich Segal.

What are some classic books that can be read in one sitting?

The Stranger by Albert Camus is very short and snappy to read. I didn’t include it in this list, but George Orwell’s 1984 and Animal Farm are also quick reads; they’re included in my round-up of easy-to-read classic novels for people dipping their toe into the world of classic literature.

What are some great short novels you can read in one sitting?

There are many, actually! Some of my current favorites are Love Story by Erich Segal (if you’re going for romance), Life on the Refrigerator Door by Alex Kuipers (if you want a mother-daughter tale), or Solaris by Stanisław Lem (for science fiction fans).

Want to support local bookstores?

So long, Bezos.

find alternatives to Amazon for books

Merry

Discover how the merry loner lifestyle makes life more enjoyable:

LONER MINDSET: fresh perspectives on learning to genuinely enjoy your own company

BOOKS: reading lists for people who love being alone with a good story

ANALOG LIVING: inspiration to step back from the screen and live a life offline

SOLO TRAVEL: guides on where to go and how to enjoy it alone

MINDFUL CONSUMPTION: vetted recommendations for a simpler, less wasteful life

LONER Q&As: interviews from global voices on how to live a meaningful, enjoyable life

The post 9 Books You Can Read in a Day appeared first on A Merry Loner.

How to Quit Social Media

Merry — Fri, 07 Nov 2025 15:57:39 +0000

Because life after social media is lighter, richer, and just more enjoyable

It’s not easy to put down the phone. For many of us, it has almost become an extension of ourselves. Some people even carry it on a chain around their neck or attach a micro version to their wrists. Most of us can’t leave the house without it—and our heart stops when we think we’ve misplaced it.

It’s not our fault. The phone is shiny, expensive, alluring. And companies are literally spending millions of dollars to keep us hooked. You know which ones: social media companies.

Facebook. Instagram. Snapchat. Dare I say, TikTok. The bad boys patrolling the Internet, luring you in with funny memes and clickbait—and then making off with your time, money, and in many cases, self-esteem.

It wasn’t always like this. When many of us created our first social media accounts, we were doing it to stay in touch with friends and share family photos, i.e., connect with others.

Now, most of that connection is lost. Most days, our algorithm feeds us rage-bait that spikes our blood pressure and makes that pit in our stomach grow tenfold. (You know, that old friend, existential dread.) On top of that, it pushes unrealistic and unattainable standards for beauty, wealth, and everything in between that leave us doubting ourselves, at best, and hating ourselves, at worst.

And of course, advertisements. Everywhere, all the time, popping up and flashing with all sorts of different sounds. Because even though it’s never worked before, maybe buying this one very specific next thing will bring us that unattainable happiness we’ve long strived for.

Sound familiar?

As depressing and hopeless as it can feel sometimes to live an increasingly digital world, we do have a choice: We can disconnect. We can stop using social media.

I don’t mean forever. I still use Facebook Messenger to talk to my friends. I share my writing on Instagram and Pinterest. I like logging into Facebook every few months and seeing my old co-workers share updates about traveling or getting married or having kids.

But we can choose to use social media in a way that serves us, instead of letting it abuse us. I’ll show you how—or at least what’s worked for me.

The shortlist: How to stop using social media

5 strategies to stop using social media (without deleting your accounts)

Productive apps instead of social media to help you replace the urge to scroll

Substitutes for social media, whether you use social media to connect with others, relax, be entertained, or follow the news

Understanding why it’s so hard to stop using social media (it’s not your fault)

4 steps to quit social media that worked for me

More articles on analog living:

What to Do Instead of Social Media

How to Live a More Analog Life: 5 easy, cheap (or free) ideas

5 Alternatives to Amazon for Books (and why I no longer buy books from Amazon)

How to quit social media (without deleting your accounts): 5 strategies

Often, people are hesitant to even attempt quitting social media because they don’t want to give it up cold turkey. That’s fair. But you can still get the benefits of quitting social media by just scaling back a little bit.

It may seem difficult at first, but once you get the ball rolling, cutting social media out of your life gets easier and easier. That’s because habits are hard to break. But if you can reorganize your day so you have less soul-sucking options within reach the next time you get the urge to scroll, then you can slowly replace your social media habit with much healthier, more productive, and more enjoyable activities.

Wait, why are habits so hard to break?

Dopamine levels spike when an action gets “rewarded,” e.g., like seeing a funny meme after scrolling through your feed for 20 minutes.

Once an action becomes a habit, simply initiating the action gives us a dopamine hit, even if there’s no reward, i.e., you still get a dopamine hit when you scroll your phone, even if you don’t see anything funny or useful.

SOURCE: McGovern Institute

These are five strategies I found helpful to get rid of social media’s outsized presence in my life:

1. Put your phone in the other room as often as you can

When something is too tempting, get rid of the temptation altogether.

Of course, this tip isn’t practical all the time, especially when you’re on the go. But when you’re at home it’s totally doable and a really easy way to rid yourself of the lure of the phone.

But just putting your phone in another room isn’t enough. Because we have legs. And when our willpower is weak and we let the bad thoughts win, it’s too easy to allow ourselves a quick moment to “just check in” when we’re passing by.

So set a timer. I like to use intervals of 45 minutes. I put my phone in the other room and set a timer for 45 minutes. When the buzzer sounds, I’m allowed to check my phone and see if any interesting notifications popped up while I was away.

In most cases, however, I’ve usually become engrossed in another activity in those 45 minutes and no longer feel the pull to see what strangers on the Internet are doing.

How to fill the time without social media?

The possibilities are literally limitless, which means it can sometimes be hard to think of them.

I’ve given you a cheatsheet. Read What to Do Instead of Social Media for 34+ ideas.

2. Delete social media apps from your phone—but not your account

This is how I kicked my habit of needlessly scrolling Instagram and Twitter (and even LinkedIn).

I never considered LinkedIn a social media app; I just had it because of work. But once I deleted Instagram and Twitter from my phone, the demon inside me needed something else to scroll, and LinkedIn fit the bill.

I had made one of the classic mistakes of trying (and thus failing) to break bad habits: I never replaced the bad habit with a good one. Sure, I had eliminated Instagram from my life, but I hadn’t developed a substitute to fill on-the-go scrolling time. Unbeknownst to me, LinkedIn was waiting in the wings to fill its place.

The “professional” social media app has since been banned from my phone, along with all other apps even remotely capable of scratching the scrolling itch. Since then, my screen time has shrunk dramatically; I now average only about 1.5 hours on my phone per day.

(Not to brag, but American adults’ average screen time is 5.25 hours a day. Where do you stand?)

3. Set up website blockers on your computer

Without social media apps on my phone, clever little me soon found a solution: the computer.

