Staying Focus-Driven: How Giuliana Mendoza Tunes Out the Noise & Focuses on Her Purpose

Staying focus-driven sometimes means staying misunderstood. 

From being the only person on her high school’s math olympics team to moving from Argentina to the U.S. during college to taking a months-long international solo trip in her early twenties, Giuliana Mendoza has always done things her way. And with an independent streak that sometimes takes you off the beaten path, comes the doubters, the naysayers, and the judges. 

In a conversation with A Merry Loner, Giuliana shares how she sets intentional goals, cultivates a resilient mindset, and sticks to her guns, no matter what the critics say. 

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Let’s talk about the months-long solo trip you took in your early twenties—what was that like? 

I will never forget when I traveled around Europe. I did meet up with some friends in certain cities, but I was mostly by myself. I was on this flight from Dublin to Rome, and I was telling [my seat neighbors] how I was planning on going to all these different places and I was doing it by myself for a month, and they were like, “That’s strange.” It wasn’t like, “Oh, be careful.” It was just like, “That’s very strange, and people will, like, judge you for being by yourself as a woman.” It was like, “Something’s wrong with you or whatever.” It was just funny to me. I remember that comment. It didn’t impact anything for me on that trip, but it was just a funny perspective to get. 

So I was by myself doing a lot of this traveling, and I think I’m very aware of my surroundings, so it never really occurred to me that I wasn’t safe. I think that’s one of the biggest questions I get from girls who are trying to go to Europe for the first time and might be thinking about solo traveling. They’re always concerned about safety.

“I’m ready to go. I’m ready to start exploring, and I don’t want to be held back [by] someone.”

I think in a sense, I’m grateful those things didn’t really cross my mind because maybe if I had been a little more cautious, I would have held back a little. But, yeah, I felt really safe, and I loved my time—just deciding what I wanted to do every day and not having anyone determine or have an influence on my plans. I think that was the biggest thing for me: I’m ready to go. I’m ready to start exploring, and I don’t want to be held back [by] someone.

There are some people who want to try solo travel, but they’re nervous. Like you said, maybe because of safety or just wondering what they would do by themselves. For example, eating alone at a restaurant is really scary for a lot of people—and restaurants are a huge part of travel. What advice could you give to people who are worried about traveling alone? 

I think one of the nice things about social media is that you can find a lot of inspiration. If you are someone who just doesn’t know how they would do this, sometimes it helps to see someone else doing it. There are a lot of solo travelers sharing their experiences and how they do it. I think that’s great. 

I think it’s great to ask for advice. If you know someone who has done it, just ask them for tips. I do that all the time. I remember, one of my friends at work, he came up to me recently, and he was like, “I want to thank you for encouraging me to go to Ireland by myself.” He was like, “I fell in love with Ireland, and I would have never done if you weren’t, like, ‘Just go by yourself!’” I remember him coming up to me and being like, “oh, I wanna go, but nobody wants to come with me” or “it’s hard to plan with another friend.” And I was like, “Just go by yourself.” I’ve been to Ireland by myself many times, and it’s such a great country to explore by yourself.

To hear that that was all he needed to do it, it meant a lot to me. And I remember, last year, we went to hibachi, and this other family sat next to us. This girl was saying she’d been dying to go to Europe, and I said, “You should totally go by yourself.” I ended up becoming friends with her on Instagram, and I saw a couple weeks ago, she posted this whole, like, gratitude post about how much growth she’s experienced traveling around Italy by herself. And I was just like, “Yay, she did it!” But she was really scared.

Was your Europe trip your first time traveling by yourself? 

It was my first big trip. Definitely not my first time doing any kind of travel by myself. Actually, right after I graduated, I went to California by myself.

I was kind of a geek in high school; I was in the math Olympics. And I was the only person in my school that was part of the math Olympics. So every time I got to travel for that, it was just me. I was used to staying in the hotel by myself—and my mom never came along on those [trips] because I had my [younger] sister. So I did that kind of on my own. 

Was it scary for you at first to travel by yourself? Or was it always no big deal for you? 

I think I’ve always been a little independent. I’ve always had, kind of, this entrepreneurial mindset, as well. I’ve always saved my own money, which allows you to do the things that you want to do without having to ask for permission. Like say, if the school wasn’t funding the math Olympics or whatever, I could be like, “Well, I’ll fund myself.” Things like that.

I think there’s a lot of freedom that comes with having that type of personality and perspective. I was always like that from a young age. 

And this was back in Argentina, right? When did you move to the US? 

After I did at least two years of college. I was two weeks short of turning 21. [I was living with my dad,] but as soon as I got my job, I moved out. And I didn’t have any roommates, which also was weird. People were like, “You don’t have any roommates? What do you mean you don’t have any roommates?” And I was like, “I just want to live by myself. I can afford to do that, and it works for me. I don’t need any roommates.” 

I had grown up sharing a room with my sister—she was kind of my roommate, and she stayed back in Argentina. So then it was just like, “Okay. I’m out of that roommate phase because my sister’s not here, and now I’m just on my own.” 

When you moved to the US, your dad was already here, but that’s still a very big move to do at a fairly young age. What were some of the fears or excitement you had? 

I was very excited. I was ready for the life that I knew I could have in the US. I think the whole college experience was a little scary, especially because I had never gone to school in English. I had done everything through high school in Argentina in Spanish, and then I had started college in Spanish. So coming here—even though I was bilingual—coming here and having to write papers in English and do all of my schooling in English was something that definitely felt a little scary. But I knew I could do it. 

I even remember the whole application process. I was very blessed to get a full scholarship to URI, and that required a lot of extra steps to get funding. So it wasn’t just me applying to school; it wasn’t just me transferring and getting validation for my classes that I had already taken. It was also me trying to get the money that I needed to afford school here. I had to take everything one step at a time, and that’s just how I felt about the school experience once I got here. It was like, “Okay, one class at a time. We’ll see how everything goes, so don’t overwhelm yourself.”

