Books for Existential Dread

Merry February 13, 2025

In times of trouble, I need books.

Hello, old friend. So we meet again. You’re never very far, are you? Whether it’s work struggles, family strife that is slowly making you develop an ulcer, or Big Bad Politics rearing its ugly head and taking your sanity and sense of joy with it, existential dread is a constant companion I just can’t seem to ghost.

I try to do the right things. I avoid listening to melancholy music (though to the gravely voice of Tom Waits I always return). I meditate. I do yoga. I buy fresh flowers, take luxurious bubble baths, grind my own coffee beans, and practice other analog rituals designed to help me slow down and live a less scattered, manic life.

Often, these things work. Despite my frequent complaining (which I usually milk for comedic effect), I sometimes feel like the happiest person I know. Still, the icy fingers of existential dread (or is it a clammy clutch?) find their way back to me like a stray dog whining for scraps. The scraps are my mental health. And sometimes it’s in short supply.

When old existential dread comes a-knockin’, I try to find solace in books — but not the fictional reads in which the monsters are manufactured, the endings endearing, and the characters’ flaws cathartic. In times of trouble, I need poetry. Self-help books dressed up as philosophy. And yes, maybe even a novel or two—but they should be poignant enough to make me ponder.

Are you in times of trouble? I’m here for you, and so are my five go-to books for existential dread.

The shortlist: 5 books for existential dread to help you see the light again

1. Instructions for Traveling West — for feeding the beautiful beast in you that wants to sprint, hair streaming, through the wildflowers

2. The School of Life: An Emotional Education — for when you need to hear, “It’s all going to be okay.” 

3. Magnificent Obsession — for when you need to remember that it’s never too late to change your life 

4. Beautiful World, Where Are You — for when you need to remember that you’re not the only one wallowing 

5. Yeats’s Poetry, Drama, and Prose — for when you need something beautiful to lighten the weight of the world

1. “Instructions for Traveling West” by Joy Sullivan

I’m superficial. When I enter a bookstore, I’m a bachelorette on the prowl, scanning the room to see just who may come home with me, potentially into my bed or maybe even the bath, i.e., I judge books by their covers. So when I strolled past the colorful spine of Joy Sullivan’s “Instructions for Traveling West,” the nostalgia in me swooned.

Years ago, I developed an alternate reality for myself in which I turned 40, got divorced, and moved to Montana to romantically live out my days on a horse ranch. (I recall having just bought a pair of Levi’s at the time.) Turns, out Sullivan’s book of poetry explores feelings not too dissimilar from those that inspired my imaginary mid-life crisis: dreams of a fantastical fleeing to seek a new life founded on freedom and beauty. 

But let’s look at Sullivan’s words, which are much more eloquent than mine. The book flap reads:

“First, you must realize you’re homesick for all the lives you’re not living. Then, you must commit to the road and the rising loneliness. To the sincere thrill of coming apart.”

— from “Instructions for Traveling West” by Joy Sullivan

“…the sincere thrill of coming apart” — that’s a doozy. I don’t know about you, but when it feels like your life is coming apart at the seams, thrilling is hardly the word I would use. More like gut-wrenching. Or panic-inducing. Or hand-wringing, the kind you do when you start praying to a God you didn’t know you believe in. But then there’s poetry, and your wound finds the balm it needs.

2. “The School of Life: An Emotional Education” by The School of Life

When this book came home with me, it was an instant all-nighter. I remember staying up late and reading it on the front stoop in my bathrobe like the crazy, unkempt woman my lace-up oxfords would never let you believe I really am.

I’m not sure exactly what led me to this book, but I know one thing: It was bought during The Sad Time, i.e., the period of depression that ate my early twenties and caused me to do such things as read at odd hours in my bathrobe on my front stoop. It was worth the spectacle. And as I recall reporting to a few curious passersby (I lived on a fairly busy street at the time), “Yes, it is worth the read.” I’ve since recommended “The School of Life: An Emotional Education” to a friend who was battling his own Sad Time. And now I recommend it to you.

Apparently, The School of Life is a media company with lots of articles and podcasts and videos to help you deal with daily traumas like work, relationships, and socializing. I didn’t know that at the time. What I did know was this book felt like a wise, distant, older cousin whom you’ve really only met about six times in your life, but when you reconnect in your adulthood, they manage give you a philosophical pat on the back, releasing the tension you didn’t know was taking custody of your shoulders and whispering to your whole being: “It’s all going to be okay.”

3. “Magnificent Obsession” by Lloyd C. Douglas

Oh, this marvelous book. I’ve gone on record saying this is my favorite book of all time (just eeking past the formidable “The Picture of Dorian Gray” by Oscar Wilde), I bought a beat-up old copy at a used bookstore on a whim and have read it several times since. I even sent my husband a copy in the mail when he was my long-distance boyfriend and we did cute things like that from time to time. This 1929 tale recounts the existential crisis of a rich playboy (a real tragedy, I know) and his yearslong quest to make his life worth something.

The first time I read this book, I stayed up until all hours of the morning, so pressed was I to find out what became of our protagonist’s moral journey. It’s incredible to think this book is almost one hundred years old, yet it still intrigues. It still inspires. And it still reminds us during dark times that no matter how rotten you think you might be — no matter what mistakes color your character — it is never too late to turn yourself into the person you wish you were.