Though I’d never done it before, Instagram and Twitter became frequent mainstays on my laptop screen. Here, the temptation was even worse. While staring at my screen all day long during work hours, it was far too tempting (and easy) to open a new tab and dive headfirst into the bowels of Instagram and Twitter content—just to give myself a “5-minute scroll break” after completing an hour or so of deep work.

This bad habit plagued me for several months, until I realized that I hadn’t stopped using social media any less. I had simply switched devices.

Thus, up went the website blocker. (I like LeechBlock.) You can configure these website blockers to work on a timer, barring access to a certain site and then letting you through after a certain time frame has passed (e.g., one hour) or time of day has arrived (e.g., 6:00 pm).

For me, this wasn’t enough. (Though for you, it might be.) I wanted to kick my social media habit altogether, so I completely banned Instagram and Twitter from my laptop. I allow myself to check in occasionally, but to do that, I have to type in a master password—and face my shame.

This was really the nail in my social media coffin. When I tried to go to the Instagram page, I was faced with a white screen with the message I wrote to myself: “Live your life.” This gave me an equal mix of inspiration and shame, pushing me to close the tab—and scarcely return.

4. Use a phone brick

Another option to stop using social media without deleting it, but not one I’ve tried myself. Honestly, I feel like this is a bit of a Band-Aid solution. Instead of buying something to curb my social media habit, I’d rather work on retraining my brain to not desire the scroll at all.

That said, I know some people who have tried the phone brick trick, and it’s helped them use social media less. So by all means… Here’s how it works:

Download and configure the Brick app.
Connect your phone to the Brick device.
In the app, choose which apps you want to “brick,” i.e., Instagram, Facebook, TikTok.
When you’re ready to leave the house, start work, or relax for the evening, tap your phone to the Brick device to “brick” it. This means those “bricked” apps will be completely inaccessible until you “un-brick” your phone.
When you’re ready to come back online, tap your phone to the Brick again to “un-brick” it.

Unlike analog methods, the brick doesn’t rely on willpower alone (which, let’s face it, is stronger some days than others). If you’re tried other methods to stop using social media but nothing seems to be helping, a phone brick may be the extra kick in the pants you need to stop the Instagram scroll.

5. Replace the urge to scroll with something else

If you want to figure out how to quit a social media addiction, you can’t simply eliminate social media from your life. You need to find alternatives to fill that space.

There’s a lot you can do. I wrote an entire blog post giving you options on What To Do Instead of Social Media, including ideas to replace social media:

When you wake up
When you eat
During your commute
At night
When you have just a few minutes to fill
When you need to zone out

And many, many other scenarios we modern-day humans find ourselves in.

Of course, there are near infinite ways to fill your free time, but social media fills a particularly niche space of time. Usually, we tend to scroll when we’re waiting for things—when we have just a few minutes here or there—so regular hobbies like exercising or drawing won’t always work.

The trick is finding social media replacements that replace your urge to scroll and that you can do anytime, anywhere.

Productive apps instead of social media

That’s why I like thumbing through these productive apps instead of social media. Sure, they keep you on your phone—but if you really feel the need to stare at your device while waiting in line at the grocery store, these are much better alternatives to TikTok:

Duolingo: Are you going to become fluent in a new language simply by using Duolingo? Of course not. But that doesn’t mean it’s not a useful tool. I’ve personally learned how to order coffees, ask for directions, and even communicate with some security guards when I got lost and accidentally trespassed in Kraków. Even if it’s not perfect, 10 minutes spent learning some new foreign language vocabulary is always better than 10 minutes of TikTok brain rot.

Wikipedia: Did you know Wikipedia has an app? It makes getting lost in Wikipedia rabbit holes even more fun. And even if you don’t have time for an entire reading spiral, it’s pretty entertaining to open the app and browse the most-read articles that day, daily historical events, and other trivia tidbits. (Again, always better than brain rot.)

Calm: This is probably my most-used app—and the only app I’ve ever paid for. I won’t extol the benefits of meditation here, but I highly encourage you to give it a whirl if you’ve never tried before. For a free option, the U.S. Department of Veteran Affairs offers the Mindfulness Coach App (free for everyone, even if you’re not a veteran) with different mindfulness exercises you can use to replace some scrolling time.

eBooks: I know reading isn’t exactly the same as scrolling, but it is infinitely better for you. If you’re not already a bookworm, remember this trick: You don’t have to read serious, high-brow books to be a reader. Science fiction, fantasy, romance novels—it all works. As I always say: “Ten minutes spent reading a crappy novel is always better than 10 minutes spent watching TikToks.”
Learn Geography: ICYMI, the theme here is taking scrolling time and making it productive. With this app, you still get a few minutes of playing on your phone—but instead of scrolling past advertisements or getting riled up about the state of politics, you can learn something new about the world. Isn’t that always nice?

Substitutes for social media

It’s hard to break a bad habit if you don’t have anything to replace it with. And I get it—even if you dramatically scale back on your social media use, you still want ways to connect with your friends, unwind after a long day, entertain yourself and stay up to date with what’s going on in the world.

But you don’t need social media to do those things. Try these replacements for social media instead:

If you use social media to connect with others...

Try voice memos or phone calls. I know phone calls seem scary nowadays, but as social isolation and loneliness tighten their grip on societies around the world, we need to make more effort to stay connected with each other. If calling a friend out of the blue still feels weird to you, start with voice memos. Ask if you can schedule a weekly catch-up call. And if you really don’t know where to start, call your grandma. She’ll love it.

Write a letter or an email. Ditto with the long-form correspondence. Yes, text messages are quick and convenient, but a short “How are you?” SMS (no matter how heartfelt) is no replacement for an actually substantive exchange. If it’s too hard to schedule phone time with long-distance friends or family, how about becoming pen pals? Emails are a fun 2000s throwback, but if it feels too office-y for you, why not get into letter writing? Just a few lines will do—and who doesn’t love getting a postcard in the mail?

Share photos in group chats. “But what about my vacation pictures?” I know. The universe will cease to exist if everyone can’t see your beach selfies from Greece. I get it: People want to share their lives with their loved ones, but when did the whole world suddenly become part of the conversation? Instead of blasting to Instagram, how about sharing photos in a group chat? The connection is still there, and Zuckerberg has no place in it.

If you use social media to relax...

Use a meditation app for a quick fix. After a long day or an intense session of socializing, it can feel good to veg out and empty your mind with a little social media scrolling. But does it really make you feel relaxed afterward? Or does it give you FOMO, stress, or anxiety. Next time, try replacing 10 minutes of Instagram with a 10-minute guided meditation. That’s actual stress relief.