It sounds very overwhelming—the move, the paperwork, everything. And you were doing that all by yourself. People can get really overwhelmed sometimes and just want to give up. What advice can you give to someone who feels like they’re facing too many obstacles and doesn’t even want to try anymore? 

Just to keep your goal in mind and why you’re doing [it]. That was always top of mind for me. Just reminding myself what was at the finish line and that everything was going to be worth it. I think I do that in everything in my life. When you see the big picture, you understand that everything else is just something that gets you closer to that.

It does require you to be super focused and disciplined, but it’s okay to take breaks when you need to or to. I think a lot of people, they’re like, “Oh, I have to knock this out,” or they overwhelm themselves. But you don’t have to. If you give yourself time, you can just [go] step by step and switch gears a little bit if you need to and to come back to it. 

You’re such a doer. You’ve got a very demanding job in tech, and you’re also doing projects on the side, like working with Beautycounter for more ethical cosmetic manufacturing. What gives you your drive?

Passion. I think when you find something you love, it just doesn’t feel extra. It doesn’t feel like work. I know there’s a lot of cheesiness around that, but I think it’s just something I really enjoy—and I try to find things that feel that way. Right? And if they don’t, it’s okay to admit that to yourself. 

“It’s okay to say no to something that you might have started and that no longer lights you up.”

I think I’ve seen people start things and then be like, “Oh, now I’m stuck with this project or something that I started, and I’m not really feeling passionate about it anymore.” It’s okay to say no to something that you might have started and that no longer lights you up. I think I’m really good at that. I’m really good at focusing on the things that bring me joy.

One of the reasons I started my work with Beautycounter was the advocacy work. I think it’s just so meaningful. Again, there’s this big picture. So when it’s hard to squeeze in the things that I’m trying to do for that advocacy work, I just remind myself, “Oh, this is gonna help [someone.]” I think I’ve been lucky to feel inspired and do things that bring me joy. 

I think an important component is being self-assured, especially if you get a little pushback. I’m sure you’ve heard all the controversies about MLMs [multi-level marketing businesses] and how they’re a scam. Do you ever get negative feedback? How do you continue working on something that’s important to you when people are criticizing it? 

I think that’s why it’s so important to have conviction about the work you’re doing. I don’t care about [other people’s] opinions about my life or the work that I do. And I think with Beautycounter, it is a little easier because we are very different. We’re a B corp. I think there are only two brands in this space that are certified B corporations, so I always felt that Beautycounter was so different, and it was easy for me to speak to that when people had differing opinions.

I think in everything in this world, people might have opinions, and they just might not be informed, you know? They might have had a bad experience. I always felt it was part of my job to educate and to make sure that if someone is going to have an opinion that at least they have the right information to form that opinion. 

I think having a strong sense of conviction and self confidence comes a lot more naturally for some people than it does for others. What advice could you give someone who has something that’s important to them that they want to work on, but they’re having a hard time staying the course when they get negative feedback from others? 

Mel Robbins has this theory. It’s called the “Let Them” theory. It’s basically, like, let people think what they want to think. Let them do whatever. You stay focused. I think, like you said, it is harder for some people to not feel the weight of other people’s opinions. But I think it has to do a lot with mindset—and mindset is something that you work on, right?

“Let people think what they want to think. Let them do whatever. You stay focused.”

I think reading certain authors and listening to podcasts and kind of shifting the way your mind works makes you more confident. Even, like, the most badass founders out there are scared, have gotten a ton of no’s, have gotten doors shut in their faces—but they just kept going. If you don’t have that already, you have to make that shift.

It’s like that old saying: “You are who and what you surround yourself with.” When you change what you’re consuming every day, it really changes the way you think. Do you have any recommendations? 

I really like Simon Sinek. He has a couple books: Start with Why; Leaders Eat Last. And I just started Confessions of a Female Founder. I’m probably going to listen to every episode from that one because she’s [Meghan Markle] going to have different female founders, sharing their entrepreneurial experience. 

I think something that also really helps with that is taking some alone time to reflect, refocus on your priorities, and recharge a little. I’m that way—I’m quite social, but I really need my alone time to come back to myself. What are your favorite ways to recharge? 

I’m really big on self care. Red light therapy, skin care. I feel like those are just little rituals in your day where you can just take time off. I have a Lumebox, and I basically just sit in front of it for twenty minutes at the end of the day. It’s like my time to just sit there with my thoughts and let the light hit me. 

And then my skin care because I’m taking care of myself, and I think there’s something about connecting with your body and massaging yourself and things like that. And it’s a little ritual and something that you do for yourself. When you are a mom and you’re caring for little ones, it’s like, “Okay. This is my time” I also take long, hot showers. I find it just very calming, and I have eucalyptus in my shower—I love it. Just enjoying that hot shower and that me time. 

For some people, enjoying that alone time can actually be quite difficult. In those moments where you’re alone, instead of recharging, you can have a feeling of FOMO or “I should be doing something productive instead of relaxing.” What advice would you give someone to learn to appreciate alone time more? 

I think we need it. I think it’s important, and I choose to make it a priority because of how it recharges me. I think one of the issues with society, like you just said, is that we need to feel productive. 

And sometimes rest is productive. Sometimes rest is more productive than you doing something. So you might have FOMO or you might have guilt because you’re not making progress on something. It’s like when you were studying for exams in school, and you’re thinking, “Oh, my gosh. If I take a one-hour break, I should be studying during this time.” But now you’re going to be so much more focused because you took that one hour to rest, recharge, take a hot shower, take a break from studying, and then come back to it. And I think that is so much more valuable than not taking that time. 

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Recommendations: How Giuliana indulges in his Loner time

Lumebox 2.0

Lumebox

Himalayan Salt Scrub

Goop

Marine Algae Eye Cream for Fine Lines & Dark Circles + Squalane

Biossance

What I Learned Traveling the World Alone Without My Partner

Without a travel partner, I forced myself to shake off my inhibitions, allowing myself to be vulnerable.