4. “Beautiful World, Where Are You” by Sally Rooney

I’ve read every book Sally Rooney’s written. And I have news: She’s worth the hype. “Normal People” was my first step into the Rooney universe, devoured during a stay-at-home Loner date with myself, a large bowl of pasta with fresh tomato sauce, and a bottle of rosé, and it made me a forever fan of the Irish writer’s works. But after reading each of her novels, my all-time favorite must be “Beautiful World, Where Are You.”

According to Rooney’s acknowledgements, the title of this book is a translation from Friedrich Schiller’s 1788 poem, The Gods of Greece (in the original German: Die Götter Griechenlandes), a fact that really tells me nothing about the book itself but nonetheless heightens my intrigue. In this novel, four youthful protagonists are dealing with The Sad Times. At frequent intervals, they will annoy you; they are not always characters you want to root for. But they translate a realness that many, rosier novels choose to overlook. And amidst all of this wallowing, their fictional tribulations make real-life existential dread seem just a little more surmountable —and the beautiful world, a little more identifiable.

“This is just one excerpt from one poem from one book—and yet it’s enough to lighten the load of the world that weighs upon us.”

5. “Yeats’s Poetry, Drama, and Prose” by William Butler Yeats

This is the book I take off my shelf when — when anything is happening, really. When I’ve been working too much and need to remind myself of art and beauty. When the world seems vapid and my spirit void, and I need a poet to lean on. When I’m somewhere in that dreamy state of nostalgic melancholy and I want to hear such lines as:

“…Considering that, all hatred driven hence,
Tthe soul recovers radical innocence
and learns at last that it is self-delighting,
self-appeasing, self-affrighting,
and that its own sweet will is heaven’s will;
she can, though every face should scowl
and every windy quarter howl
or every bellows burst, be happy still…”

— from “A Prayer for my Daughter” in “Yeats’s Poetry, Drama, and Prose” by William Butler Yeats

This is just one excerpt from one poem from one book, and yet it’s enough to lighten the load of the world that weighs upon us.

When the sky is falling, books are there

When doom-scrolling is killing your soul, frenemies are praying on your insecurities, family is suffocating you with expectations, or you’re having one of those days where the future looks bleak and empty of promise—turn to a book. It won’t ask you to double-tap or subscribe. It won’t inquire about your romantic life or any developments in producing grandchildren. It won’t even talk back. It will just be there when you need it. And even when you leave it, it will be waiting right where you left off when you’re ready to return.

Next Steps:

Pick one book that speaks to what you’re going through right now. Got the feels but don’t know what kind of feels? I recommend starting with “The School of Life: An Emotional Education.” It’s kind of an intellectual cure-all for all manner of yearning, woes, and wallowing. 

Broaden your horizons with books on self-awareness. Often, existential dread and identity crises go hand in hand. Whether we’re zooming out and stressing about the whole world’s problems or we’re hyper-fixating on the details of our own lives, spiraling about one thing can quickly lead to spiraling about everything. Let books be your guiding light. Check out these “7 Best Books on Self-Awareness” to help you quell the stress.

Let it all out on paper. Existential dread is often a whirlwind of emotions, and anger can often make a grand appearance. Let out that rage in a healthy way with some introspective journaling; these 20 Journal Prompts for Anger are a helpful starting place.

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Books for Existential Dread: Common FAQs

What are some good books to read when dealing with an existential crisis or identity issues?

Existential dread means a little something different for everybody. But if you’re really going through it and questioning whether or not you’re going down the right path in life, I love “Magnificent Obsession” by Lloyd C. Douglas. (In fact, it’s my all-time favorite book.) It’s an inspiring tale about making mistakes, starting over, and realizing it’s never too late to change your life.

What are the best books for dealing with an existential crisis?

In times of emotional crisis, poetry can soothe like no other. I particularly like Joy Sullivan’s “Instructions for Traveling West,” a collection of poems written during the pandemic that “grapples with loss, loneliness and belonging.” If you feel like you’re searching but don’t know what you’re searching for, start here.

Which novels explore existential anxiety and how?

I have two favorite novels for helping me work through existential dread. “Magnificent Obsession’ by Lloyd C. Douglas (my favorite book, by the way) starts with tragedy, shame, and regret and ends with a heartwarming reminder that it’s never too late to become the person you want to be. “Beautiful World, Where Are You” by Sally Rooney deals with the existential dread and anxiety that sometimes seep into the everyday mundanity of life. It uplifts by reminding you that you’re not the only one going through a hard time. 

Is existential dread normal?

Yes, it’s a normal part of the human experience, and you’re not weird or overly analytical for feeling this way sometimes. As beautiful as life can be, it’s also full of stressors, dangers, and fears. Talking it out helps a lot. So does writing, journaling, dancing, painting, and lots of other creative activities that don’t include scrolling social media. Of course, I believe books for existential dread are a great way to help you decipher the chaos of life.

If you need more help, please ask for it. If you’re in the USA, 9-8-8 is the national number for suicide prevention and mental health crises.

Does existential dread go away?

It depends. If you’re caught up by a whirl of emotions, you might just need a few nights to ride it out. Call a friend. Write in your journal. Listen to some moody music. Explore books that help you digest your feelings (I love classic novels for a reminder that no matter what’s happening right now, life goes on. Remember, curiosity and intellectual exploration are all good things.). But if you find yourself consumed by feelings of dread and they’re not going away, don’t ruminate alone; ask for help. That might mean confiding in a trusted one or scheduling a visit with your doctor. If you need immediate help, remember in the USA, 9-8-8 is the national number for suicide prevention and mental health crises.

How to fix existential dread?