Keep a coloring book handy. Coloring isn’t just for the kiddos. A study published in Animal Models and Experimental Medicine looked at coloring as a supplement to conventional drug therapy and physical therapy and found coloring therapy “can not only reduce depression and negative emotions but also have better effects on reducing anxiety and improving positive emotions than conventional therapy.” Can doom-scrolling do that? (It can’t.)

Start listening to audiobooks. At the end of a long, tiring day, I know reading isn’t always a favorite way to unwind. Especially if you spent the whole day looking at the screen, it’s nice to give your eyes a bit of a break. That’s why I’ve been getting audiobooks lately: hands-free reading that nourishes your mind instead of dulling it.

If you use social media for entertainment...

Watch a show or a movie—without multi-tasking. According to mntn research, “83% of American TV watchers use a second device while watching TV.” Seriously? We can’t even just watch TV now? We’re that addicted to scrolling? Next time you want to unwind with a TV show, actually let your mind unwind. Put down the second screen. Stop trying to multi-task. And let your brain find some kind of stillness. The show is entertaining enough.

Play a card game. I’m partial to solitaire—a lot, actually. I find it incredibly relaxing. It keeps your hands busy. It’s methodical. And it uses just enough brain power to keep you engaged so you can quiet your mind and stop yourself from overthinking about everything that happened that day. I also love solitaire for a quick, 5-minute break away from the screen in the middle of the workday.

Read something light. I’m a classic novel fiend as much as the next person, but I’ll be honest: I don’t necessarily want to curl up with Crime & Punishment at the end of a long day when my eyes are already tired. That doesn’t mean no reading has to take place—and there’s no shame in turning to a good beach read. A light book I devoured recently? Cleopatra & Frankenstein by Coco Mellors.

If you use social media for the news...

Subscribe to a few vetted email newsletters. This way, you get what you need without unnecessary advertisements or the algorithm distracting you with flashing promotions or annoying videos. Morning Brew is a great standby for the quick highlights. And I’ve been a long-time lover and subscriber of The Economist since college.

Ditch the scroll and read directly in news apps. I actually prefer this to newsletters. Once you start subscribing to a lot of newsletters, they can clog up your inbox fast—and that just adds a whole new layer of stress to my daily life. I don’t want that. But with a news app, I can pop in when I feel like reading. Any other time of day, the news is out of sight, out of mind.

Buy physical magazines or newspapers. My holy grail—and one of my favorite ways to make life more analog. No videos randomly playing in the background. No screen burning your eyes. No slop pushed in from the algorithm. It’s a much more relaxing way to stay informed, and one of the best ways to support quality media outlets and journalists.

Why is it so hard to stop using social media?

If you’ve tried getting rid of social media before and always failed, don’t be too hard on yourself. There are literally teams of people and hundreds of millions of dollars at work trying to keep you hooked. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg.

By better understanding your reliance and/or addiction to social media, it’s easier to come up with strategies to beat the bad habit.

These are a few likely reasons you may keep coming back to the monsters:

1. It's designed to be addictive

“Behind every screen on your phone, there are generally like literally a thousand engineers that have worked on this thing to try to make it maximally addicting,” former Mozilla and Jawbone employee Aza Raskin told the BBC back in 2018.

While this article condemning social media companies for “deliberately addicting users to their products” was written eight years ago, I think it’s safe to say things have gotten even worse since then, especially with AI new on the scene.

A 2025 review article published in Cureus explores social media algorithms’ addictive nature and its neurophysiological effect on teenagers’ brains, noting “AI-driven social media algorithms are designed to solely capture our attention for profit…”

Basically, if you feel like you can’t get away from the screen, no matter how hard you try, it’s not your fault. Giving up social media is really difficult on purpose, so if you find yourself slipping back on your goals, go easy on yourself.

And then get back at it and try again.

Do you want to learn more about how the tech overlords keep us addicted to social media?

Knowledge is power. I highly recommend this book from Adam Alter: Irresistible: The Rise of Addictive Technology and the Business of Keeping Us Hooked.

2. Everyone else is on it

The Digital 2026 Global Overview Report from We Are Social gives us the latest numbers: 5.66 billion people use social media. That’s a sobering number. Out of the 8.2 billion people on the planet, something like 70% of them have social media accounts.

Understandably, getting off social media can feel like stepping away from our social network—and nobody wants to feel left out. But we all had friends before we created our first Facebook accounts. Actually, we had more. In a survey from the Survey Center on American Life, 49% of Americans say they now have three or fewer close friends. That’s up from only 27% in 1990.

You don’t need social media to stay connected with your friends, though it may seem like the default these days. Instead, you can:

Send text messages
Talk on the phone
Become email pen pals
Exchange letters
Record voice memos

All a lot more personal and heartfelt than any “like” or (God forbid) AI-written comment.

3. We don't let ourselves get bored anymore

When there’s an empty moment, anywhere, we can immediately fill it with image and sound because we almost always have access to a phone and thus anything our little hearts desire.

Often, it seems that desire is to scroll through Reels, advertisements, and overly romanticized, highly edited “inside looks” at other people’s lives. This shouldn’t be as normal as it is, and it’s a shame we’ve reached this point because, believe it or not, boredom is where the magic happens.

Boredom is where you let yourself ponder, think the big thoughts, and come up with new ideas.

Liraz Margalit Ph.D. for Psychology Today explains it well: “People who allow themselves to be bored and are not afraid to be with themselves and their thoughts think more creatively than those who do not experience boredom.”

But for many of us, boredom has become foreign territory.

Standing in line at the grocery store. Riding the metro. Waiting for a friend to join you at the coffee shop. All moments where we could observe our surroundings, let the mind wander, and just generally be at ease with our own company. But we never let it happen, because we immediately reach for the phone to fill those moments with the scroll and, in doing so, extinguish any sparks of creativity before they can ignite.

Learn how to do things alone—without feeling lonely

a comfortable, nonjudgmental email challenge that helps you own the power of being alone

(See what’s inside.)

How I stopped using social media

I was never that into social media to begin with, so I was surprised that cutting it out of my life was still pretty challenging. They have succeeded in making the scroll so damn addictive.

This is what finally worked for me:

I deleted the apps from my phone. This was the single most important change I made to stop using social media. When the apps just aren’t there, you’ll pick up your phone and not know what to do with it. And eventually, you’ll stop picking up your phone altogether.

I put website blockers on my computer. With no mobile apps, desktop social media suddenly became a lot more enticing—so I nipped it in the bud. After about two weeks, I stopped even feeling the urge to visit Instagram or Twitter for a quick scroll.

I replaced my urge to scroll with something else. I used to use Duolingo, but then I wanted to go even more analog. When I’m working from home, I’ll do a 5-minute stretch at my desk or play a song on the guitar. When I’m on the go, I’ll read an article or a blog post from an email newsletter.
I ask people for their phone numbers when I meet them instead of exchanging Instagram accounts. I thought it would be awkward, but it isn’t. Now I can communicate with a new friend whenever I want to—and Zuckerberg never has to get involved.