“Can I just sit anywhere?” I asked the waiter. He stared at me for a beat. “Can I just sit anywhere?” I repeated, suddenly wondering if I had violated an obscure Colombian cultural norm by asking. Maybe, in Colombia, you were supposed to just boldly sit down anywhere, even if you didn’t have a reservation. Maybe this was another negative aftereffect of Spanish colonialism that I didn’t yet understand.

Finally, the waiter shook off his reverie and listlessly gestured to a table, still apparently confused. Sinking into my seat, I basked in the knowledge that I had successfully acquired a place in this restaurant.

It wasn’t until hours later that I learned there was a difference between sentarse (to sit) and sentirse (technically, to feel one’s self). I hadn’t, in fact, been asking if I could sit anywhere. Instead, I had been asking, repeatedly and with confidence, “Can I just touch myself anywhere?”

I blamed my boyfriend Renzo. He was supposed to protect me from these situations; he was the native Spanish speaker of the two of us. However, he had been busy with a work meeting that day during the hour of my solo excursion. But little did I know that this was merely the first of many similar situations. 

For the past year, we had both been working remotely, so Renzo could play translator whenever I forgot a word or didn’t have enough functioning brain cells. But many months after my restaurant faux pas, Renzo’s job stopped being remote, temporarily separating us and leading me to embark on several solo travel journeys that turned me into a Merry Loner. Here’s what happened—and what I learned.

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Embrace mistakes

Mixing up sentirse and sentarse is not the only mistake I’ve made while speaking another language. 

In French, I once accidentally ordered a toddler-sized bottle of wine for my mom, who barely drinks. In Italian, I accidentally told a flight attendant I was vegan. In Portuguese, I accidentally declared to an entire room that I was straight. But in all of these cases, I was able to overcome my temporary embarrassment by laughing everything off.

Speaking another language can be frustrating and even terrifying, but it helps if you take yourself less seriously. Even if you’re the smartest person in the world, you’ll make mistakes when you first engage with a new language. 

This is humbling; this is ego death. This is life. It happens when you have no one else to rely on but yourself.

Seek creative solutions

When Renzo and I were constantly traveling together, he would fight my battles for me in Spanish as if we were Meegan and Andre. Without him, I’ve not only improved my Spanish but learned to fend for myself. 

For instance, when I was in the northeastern Colombian city of Bucaramanga for a travel writing assignment, I couldn’t find a pool with open hours for lap swimming. Every person I talked to had said that I needed to pay for lessons. The problem was that I already knew how to swim. 

So I decided to pay for lessons. Then when I met the instructor, I simply told him that I could already swim and that he was now officially on paid vacation. In one fell swoop, I had both unlocked a new level of Spanish and learned how to navigate the informal currents of Colombian culture. 

Since that moment, I’ve tackled all of my obstacles with a sense of playfulness and calm. It’s the best way to stay sane when I have no one else to vent or laugh about my troubles with. Plus, my swim instructor was able to use his time off to finish The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild.

Step outside your comfort zone

If you are an introvert, then the idea of asking a stranger for help can incite a nervous breakdown. But sometimes, you have to push yourself and take that extra step. 

Case in point: In my second year of solo trips without Renzo, I found myself in a pickle. I was in the Calanques of southern France, slightly lost and more than a little shaken after a disastrous solo lunch in which I broke every rule of French etiquette. (I used the wrong spoon; I dipped the wrong bread in my soup; I smiled too much.)

But soon, I noticed a fellow Merry Loner, equally lost-looking and (as I would soon discover) similarly separated from his boyfriend, who was temporarily overseas. I swallowed my fear, ignoring my impulse for shyness, and asked this man if he knew how to find a trail back to civilization. In the end, we found it together and even swam in a grotto for a bit. He lent me his towel. 

Though I had indeed relied on the kindness of a stranger, I strangely felt more independent afterwards. Without a travel partner, I’d forced myself to shake off my inhibitions, allowing myself to be vulnerable. I could now add “asking for help” to my arsenal.

Don’t neglect yourself

Solo travel can be intimidating, but you’ll need to engage in active self-love to succeed. 

Whenever I’ve traveled without Renzo, I always made it a point to find sites for phoneless reflection. Facing a sunset. Behind an abandoned warehouse. Under the shade of an oak tree. I’ve needed this time to confront my thoughts, uncover my pain, and reflect upon my experiences. Only then have my lessons been learned or even recognized.

Without that time for reflection, solo travel would have become a series of meaningless images and sounds, soulless and uninspiring, pushing me back into my comfort zone. I also wouldn’t have grown to see myself as my own best travel partner.

Boyfriend? What boyfriend?

Solo travel has also made me a better boyfriend. Armed with self-knowledge, I’ve grown more skilled at communicating my needs and accommodating Renzo’s. I fight my own battles but seek help when I need it. I learn from my mistakes. I appreciate the smaller moments.

That said, boyfriends remain overrated. Don’t wait on your significant other if you want to book that ticket to Rome. Go. A sunrise epiphany on Capitoline Hill only happens once in a lifetime. Date night can happen any old Wednesday.

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Evan E. Lambert is an essayist, journalist, travel writer, and short fiction author with clips at Thought Catalog, People, Business Insider, Mic, Going, Santa Fe Writers Project, Paste, Motley Bloom, and more. He spends much of his time in Lima, Peru, and is fluent in Spanglish.

7 Books on Self-Awareness to Become a Better Person

Working on yourself is the most important work of your life.

My toxic trait is that I can be quite oblivious to my surroundings. 

Until recently, I had no idea that that friend of a friend had a crush on me. Yesterday I walked right by a friend who was waving to me in the street—not because I’m a stuck-up snob with my nose in the air, but because I genuinely didn’t notice her. Sometimes, I childishly don’t realize what I’m feeling about a specific situation until I’ve had the time and distance to sort it all out in my head (and maybe also have a snack, which somehow makes everything clearer).

I’ve always got my head in the clouds, but lately I’ve been trying to come back down to Earth. At least for a little bit. 