It’s hard to “fix” existential dread in one fell swoop, especially when it feels like every day brings new headlines about the sky falling, the world burning, and society as we know it falling apart. But there are ways to manage the stress, worry, and philosophical malaise that weigh on us. 

I’ve always believed books are a balm for the soul. If you have a yearning for poetry, you can’t go wrong with “Yeats’s Poetry, Drama, and Prose.” For something more contemporary, I recommend “Instructions for Traveling West.” Novels for existential dread that I like to recommend include “Beautiful World, Where Are You” and “Magnificent Obsession.” And my recommendation for an all-around, help-my-soul kind of book is “The School of Life: An Emotional Education.”

Why do I have so much existential dread?

Feelings of existential dread can crop up when you’re going through big changes in your life, like starting a new job, moving, or ending a relationship. But it can also rear its head even in the more mundane moments, like if you’re unfulfilled at work or just realizing how quickly time passes. But existential dread doesn’t always have to mean a crisis. It can be an awakening for deep thinking, self reflection, and a reckoning with the world around you, all good things. And whether you need to let it all out or take it all in, journaling and reading can help you process The Big Thoughts. 

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How to Celebrate a Loner’s Valentine Day

Merry February 10, 2025

February isn’t just for lovers—it’s for loners, too.

Ah, Valentine’s Day. Yet another day manipulated by modern man to make us feel bad about ourselves or spend too much money on crap we don’t need. (Or both.)

And believe it or not, I’m a romantic!

I won’t be celebrating Valentine’s Day this year. Not because I’m single. Not because I’m lonely. But really, I just don’t care. My husband and I don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day, nor do we celebrate our anniversary. We just celebrate life together.

Don’t worry—this is not a self-righteous speech on my rejection of commercialism, over-consumption, or materialism. (That’s here. And here.) I get it. People like to have fun! And sometimes in our spiraling world of moral decay, greed, and unspeakable political debauchery, clinging to these rosy, Hallmark holidays is all we have.

If that’s what you’re into, then I warmly raise my glass to you, and I want to make sure you have a seat at the table.

Valentine’s Day shouldn’t be reserved for the kinds of people who post picture-perfect, candlelit dinners on Instagram—and then fight on the way home from the restaurant. Nor should it be reserved for couples who are actually, truly, honest-to-goodness in love. (Don’t they have enough as it is?)

If you’re starry-eyed, gooey-hearted, Taylor-Swift-encoded, and all-around gaga for the Big Grand Day of Love, then you should also partake—no matter what box you’re checking on your taxes just 60 days later.

By the way, let’s not be confused: Being a Loner doesn’t necessarily mean you’re single. After all, Loners aren’t anti-social. Loners don’t lack companionship. And (above all), Loners aren’t lonely. They just know how to find value in their own company.

  • So maybe you’re single this year.
  • Maybe you’re in a relationship, but your partner isn’t so hot on Valentine’s Day.
  • Maybe you want to have fun, but you’re not really into the whole Galentine’s Day thing—or you don’t have a good group of girlfriends at the moment to celebrate with.

No matter your situation, sometimes the best Valentine’s Day gift you can receive is from yourself: a night dedicated to nothing but your own interests.

If the latest rom-com doesn’t enthuse you, let’s look beyond the stereotypical ideas for spending Valentine’s Day alone. Instead, here are six rejuvenating (non-cringey) ways to celebrate a Loner’s Valentine’s Day:

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1. Write love letters to your friends

Is there anything more romantic these days than receiving a letter in the mail?

I can’t be the only one dreaming about living a more analog life, and taking your best friends’ text conversations from the digital to the tactile is a perfect solo Valentine’s Day activity to give yourself (and your relationships) a break from screen time.

Sure, you could also plan a Valentine’s Day video chat with a long-distance friend—but wouldn’t a surprise, handwritten, made-with-love-in-every-syllable letter brighten their day just a little bit more?

To elevate your evening of correspondence even more, first take your time to meander through your local stationary shop to hand-pick calligraphy pens, glitter markers, stickers (paint? ribbon? stencils?), and as much crafty goodness as your heart desires to create a letter that truly surprises and delights.

2. Indulge in a bubble bath and wine

Insert that ubiquitous Julia Roberts meme here. Need I say more?

Surely, you need no convincing that a bubble bath is the salve to all the world’s ailments? A broken heart. Cold toes. Bored Sunday afternoons. And a Loner’s Valentine’s Day is no exception.

Growing up, my mom would always reference this 1978 commercial where an overwhelmed, overstimulated (and probably under-appreciated) woman stresses aloud about traffic, work, and parenting (has nothing changed?) before calling upon the magical bath powder: “Caglon, take me away!”

Then, over a B-roll of said woman indulging in a fluff, pillowy cloud of bubbles wafting from a not-so-quiet-luxury marble bath, the retro announcer tells us:

“Lose your cares in the luxury of a Calgon bath.” And then: “Lose yourself in luxury.”

Honestly, that tagline still holds up today. And I gotta say, Valentine’s Day or not, spending hours soaking in bath oils and salts with a candle or two lighting the way and a glass(es) of wine at your fingertips is pretty much always a good idea.

3. Plan a zero-social-interaction day

With remote work that follows you home and notifications that never stop, unplugging is really the only way to remove the digital shackles and regain some sense of stillness.

Even for diehard social butterflies, putting your relationships on pause for a day and spending a little time with just yourself can do wonders for your mental health (and as a byproduct, your physical health, too).