Conclusion: Is it time to quit social media?

Look, you don’t have to completely get rid of social media if you don’t want to. But taking regular breaks from the scroll and reminding yourself to bring your head above the water can make a world of a difference for your self-esteem, attention span, mental health, personal relationships, sleep cycle—I can go on.

In my new life after social media (AKA, no social media on my phone), I feel like I have so much more free time. I also have less of an urge to buy random things I don’t need. I don’t have FOMO. I’m not comparing myself to others as much. Again, I can go on.

The benefits of quitting social media are a little different for everyone, but one common denominator that I think everyone can rejoice in: Less data and money being sent to Big Tech.

Next Steps:

Start with one small change today. You don’t have to go cold turkey on the first day. Actually, it’s easier and more sustainable if you get rid of social media, bit by bit. So pick one thing: delete the apps from your phone; set up website blockers; maybe consider buying the Brick if you think that might work for you.

Find other activities to fill your scroll time. This is crucial. Getting rid of a bad habit won’t stick if you don’t have a good habit to take its place. Find 34+ ideas on What To Do Instead of Social Media when you’re commuting, unwinding after work, eating lunch, and everything in between.

Tell one person what you’re doing. Accountability helps. If you let a friend or partner know you’re trying to quit social media, they can be another helpful reminder when you’re reaching for your phone in the middle of dinner. Better yet, they could join in the challenge. Send them this blog post so you can help each other take a break from social media together.

Use the image below to save this post to Pinterest so this list is there when you need it.

How to Quit Social Media: Common FAQs

Is it possible to quit social media?

It sure is. Even though it feels like everyone else is perpetually online, it doesn’t mean you can’t live your life differently. Actually, getting rid of social media is becoming a lot more popular; a new survey from GWI reveals 7 in 10 people have tried to limit their digital consumption in some way.

Maybe you just quit social media for one month out of the year—or one day out of the week. However much you want to scale back, it’s possible.

Can you quit social media cold turkey?

You definitely can quit social media cold turkey, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy. For a lot of people, it’s more sustainable to gradually wean themselves off of social media, e.g., deleting apps, then putting up website blockers, then deleting accounts if you feel ready.

If you are going to quit social media cold turkey, make sure you’ve got new activities at the ready to replace your scroll time, like reading or playing games. Find ideas in this organized guide of What To Do Instead of Social Media.

When should you quit social media?

You can’t go a day without looking at social media. It’s the first thing you look at in the morning when you wake up and/or the last thing you see before going to bed at night. You’re clocking several hours a day scrolling on social media.

These are all signs that it’s probably time to quit social media—or at least dramatically scale back your use.

How does it feel to quit social media?

I personally love life after social media. I find I have more time in the day, less FOMO, and less desire to buy new things.

But at first, it does feel a little weird. You’ll probably find yourself picking up your phone out of habit and not knowing what to do with it. Or you’ll have a few minutes of down time and not know how to fill it. That’s why I’ve prepared a list with 34+ ideas of What To Do Instead of Social Media to help you replace the urge to scroll with other activities that bring more joy.

What are the best books on how to quit social media?

This book doesn’t outline specific steps on how to quit social media, but it does open your eyes to the ways in which Big Tech is doing everything in its power to keep our eyes glued to the screen. And with that information, may just come a little more motivation and willpower to kick social media to the curb.

Read Irresistible: The Rise of Addictive Technology and the Business of Keeping Us Hooked by Adam Alter.

Is it better to quit social media?

“Better” is subjective, obviously, but the research is telling: Social media makes us depressed, anxious, lonely, and unable to sleep. Sadly, that is just the tip of the iceberg, as the Harvard Summer School outlines.

If we can assume that removing social media from our lives make us less depressed, less anxious, less lonely, and better sleepers, then I think it’s safe to say that life is indeed “better” after social media.

Merry

Discover how the merry loner lifestyle makes life more enjoyable:

LONER MINDSET: fresh perspectives on learning to genuinely enjoy your own company

BOOKS: reading lists for people who love being alone with a good story

ANALOG LIVING: inspiration to step back from the screen and live a life offline

SOLO TRAVEL: guides on where to go and how to enjoy it alone

MINDFUL CONSUMPTION: vetted recommendations for a simpler, less wasteful life

LONER Q&As: interviews from global voices on how to live a meaningful, enjoyable life

The post How to Quit Social Media appeared first on A Merry Loner.

How to Enjoy Your Own Company

Merry — Tue, 14 Oct 2025 17:25:56 +0000

Do you like being with yourself?

Spending time alone doesn’t usually sound idyllic. Single women are often cast as unfortunate spinsters. Reserving a table for one is a famously embarrassing cliché. From single prom nights to flying solo at weddings to loner Valentine’s Day celebrations, having the guts to go it alone instead of relying on the comfortable, however mediocre, presence of a date is often frowned upon (or at least considered lame).

What gives? Why is doing things alone so widely considered scary, nerve-wracking, and judgment-inducing?

Societal expectations are a big factor. Young people without a lot of friends are “weird,” and as one approaches the big 30, the pressure is on to find your soulmate. Biology is another factor. Humans are social creatures, and no matter how independent one is, it’s perfectly natural and normal to want to be included, invited, and liked.

But I contend that a big part of the fear, anxiety, and judgment that come with being alone stem from the fact that too many of us don’t really know ourselves all that well.

We might know what kind of friend we are (or want to be). The funny one. The bold one. The empathetic one. What kind of co-worker we are. The creative one. The one who gives kick-ass presentations. The lord or lady of spreadsheets. And though it’s often an internal battle, we have ideas (usually, too many) about who we are (and are trying to be) as lovers, partners, daughters, brothers, fathers, aunts.

But who are you when you aren’t any of these things? Who are you when you are just you, alone with yourself, separate from any titles, tasks, or relationships?

Do you like being with yourself?

Sometimes, that answer is an easy yes. “Yes, I’m funny, smart, and I know I’m pretty cute.” But depending on what the mirror, the meanies, and our internal haters have reported that day, coming up with a comfortable, sunny answer to that question isn’t always a given—especially for the young’uns.

Per a 2021 report from YouGov on how Americans perceive themselves, almost one-quarter (24%) of Americans under 35 “say they don’t like themselves most or all of the time.” (On average, 14% of US adults (aged 18+) had the same sentiment.)

As sad as that statistic is, I don’t believe it’s static. Like that weird friend you didn’t click with at first but now love, sometimes it takes time to love yourself. Learning to enjoy your own company can help you get there.