And I’m getting there with a little help from my friends. By friends, I mean a whole retinue of books on awareness—books on self-awareness, that is. 

I’ve done a lot of reading, a lot of highlighting, and a lot of dog-earing the pages. (Don’t tell your neurotic book friends.)

In my eternal quest for self-development, I think I’m getting one step closer with my carefully curated list of the seven best books on self-awareness.

The shortlist: 7 best books on self-awareness

  1. Why Zebras Don’t Get Ulcers — if you’re feeling stressed

  2. You’re Not Listening: What You’re Missing and Why It Matters — if you have the sinking suspicion that you’re actually the one who’s the bad listener…

  3. Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life —if you keep having arguments with your loved ones (or your not loved ones)

  4. I’m Glad My Mom Died — if you feel guilty about being mad at someone

  5. The School of Life: An Emotional Education — if you are losing yourself in this crazy, overwhelming world (which is totally understandable by the way)

  6. Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals — if you worry about never having enough time to do all of the things you want (and/or feel like you have) to do… 

  7. Irresistable: The Rise of Addictive Technology and the Business of Keeping Us Hooked — if you know you’re too plugged into tech, but you don’t know how to stop

What do books have to do with being a merry loner?

Books are natural companions for merry loners. We love being alone with a good story—and we don't need a book club to enjoy it.

Sign up for A Merry Loner's weekly newsletter, and I'll share classic and contemporary book recommendations, themed round-ups, and book lists of what I'm reading, what I've read, and what's next on my bookshelf.

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    What does it mean to be self-aware?

    If you’re asking yourself this question, you’re already off to a good start. 

    Europe’s Journal of Psychology defines self-awareness as “the extent to which people are consciously aware of their internal states and their interactions or relationships with others.”

    Let’s break that down:

    “…aware of their internal states…” AKA, what’s really going on in that complicated noggin of yours? What are you feeling, reeling with, dealing with, or (dare I say) oppressing?

    “…aware of…their interactions or relationships with others.” That’s quite the loaded phrase, isn’t it? Most immediately, it makes me think: Am I actually treating other people the way I think I am? Am I listening to them? Am I considering their feelings when I interact with them? Am I considering MY feelings when I interact with them? 

    Top 7 Books on Self-Awareness

    I’m not here to play doctor. But what I can do is help you begin (or continue) your personal development journey. 

    Light up a candle that makes you feel something. Put on your best moody, mellow playlist. And tear into one of the best books on self-awareness. 

    I read this book a few months before I got married after my soon-to-be-husband and I had an argument. (What it was about, I can’t even remember, which just goes to show you how so many of the things we stress about in this world end up being unimportant in the long run.) 

    Listening is probably one of the more important components in improving your self–awareness. (Really, it’s one of the more important factors in life.) And we rarely give it enough attention. 

    Warning: Reading this book may make you cringe—repeatedly—since it’ll force you to recall some of the many, many times you failed to be a good listener. (Don’t worry, aren’t we all?) 

    Then, it gives you strategies to course-correct yourself so you can stop being the friend who only talks about herself and start being the friend who actually, truly, really cares.

    Available at Bookshop.org

    My favorite quote from You’re Not Listening

    “In modern life, we are encouraged to listen to our hearts, listen to our inner voices, and listen to our guts, but rarely are we encouraged to listen carefully and with intent to other people.” 

    "Listening is probably one of the more important components in improving your self–awareness. And we rarely give it enough attention."

    I read this book after I saw some random person on X mention it. Thanks, random person on X—you were right: This book made me do a double-take on:

    • All the things I’m constantly stressing about

    • All the things I want to do in my life

    • All the things I will probably never be able to do 

    It’s depressing—in a good way. (The same kind of way that we believe “Life Is Sad and Then You Die” is actually a pretty great, uplifting life motto. This is why.)

    The (perhaps sad) reality of life is that we only have so much time here. We don’t even know how much, exactly, we have. And far too many of us squander far too much of it. This book gave me pause and inspired me to drop a lot of dead weight that was only dragging me down and stressing me out. 

    We just don’t have time for that. 

    Available on Bookshop.org

    My favorite quote from Four Thousand Weeks

    “Convenience culture seduces us into imagining that we might find room for everything important by eliminating only life’s tedious tasks. But it’s a lie. You have to choose a few things, sacrifice everything else, and deal with the inevitable sense of loss that results.” 

    I read this book during probably the most stressful summer of my life. I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t sleep. I was staying in an acquaintance’s apartment (without Wi-Fi, quelle horreur!) in a country where I knew only two people. I think I had a panic attack for the very first time. 

    So one of the two people I knew gave me this book. 

    I read it in, I think, two days, and I’m pretty sure I felt my heart rate decelerating with each turn of the page. 

    Basically, Sapolksy explains how we’re all walking balls of stress. (Okay, nothing new there.) In our modern society, we have few opportunities to release this stress physically, so we remain trapped in a chronic physiological state of stress. That’s not a good thing. 

    Remember how we talked about being aware of your internal state? If your internal state is a stressed-out dumpster fire screaming for help, this book will help you find a hose.

    Available at Bookshop.org

    My favorite quote from Why Zebras Don’t Get Ulcers:

    “For the vast majority of beasts on this planet, stress is about a short-term crisis, after which it’s either over with or you’re over with. When we sit around and worry about stressful things, we turn on the same physiological responses—but they are potentially a disaster when provoked chronically.”

    Learn how to do things alone—without feeling lonely

    a comfortable, nonjudgmental email challenge that helps you own the power of being alone

    (See what’s inside.)

      I remember reading this book over a few warm summer nights back when I lived in Providence, huddled under the porchlight in my robe, absentmindedly flicking away mosquitos and curious passersby. 

      I was deep in my Depression Era, and I was mostly turning to books for some solace and a beacon of light in my search for meaning. I’m not saying this book cured my depression (certainly not), but it made the future seem a little less bleak. And in some chapters, it gave me the warm fuzzies.