  • For uninterrupted lounging with the security of knowing you can still check your messages, switch your phone to silent.
  • For something a little closer to the cone of silence, activate airline mode—and resist the temptation to check in.
  • For hard-core relaxing, completely power-down your phone. Instead, pick up a book. Veg out with a marathon of your comfort show. Make yourself an elaborate cocktail—or literally anything in this list of 100 self-care ideas that doesn’t involve obsessively checking your phone. (You can do it!)

4. Take yourself on a date

The quintessential single person’s Valentine’s Day activity.

The bold will put on their very best little black dress or suit, reserve a table for one at the most date-y restaurant in your neighborhood, and order the special for two—to be eaten by one.

But if dining on display in all your solitude amidst the date nights is a little out of your comfort zone, that’s okay. There are other places to take yourself on a solo Valentine’s Day date, like consuming a large popcorn and too much candy at the cinema or wearing an elegant dress and staring cryptically at sculptures in an art gallery.

Not convinced? Contributing writer Eleanor Jones lays out the reasons to start taking yourself on more solo dates (plus a few solo date ideas you can lean on year-round) in A Merry Loner’s Guide to Dating Yourself.

5. Go on a spontaneous solo weekend trip

If Valentine’s Day falls on pretty much any day but Tuesday or Wednesday, why not go all the way and make a weekend out of it?

I’m having visions of a cozy seaside or mountainous bed and breakfast—not in a hot-and-happening destination but in a little, middle-of-nowhere town with nothing to do but stroll, get coffee, and peruse the local library.

There will be omelettes for breakfast and thick cashmere sweaters and maybe even the light smattering of rain and an upholstered armchair, if you’re lucky. Most importantly, there will be no one to answer to but the waiter asking if you would like to order dessert.

Not ready for a solo weekend trip?

Baby steps. Instead, try signing up for A Merry Loner’s 7-Day Do Things Alone Challenge.

  • 7 daily, bite-sized challenges to help you experiment trying new things alone
  • 7 unique journal prompts to help you process and learn from what you did that day

6. Do something nice for someone else

Be honest. Is being single on Valentine’s Day making you feel a bit crappy?

There’s nothing wrong with that. You don’t need to get so hopped up on blind positivity that you deny yourself real emotions.

Maybe last year you had the Valentine’s Day of your dreams, and this year you’re still thinking about all the threads that came undone. Or maybe you’ve never had the Valentine’s Day you’ve always hoped for and you’re starting to wonder if it’ll ever happen.

Feeling blue sometimes is valid—and no amount of positive affirmations or manifestations can wipe your soul of its full-bodied spectrum of yearning. Nor should it.

Instead, I find sometimes the best way to feel better about yourself is to spend less time thinking about yourself.

  • Visit a nursing home.
  • Volunteer at an animal shelter.
  • Give some of your time to a soup kitchen.

It may be Valentine’s Day, but the world carries on. And there are a lot of people who aren’t getting red roses today, tomorrow, or the next day. But your time, your compassion, and your smile can give them—and you—much more.

Embrace Loner Living every month of the year

Valentine’s Day is an occasion when we spotlight our relationships. But in the words of contributing writer Nikita Andester:

“Your relationship with yourself is the longest you’ll ever have.”

Are you paying it enough attention?

Taking the time to learn more about yourself and your evolving relationship with you is more valuable than any box of imported chocolates.

Wanna work on it? Sign up for A Merry Loner’s 7-Day Do Things Alone Challenge to reflect on your relationship with you.

    Recommended Reading:

    Embrace Being a Loner—Why February Is the Perfect Time

    Merry February 6, 2025

    I used to find January and February the dullest months of the year. Now, they’re my most-savored weeks of respite. Especially February.

    January is full of that new-year’s-resolution gusto when we’re inspired to be better, do more, or do less—but in a systematically thoughtful, mindful way where we meditate, exercise, and journal with new-year-new-me diligence.

    Several weeks later, when March brings budding spring days and sunnier attitudes on the horizon, we’re back at it again. Spring cleaning. Purging the new bad habits that somehow already seemed to accumulate in the last eight to 10 weeks. And entering yet another period of rebirth—one where (this time) we promise to be more dedicated and steadfast in our pursuits.

    Fast-forward to May, and “summer” is the word on everyone’s lips.

    What kind of Insert-Pop-Culture-Reference-Here Summer will this one be? Where are you traveling? Whom are you partying with? Most importantly, what are you wearing? (Do you have any packing hacks?) And quick—how can you get a whatever-body-part-is-now-being-sensationalized summer body in just 10 days?

    Then, before your last tan line has even faded, the onslaught of cozy-core consumption is upon us.

    Snuggly sweaters to buy (no matter if they’re filled with plastic). Candles with names like cinnamon, spice, and everything Made in China. Halloween parties and Thanksgiving recipes and the all-encompassing, fever-inducing holiday rush.

    It doesn’t matter what your religion is—consumerism is the faith that binds us all.

    Gift guides and EOY round-ups and enough “best of” lists to make you forget you ever had your own opinion about what books and movies you like.

    And then the cycle begins again in January. Resolutions and meditations. Goals and plans and predictions.

    By February, we’re all one big, exhausted heap of worn-out social obligations and self-improvement. And what irks me the most is how quick people are to want to rush past it!

    “Ugh, this month is so short, but it passes so slowly.” “I can’t wait for spring.” “When will the winter end?”

    I don’t want it to end.

    I’ve come to welcome the chilly embrace of February and all its gray days and overcast overtures. It’s now my favorite time of year because it’s the month without expectations. It’s the month to slow down, look inward, and focus on embracing Loner Living.