The shortlist: Enjoy my own company? The why & how

5 reasons why it’s important to learn to enjoy your own company

4 tips on how to enjoy your own company

5 “enjoy your own company” quotes to remind you why it’s worth it

More articles on the loner mindset:

How to Get Better at Doing Things Alone

Living Alone as a Woman: Why Every Woman Should Live Alone at Least Once

7 Books on Self-Awareness to Become a Better Person

Why is learning to enjoy your own company important?

There’s not a lot of time or care dedicated to learning how to spend time with yourself in a healthy way. In fact, when we talk about me time, these days, it usually coincides with the term “bed rotting,” which I think we can all agree doesn’t sound great for the brain or the body.

But alone time can be so much more than lazy hours spent doom-scrolling or binge-watching. When we take just the tiniest bit of effort to explore healthier, more positive ways to spend time with ourselves, we can become happier, more confident, and more creative.

These are five ways learning how to enjoy your own company can change your life for the better:

1. Create a foundation for happiness (no matter where you are or who you’re with)

I’ve said it many times before, and I’ll say it again: Once you can be happy by yourself, you can do anything.

Apparently, my homespun wisdom has good company. As former law professor and ethics lecturer Michael Josephson echoes: “If you want to be happy, learn to be alone without being lonely. Learn that being alone does not mean being unhappy.”

Friends and family are great (even friendly strangers), but when we lean on the presence of others to feel at ease, we’re building our mental health on some pretty shaky ground.

Of course, happiness can come from love, friendship, and camaraderie, but I believe the best relationships are built on a foundation of self-respect and internal peace. When you can comfortably enjoy your own company, the relationships you seek out will be those that uplift and nourish you—not unworthy (or potentially damaging) placeholders you rush to just to avoid being alone with yourself.

2. Give your mental health a boost

Remember that YouGov says 14% of US adults “don’t like themselves most or all of the time”? Learning how to enjoy your own company may be a shortcut (or at least one path) to building self-esteem, confidence, and self-respect.

Consider this academic review from Family Perspectives on the impact of spending time alone on young adults’ mental health, where a Brigham Young University Scholar concludes that “purposefully spending time alone with the intention of self-care can lead to mental health benefits for emerging adults.”

What’s important to note is that you can’t get those purported mental health benefits if you spend time alone with the intention of avoiding others—actually, that usually backfires and ends up leading to increased anxiety and/or depression.

Instead, the idea is to “purposefully spend time alone” with a focus on self-care and self-reflection. And spoiler: “purposefully” spending time alone means no social media.

At a loss for what to do instead of social media?

Whether you want to replace scrolling during your commute, before bed, or anywhere else it’s sucking the life out of your day, I’ve got 34 easy ideas for replacements for you here: What To Do Instead of Social Media.

3. Build self-confidence and independence

Think about some of the scarier or more challenging things you’ve done in your life. Maybe it was starting over and moving to a new city or traveling alone for the first time.

At first, taking on these feats by yourself is daunting. You’d most certainly rather have a friend by your side. But once you get over your initial apprehensions and just start doing the damn thing, you realize it wasn’t so scary after all—and you’re capable of a lot more than you’d realized.

That is the power you can find in your own company.

As Paul Newman, American actor, philanthropist, and, among many other things, the guy likely on your salad dressing bottle, has said: “You only grow when you are alone.”

The more comfortable you get in your own company, the more comfortable and confident you’ll feel trying new things—no social security blanket needed.

4. Learn who are you (without anybody else's influence getting in the way)

Every day, every hour, it feels like we are fighting a battle to guard our attention. And often, we are losing.

Ads. Notifications. Blaring background music. Small talk. These are all distractions that not only disrupt our natural thinking and reflections but influence it—and other people are no exception.

Yes, of course, conversing with others (especially those from whom we differ) is important to expand our horizons, appreciate new perspectives, and generally discover what is, for us, the unknown. But for a more critical reflection on novel ideas, it helps to first have a firm grasp on the known, i.e., to understand who you are and what you think without anyone else’s opinion influencing you.

For example, that new song making the rounds on Spotify? Do you really find it annoying? Or did a friend say that and now you can’t stop yourself from thoughtlessly agreeing?

As Paulo Coelho, Brazilian novelist and lyricist said, “If you are never alone, you cannot know yourself.”

In this way, learning how to enjoy your own company is also a daring act in learning to think for yourself.

5. Give yourself space to think deeply and create

For me, this is the most important reason to learn to enjoy your own company: creativity. Because if you’re constantly talking to someone else, where is the room to think and create?

Again, I’ll acknowledge: It’s abundantly clear that collaboration plays an important role in creativity, creating opportunities for revelations and inspiration to emerge. But to think, to muse, to write, to read, to paint—to draw from our inner world and create something heretofore unseen, that requires a bit of silence, a bit of space, and a bit of solitude.

None other than Pablo Picasso, the Spanish painter who needs no introduction, supported this point: “Without great solitude, no serious work is possible.”

Learn how to do things alone—without feeling lonely

a comfortable, nonjudgmental email challenge that helps you own the power of being alone

(See what’s inside.)

4 ways to learn how to enjoy your own company

Sometimes, alone time comes naturally. Like children, we need nothing but our imaginations to entertain ourselves and we haven’t yet learned to feel embarrassed for being who we are.

Other times, spending time alone feels more like a punishment than a delicious reprieve. It’s an unsought time-out, where, deprived of our toys, we are at a loss for how to feel at ease.

But with practice, your own company can be a comfort—never a punishment or a second choice. For help rediscovering the joy of your own company, try these five ways to enjoy your own company:

1. Practice spending time with yourself

Practice makes perfect—and that goes for “me time,” too.

If spending the afternoon alone feels like a punishment, a bore, or an insurmountable challenge, then you just need to work on it, one step at a time.

I’ve designed a free 7-Day Do Things Alone Challenge that helps you learn how to do things alone—and actually enjoy it. It’s kind of like a weekly, get-to-know-yourself course.

Every day for seven days, I’ll email you a bite-sized challenge to try doing something new by yourself. Each activity was carefully chosen because it’s free or low budget and accessible no matter where you live. You’ll also get a daily (optional) journal prompt to help you reflect on your alone time and what you learned.

It’s a comfortable, nonjudgmental kick in the butt to get out there and get to know yourself.

2. Spend time alone without distractions

I hate to break it to you, but sitting alone and doomscrolling and/or zoning out in front of the TV is not “enjoying your own company.”

Remember what the academic review from Family Perspectives said? “Effective solitude excludes any other individuals and the use of social media.”

The screen (even worse, the screen projecting romanticized versions of strangers’ lives) is a crutch for boredom that just takes your attention away from your own thoughts and imagination.