      Mostly, it made me more aware of my own level of emotional intelligence—where I excelled, where I was lagging behind, and what I could do to try to become better.

      Available at Bookshop.org

      My favorite quote from An Emotional Education:

      “Paradoxically, it is friendship that often offers us the real route to the pleasures that Romanticism associates with love.

      That this sounds surprising is only a reflection of how underdeveloped our day-to-day vision of friendship has become. We associate it with a casual acquaintance we see only once in a while to exchange inconsequential and shallow banter.

      But real friendship is something altogether more profound and worthy of exultation.

      It is an arena in which two people can get a sense of each other’s vulnerabilities, appreciate each other’s follies without recrimination, reassure each other as to their value and greet the sorrows and tragedies of existence with wit and warmth.”

      Buckle in: This self-awareness book recommendation comes with a story. 

      When I was a sophomore in college, I took a class called Interpersonal Communications. I vividly remember being in the car with my dad and older brother when I received an email from the professor about the upcoming course. Her message read something along the lines of: 

      “By the end of this class, you will be more in touch with your emotions, more compassionate and understanding of those around you, and better able to navigate delicate emotional—blah blah blah…” 

      I was not enthused. I was 19. I was angst-y and consumed with existential dead. I wanted nothing to do with (what I considered )to be this unnecessary, flowery nonsense. 

      Cut to a year later. This professor asked me to be her teaching assistant. We got coffee outside of class. And I confessed to the very awesome Kristine Cabral that I had been totally wrong about this book, her class, and my approach to communication. 

      I’ve read many magnificent books in my life, but few among them I would call life-changing. This book is life-changing. (I even bought copies of this book for some family members as gifts. You take from that what you will.) 

      Available at Bookshop.org

      My favorite quote from Nonviolent Communication:

      “We are dangerous when we are not conscious of our responsibility for how we behave, think, and feel.”

      I think I read this book during the COVID-19 pandemic lock-downs. (So trigger warning to myself.) 

      Clearly, it was a time when we were all online more than ever, and I don’t know about you, but my mental health was really suffering. Before the pandemic, I would happily power down my phone some nights just to have some mental peace and quiet and get away from the incessant notifications, messages, and urges to scroll. My loneliness and my lack of interaction with anyone outside my house put an abrupt end to my former healthy practice.

      And though the pandemic has come and gone, my old habit has not quite fully returned. 

      But I did put down my phone long enough to read this book, which made me do a hard think on my relationship with technology and what factors I can control to stay out of the clutches of Big Tech. 

      Available at Bookshop.org

      My favorite quote from Irresistable: 

      “The problem isn’t that people lack willpower; it’s that ‘there are a thousand people on the other side of the screen whose job it is to break down the self-regulation you have.’”

      Is social media consuming all your time?

      Stop the scroll.

      Find 34 things to do instead of social media.

      READ THE LIST

      This is probably the most buzz-worthy among the self-aware books on this list—and for good reason. 

      If you’re not already familiar, Jennette McCurdy was a child actor on popular shows like iCarly and Sam and Cat. But this memoir isn’t a juicy tell-all on the woes of child stardom nor is it a critique of the predatory child acting industry so much as it is a reflection on her difficult relationship with her mother and, by consequence, herself.

      Remember what Europe’s Journal of Psychology said about self-awareness? Self-awareness also pertains to how much we are aware of our interactions or relationships with others. 

      Paying attention to how we interact with others, how they interact with us, and what that means for our mental and emotional well-being is A LOT easier said than done. McCurdy’s brutally honest tale sets the course for profound self-reflection that most of us are sorely in need of.

      Available at Bookshop.org

      My favorite quote from I’m Glad My Mom Died:

      “I’m trying every day to face myself. The results vary, but the attempts are consistent.”

      And the best book on self-awareness is...

      IMHO, the best book on self-awareness from this line-up is Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life by Marshall B. Rosenberg, PhD. (I did call it life-changing, right?) 

      All the self-awareness books in this line-up give you something of value, but this is the one that really made me look inward and then actually change not only my way of thinking but my behavior. (It also made me eat my words.) 

      Ready to read?

      Don't procrastinate—grab a book on self-awareness and get started:

      The best books on self-awareness, depending on what you need right now

      Of course, I can’t speak for everyone. While we could all probably use a little more time giving ourselves constructive criticism, we don’t all need the same kind of constructive criticism. 

      So here’s your quick cheat sheet, i.e., the best self-awareness books for you in this present moment. 

      P.S. Don’t overthink it! Just follow your gut instinct. It knows the way.

      Which self-awareness book do you need?
      Which self-awareness book do you need right now? Book
      If you're feeling stressed... Why Zebras Don’t Get Ulcers
      If you have the sinking suspicion that you're actually the one who's the bad listener... You're Not Listening: What You're Missing and Why It Matters
      If you keep having arguments with your loved ones (or your not loved ones)... Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life
      If you feel guilty about being mad at someone... I’m Glad My Mom Died
      If you are losing yourself in this crazy, overwhelming world (which is totally understandable by the way)... The School of Life: An Emotional Education
      If you worry about never having enough time to do all of the things you want (and/or feel like you have) to do... Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals
      If you know you're too plugged into tech, but you don't know how to stop... Irresistible: The Rise of Addictive Technology and the Business of Keeping Us Hooked

      Conclusion: The best books on self-awareness to be the best you

      Will reading the best books on self-awareness automatically make you a better person? 

      Sorry, friend. It’s not that easy. 

      These may be some of the best books to improve self-awareness, but you still need to put the legwork in. That might mean journaling, talking with a friend, doing a little bit of wallowing, or going for a walk to ponder the secret to happiness

      It’s an uphill battle that won’t be solved in a day. 

      But that’s life. And you can do it. 

      Next Steps:

      Choose one book that speaks to what you’re going through right now. Not sure where to start? I think The School of Life: An Emotional Education is an all-around enlightening pick that has a little something to help everyone. 