    In other words, it’s the perfect month to be a loner.

    If you haven’t already embraced being a loner, February is the ideal time to test the waters of solitude. Let me convince you:

    Related Posts:

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    There’s no pressure to be outside lest you “waste” a beautiful day.

    Sometimes, I want to waste a beautiful day.

    The sun may be shining and the birds may be chirping, but I want to spend the morning taking a bath. I want to emerge a few hours later, moisturized and wrinkly, and retire to my velvet armchair for a few hours of lazy reading.

    In the spring, there’s too much pressure to “take advantage” of the first sunny days.

    In the summer, there are beaches and lakes and patios and barbecues calling your name, and you feel guilty if you turn down these opportunities to stay home in your cocoon.

    And in the fall and winter, there are far too many seasonal activities to dominate your leisure time. Fun as these holiday festivities may be, when they’re too abundant, it’s hard to tell them apart from the obligations on your eternal to-do list.

    But February is a loner’s haven. It’s your cold-weather, dark-day invitation to go ahead: Waste the day. Stay inside and relax. Do as much (or as little) as you want, and laze to your heart’s content.

    Everyone’s partied out after the holidays—so the weekends are all yours.

    I love a party as much as the next person. I like putting on nice shoes and lipstick and letting it all get smudged away by rambling conversations and too many glasses of wine.

    I’m not the best host; I don’t really cook, nor do I have a kitchen table or more than one chair in my apartment. But my husband and I love hosting dinner parties. (He cooks; I wash.) I always enjoy a night with friends and acquaintances and assorted tag-alongs, where mayhem makes way for mellow conversations that melt into the early morning.

    But by January, I’ve had enough.

    I’m tired of eating. Tired of drinking. Tired of bustling from one event to the next with hardly enough time to digest the food, the merriment, and the chaos.

    After this three-month sprint of fêting, I welcome the social wasteland of February. My weekends are my own again, and I may spend them as I please:

    • Sleeping late
    • Going for early-morning walks to the farmer’s market
    • Reading for hours in bed
    • Having a good, old-fashioned movie marathon and popcorn for dinner
    • Practicing yoga for more than the 30 minutes I try to squeeze in on weekdays

    In February, no one is competing for my time. I get it all.

    We’re past the new year’s resolutions and all the pressure to optimize your down time.

    Even when your down time is your own, inevitably, other voices creep in. Often, they’re at their loudest in the first weeks of the new year.

    In the initial quiet after the holiday season, your free time becomes an entity—one that must be optimized.

    I’m going to cook more. Read more. Exercise more. Drink less. Scroll less. Clean out that closet.

    Suddenly, everything becomes a “project,” and the activities that were intended for relaxation and rejuvenation start to feel like nagging responsibilities.

    February shoos all that away.

    It’s okay if you spend Friday night alone rewatching an old guilty pleasure. Nobody will care (or even know) if you broke your “no-takeout” rule because sushi was desired, sushi was ordered, and sushi was enjoyed.

    Between January’s annual burst of resolve and March’s desire to be born again, February gives you space to just be.

    A Merry Loner’s 7-Day Do Things Alone Challenge

    Ready to embrace Loner Living? Baby steps.

    Sign up for our 7-day challenge to learn how to become more comfortable doing things by yourself.

    The many ways to embrace being a loner

    I’m partial to ambling through bookstores or reading in a café by myself. This February, you won’t catch me out of bed before 11:00 AM on Sundays, where I’ll be cocooned—my coffee and candles within reach—working my way through the nine books on my 2025 reading list.

    I’ll also spend a fair amount of time pretzeling myself on my yoga mat or heading across the street to sign up for a pottery class, which is one of the five new things I want to try by myself this year.

    Even though I fall victim to the doom-scroll from time to time (and then get unreasonably annoyed at myself for it), I’m going to try to keep my February loner time screen-free. It’s all a part of my dream to live a more analog life.

    If holing up with a book isn’t your way of Loner Living (or if you want to try something new), I encourage you to check out contributing writer Eleanor Jones’s Guide to Dating Yourself, where she shares solo date ideas and tips for going on your first solo date.

    After all, February isn’t just for lovers. It’s for loners, too.

    Recommended Reading:

    No Date? No Problem—A Guide to Dating Yourself in 2025

    Eleanor Jones February 3, 2025

    If there’s something you really want to do, why wait for a date?

    The term “dating yourself” gets a lot of flack. It brings to mind a single Bridget Jones singing into her hairbrush (which I’m totally on board with, by the way).

    But dating yourself doesn’t have to be cheesy, awkward, embarrassing, or the myriad of other things you’re probably thinking. It’s about learning how to feel comfortable in your own company—and not waiting until you have a partner to do the things you love.

    I have a boyfriend but I often choose to go on solo dates. Why? Because I like spending time alone. I like choosing what I do, where I eat, and where I go. In the past few months, I’ve arranged a day trip to a local city. I’ve watched a ballet. I’ve taken myself to the cinema to watch a new film. All by myself.

    I’m a social person, but I make an active choice to do things alone all the time. And you can, too.

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    More tips on how to embrace Loner Living?

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    Why should you date yourself?

    The idea of dating yourself isn’t a new one. For years, it’s been used to describe the self-improvement single people do before getting into a new relationship.

    But in recent years, we’ve seen a boom in people literally taking themselves out for dates. In fact, as of this writing, #solodate has over 149K posts on Instagram.