So put it away. Instead, challenge yourself to find ways to actively spend time with yourself, no distractions allowed. For example, you can:

Go to a museum. (When’s the last time you went to a museum, not on vacation?)
Take a walk and just think. No music, no podcasts, no phone calls.
Sit in the park, a coffee shop, or any random spot that pleases you. Bring a journal and challenge yourself to write or sketch whatever comes to mind.

3. Push yourself to try something new alone

Without the security blanket of a friend at your side, you can get a new appreciation for what you’re capable of and what makes you tick. You’ll also realize you can have a fun, action-packed weekend, even if none of your friends are free.

There are literally limitless new things to see, try, and experience. When I’m stuck on what to do, I use the corny (but useful) advice: be a tourist in your own city.

Some of my mainstays that don’t cost a thing are:

Doing a little bookshop-hopping (and adding to my ever-growing reading list)
Visiting flea markets to hunt for goodies like candlesticks and teacups
Going for a walk and intentionally getting lost (a pretty natural occurrence for me)

But if you’ve got a little extra cash to spend and want to treat yourself, you could:

Sign up for a class in art, cooking, music—whatever interests you
Go on a tour in your city: walking, food, wine, history, etc.
Book a solo ticket for a show: a concert, a play, comedic show, etc.

4. Book a weekly date with yourself

We all naturally grow over time, so it makes sense that your relationship with yourself should evolve, too.

Signing up for special activities on the weekend or doing a crash course in spending time with yourself via the 7-Day Do Things Alone Challenge are both great ways to challenge and learn more about yourself. But to really get comfortable in your own company, you need to keep exercising that muscle over time.

One easy way to make “me time” a regular habit is scheduling a weekly date with yourself.

It doesn’t have to be a big deal. It doesn’t have to be a big deal. It could be as simple as giving yourself one hour before work one day per week to enjoy coffee and a book in a cutesy cafe.

And it doesn’t have to be expensive. If treating yourself to a solo dinner date once a week is too much, just make it one glass of wine at a new bar. Or put a leisurely stroll in the park in your weekly calendar. No headphones. No phone calls. Just you, the greenery, and whatever weather blows your way.

Need more ideas on how to go on a date with yourself?

You got it. Read A Guide to Dating Yourself in 2025.

“Enjoy your own company” quotes

Feeling lonely? Turn to these quotes for a reminder that there is no safer, comfier, or more serene place than your own company.

“In order to understand the world, one has to turn away from it on occasion.”

Speaker: Albert Camus, French philosopher and writer (1913–1960)

“What a lovely surprise to finally discover how unlonely being alone can be.”

Speaker: Ellen Burstyn, American actress (1932–)

“You are who you are when nobody’s watching.”

Speaker: Stephen Fry, English actor, comedian, and broadcaster (1957–)

“Associate yourself with people of good quality, for it is better to be alone than in bad company.”

Speaker: Booker T. Washington, American educator and author (1890–1915)

“Learn to enjoy your own company. You are the one person you can count on living with for the rest of your life.”

Speaker: Ann Richards, American politician (1933–2006)

Conclusion: The power of learning to enjoy your own company

Despite what stereotypes may have led us to believe, spending time alone isn’t lame, awkward, or embarrassing. Actually, once you feel comfortable in your own company, it’s really a happy place where you’re free to explore, create, and adventure—untethered from other people’s judgment, influence, or opinions.

If you’re not there yet, that’s okay. You can take it slow. Try just one solo activity first, and pay attention to how it feels to fully focus on yourself, with no distractions.

The best part about learning to enjoy your own company? Surgeon and author Maxwell Maltz may have said it best: “If you make friends with yourself, you’ll never be alone.”

Next steps:

Sign up for A Merry Loner’s 7-Day Do Things Alone Challenge. You’ll get a comfortable, week-long email series with daily, bite-sized challenges and journal prompts to help you learn how to do things alone—and actually enjoy it.

Pick one activity from this blog post and put it in your calendar now. Maybe that means making a reservation for a solo dinner date tomorrow night or signing up for a cooking class this weekend. Don’t procrastinate! Start taking steps to prioritize (and enjoy) your own company now. Need more ideas? Check out A Guide to Dating Yourself in 2025 for more solo date ideas.

Give yourself a boost of courage. If spending time alone in your own company still seems weird to you, read How to Get Better at Doing Things Alone.

Use the image below to save this post to Pinterest so these tips and quotes are there when you need them.

How to Enjoy Your Own Company: Common FAQs

What does “enjoy your own company” mean?

Enjoying your own company means feeling at ease when you’re by yourself—without needing a distraction, whether that’s other people or your phone. More than that, you can not only tolerate being alone; you actively enjoy it and don’t feel awkward or uncomfortable doing things by yourself.

Should you enjoy your own company?

I won’t tell you what you “should” do, but yes—it’s generally advisable to be able to enjoy your own company. Doing so means you’re not dependent on others’ invitation, recognition, or approval to feel good, nor do you need external stimulation to occupy your mind.

Plus, learning how to enjoy your own company is helpful in building self-awareness, independence, and self-confidence, all qualities that ultimately benefit both you and your relationships.

How to enjoy your own company at home?

It helps to make your home a place you want to be. And that doesn’t have to be expensive. Buy cheap-o fresh flowers from the sales rack. Ditch the wilted ones, and you’ve got a little ray of sunshine in your apartment. Light a candle. Google a new recipe and make pasta sauce from scratch.

I share literally 100 self-care ideas to make your home more beautiful in my Ultimate Guide to Self-Care.

How to enjoy your own company more?

Start small. Maybe today you enjoy a coffee in a new café—and drink it without scrolling on your phone for a distraction. You can also sign up for my FREE 7-Day Do Things Alone Challenge for a week of daily, bite-sized challenges that teach you how to do things alone and actually enjoy it.

How to enjoy your own company without friends?

It’s okay to go through quiet phases in your life. Nothing lasts forever, and the future always holds brighter days ahead. But if you’re feeling lonely now, you’re in the right place. A Merry Loner is dedicated to helping you learn to enjoy your own company, even when it’s hard. If you’re new, start here: How to Get Better at Doing Things Alone.

Discover how the merry loner lifestyle makes life more enjoyable:

LONER MINDSET: fresh perspectives on learning to genuinely enjoy your own company

BOOKS: reading lists for people who love being alone with a good story

ANALOG LIVING: inspiration to step back from the screen and live a life offline

SOLO TRAVEL: guides on where to go and how to enjoy it alone

MINDFUL CONSUMPTION: vetted recommendations for a simpler, less wasteful life

LONER Q&As: interviews from global voices on how to live a meaningful, enjoyable life

Merry

The post How to Enjoy Your Own Company appeared first on A Merry Loner.