      Commit to reading the whole thing. Just a few minutes a day is all it takes. Take 5 seconds right now and put a reminder in your phone right to read for 15 minutes a day. 

      Set aside time for solo reflection. Give yourself space to digest and think about what you read. If the book brings up some frustration, let it out with these 20 Journal Prompts for Anger.

      Use the image below to save this post to Pinterest so this list is there when you need it.

      Books on Self-Awareness: Common FAQs

      What is the best book on how to have more self-awareness?

      There’s no one best book on self-awareness because we’re all different (duh). But if had to recommend one book to get you started, that would be The School of Life: An Emotional Education.

      While the other self awareness books in this list tap into more niche emotions, this one covers a greater breadth of the human experience and, IMHO, has a little something for everyone. 

      Why is self-awareness important?

      You can’t work on becoming a better person if you don’t know where you’re starting from—and we all need to work on ourselves at least a little.

      Self-awareness helps you better understand what makes you tick, where you shine, and where you fall short so you can start taking steps to becoming a better you. 

      Can self-awareness be taught?

      Yes! Self-awareness is like a muscle: the more you work it, the stronger it becomes. 

      But like a muscle, self-awareness requires consistent effort to see progress. That means incorporating habits that help build self-awareness into your regular routine, like reading more self awareness books, journaling, or meditating. 

      Discover more healthy habits to start now for long-term physical and mental wellbeing

      What are some great classics to read to help build self-awareness?

      Self-awareness is an age-old challenge. If you want more books on self-awareness, you can also get a lot of useful insight and inspiration from literature. 

      Specifically, some of my favorite classic noves that touch on self-awareness themes are The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde and The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

      Find more classic reading inspiration in my round-up of the Easiest Classic Novels to Read.

      Picture of Merry

      Merry

      Merry is the blogger behind A Merry Loner, a full-time freelance writer, and a lifelong bookworm. Since kindergarten, it was her dream to become a novelist. (She likes to think she's headed in the right direction.) Born and raised in Rhode Island, where she earned a triple-major BA in writing, communication, and French from the University of Rhode Island, she moved to Toulouse, France after the pandemic to complete a master's in creative writing at Univeristé Toulouse Jean — Jaurès. She now lives in Paris with husband.

      Discover how the merry loner lifestyle makes life more enjoyable:

      LONER MINDSETfresh perspectives on learning to genuinely enjoy your own company

      BOOKSreading lists for people who love being alone with a good story

      ANALOG LIVINGinspiration to step back from the screen and live a life offline

      SOLO TRAVELguides on where to go and how to enjoy it alone

      MINDFUL CONSUMPTIONvetted recommendations for a simpler, less wasteful life

      LONER Q&Asinterviews from global voices on how to live a meaningful, enjoyable life

      Feeling Lonely?

      I believe a happy life starts with learning to enjo your own company.

      Every week, I write a newsletter with notes on books, analog living, solo travel, and mindful consumption—the pillars of what I call the Loner Mindset.

      Because when you can be happy on your own, you can do anything.

        I respect you and your inbox. No SPAM. You can always unsubscribe if you change your mind.

        21 Quotes for Traveling Alone

        What makes us want to collect (dare I say hoard) quotes? Words of wisdom plucked from a writer, artist, or some other sage figure that struck some magical, harmonic chord within us.

        • “Yes, that’s how I’ve always felt.”
        • “No one’s put it that way to me before.” 
        • “I didn’t know how to express what I was feeling—but finally, there it is.” 

        I highlight quotes I like in books. Dog-ear the pages. Circle entire paragraphs. If it’s a library book, I’ll even take the time to painstakingly transcribe the quote into a journal, on a napkin, or on any errant scrap I find. 

        These days, my quotes are now likely to get lost in the digital abyss. Copy-and-pasted into a Google Doc. Bookmarked on my browser. Saved in my Notes apps—and rarely, if ever, seen again. 

        Why do we do this? 

        Because words make you feel. They can make you heal. And put together just so, they can give you more pause than an entire photo reel (or even, she shudders, an Instagram reel). 

        Words are our friends when the world is screaming too loud. When small talk is insufficient and corporate speak, ubiquitous. Someone, somewhere has already found just the right thing to say to soothe you and move you and keep the existential dread at bay. 

        These are some of them—the traveling alone version. 

        Whether you need: 

        • Quotes about traveling alone to help you sink into the bliss of solitude
        • Traveling alone quotes to make you feel like a free bird
        • Quotes for traveling alone to potentially find yourself 
        • Quotes on traveling alone that make you focus on personal growth

        Consider this your chest of inspirational delights for sometimes-weary travelers in our often-weary world: a thoughtfully curated round-up of 21 quotes for traveling alone. 

        Related Posts: 

        Quotes about traveling alone…for when you want to sink into the bliss of solitude

        Taking in the sunset solo—with only a glass of wine at your side. Wandering hidden bookshops in a new city. Cosplaying an elderly gentleman by sitting outside a cafe for hours and just calmly watching the world go by. 

        When you appreciate the bliss of solitude, you can find contentment anywhere. 

        Set the mood with these 6 quotes about traveling alone to savor solitude: 

        1. “Loneliness adds beauty to life. It puts a special burn on sunsets and makes night air smell better.”

        Speaker: Henry Rollins, American singer and writer (1961–)

        2. “I wondered why it was that places are so much lovelier when one is alone.”

        Speaker: Daphne du Maurier, English novelist, biographer and playwright (1907–1989)

        3. “To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the most pleasant sensations in the world.”

        Speaker: Freya Stark, British-Italian explorer and travel writer (1893–1993)

        4. “In the solitude of solo travel, the mind expands, and the spirit dances to the rhythm of the open road.”

        Speaker: Jack Kerouac, American novelist and poet (1922–1969)

        5.“The inner journey of travel is intensified by solitude.”

        Speaker: Paul Theroux, American novelist and travel writer (1941–)

        6. “I am not the same, having seen the moon shine on the other side of the world.”