    We’re recognizing that solo dating is a fun, empowering, and exciting way to get to know yourself, whether you’re in a relationship or not.

    Here’s why you should date yourself in 2025:

    You can do what you want, when you want

    Have you and your partner ever argued about where you want to eat? Or maybe you and your friend can’t decide on an activity? Guess what—that doesn’t happen when you date yourself.

    You get to decide where you go, what you eat, how long you stay, and what you do next. Trust me, it’s freeing.

    You don’t have to make plans with anyone else. You can be as structured or spontaneous as you like. It’s all up to you.

    Tip: Create a rough plan for your solo date. It’ll help you make decisions while you’re out, especially if it’s your first time dating yourself.

    You can get to know yourself better

    I know, I know. I said I wouldn’t be cheesy. But spending time alone really can teach you about yourself.

    What do you enjoy? What makes you tick? What triggers your anxiety? By spending time alone, you can start to answer these questions.

    Life can get busy. Spend some mindful time with yourself to gain a greater awareness of who you are and what you want.

    The more you date yourself, the more you’ll get used to spending time alone. You’ll feel more comfortable going to events solo—and you might even feel more confident in other areas of your life too.

    Tip: Lean into self-improvement by reflecting on your solo date. Write down the things you enjoyed (and the things you didn’t) for next time.

    You don’t have to worry about finding a date

    If there’s something you really want to do, why wait for a date? Dating yourself means you’ll always have someone to take you out.

    So what if you don’t have a partner (or even if you do)? Treat yourself to a nice lunch, go to your local public library, go for a walk, or book a pottery class. (Extra mindfulness points if your solo date involves analog activities.)

    As author Flannery O’Connor said, “In yourself right now is all the place you’ve got.” Follow her lead to do the things you want to do—partner or not.

    Tip: Write down a list of places you want to visit, films you want to watch, or foods you want to try. That way, you’ll have a ready-made list of ideas for your solo date.

    Still not ready to take yourself on a solo date?

    Baby steps. Sign up for A Merry Loner’s 7-Day Do Things Alone Challenge for help getting better at doing things alone. You’ll get:

    • Daily bite-sized challenges to help you experiment with doing things alone
    • A judgment-free zone to share all your feels about how the day’s activity went
    • Daily journal prompts to help you process and learn from what you did that day

    The best solo date ideas for 2025

    So, it’s time to ask yourself out on a date. You’re the best company you’ve got and you’re not going anywhere, so why not get to know yourself a little better?

    If this is your first time dating yourself, start small. Go for a walk or visit your local art gallery to get comfortable being in your own company.

    Once you get a bit more confident, go for a meal at that new restaurant. Or finally book a weekend at that spa you’ve always wanted to try. The world’s your oyster!

    Here’s a bit of inspiration for your solo date:

    Go to a cooking class

    Or any class for that matter. Dating yourself is the perfect chance to do something you really want to try, whether that’s cooking, flower arranging, ceramics, yoga, photography, or singing.

    You might find a new passion or you might not enjoy it as much as you thought. Either way, trying something new by yourself is bold and empowering.

    Visit an art gallery

    Sometimes, the best solo date ideas are right on our doorsteps. Don’t be afraid to explore your local art galleries, museums, and historical landmarks.

    They’re a good starting point for dating yourself, and you’ll find a lot of other people who are there alone, too.

    If you want to push yourself even further, hop on a train to a nearby city. A day wandering around a new place (while taking in lots of beautiful art) sounds pretty dreamy to me.

    Go on a hike

    A hike is a great way to spend some time with yourself. Stick on your favorite podcast or get to know yourself while you walk.

    I love getting out into nature. It’s a chance to think through any problems in your life, get some exercise, and admire beautiful landscapes alone.

    But make sure to stay safe if you’re heading out by yourself. Share your location and stick to routes you already know.

    Take yourself out for lunch

    The idea of going for dinner by yourself can be a bit daunting, so why not go for lunch instead?

    You could visit your local café or take yourself out for a cute picnic. These activities are typically seen as romantic, so use them to get to know yourself in 2025.

    Tip: This is a date, so make sure to treat yourself. Order your favorite foods—and always get dessert if you want it.

    Go to the cinema

    I love going to the cinema with my boyfriend, friends, and family. But sometimes, a film comes out that no one else wants to see. So I take myself.

    The first time I went to the cinema alone, I thought everyone would stare at me. But it’s true what they say: Everyone is focused on themselves. No one cares that you’re there alone. So you shouldn’t either.

    Going to the cinema alone is one of life’s small pleasures. No one will steal your popcorn, and no one will talk through the movie. You can just sit back and enjoy 2+ hours of uninterrupted bliss.

    Dating yourself in 2025

    What are you waiting for? I dare you to take yourself out on a solo date in 2025.

    Ask yourself out for dinner, book a trip to the cinema, or head for a nature hike. The only drawback? You always have to pay.

    Recommended Reading:

    Eleanor Jones is a freelance writer based in the UK. She loves reading, writing, and walking in nature. Sometimes with her friends and family, sometimes alone. Check out her blog for writing updates, freelance resources, book reviews, and more: notsomoderngirl.com

    9 Books on My 2025 Reading List

    Merry January 29, 2025

    a memoir, fiction, and translated works

    Am I ever going to finish my reading list? Definitely not. Do I keep adding to it almost every day, not because I have shiny-new-object syndrome but because there’s simply too big a world of too many marvelous books to read? Yes, I’m glad you asked.