Things To Do Alone in the Summer

Maja Krasnicka — Mon, 25 Aug 2025 15:40:00 +0000

Solo summer activities you’ll love—no matter your relationship status.

I usually spend winters hibernating. Living in the UK, where you essentially experience six to eight months of gloom every year, I find my life energy reawakens with the return of spring and summer.

But this summer hits differently. It’s my first-ever summer living alone.

Since I’m in my early thirties, many of my friends are busy with their kids and/or are away on holidays with their partners, so I’ve found myself spending a lot of time alone—but I didn’t want that to stop me from making the most of these scarce, sunny months.

So I created a bucket list of solo summer activities. Turns out, there are plenty of things to do alone in the summer that are just as—if not more—fun to do without a partner or screaming babies in tow.

Are you on your own this summer? Soak up the sunny days with this guide of what to do alone in summer:

The shortlist: 8 things to do alone in the summer

More articles on the Loner Mindset:

How to Get Better at Doing Things Alone

Living Alone as a Woman: Why Every Woman Should Live Alone at Least Once

No Date? No Problem—A Guide to Dating Yourself

1. Spend time in parks

Making use of local parks or other green spaces is such a great way to enjoy the summer weather while doing other activities.

Whether it’s reading, listening to a podcast, journaling, or just simply relaxing, all of these activities can be made even more enjoyable with some sunshine, ice cream, or an iced beverage.

Merry’s tip: What to bring to take a day in the park to the next level?

A book. Duh. Go paper instead of digital to give your eyes a rest (and read more easily in the sun). Since we’re about halfway through the year, I like to take this time to dust off my new year’s resolution list and do a little soul-searching. That’s when I turn to this list: 7 Books on Self-Awareness to Become a Better Person.

A cool drink. I’m frugal and particular, so that means I like to make my own drink before heading out. I’m crazy about sparkling water with fresh lemon (it’s the little things). But if I have a bit of extra time, I love to brew up some homemade iced tea. Not sure which tea makes the best iced tea for you? Check out my guide on the Best Tea for Non Tea Drinkers.

A journal. For doodling. For daydreaming. For writing. All of these options are better than doomscrolling—and better yet, they’re free! If political angst, family troubles, or work stress is getting you down, let it all out at the park with these 20 Journal Prompts for Anger.

2. Attend events solo (even if it feels scary)

Many Londoners will tell you that the capital is a bit of a transient city, where a lot of people come and go— even more so since the pandemic. With the rising cost of living and the growing popularity of working from home, I’ve found my friendship circle shrinking year after year.

So this summer, I’ve been making a conscious effort to push myself beyond my normal circle of friends and find opportunities to get out and meet new people on my own.

To my surprise, I discovered a whole host of events (even free ones) available locally. I’ve found free yoga classes, run clubs, book clubs, clothes up-cycling workshops, and more.

Signing up for these solo events is a great way to meet people who have similar interests—but even if you don’t make friends, you still get to spend a couple of hours doing something you enjoy. And isn’t that the point?

Not at ease doing things alone?

I recently signed up for a book club. Earlier this month, I attended a crafts event. And I’m already scheduled to attend an after-work drinks meet-up and a free university lecture next month.

While it’s still early days and I haven’t made meaningful friendships through these events (yet), it’s been a great way to meet new people and hear different perspectives. Plus, chatting books and doing crafts is a really fun way to spend my afternoons.

If crafts or after-work drinks don’t sound like something you’d enjoy, there are lots of other events you can attend. For example, in my city, I’ve seen events like:

Volunteering
Baking classes
Flower-arranging classes
Art workshops
Psychology or history talks

You can find events like these through local universities, libraries, museums, and small businesses, as well as Facebook groups and apps like CLIQ or Meetup.

And if you can’t find any events near you that you’d like to attend, why not organize one yourself?

3. Learn a new skill

Summer often brings a slower pace at work, making it the perfect time to learn something new. Plus, picking up a new skill isn’t just a great way to fill time when you don’t know what to do alone in the summer—it can also be really rewarding! You never know, you may discover a new favorite hobby in the process.

This year, I focused on learning skills that were a little less business and a bit more fun.

I’ve been learning (or, should I say, clumsily attempting to learn) how to knit. I’ve also been brushing up on my German. And a couple of summers ago, I took a photography course—and actually learned how to use my DSLR camera that had been gathering dust in my desk drawer for years.

With so many resources (including free ones) available to learn new skills, it’s never been easier to start learning something new—and summer is the perfect time to do it.

4. Go to galleries, museums, and exhibitions

Museum-hopping usually gets the most attention in the darker winter months, but I think it’s actually one of the best things to do in the summer by yourself.

For one, galleries and museums rotate their exhibitions all year round, so if you only visit them in the winter, you’ll miss out on many temporary exhibits you might also enjoy.

I also like heading to museums and art galleries as a bit of a quiet escape from our loud, hectic world. Especially in the summer months when the city is extra lively (and crowded), ducking into a museum for a few hours of solo time is a nice way to chill out and recharge.

And honestly? When there’s a heatwave and crowds feel stifling, a calm, air-conditioned museum filled with art and sculptures is the best place to be.

5. Take yourself on a solo movie or theater date

I’m not going to lie, it took me forever to muster up the courage to go to the movies alone.

Even though it was something I’d been wanting to do for a while, I felt really embarrassed to approach the counter and buy a ticket for one. I was convinced that everyone would notice and judge me for being there alone. In reality though, I realized that nobody cares.

Now, going to the movies alone is actually one of my favorite ways to spend time by myself—and it makes sense if you think about it.

Both the movies and the theater require you to sit quietly in the dark, and (ideally) there’s no talking allowed. It’s the perfect thing to do alone—especially in the sweltering months when you’re looking for things to do in the summer by yourself where you can escape the heat.

Merry’s tip: Still feeling a little awkward going to the movies or theater by yourself?

It’s normal. Those are typically billed as very “date-y” activities, which can make it feel super lame at first when you approach the counter to buy a ticket for one.

But there’s nothing lame, embarrassing, or cringey about it.

For a little dose of courage before taking yourself on your own movie date, read How to Get Better at Doing Things Alone.

6. Do something you've been putting off for a while

I know this doesn’t sound too glamorous, but if you find yourself with a lot of time on your hands and you’re truly at a loss for things to do alone in summer, then this is a good way to use that extra time productively.

Yes, I know “summer” and “productive” don’t necessarily go hand in hand. But do you know that feeling when you cross something off your to-do list? The little dopamine rush? That’s what we’re going for here.

Case in point: Last month, I spent one whole weekend doing a big bedroom declutter.