        Speaker: Mary Anne Radmacher, American writer and artist (1957–)

        Traveling alone quotes…to make you feel like a free bird

        Perhaps you spontaneously cut your own hair—or dyed it. Quit your job. Ended a relationship. Moved—whether across the country or to the next town over.

        Even small steps can make big changes, especially when those small steps are the first on a voyage you take alone.

        For the only company you need, turn to these 3 traveling alone quotes to make you feel free like a bird:

        7. “The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.”

        Speaker: Henry David Thoreau, American naturalist and essayist (1817–1862)

        8. “Travel only with thy equals or thy betters; if there are none, travel alone.”

        Speaker: Buddha, ascetic and religious teacher (6th or 5th century BCE)

        9. “A hotel room all to myself is my idea of a good time.”

        Speaker: Chelsea Handler, American comedian and actress (1975–)

        Quotes for traveling alone…and potentially even finding yourself

        The unspoken quest of every solo journey to be taken: “finding” yourself.

        Even if you hadn’t felt lost to begin with, an independent mind, an open road, and enough space and time to think can put you face to face with the person you didn’t know you could be.

        Get curious with these 6 quotes for traveling alone to find yourself:

        10. “You must go on adventures alone to find out where you belong.”

        Speaker: Sue Fitzmaurice, New Zealand writer, editor, publisher (unknown)

        11. “When the traveler goes alone he gets acquainted by himself.”

        Speaker: Liberty Hyde Bailey, American horticulturist (1858–1954)

        12. “I think one travels more usefully when they travel alone, because they reflect more.”

        Speaker: Thomas Jefferson, American Founding Father and 3rd US President (1743–1826)

        13. “Traveling alone makes it easier to be yourself.”

        Speaker: Charles Bukowski, American poet and novelist (1920–1994)

        14. “It seemed an advantage to be traveling alone… we temper our curiosity to fit in with the expectations of others.”

        Speaker: Alain de Botton, British author (1969–)

        15. “Loving life is easy when you are abroad… you are more master of yourself than at any other time.”

        Speaker: Hannah Arendt, German-American historian and philosopher (1906–1975)

        Quotes on traveling alone…that make you focus on personal growth

        Sometimes if you want to grow, you must first rip out your roots.

        Walk where you’ve never been. Pack lightly. Breathe deeply. And keep your best photos for yourself—the most profound personal growth happens when no one is looking.

        Start the process with these 6 quotes on traveling alone for personal growth:

        16. “Always go with the choice that scares you the most, because that’s the one thing that is going to require the most from you.”

        Speaker: Caroline Myss, American author (1952–)

        17. “If you don’t get out of the box you’ve been raised in, you won’t understand how much bigger the world is.”

        Speaker: Angelina Jolie, American actress and filmmaker (1975–)

        18. “Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do…”

        Speaker: Mark Twain, American writer and humorist (1835–1910)

        19. “You are the one that possesses the keys to your being. You carry the passport to your own happiness.”

        Speaker: Diane Von Fürstenberg, Belgian fashion designer (1946–)

        20. “A solo journey is not a solitary endeavor; it’s an affirmation of your ability to thrive independently…”

        Speaker: Amy Smith, leadership coach (unknown)

        21. “Solo travel not only pushes you out of your comfort zone; it also pushes you out of the zone of others’ expectations.”

        Speaker: Suzy Strutner, Executive Content Director, Oracle (unknown)

        A book of quotes for traveling alone—AKA the best solo travel companion

        Perhaps the old Eat Pray Love clichés are true. Solo travel does teach you about yourself. It tests your patience, exposes you to new cultures, and reminds you that you are a tiny bee in a massive hive and that, for better or for worse (usually for better), you, your troubles, and your worries are really not that big of a deal.

        Most importantly, solo travel forces you to spend time with no one but yourself—a surprisingly difficult feat in our always-connected, always-buzzing world of endless distractions.

        Recommended Reading: 

        Extroverts Can Be Loners, Too: How Solo Travel Taught Sarah Silvia to Love Spending Time Alone

        “You can do more if you’re willing to be independent.”

        When Sarah Silvia booked a one-way ticket to Spain to become an au pair just a few months after graduating from college, she had next to no travel experience under her belt and wasn’t sure what to expect. But something clicked. What started as a leap of faith ended up becoming her new way of life. Years later, Sarah still organizes her work around her travel (not the other way around), and she’s come to see solo travel as an essential exercise to learn more about herself.

        In a conversation with A Merry Loner, this former barista, ESL teacher, and self-described extrovert shares how solo travel taught her how to get better at doing things alone, why flying solo feels easier abroad than in her own country, and how solo travel can actually be one of the best ways to meet new people.


        The merry loner lifestyle looks different for everyone. Loner Q&As are interviews with merry loners from around the world who share how they’re creating meaningful, authentic lives that are true to them, without following the crowd or trying to meet others’ expectations. Sign up here to be notified about new Loner Q&As.


        A Merry Loner: Before you became an au pair, what sparked your interest in international travel? 

        Sarah Silvia: In university, I had an education professor who is one of the most incredible people I’ve ever met. She organized a trip to Costa Rica to teach English (ESL); that was the first time I ever left the country. That was in January 2020, right before COVID. 

        Also in my first year of university, I met a girl from Brazil who became my best friend. We are now inseparable — when we’re in the same country. In December 2021, when the borders finally opened again, I went to Brazil. I was like, “This is incredible. This is not something I want to stop doing.” 

        AML: Did that experience influence your decision to go be an au pair in Spain? 

        SS: Definitely. After seeing Brazil for the first time, I was like, “There is so much of this world to see, and there are so many people to meet and places to explore and foods to try.”

        When I got home, the very first thing I did was get on my computer and get on Workaway, which is a work exchange website where you can offer a few hours of work in exchange for room and board. I just made a profile and looked up different opportunities in Europe. 