    My books-to-read list is ever-growing, but these nine just got a fast-track to the top of the stack. Here’s why:

    The shortlist: 9 books on my 2025 reading list

    1. Dinner for Vampires — a memoir

    2. Intermezzo — the latest novel by a new favorite author

    3. Cleopatra and Frakenstein — Instagram made me buy it

    4. Before the Coffee Gets Cold — a mainstay in my local bookshops

    5. The Café with No Name — a last-minute edition

    6. The Golden Notebook — a Nobel Prize winner

    7. Washington Sqaure — a new-to-me classic to discover

    8. Solaris — a science fiction novel

    9. Daily Rituals: How Artists Work — for creative inspiration

    More articles on books:

    5 Alternatives to Amazon for Books (and why I no longer buy books from Amazon)

    Easiest Classic Novels to Read

    Books for Existential Dread

    What do books have to do with being a merry loner?

    Books are natural companions for merry loners. We love being alone with a good story—and we don't need a book club to enjoy it.

    Sign up for A Merry Loner's weekly newsletter, and I'll share classic and contemporary book recommendations, themed round-ups, and book lists of what I'm reading, what I've read, and what's next on my bookshelf.

    You’ll also get notes about analog living, solo travel, and mindful consumption—the pillars of the Loner Mindset.

      I respect you and your inbox. No SPAM. You can always unsubscribe if you change your mind.

      1. Dinner for Vampires: Life on a Cult TV Show by Bethany Joy Lenz

      Is it cheating if I already read this one?

      I couldn’t help myself. Since I was at my parents’ in Rhode Island to visit my family for Christmas, my inner child was pulling me towards a Barnes & Noble visit with my mom. I’ve been living in France for 3+ years, but even so—I hadn’t been to good, old B&N for much longer than that, and I felt like a kid who had rediscovered the candy store.

      When I walked in, this flashy pink cover was on one of the front display cases, and it immediately caught my eye. I’d seen the catchy name and the big, Southern hair pop up on the Internet for the past few months, but I really had no idea what the book was about or even who had written it. Apparently, it’s written by Bethany Joy Lenz who was apparently on some early-2000s TV show called One Tree Hill?

      I’ve never seen the show, so it wasn’t nostalgic pop culture gossip that was pulling me in. Instead, I’d recently discovered that Lenz had created a new, print-only newspaper called Modern Vintage News—and that was enough to make me a fangirl. (Yay for what feels like the start of society’s return to a more analog lifestyle.)

      Long story short, I started reading this book at the airport on my way home to Paris—and I finished it the next day. It’s an unbelievable page-turner that I very well may read again. 10/10 recommend.

      Available at Bookshop.org

      2. Intermezzo by Sally Rooney

      Another book the Internet sold me on.

      Honestly, until a few months ago, I had never even so much as picked up a Sally Rooney book. I wasn’t avoiding her on pretense, but I was going through a years-long novel drought. Fortunately, my pretentious phase of only reading about politics, history, or high-brow classic literature has come to an end, and I’m rediscovering my love of the novel.

      In the last three-ish months, I’ve read the other three Rooney books and have been patiently waiting to sink my teeth into Intermezzo. I read Normal People and Conversations with Friends (my least favorite) on my Libby app, and I bought a used copy of Beautiful World, Where Are You? (my favorite so far), but I can’t wait to head to my local bookstore and pick up a fresh, delightfully crisp, brand-new copy of her latest writing. Please, no spoilers.

      Available at Bookshop.org

      3. Cleopatra and Frakenstein by Coco Mellors

      Yet another book the Internet sold me on—and then I promise it stops there.

      I think I saw this book circulating on Instagram through most of last year. Like I said, I first turned a blind eye to it because I wasn’t yet back in my I-love-novels-again phase. It was Normal People that steered me back in the right direction, and since then, I’ve been looking for similar writers. I don’t know if this is necessarily going to scratch the Sally-Rooney itch, but it may sparkle and dazzle me in its own unique way.

      I’m definitely intrigued by the title and the absolutely stunning cover art, so I already know this is one I’m going to want to buy in hard cover. I plan to carry it in my bag at all times, flash it at the bookshop and local café, and then proudly display it on my bookshelf like the artful trophy it is. (I hope it’s worth it.)

      Available at Bookshop.org

      4. Before the Coffee Gets Cold by Toshikazu Kawaguchi

      At last, something that inspired me from the analog world.

      For the last year or so, no matter what bookstore I went into, in what country, in what language, I would see this book staring back at me in French, German, English, etc. In the marketing world, they say it takes at least seven touchpoints before a prospect is ready to become a buyer—and it guess it worked on me this time because my curiosity has finally gotten the better of me.

      I’m someone who like to go to into a book (or movie, for that matter) totally blind with as little information about the plot as possible, so to be honest, I don’t even know what this book is about. But it’s clearly a bestseller; it’s clearly everywhere; and it’s clearly well loved. And I want in on this story (finally).

      Available at Bookshop.org

      5. The Café with No Name by Robert Seethaler

      Another book about coffee—and the reason this one is on my reading list is a little bit embarrassing.

      I couldn’t remember the name of the book “Before the Coffee Gets Cold,” but I knew I wanted to add it to my list even a few months ago, so I pathetically tried searching online with the phrases “café book” or the equally pointless “coffee shop book.” Eventually, I got to the Japanese novel I was looking for, but first, I kept stumbling on The Café with No Name by Robert Seethaler.

      Although it goes against my usual practice, I did check out the synopsis for this one: “a vibrant tale of love.” “Summer 1966.” “Robert Simon is in his early thirties and has a dream.”