I listened to a great audiobook, ordered take-out, made myself lots of iced tea, even treated myself to a glass of wine at the end. As much as I had dreaded doing this task, it ended up being almost fun—and I’m definitely glad to have finally gotten rid of some very unnecessary clutter.

Merry’s tip: Can’t bring yourself to do that chore you’ve been putting off for ages?

You’re not the only one. But keep this in mind: Little by little, healthy habits have a way of snowballing into an overall healthier (and happier) life.

If your home is already clutter-free and you’re not sure where to start, check out this list of 13 Habits to Start Now in Your 20s (or Whenever) for Long-Term Physical & Mental Wellbeing.

7. Be a tourist in your own city

Or if you’re feeling brave enough, go travel by yourself.

While I’ve moved abroad by myself twice, I’ve never traveled alone. For a reason unknown even to me, I find the idea of solo travel a lot scarier than moving countries. But since I’m focused on saving money this summer, I decided against traveling this year—instead, I’ve been rediscovering the city I live in: London.

But even if you don’t live in a big city, there are usually plenty of places to see and new things to do alone in the summer.

For example, you could:

Visit a garden, park, or local nature reserve
Tour a local historical landmark
Enjoy a solo picnic
Explore new coffee shops
Take a bike ride around town

Or if you’re feeling fancy, you could even treat yourself to an overnight hotel stay in your hometown—ideally, one with good room service and an outdoor swimming pool.

Taking a good, old staycation is a great way to try new local summer activities and get to know yourself a little better in the process.

Merry’s tip: Feeling nervous about solo travel?

You’re not the only one. For a little inspiration on pushing yourself outside your comfort zone and finally taking the big trip, read:

Scared of Traveling Alone: How to Deal with Solo Travel Anxiety

What I Learned Traveling the World Alone Without My Partner

I Don’t Like Traveling Alone—But I Keep Doing It Anyway

8. Eat out alone

Since warm, sunny weather doesn’t last forever, make sure you take advantage of the summer by treating yourself to an outdoor dinner for one.

Eating out alone is another one of those solo activities that initially seemed too intimidating to me—until one day I didn’t have a choice.

I was waiting for a dentist appointment after work and I was starving, so I decided to go out to dinner alone. After settling in and enjoying a tasty meal for one, I realized that it wasn’t as scary as I had built it up in my head.

Funnily enough, the restaurant I went to must not get many solo diners, because they assumed I wanted to get my food as takeaway—they even packed it up at first before serving it to me on a plate. But I didn’t let this discourage me. I enjoyed my first solo dinner with a book and even treated myself to a dessert after.

Tips for eating out alone for the first time:

Avoid the crowds; If you find the idea of eating out alone uncomfortable, try going outside of peak times.

Sit at the bar. It can also be helpful to pick a restaurant with bar seating. You’ll often find other solo diners seated at the bar, which can make your first time eating out alone feel less awkward.

Bring a distraction. And if you’re worried about spending the whole time doomscrolling or not knowing what to do with your hands, bring along a book.

For reading list inspiration, check out Easiest Classic Novels to Read | 18 Easy-to-Read Classics for Beginners.

Conclusion: How to Enjoy Summer Alone

Doing things alone can be scary, even in the best of times. And in a way, summertime can make it even more intimidating to do things alone since so many people’s social calendars are seemingly packed to the brim.

But you know those moments when you feel scared to do something new? And then when you finally push yourself to do it, you’re left wondering, “What was I so scared about?”

The truth is, most things aren’t quite as bad as we build them up to be in our heads—and that’s definitely true when it comes to doing things alone in the summer.

Over time, I’ve realized that enjoying doing things alone is like a muscle: The more solo summer activities you try, the easier it becomes.

So put your sunglasses on, pack your favorite book, treat yourself to an iced coffee, and do whatever makes you happy—all on your own.

I can guarantee you’ll be glad you did.

Maja Krasnicka

Maja Krasnicka is a project manager and freelance writer based in London. Her recent articles were published in Betches and Business Insider. In her free time, Maja likes to learn new skills, read, and obsess over interior design.

Next Steps:

Pick one solo summer activity from this list and schedule it. If it’s eating out alone, make the reservation. If it’s a meet-up group, commit to the event. Then, put it your calendar—making a countdown is (fun) but optional.

Find a book for your solo reading in the park. Borrow it from your local library or order it now from one of these Amazon Alternatives for Books.

Plan your summer solo travel trip. Even if it’s just a weekend away or a small day trip. Get wanderlust inspiration with these 21 Quotes for Traveling Alone.

Use the image below to save this post to Pinterest so these ideas are there when you need them.

Things To Do Alone in Summer: Common FAQs

What can you do alone in the summer for fun?

There are plenty of things to do alone in the summer, no matter your budget.

If you’re looking for free things to do alone in the summer, why not spend the day luxuriating in a local park with a good book and a homemade iced tea? Dreamy sunset strolls and cloud-gazing are also free and accessible to all.

If you’re spending the summer alone and you want to treat yourself, how about leveling-up your staycation by booking a hotel in your hometown for the weekend? Think room service and chilling poolside—without the hassel of going to the airport.

How do I spend my summer when I have no friends?

If you find yourself spending the summer alone and aren’t sure how to fill the time, first of all—don’t despair! Alone time is a great opportunity to get to know yourself better and to make progress towards your personal and/or professional goals.

Start by getting in the right mindset. Find inspiration from these 7 Books on Self-Awareness. Then, follow these tips to learn How to Get Better at Doing Things Alone.

What to do on a summer day at home?

Whether it’s scorching hot outside or unseasonably cloudy, sometimes you have to get a little creative with solo summer activities inside.

That’s when I turn to my Ultimate Guide to Self-Care with 100 Self-Care Ideas, like working on DIY projects, doing a little yoga or meditation, or going analog with a puzzle or paperback book.

What are some things you can do at home instead of going on holiday when you're alone and have nothing to do during your summer vacation?

There are plenty of things to do in the summer by yourself when you need to stay at home. The classic advice is to learn to be a tourist in your own city. For example, you can take yourself to the movies; try a new restaurant; explore a local musuem; stroll in a park or nearby nature reserve.

If you’re at home alone during the summer, check out 100 Self-Care Ideas to turn your boring summer into some serious pampering time.

Discover how the merry loner lifestyle makes life more enjoyable:

LONER MINDSET: fresh perspectives on learning to genuinely enjoy your own company

BOOKS: reading lists for people who love being alone with a good story

ANALOG LIVING: inspiration to step back from the screen and live a life offline

SOLO TRAVEL: guides on where to go and how to enjoy it alone

MINDFUL CONSUMPTION: vetted recommendations for a simpler, less wasteful life

LONER Q&As: interviews from global voices on how to live a meaningful, enjoyable life

The post Things To Do Alone in the Summer appeared first on A Merry Loner.