        Almost immediately, a family in Spain got back to me. We sat on the phone for 30 minutes, and she asked me when I was booking my flight. But I decided to stay home and keep working for a couple of months first. Then it was like, “Cool, see you in September.” It was definitely a leap of faith because it was a woman I met off a random website. There was no fact-checking from my end. I just decided to trust my gut and go. It ended up turning out absolutely incredible. 

        AML: Before going to Spain, you worked as a barista where you had a big community and social network. What was it like getting used to being by yourself so much in the Spanish countryside? 

        SS: I didn’t expect it, but I actually spent a lot of time alone in Spain, which was an adjustment. Not difficult, but different because I’m a very social person. 

        Later when I was an au pair again in France, I didn’t have the same work schedule as most of the people I met. I had the whole day free and then I started work at four, but all of my friends worked all day and got off work at four, so I had to get used to doing stuff alone. 

        An idea worth lingering on: How to Get Better at Doing Things Alone

        AML: In between being an au pair in Spain and France, you also spent time backpacking alone around Europe. What was that like? 

        SS: I spent two and a half months backpacking around ten countries in Europe. I went everywhere, from the UK to Austria, Czechia, and a lot of places in between. I had no plan. No flights booked. No hostels booked. I would just look at what city was the cheapest to fly to from wherever I was. If there was a cheap hostel in that city, then that’s where I went. After a few visits, I was hooked. 

        For your inspiration: Alone at Night in Paris—Where to Take Yourself on a Solo Date

        AML: You’re a self-proclaimed extrovert. Did your first solo travel experiences change the way you feel about being alone? 

        SS: Before I started traveling, I wouldn’t do anything alone. Even just going to the grocery store, I would text a friend and ask them to join me. I always just liked being around people. I never get tired of it. But then I moved to Spain and spent a lot of time alone. And when I came back home from Spain, I had this feeling like, “Oh my God, I need to spend some time alone” after being at work all day. 

        I never felt that need for alone time until I had a lot of it. And then I was like, I kind of understand this now, this need to retreat and be by yourself and have alone time.

        An idea worth lingering on: Why Being Alone Is Good for You

        AML: How does alone time at home compare to alone time while traveling? 

        SS: It’s strange — I feel totally fine doing things alone when I’m abroad, like going to dinner, walking around a city, even just sitting at a café for hours. But at home, I don’t really do that. I wouldn’t go out to dinner by myself or go sit at a bar. And I don’t really know why.

        Maybe it’s because when you’re traveling, no one knows you. There’s this sense of anonymity; you can do whatever you want, and no one’s watching or wondering why you’re by yourself. But at home, especially in Rhode Island, which has a small-town feel, I’ll probably run into someone I know. It just feels different. Even though this is my comfort zone, being alone in public here feels kind of awkward.

        “If you don’t do things alone, you don’t do anything.”

        — Sarah Siliva

        Part of it might be that I don’t have to do things alone when I’m home. I have my family, my childhood friends; I always have someone I could call. But when you’re traveling and you don’t know anyone yet, if you don’t do things alone, you don’t do anything. You don’t have a choice.

        AML: What advice would you give someone who wants to get into solo travel or has maybe tried it but didn’t love it? 

        SS: First of all, just realize what you like. When it comes to traveling alone, I am really big on food, coffee, sights, beaches, sunsets, nature hikes, and stuff like that. The first thing I do when I get to a new place is look up specialty coffee shops — that’s my first stop. But some people love museums; they love art; they love theater. I would just say: Focus on what you like in cities. Because if you find something that you’re comfortable with, then I think that will entice you to keep going. 

        AML: I think a common fear about solo travel is never meeting anybody, never making any friends at hostels. What’s been the easiest way for you to meet people while traveling alone? 

        SS: I have met every single person through the hostels that I stay in. There’s a wide range of hostels from co-working and more professional — those are usually older demographics. Then there are party hostels and everything in between. I try and choose something that is relatively nice, that has group activities planned, like walking tours of cities, because the first day in a city, I will always try to go on a walking tour. Then I usually end up going out for lunch or coffee with the people I meet on the tour. 

        You just have to start talking to people, like, “Hey, what’s your name? Where are you from?” It sounds simple and so high school, but it works. 

        Something that might change your perspective: Why Being a Loner Helps You Make New Friends

        AML: Simple, but not easy for everyone. Any advice for people who are shy or nervous to strike up conversations with strangers? 

        SS: In the beginning, it was actually really easy because I had never solo traveled before, so I was really comfortable asking people for recommendations because I didn’t know anything. That’s how we started talking. But actually, last year I went to a hostel, and I felt like I couldn’t talk to anyone. I realized it was because I had become the seasoned traveler, and I just lost that need to reach out. Eventually, I just got over it. I was like, “Well, I don’t know anyone here, so I have to start to talk to someone.” You just gotta do it. 

        AML: What’s one of the biggest benefits of solo travel compared to traveling with friends? 

        SS: I have pretty much always just solo traveled. But then one summer I spent two weeks backpacking in Albania with one of my closest friends, and that trip was when I met the least amount of people ever. We realized that by traveling together, we weren’t as approachable. But then I think of the amount of times where I’ve been sitting alone and someone comes up and approaches me and then we start a conversation and a friendship from that.

        “You can do more if you’re willing to be independent.”

        — Sarah Silvia

        When I was with someone already, no one would just come up. You’re much less approachable in a group or in a pair than you are when you’re by yourself. That’s a very vast difference I saw, and I think one of the main benefits of solo travel. It’s not about being antisocial, but you can do more if you’re willing to be independent.


        Solo travel can be scary the first time, but we mustn’t let fear dictate how we live. Guest writer Daniel John shares tips to overcome the common anxieties of traveling alone and how even he, an introvert, has come to appreciate solo travel. In a a companion piece, Evan E. Lambert reveals what he learned when faced to travel alone for the first time without his partner. For a different perspective, read Alyssa Wiens’s guest essay on why continues to travel alone, even though she finds it difficult.

        For a lyrical dose of inspiration, read quotes on traveling alone from renowned writers and artists, including my current favorite from American singer and writer Henry Rollins.

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