      I didn’t need to read anymore—they’ve already got me. Just skimming a few lines from synopsis makes me feel like my world has instantly become sepia-toned and poetic and scored by Alan Menken. I’m planning a vacation in April, and I can already picture myself reading this on dreamy spring days in a train car while stealing glances out the window at green, rolling landscapes. (Yes, please.)

      Available at Bookshop.org

      6. The Golden Notebook by Doris Lessing

      I can’t remember where exactly I heard about this book, but I remember it was from another book.

      It was some novel where the protagonist was commenting on another character by saying, “They look like they’ve probably read The Golden Notebook.” I totally didn’t get the reference.

      When I looked it up, I immediately realized how un-well read and sophisticated I am. Apparently, this is “the landmark novel by Nobel Prize winner Doris Lessing” and “a powerful account of a woman searching for her personal, political and professional identity.” Definitely something I want to check out.

      Plus, I’m someone who is unabashedly sold by a book’s title or cover. It’s the title that’s drawing me in this time, though the jury’s still out on whether or not I’ll agree with the Nobel Committee’s high marks.

      Available at Bookshop.org

      7. Washington Square by Henry James

      Another mystery on my reading list—I can’t remember why this book is there, but it certainly deserves its spot.

      It covers all the points an exquisite novel should: 19th century New York society. A romance with “a dashing and determined suitor.” And a father determined to squander said romance.

      Plus, I’ve never read any of Henry James’s works (and even though I said I’m getting back into the modern novel, I’m not giving up on classic literature altogether), so this seems like as good as any place to start.

      P.S. I haven’t even read this book yet, but the 19th-century New York society is already brining back memories of one of my all-time favorite book series that I devoured when I was in middle school and then again in high school and then again in my early twenties. If you’ve never checked out The Luxe series by Anna Godbersen and you want a high drama mixed with silken dresses and passive-aggressive, old-fashioned manners, then this is for you.

      Available at Bookshop.org

      8. Solaris by Stanisław Lem

      I haven’t read a science fiction book in a long time, so I was really thrilled when a friend gave me this book on their recent visit to Paris.

      I’m actually a huge sci-fi fan, so I’m a little bit embarrassed to admit that I’d never even heard of Stanisław Lem. As I’ve recently learned, he’s considered a very prolific writer, particularly in philosophy, futurology, and science fiction. In fact, according to Wikipedia, fellow sci-fi heavyweight Theodore Sturgeon called Lem “the most widely read science fiction writer in the world.” (That was in 1976.)

      Plus, Lem is a Polish writer, and I’m married to a Polish man, so I consider it personally important to read more Polish works. I’m excited to dive into this one. Who knows, perhaps it will be the first of many Lem books on my shelf.

      Available at Bookshop.org

      9. Daily Rituals: How Artists Work by Mason Currey

      And lastly, a good, old self-help book.

      (Is that what this is?) I don’t mean to be insulting. I feel like the self-help book category is the subject of a lot of mockery—but couldn’t we all use a little more help?

      I’ve heard of this book over the years since it was published in 2013, but it wasn’t until a couple of artist friends mentioned it to me last year that it earned a place on my reading list. Normally, I don’t really go for these inspiration, find-your-way-to-creativity books, but Nikita Andester is one of the best writers I know, so I hold her opinion in good favor.

      I’m envisioning myself reading this while drinking tea from a fancy cup on a Sunday morning—or maybe I’ll do it on a random Wednesday afternoon so I can feel like a real broke artist. We’ll see.

      P.S. Nikita Andester is also a contributing writer at A Merry Loner. Check out her latest article, In Defense of Laughing Alone.

      Available at Bookshop.org

      What's your 2025 reading goal?

      Last year, I only read 17 books, which is nothing to be sad about, but it still leaves me with a reading list a mile long—and the unfulfilled dreams of being an extremely literary person.

      This year, I’m aiming to read 25 books (and I’m already three in!). But you know what helps? Setting up good habits. Reading every day for even just 15 minutes brings me a little bit of joy—and a lot of progress towards my reading goals. (Plus, isn’t anything better than doomscrolling.)

      Want in? We’re making it a mini club.

      Ready to get to reading?

      Read with me. Pick your favorite from my 2025 reading list:

      Picture of Merry

      Merry

      Merry is the blogger behind A Merry Loner, a full-time freelance writer, and a lifelong bookworm. Since kindergarten, it was her dream to become a novelist. (She likes to think she's headed in the right direction.) Born and raised in Rhode Island, where she earned a triple-major BA in writing, communication, and French from the University of Rhode Island, she moved to Toulouse, France after the pandemic to complete a master's in creative writing at Univeristé Toulouse Jean — Jaurès. She now lives in Paris with husband.

      Discover how the merry loner lifestyle makes life more enjoyable:

      LONER MINDSET: fresh perspectives on learning to genuinely enjoy your own company

      BOOKS: reading lists for people who love being alone with a good story

      ANALOG LIVING: inspiration to step back from the screen and live a life offline

      SOLO TRAVEL: guides on where to go and how to enjoy it alone

      MINDFUL CONSUMPTION: vetted recommendations for a simpler, less wasteful life

      LONER Q&As: interviews from global voices on how to live a meaningful, enjoyable life

      Feeling Lonely?

      I believe a happy life starts with learning to enjo your own company.

      Every week, I write a newsletter with notes on books, analog living, solo travel, and mindful consumption—the pillars of what I call the Loner Mindset.

      Because when you can be happy on your own, you can do anything.

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